Title: Dr. Barbara C. Fisher
1Dr. Barbara C. Fisher United Psychological
Services Clinic Director 47818 Van Dyke
Rd. Shelby Twp., MI 48315 586.323-3620
Brainevaluation.com
2Dealing with Difficult People
3Difficult People.
- Argue for the sake of arguing
- Tend to be angry about something else
- Nothing pleases them
- They enjoy being angry
- There is no smile or warmth
- Descriptive adjectives
- The Irritable Malcontent
- Never happy
- Full of doom and gloom
4Beware
- They will evoke anger in you
- They will elicit fear and discomfort
- They will make you question yourself if you let
them - They will make you want to avoid them especially
if reminder of significant person - Watch out for the reaction in you!
5Difficult People
- Say no all the time
- Go against the crowd, the dissenter
- They go the opposite way of the group
- What do they need?? Lots of Attention
6Typical Feelings of Difficult People
- Sadness
- Anger
- Look for the worst
- Predict doom and gloom
- Pessimistic
- Worrier, anticipates problem
- No plans for changing, ego-syntonic
7The Challenge
- Control the anger and discomfort that arises in
you - Do not allow the atmosphere to be altered
8When Are You More Vulnerable?
- When stressed
- When sad
- When your esteem is low
- When it feels like life is not working
- Lack of coherence, not feeling peaceful or content
9What is Anger?
- A very powerful feeling
- An emotional response
- Right brain driven
- Emotional vs. factual processing
- Irrational vs. rational
- Repressed feelings due to public reaction of
being inappropriate and unacceptable
10Types of Anger
- Reaction to the loss of something
- Sadness over expected outcome
- Anger begins at home
- Usually angry at self first
- Fearful, anticipation of being hurt
- Fear of being controlled or feeling out of
control
11People get Angry more easily when.
- Stressed
- Depressed
- Scared
- Frustrated
- Hopeless
- Empty emotional bank account
12Ability to cope with Anger
- Unrelated to you vs. cannot please
- No fear of loss (person or situation job,
spouse, friend) - Knowledge of love and acceptance
- Short duration vs. will never be over
- Power of person who is angry and
degree of direct impact
13Ability to cope with Anger
- Loud sound, angry expression, uncontrolled
emotions, intense - Familiarity vs. novelty (not happening very
often) - Pervasive in life vs. not often seen or
experienced (positive and negative effects,
novelty vs. buildup) - Trauma vs. no childhood issues
14Ability to cope with Anger
- Fear of physical violence
- Part of abusive situation emotional, physical or
sexual - Degree of stress under, outlets,
buffers - Locus of control Actor vs.
reactor - Ability to diffuse
15Power Hierarchy of Difficult People
- Employer vs. friend
- Parent vs. spouse
- Spouse vs. child
16Qualities of Anger
- Predictable vs. unpredictable
- Critical vs. constructive help
- Modulated vs. explosive
- Cold, uncaring vs. emotionally invested
- Repressed vs. at the time of the event
- Defeatist outcome vs. learning experience
(Communication of disgust, confirmation of
expected problem behavior) - Unexplained vs. explained
17Anger Evoking Situations Predicting When People
Will Be More Difficult
- Crowded spaces
- Airplane seats
- Highway construction
- Ice storms
- Loud noises
- Noisy, smoky room
- Extremely hot or cold rooms
Can be idiosyncratic related to the person and
their experiences
18Difficult Personalities
- Dependent
- Anxious and Avoidant
- Dramatic and Histrionic
- Borderline
- Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal
- Type A
- Depressive
19Dependent Personality
- Repressed anger until explodes
- Saved up anger, Longer to resolve
- Difficult to diffuse and relieve
- Guilty, unclear, vague, less exact
- Sulky, withdrawn, physical illness
- Feels guilty after becoming angry
- Disguises with nasty comment, teasing, humor
20Avoidant, Anxious Personality
- Fear driven, intense, clipped tone, tense
- Critical and judgmental if let down
- Driven by fear of consequences
