No One Else Can Raise Your Leadership Self-Esteem

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No One Else Can RaiseYour Leadership Self-Esteem
Clinic 5
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• ??????????????????????
• ????????????????????????????

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Self-Esteem is that deep deep-down inside the
skin feeling you have of your own self-worth
Denis Waitley, Psychologist
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Self-Esteem

• In his famous book MEGATRENDS, John Naibitt calls
  California, USA the bellwether (?????/????????????
  ?????) state of trendsetting.
• Its a place where new ways of thinking and doing
  things often begin.

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Self-Esteem

• For examples
• In the 1960s, Californias flower children began
  questioning traditional values and stated the
  peace-and-love movement.
• In the 1970s, Bay Area psychologists begin
  teaching people how to become self-actualized and
  started the human-potential movement.
• In the 1980s, California Assembly said that the
  root of all societys problems was people feeling
  poorly about themselves, and the self-esteem
  movement, was officially sanctioned.

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????????????????? History of Self-Esteem
????????

• ??????????????? 1980s,
• it was joined first by educators, then by parents
  and people who work in the social services.
  Eventually, even the business community bought
  into it.
• Self-esteem experts seemed to be coming from
  everywhere.
• They all had a program and a new way for us to
  feel better about ourselves.

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MEMO
Much of the movement became downright
silly. Among other things, Ive read that I can
improve my self-esteem by blowing myself a kiss
in the mirror each time I walk by it, by
repeating the mantra (??????) I am special over
and over, by wearing a button that says I am
lovable and capable, by getting 12 hugs a day,
by being validated or empowered by other
people.
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Self-Esteem

• In 1990s, will some of the silliness continued,
  the self-esteem movement was starting to lose a
  bit of its luster (??????/?????????).
• We were more into making money and growing
  careers.
• Thats what was making a lot of people feel good
  about themselves they had more things.

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???????
Many people were starting to confuse
self-esteem with downright selfishness. (Maybe
because so many marketers and advertises were
telling us to be good to ourselves because we
deserve it).
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Lets Reflect and Discuss

• What has been happening in ???.
• ?????? 10 ?????????????
• ?? ???. ?????? self-esteem ??????????????
• ????????? self-esteem ??????????????

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MEMO
In 1980s 1990s schools and universities all
over the world were playing feel good games
with their classes in the hope of enhancing
(?????/?????/???????) self-esteem. What they
were really doing was setting their students up
with false expectations of how things work in the
real world.
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FALSE vs. REAL SELF-ESTEEM
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FALSE vs. REAL SELF-ESTEEM

• While I was attending a leadership conference on
  self-esteem, while working at Ford, one of the
  keynote speakers was Bill Honig. He didnt give
  the standard, inspirational, You-can-make-your-st
  udents-feel-good-about-themselves speech.
• Instead, he shared honestly with the participants
  what his concerns were about self-esteem and its
  place in our organizations.

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FALSE vs. REAL SELF-ESTEEM

• He said he was all in favor of helping leadership
  students raise their self-esteem, but his major
  concern was what he called false self-esteem.
• He said,

You can tell an executive/ a manager/ an
individual/ even a student all day long hes
wonderful, whether he is or not, and it might
make him feel good. But then he goes out into the
real world expecting the same thing, and he gets
crushed.
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??????????????????????????????????
???? ???????? ???. ?? false self-esteem
??????????????
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FALSE vs. REAL SELF-ESTEEM

• Bill Honig emphasized that the best way to
  enhance a leader/ a manager/ an executives
  self-esteem is to give him the tools that he can
  use to better his life.
• Finally, someone was getting to the truth of the
  matter.
• I wanted to run up and give him a big hug when he
  finished.
• But I restrained myself, and gave him a simple
  handshake instead.

