Supporting Families with LGBT Children

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Supporting Families with LGBT Children

• Calderdale Kirklees Womens Centre and Gay and
  Lesbian Youth in Calderdale a joint project

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Questions

• What are the issues for LGBT young people, in
  particular with regard to parents?
• How does DV team currently work with vulnerable
  children/young people?
• How can we begin to work together to develop
  programme that meets the needs of LGBT young
  people and their families?

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PARENTS RESPONSES

• 1. Total acceptance, find out more information,
  join FFLAG, provide support and understanding,
  challenge societal homophobia.
• 2. Acceptance but not really want to find out
  more
• 3. Total rejection, thrown out, never speak to
  them ever again.
• 4. Initial shock, create a scene and threaten
  their child not to tell anyone else eventually
  come round to some level of tolerance however,
  they rarely talk about the issue again.
• 5. Try to change young person
• Some purposefully denigrate homosexuality in the
  hope that this will stop their child being gay.
• Some go to great lengths to stop their children
  meeting other gay young people.
• Some go to extreme lengths to try and change
  their child, which is impossible.

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Context

• Coming out much younger
• Witnessing and experiencing homophobic bullying
• Witnessing and experiencing homophobic abuse on
  the streets
• US research even slight moderation in how
  parents respond (more positively) reduces levels
  of mental health problems, substance misuse,
  unsafe sex

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FATHERS RESPONSE (2008)

• 62 out to their fathers
• 61 fully accepted (what does this mean?)
• 19 refused to accept
• 19 half accepted and half refused to accept them
  
• What about 38 who are not out?

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POSITIVE Fine Not bother him He accepts
that I am what I am Jokes about it Always
said got one of each, a son, a daughter and one
in-between
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MIXED Quiet to begin with Now ok Don't
think he's that bothered but disappointed family
name not continue Let mum explain but now
fine
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NEGATIVE It's wrong I'm his youngest daughter
- he doesn't want to think of me in that way
Doesn't take any interest Unhappy about it
Probably finds me disappointment Disown me
Doesn't like it overt but doesn't make an
issue of it Pretends it doesn't happen
Take it badly Don't think he'd like it.
Step dad Because I'm gay, he says that he
wishes that I was never born
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MOTHERS RESPONSE (2008)

• 76 out to their mothers
• 47 fully accepted (what does this mean?)
• 21 refused to accept them
• 32 half accepted and half refused to accept
• What about 24 who are not out?

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POSITIVE Cool from start Fine, doesn't mind,
not one of the important things Wouldn't
care as long as happy Supports me, worries it
might single me out Think she's always known
She's very supportive and is not bothered that
I'm gay Fine, it's who you are, still love
you, not going to change She's proud I'm
happy with myself and meeting friends
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MIXED Shocked at first but as long as I'm happy
she's okay Accepts but hard to get head round
it sometimes At first refused, wants gran
kids. Ok now. Getting used to it - knowing I'm
still me Indifferent She seems to be ok
with it, but sometimes doesn't talk about it
She's fine with it as long as its not in the
public eye. Accepts my partner Love me no
matter what, but I think she always imagined I'd
marry my boyhood girlfriend Now don't think
it makes any difference to her, at all
Shocked at first but not throw me out
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NEGATIVE Not like me being gay but I'm her
daughter. Not like me talking about anything to
do with gays Rather I wasn't but not force me
to change like she tried to at first Not even
want to think about it Homophobic Unhappy
about it Gender homophobic If you are
born that way it's mine and your dad's fault
Ignore it and hope it will go away Thinks
it's a phase and I'll grow out of it She
won't like it She doesn't really accept it
Ok with it, but doesn't want others to know
Ok with everyone else being gay, except me
At times supportive, but sometimes has
reservations She would like me to meet a
girl, so that she would have grandchildren
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MOTHER   (Step - Mum) She's ok with it  At
first she was in denial, she thought I would grow
out of it, and still does to a certain extent.
She blamed the internet for making me grow up too
quickly.  I don't feel my mother understands
fully.  My Carer is fine with it.  My mum is
homophobic, she has grown up in a religious
family so she believes 'gays' are wrong.  Said
she loves it!  She believes I should still be
open minded. I might change one day.  She
doesn't care about sexuality.  She has not got
a problem with it but doesn't want to know
details.  She is fine with it.  She is fine
with my sexuality.  She is positive.  She
thinks its cool.  She wants somebody to go
shopping with.
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FATHER  As far as I know, it doesn't make a
difference to him so long as I'm happy. But I
don't talk to him, I never did really, I've not
seen him since before Christmas 2009.  Don't
know because we don't talk about it.  He
doesn't talk about it.  He is fine but not
vocal about it.  He is fine with it but doesn't
want to know any details.  He is ok.  He
makes snide comments for a joke sometimes.  He
was fine.  My dad has been supportive of my
sexuality  They are fine with it.  We talk
about my relationships but not in intimate
detail.    
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Family Backgrounds

• Asian, Muslim complicated Abduls story
• Working class Pauls story

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DV Unit

• Explain how work with families
• Next steps
• Deepen knowledge resources
• Discuss with youth group
• Develop joint project

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Resources

• www.galyic.org.uk
• Adopted the movie
• For the bible tells me so
• Out to the family
• Supportive families, healthy children
• Flyer?
• FFLAG?