Cut Clutter

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Cut Clutter
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Some terms in this lesson Verb action
word ran Adverb word that modifies slowly ran
slowly
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Excerpts from On Writing Well by William
Zinser Most adverbs are unnecessary. You will
clutter your sentence and annoy the reader if you
choose a verb that has a specific meaning and
then add an adverb that carries the same meaning.
Dont tell us that the radio blared loudly
blared connotes loudness. Dont write that
someone clenched his teeth tightly theres no
other way to clench teeth.
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Dont say The radio blared loudly. Say The
radio blared. Dont say She clenched
her teeth tightly. Say She clenched her
teeth.
A
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Term adjective describing word Examples
pretty, blue, sorrowful, big, tiny, happy, cloudy
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Most adjectives are also unnecessary. The
adjective that exists solely as decoration is a
self-indulgence for the writer and a burden for
the reader. Again, the rule is simple make
your adjectives do work that needs to be done.
If its important to tell the reader that a
house was drab or a girl was beautiful, by all
means use drab and beautiful. They will have
their proper power because you have learned to
use adjectives sparsely.
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Zinser gives the following example He looked
at the gray sky and the black clouds and decided
to sail back to the harbor. Why does he
include the adjectives gray and black? Gray and
black clouds are the reason the person decided to
sail back to the harbor
B
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Prune (cut) out the small words that qualify how
you feel and how you think and what you saw a
bit kind/sort of a little rather quite
very too so pretty much in a sense
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Dont say you were a bit confused and sort of
tired and a little depressed and somewhat
annoyed. Be confused. Be tired. Be depressed.
Be annoyed. Good writing is lean and confident.
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Dont say you werent too happy because the
hotel was pretty expensive. Say You werent
happy because the hotel was expensive.
D
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Dont tell us you were quite fortunate. How
fortunate is that? Dont describe an event as
rather spectacular or very awesome. Words like
spectacular and awesome dont submit to
measurement. Very is a useful word to achieve
emphasis, but far more often its clutter.
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redundant the same thing a repeated idea or
word(s)
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Get rid of redundant words or
phrases Redundant Sarah thought in her head
about the math problem. Revised Sarah thought
about the math problem. Redundant Those lemon
candies are sour in taste. Revised Those lemon
candies are sour.
D
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Get rid of unnecessary words or phrases (who is,
that is, and which is can often be
eliminated) Wordy The park that is in my
neighborhood is always crowded. Revised The
park in my neighborhood is always crowded. Or My
neighborhood park is always crowded.
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Wordy There will be a bus arriving
late. Revised A bus will arrive late.
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Term concise using few words
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Replace long expressions with more concise
ones Wordy The reason we were late was because
of traffic. We were late because of
traffic. or Because of traffic, we were late.
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Wordy Due to the fact that we were late, we
missed the door prizes. Revised We missed the
door prizes because we were late. Because we were
late, we missed the door prizes.
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Wordy Basketball is my favorite sport. The
reason why I like basketball is because it is a
fast-paced game. Revised Basketball is my
favorite sport because it is a fast-paced game.
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Eliminate Clutter Exercise Directions Cross
off unnecessary words and phrases in the
following sentences. 1. The students gathered
together in the gym. 2. We made advance
reservations for dinner. 3. The wet rain pounded
the windshield hard.
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4. We were totally shocked by the victory. 5. If
you are extremely thirsty on a very hot day, you
can make a rather refreshing fruit shake. 6. The
boss said he wanted a full and complete
report. 7. The hot air balloon ascended upward
very slowly as we watched from below.
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8. The witness fidgeted nervously as he was being
questioned. 9. Realizing she was late, Linda
sped quickly to the office. 10. The Empire State
Building is a very huge building.
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11. The filthy, dirty dog crawled out of the mud
puddle. 13. Changing schools was an extremely
critical crisis for Carrie. 14. Cassie seems to
be content. 12. The photos that are on the
bulletin board are pictures from the last dance.
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13. Kim had planned in advance to skip
class. 14. The sheets are smooth in
texture. 15. The red colored jacket was
visible to the eye from a block away. 16. Every
individual team members effort is important to
the teams success.
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17. It was quite frigid in the cold night
last night, but it was really a relief after
being in that very hot, sweltering weather.
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Complete the remainder of your worksheet!

• Complete the remainder of your worksheet. This
  includes
• Rewriting the sentences on your worksheet so they
  are more concise
• Eliminate Clutter Practice 2
• We will review the answers to these clutter
  errors tomorrow in class. Please make sure to
  bring your notes to class so you receive homework
  credit!