Bovee -- Chapter 5 Exercises (pp. 137

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Bovee -- Chapter 5Exercises (pp. 137139)
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• 5.5Emphasize the use of you attitude, avoid
  legalistic terms and awkward pointers, emphasize
  the positive, and avoid criticizing. The revision
  should go something like this

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Burdette's Special Sizes
For Special Ladies and Gentlemen 820 10th Avenue
South, Seattle, WA 98134 [phone]
Fax [phone] October 19, 2002 Mrs. Bruce
Crandall 1597 Church Street Grants Pass, OR
97526 Dear Mrs. Crandall Order No.
89-97526-277 The dress you've selected from our
fall catalog is one of our most popular styles
because of its versatility and flattering fit.
You'll get a lot of use from it on your trip to
San Francisco. As soon as you let us know what
size you need, we will ship your dress. Fill in
your size and order number on the enclosed
postage-paid card, and mail it today. We'll make
sure your attractive new dress arrives in time
for your trip. Sincerely, Linda
Schultz Customer Service hh Enclosure
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• Mrs. Bruce Crandall1597 Church StreetGrants
  Pass, OR 97526
• Dear Mrs. Crandall
• Thank you for your order dated June 17. The dress
  you selected will be sent to you as soon as you
  let us know what size you want. Please indicate
  your size on the enclosed postage-paid card and
  return it to us. You should receive your dress
  about one week after we get the card.

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5.6 The following versions are more
concretea. April 21b. 20 percent off
retailc. 44 people camed. saved 19
minutese. added 12 square feet to the shop
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5.7 The following terms are stronger than those
listeda. pursuedb. cyclesc. blindingd. soars
e. surges
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• 5.8 Here are the sentences, purged of clichés

a. Being adaptable, Dave worked well in his new
selling job.
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b. Moving Leslie into the accounting department
forced her to attempt work that she didnt know
how to do.
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c. I knew she was seriously ill, but I thought
the doctor would cure her.
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d. Movies dont appeal to me I prefer a good
book.
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e. Its difficult to survive the pressures of
teaching in a tough urban neighborhood.
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5.9 The following words are shorter and simpler

• a. beginb. endc. used. expecte. helpf. tryg
  . find out h. get

• i. completej. tellk. changel. sentm. maken.
  buto. large part

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• 5.10 These phrases replace the obsolete
  versionsa. as you suggestedb. here
  isc. insteadd. in response to (your
  inquiry)e. (omit)

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• 5.11. Remember to use the rules of good
  organization as you rewrite these
  sentencesa. The topic and purpose must be
  clear. (This letter is okay on that
  score.)b. All the information must be related to
  the topic and purpose. (Much of this letter is
  irrelevant, especially the writers comments
  about his financial and work problems.)c. The
  ideas must be grouped and presented logically.