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FALSE vs. REAL SELF-ESTEEM

• I did have the opportunity to talk briefly with
  him.
• I said I shared his concern about false
  self-esteem, and was glad that someone had
  addressed it.
• He said,
• I wish more of you well-meaning trainers and
  executive coaches understood that self-esteem
  will take care of itself it we can help our
  students/coachees learn the skills and attitudes
  they need to be successful.

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FALSE vs. REAL SELF-ESTEEM

• What, then, is REAL self-esteem?
• Of all the definition Ive seen, I think the best
  one is the one by Denis Waitley that I used at
  the beginning of this leadership clinic.
• I like his phrase deep-down inside the skin.
• Thats where real self-esteem is felt.
• It isnt something another person can give to us.
• Its how we truly feel about ourselves, even when
  no one else is around.

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FALSE vs. REAL SELF-ESTEEM

• If self-esteem is real, it comes from within.
• By itself, the word esteem means
• to appreciate the worth of,
• to hold in high regard,
• to have genuine respect.
• So self-esteem is really self-respect.

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FALSE vs. REAL SELF-ESTEEM

• Its how we genuinely feel about ourselves,
  regardless of what others say.
• And how we feel about ourselves is closely
  related to our character develops.
• We can only feel good about ourselves when our
  behavior is positive and we can be fully
  accountable for it.

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• Ultimately, the development of personal character
• is both a choice and a responsibility.

Other people may help or hinder, but we build our
character, and with it, we determine our level of
self-esteem.
ITS STRICTLY AN INSIDE JOB!
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FROM DEPENDENCETO INDEPENDENCE
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FROM DEPENDENCETO INDEPENDENCE

• There is a time in our lives when both our
  self-image and self-esteem are determined by
  other people.
• When were small children, our lives are
  dominated by adults and older kids.
• We see ourselves through the messages we receive
  from them.
• Good messages, good self-image.
• Bad messages, bad self-image.

_at_ ???. messages of ??????? good or bad ?????
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FROM DEPENDENCETO INDEPENDENCE

• The point is that when were at a tender age, we
  respond to the messages we hear most often.
• We form a picture of ourselves, and then we
  develop feelings that are consistent with it.
• We tend to become what were told about ourselves.

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FROM DEPENDENCETO INDEPENDENCE

• But one of the most important things to
  understand about self-esteem is that as we get
  older we have to learn to think for ourselves.
• (Attitude is a choice the most important one
  youll ever make.)
• We need to realize that we have a choice (We live
  by choice, not by chance!) about how we are going
  to messages from other people.

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Former US President Roosevelt once said,
It would follow, then, that no one can make you
feel anything without your consent. Its what we
believe about ourselves that counts.
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• Whether we were treated rightly or wrongly as
  children,
• our self-esteem is now our responsibility.

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FROM DEPENDENCETO INDEPENDENCE

• Dont get me wrong.
• Im not saying that other people arent important
  in regard to our feelings.
• All of us need to be told from time to time that
  were loved, appreciated, and valued.
• We need our hugs, too.
• Its not only necessary, but fantastic, to be
  affirmed by other people.

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FROM DEPENDENCETO INDEPENDENCE

• But we cant sit around and wait for others to
  applaud us in order to feel good.

WE HAVE TO DO THINGS THAT MAKE US FEEL GOOD ABOUT
OURSELVES EVEN WITHOUT PRAISE.
Then when it comes, it reaffirms what were
already feeling. Its a great bonus.
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FROM DEPENDENCETO INDEPENDENCE

• Other people can do a lot of things to make us
  feel good.
• But, ultimately, how we feel about ourselves is
  the direct result of what we do and what we
  think.
• Real self-esteem is respect that we have to earn
  from ourselves.

?????? earn respect ????????????????????? If not,
why not?
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THE INGREDIENTS OF SELF-ESTEEM
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THE INGREDIENTS OF SELF-ESTEEM

• I can remember having feelings of low self-esteem
  for many years, even though I was working hard
  and finding a lot of success in my career and in
  a few other areas of my life.
• But I still didnt like or respect myself, and I
  didnt know why.