- Uses humor to disguise anger
- Stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed,
- Avoidance, withhold love and affection, not
talking about anger
21Dramatic and Histrionic Personality
- Emotionally reactive, lots of drama
- Usually more angry at others than at self
- Complains of being let down
- Self-Defeating Features, predicted problems
- Feels sorry for self, melodramatic, How could
you do this to me? - Very justified being angry, blaming others
22Borderline Personality
- Unpredictable, out of control, accusatory,
irrational, mean, impulsive, brutal - Anger for small things, petty
- Intense, threatening, unforgiving
- Justifies inappropriate behavior
- Rules do not apply to them
- No regard borders and boundaries
23Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal Personality
- Suspicious, untrusting, fragile, withdrawn
- Difficulty becoming angry
- Keeps it inside and turns against self
- Unpredictable, Vague in presentation
- Does not talk about things makes resolution
difficult - Feels hurt and wounded, does not let things go
24Type A Personality
- Ism Alcoholic type, extreme, black white
personality - Intense, loud, abusive, emotionally charged and
reactive - Dominating, not honoring borders
- Short duration, forgotten within the hour
- Can be derogatory and blaming
25Depressive Persona
- Just as predicted, blames you
- More fuel for prediction of doom and gloom,
- Unforgiving uses as confirmation of inadequacies
or bad traits - Unforgiving, bitter, unhappy, impulsive,
critical, judgmental, derogatory,
nasty comments, - Irritable malcontent
26Difficult Personality Types that Cut You Off When
Angry or Upset
- Depressive
- Paranoid
- Borderline
- Schizoid, Schizotypal
- Type A
The Need to be Right!
27Diffusing Emotions
- Dependent KeyRecognition and Attention. Attempt
to last the duration for cleaning of the closet - Avoidant, Anxious KeyCalm and Assurance. Listen
to feelings and why they are worried - Dramatic and Histrionic KeyControl. Keep it
short and make them arrive at the primary issue - Borderline KeyDistance. Dont take it
personally, distance, acknowledge feelings, be
prepared for no resolution
28Diffusing Anger
- Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal KeySafety,
Honor Borders. Provide necessary time to sort
through confusion and express feelings adequately - Type A KeyDont Argue, Listen. Agree to
disagree, provide feedback to promote feeling
heard, present opposing thoughts at later time - Depressive KeyMaintain Happy, Positive Stance.
Confirm you heard and address crooked thinking
29Your Reaction to Difficult People Avoid..
- Fighting
- Personally attacking, Rejection or humiliation
- Reactive screaming or abusive behavior
- Running away or leaving the argument
- Ridiculing or teasing
- Off topic discussion, Hurling words
- Opening Pandoras box Revealing long kept
secrets or deceptions
30Handling Difficult People Dos and Donts
- Not using terms You did this and that
- Use I in speech I feel.
- Do not generalize be specific
- No kitchen sink routine
- Keep it short, no sermons or lectures
- Honor borders/boundaries
- Stick to the point Address the issue.
31Getting rid of your own Reaction, Four Step Method
- Discharge the anger energy
- Disengage (anger diary, activities, exercise)
- 2. Look underneath the anger
- Identify the feelings (ask why questions)
- 3. Consciously decide what to do with the anger
- Examine alternatives (options, big picture)
- 4. Re-frame the situation to re-engage
- Different Perspective (seek to understand)
32Tip for the Day..
- When people remain Angry
- They change their personality
- They look more hardened
- They do not age as well
- Stress is present more of the time
- Lowered immune system
- It takes years off of their lives
- Coherence is the key to graceful aging
33Cognitive Dissonance
- Anger escalates, calm dissipates
- Being loving and anger are two opposing thoughts
- Bring in loving thoughts and you cannot be angry
- When you feel loving so does everyone around you