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(This letters organization is weak. Writer
needs to state clearly the two reasons that the
grade should be raised (1) he had good reasons
for missing two classes, and (2) his test score
on the midterm should have been a B, not a C.)
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d. All necessary information must be included.
(Without knowing more about the situation, it is
difficult to tell whether the writer has included
all the relevant points however, he might have
strengthened his case by opening the letter with
a question about how the professor determined the
grades. The student assumes that his C is a
function of his grade on the midterm and his
failure to attend a couple of classes. But he
doesnt know this for a fact. If his assumption
is wrong, his arguments will be ineffective. In
addition, he fails to mention his participation
in class discussions or any particularly
outstanding work he did.)
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You should use the model for a persuasive
request (indirect approach). This document needs
a stronger opening. Heres one possible solution
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Until I took your class, I didnt realize that
accounting is so interesting. I was disappointed,
however, that I received a C instead of a B.
Although I missed your class twice because of my
job, I did participate whenever I could attend. I
also got 75 percent on the midterm exam (plus 6
points on the third question for using the
optimal cost method) and 80 percent on the
final, which is clearly a B. Please recheck your
calculation of my final grade to see whether I
did perhaps earn a B.
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150 Riverside DriveApt. 221Lawrence, MA
01841 January 18, 2002 Professor Anne
Brewer Department of Business Merrimack
College Turnpike Street Lawrence, MA 01845 Dear
Professor Brewer Your accounting class this
past term was very interesting, and I'm glad I
took it, but my final grade (C) may be in error.
Although I originally got 75 percent on the
midterm exam, you said in class that you would
add 6 points to the grades of students who used
the optimal cost method, which would raise my
grade to 81 percent. That grade and the 80
percent I got on the final are both Bs. Id be
grateful if you would recheck your records to
make sure no mistake has been made. Sincerely, Sa
m Connelly Sam Connelly
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5.12Here are the sentences, rewritten in the
active voicea. The sales representative
submits the raw data to the data-processing
division each Friday.
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b. Management is responsible for high profits.
(Or Management has responsibility for achieving
high profits.)
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c. The staff implemented the policies announced
in the directive.
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d. The Santee Company services our typewriters.
Janet Hogan represented the employees.
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5.13 The topic sentence in the first paragraph
is McDonalds tries hard to project an image of
almost a charitable organization. The remaining
sentences are all related to that topic sentence.
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A possible topic sentence for the second
paragraph is There are good reasons for using
care in composing and producing business letters.
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5.14Remember the importance of unity, flow, and
variety in composing paragraphs. Possibilities
are numerous, but the most obvious pairings of
topic and method of development are as follows
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a. classificationb. comparison or contrastc.
cause and effect or problem and solutiond.
illustration e. problem and solution or
cause and effect
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5.15 According to the SEC definition, plain
English documents use words economically and at a
level the audience can understand. A document
written in plain English presents information
that meets its audiences needs.
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5.16 You can improve these three paragraphs in
a variety of ways. Following are three possible
solutions demonstrating the benefits of
transitions (italicized). These paragraphs are
difficult to understand before theyve been
clarified with appropriate transitions, choosing
some improved examples for contrast.
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a. Steve Case saw infinite possibilities in
cyberspace. He was determined to turn his vision
into reality. The techies scoffed at his strategy
of building a simple Internet service for
ordinary people, but Case doggedly pursued his
dream. He analyzed other online services, and he
assessed the needs of his customers. As a result,
he responded to their desires for an easier way
to access information over the Internet. In 1992,
Case named his company America Online (AOL).
Although critics predicted the companys demise,
by the end of the century, AOL was a profitable
powerhouse.
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Facing some of the toughest competitors in the
world, Harley-Davidson had to make some changes.
First, the company introduced new products. Then
Harleys management team set out to rebuild the
companys production process. Soon, new products
were coming to market and the company was turning
a profit. But Harleys quality standards were not
on a par with those of its foreign competitors,
so its costs were still among the highest in the
industry. Eventually, Harley made a u-turn and
restructured the company. These efforts have paid
off.
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c. Whether youre indulging in a doughnut in New
York or California, Krispy Kreme wants you to
enjoy the same delicious taste with every bite,
so the company maintains consistent product
quality by carefully controlling every step of
the production process. First, they test all raw
ingredients against established quality
standards. For example, every delivery of wheat
flour is sampled and measured for its moisture
content and protein levels. Then Krispy Kreme
blends the ingredients and tests the doughnut mix
for quality before it delivers the mix to its
stores. But the company knows that it takes more
than a quality mix to produce perfect doughnuts
all the time. Thats why Krispy Kreme supplies
its stores with everything they need to produce
premium doughnutsmix, icings, filing,
equipmentyou name it.
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5.17 You might want to use words with high
connotative meaning in an advertisement or in a
solicitation in which you hope to appeal to the
readers generosity. You might also use highly
evocative terms in a speech designed to raise
morale or commemorate an important occasion.
Whenever you want the audience to react
emotionally, words with high connotative meaning
are useful.