?
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THE INGREDIENTS OF SELF-ESTEEM

• I found out that hard work and a successful
  career arent enough.
• I was missing the key ingredients.
• I couldnt be comfortable with myself because I
  didnt have the right combination.
• Its like opening one of those combination locks.
  It doesnt work unless you have all the numbers.

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THE INGREDIENTS OF SELF-ESTEEM

• Eventually, I discovered the missing parts, and
  my self-esteem rose dramatically.
• It was nice to both like and respect myself.

I guess Im a slow learner, because it sure took
a long time. But better late than never. Some
people never do figure out the combination.
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THE INGREDIENTS OF SELF-ESTEEM

• That brings me back to some of the reasons I
  became leadership trainer and an executive coach
• I want to help other people discover the
  combination, hopefully earlier than I did
• I think our ME-Centric/Centered society has
  bombarded us with the wrong messages
• I think we need to know the difference between
  self-worship and self-esteem and
• I believe we have incredible potential for
  genuine success and self-respect.

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THE INGREDIENTS OF SELF-ESTEEM

• Actually, the ingredients of self-esteem are
  quite simple.
• The problem is that so many people with different
  ideas and motives jumped on the bandwagon they
  made it look far more complicated than it really
  is.

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THE INGREDIENTS OF SELF-ESTEEM

• In the first place, self-esteem isnt something
  we can buy.
• We cant pursue it, look for it, or find it.
• And as I said earlier, we cant get it from other
  people.

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THE INGREDIENTS OF SELF-ESTEEM

• Real self-esteem is a by-product.
• Feeling good about ourselves is the natural
  result of doing the right things and thinking the
  right thoughts.
• Despite what the self-styled gurus and expert
  tell us, self-esteem is part of a natural process.

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THE INGREDIENTS OF SELF-ESTEEM

• If you can be consistent in the following 4 areas
  of life, youll never have to worry about healthy
  self-esteem.
• Itll be your constant companion.
• Be Kind
• Be Honorable
• Be Productive
• Be Positive

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1. Be Kind

• Its impossible to feel good about ourselves when
  were mean (?????/??????????) selfish
  (??????????/??????????????????????????), or
  insensitive (?????????/???????).
• How to deal with other people has a mirror
  effect. It always reflects back on us.
• The better we treat others, the better we feel
  about ourselves.
• The more we build and affirm people, the more we
  grow as human being.

Remember good people build their lives on a
foundation of respect.
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2. Be Honorable

• I have yet to read about any connection between
  honesty and self-esteem.
• But Im convinced that its an absolute
  essential.
• You could take every self-esteem course in
  existence, but if youre dishonest you have no
  right to feel good about yourself.
• And I guarantee that you wont.
• Integrity is the cornerstone (???????/????????????
  ) of high self-esteem. As long as you have it,
  youll always be respected, by others and by
  yourself.

Remember honesty is still the best policy.
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3. Be Productive

• One of the deadly sins of the Middle Ages was
  sloth (????????????/??????????/????????), which
  means idleness or laziness. My mother used to
  call people who sat around and did nothing
  slugs (??????????????/??????????).
• I thought it was a great term. Its pretty hard
  to feel good about yourself when youre being a
  slug.
• Being productive learning, planning, achieving
  is what builds self-esteem.

Remember theres no substitute for hard work.
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4. Be Positive

• We cant feel good about ourselves if our heads
  are full of negative thoughts.
• If were treating others with respect, being
  honest, and achieving something with our lives,
  then we need to give ourselves credit.
• Its healthy to develop a good attitude to
  ourselves.

Remember attitude is a choice the most
important one youll ever make.
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Self-esteem is the reputation you have with
yourself.

Brian Tracy
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????????? ???? ???????????????????????
(?????????) ?????????

• How healthy are you regarding Self-esteem?