Unit 1 Women of achievement

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Unit 1 Women of
achievement
Writing Assessment and Improvement
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Jay Chou
people around you
Stephen Hawking
Who is the person you admire most and why?
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Writing
Title The Person I Admire Most
Structure (Part1) (Part2) (Part3)
An introduction to the person.
(background/achievement/appearance...)
Ordinary people character and
examples Famous people achievement and spirit
Reasons why you admire him/her
Evaluation
(What you think of him/her)
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A students sample
Lets make comments(??) according to the
following assessment(????)!
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The Person I Admire Most In my life many
people are well worth admiring, but the person I
admire most is Liu Xiang, who is one of the best
athletes in our country. His spirit and great
determination inspire me most. He likes singing
and surfing the Internet. Liu Xiang like sports
when he was very little. At first his parents
wanted him to give it up. However, Liu made up
his mind to continue his dream. He trained very
hard. In the end, he set the best record of 12.88
seconds in 110-meter hurdles. His succeed makes
Liu more confident, and now hes eyeing the 2008
Olympics in Beijing. In a word, I am deeply moved
by his spirit. We can achieve our goals in life
only with this spirit.
????Assessment ????Assessment Yes No Take notes
Structure paragraphing
Structure topic sentence
X
His spirit and ......
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The Person I Admire Most In my life many
people are well worth admiring, but the person I
admire most is Liu Xiang, who is one of the best
athletes in our country. His spirit and great
determination inspire me most. He likes singing
and surfing the Internet. Liu Xiang like sports
when he was very little. At first his parents
wanted him to give it up. However, Liu made up
his mind to continue his dream. He trained very
hard. In the end, he set the best record of 12.88
seconds in 110-meter hurdles. His succeed makes
Liu more confident, and now hes eyeing the 2008
Olympics in Beijing. In a word, I am deeply moved
by his spirit. We can achieve our goals in life
only with this spirit.
Content to the point
Content details stated
X
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The Person I Admire Most In my life many
people are well worth admiring, but the person I
admire most is Liu Xiang, who is one of the best
athletes in our country. His spirit and great
determination inspire me most. Liu Xiang like
sports when he was very little. At first his
parents wanted him to give it up. However, Liu
made up his mind to continue his dream. He
trained very hard. In the end, he set the best
record of 12.88 seconds in 110-meter hurdles. His
succeed makes Liu more confident, and now hes
eyeing the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. In a
word, I am deeply moved by his spirit. We can
achieve our goals in life only with this spirit.
but
liked
At first
However
In the end
success
and
In a word
Language correct tense
Language correct spelling
Language modifying words
Language linking words
X
liked
X
success
confident, deeply, ...
but, however, and, at first, in the end
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Handwriting neat
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Post-writing 1.Peer assessment(????)
Exchange your writing with your partner, make
comments and fill in the form(??).
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The Person I Admire Most In my life many
people are well worth admiring, but the person I
admire most is Liu Xiang, who is one of the best
athletes in our country. His spirit and great
determination inspire me most. As far as I know,
Liu Xiang liked sports when he was very little.
At first his parents wanted him to give it up.
However, Liu made up his mind to continue his
dream. Besides, he trained very hard. In the end,
he set the best record of 12.88 seconds in
110-meter hurdles. His success makes Liu more
confident, and now hes eyeing the 2008 Olympics
in Beijing. In a word, I am deeply moved by
his spirit. We can achieve our goals in life only
with this spirit.
The 2nd draft
It is his spirit and great determination that
inspire me most.
was crazy about
Language advanced vocabulary(????)
Language
various sentence patterns(?????)
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Post-writing 2. Group assessment (????)
Choose one article and share it in groups of 3.
Language advanced vocabulary
Language various sentence patterns
If yes, underline with . If need
improving, underline with .
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3. Teacher assessment (????) Ill make comments
and grade(??) it.
ASSESSMENT (for 3rd draft) ?????????????
???(??) (13-15?) 1. ????????????? 2. ????????? 3. ?????????????? 4. ??????????????,??????????????????????????????? 5. ??????????????,???????? 6. ?????????????
??? (?) (11-12?) 1. ????????????? 2. ???1?2????,?????????? 3. ??????????????????? 4. ???????????????,??????????????????????? 5. ?????????????,???????? 6. ???????????
???(??) (8-10?) 1. ????????????? 2. ???????,?????????? 3. ??????????????????? 4. ???????????????,??????? 5. ?????????????,???????? 6. ????,?????????????
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The Person I Admire Most In my life there are
many people who are really worth admiring, but
the person I admire most is Liu Xiang, who is one
of the best athletes in our country. It is
his spirit and great determination that inspire
me most. As far as I know, Liu Xiang was crazy
about sports when he was very little. At first
his parents wanted him to give it up. However,
Liu made up his mind to continue his
dream. Besides, he trained very hard. In the end,
he keeps the best record of 12.88 seconds in
110-meter hurdles until now. His success makes
Liu more confident, and now hes eyeing the 2008
Olympics in Beijing. In a word, I am deeply
moved by his spirit. Only with this spirit can we
achieve our goals in life.
The 3rd draft
????(??grade) ???(??) 13?
???(??) (13-15?) 1. ????????????? 2. ??????? 3. ?????????????? 4. ??????????????,???????? 5. ?????????????
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Homework

• Gather useful sentences about describing people.
• 2. Hand in the 3rd draft after class!

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Goodbye Everyone!