Caring Dads: Helping Fathers Value their Children

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Caring Dads Helping Fathers Value their Children

• Katreena Scott, Ph.D. C. Psych.,
• OISE/University of Toronto
• Tim Kelly, Executive Director,
• Changing Ways, London, Inc.

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Acknowledgments

• Claire Crooks, Ph.D. C. Psych. UWO Centre for
  Prevention Science)
• Karen Francis, M.A., University of Western
  Ontario
• CAS London
• EMERGE, Boston
• Counterpoint, Toronto
• Fathers who have participated in the program and
  research
• Funding for this training has been provided
  through a grant from the National Crime
  Prevention Strategys Community Mobilization
  Program

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Group Exercise

• What kind of services does your community need
  for fathers?

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Agenda Day 1

• Morning
• Highlight the need for provision of service to
  maltreating fathers
• Challenges and opportunities with current
  response
• Caring Dads program and manual overview
• Afternoon
• Caring Dads Goal 1, Engaging men
• Caring Dads Goal 2, Developing child-centered
  fathering
• Wrap-up and questions

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Agenda Day 2

• Morning
• Day 1 recap
• Mother Contact
• Preliminary evaluation results and future
  directions
• Afternoon
• Caring Dads Goal 3, Challenging abuse
• Caring Dads Goal 4, Rebuilding trust and planning
  for the future
• Wrap-up and questions

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Why Work with Maltreating Fathers?
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Fathers Perpetrate a Significant Amount of Child
Maltreatment
Two parent families
Two parent families
All families
All families
All families
Canadian Incidence Study of Reported Child Abuse
and Neglect, Trocme et al., 2005
Need for Service
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Parent Lethality Step-Parent Risk
Need for Service
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Opportunity to Support Fathers

• Healthy father-child relationships support
  positive child development
• Among individuals who have been abused
• One third go onto abuse their own children
• One third are at substantial risk of abusing
  their children
• One third break the cycle of abuse

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Why Work with Abusive Fathers?

• Many fathers are told that their parenting has to
  change, yet few specific services exist
• Fathers are responsible for a significant
  proportion of child maltreatment
• Providing intervention to fathers has the
  potential to increase paternal accountability and
  responsibility
• Fathers seldom leave the emotional landscape of
  their children
• Fathers who leave one family seldom end their
  involvement with children in general
• Providing intervention may be in the best
  interests of children in a variety of ways

Need for Service
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Cautions for working with maltreating fathers

• Fathers may use of program to gain leverage in
  custody and access
• Fathers may use of program material to harass
  childrens mothers
• Funding of program may come at the expense of
  services addressing the safety needs of women and
  children

Need for Service
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The need for a new kind of program Guidelines
for service
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Question

• What principles would you choose for your
  community for dealing with a father like Mike?
• What challenges do you see in how your community
  currently deals with fathers like Mike?

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Caring Dads Program

• Started in 2001 at Changing Ways in London
  Ontario Canada
• 2002 Emerge (Boston) became an early pilot site
• 2003 Expanded to additional sites in Ontario
• 2005 Expanded to England and Wales
• 2006 - Manual will be available to other sites

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Caring Dads Program

• 17 week program 2 hour sessions
• Groups of 8-12 fathers
• Two-three facilitators (male/female)
• Facilitator backgrounds
• Referrals

Caring Dads The Program
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Locating Caring Dads on a Continuum of Service

• Universal messages about fatherhood
• Targeted programs (e.g., programs for new dads)
• Supportive intervention programs (e.g., divorce)
• Specialized, accountable programs

All Fathers Fathers at key transition points
Fathers facing stressors Abusive
fathers
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Principle 1

• The focus of the intervention must be the abusive
  and maltreating fathers abuse of children and
  their lack of recognition and prioritizations of
  childrens need for love, respect, security and
  autonomy-- Not their inability to control their
  childrens behaviour.

A New Approach Principles
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The Power Paradox

• Low power parents
• are highly reactive to the possibility of lost
  control
• more likely to attribute negative intent
• engage in more control-oriented appraisal
• are more likely to derogate children
• are more likely to be abusive and coercive
• Bugental et al.

A New Approach Principles
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Principle 2

• Men's abuse of children's mothers must be
  recognized and addressed as part of intervention
  for fathers.

A New Approach Principles
A New Approach
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Parent Relationship

• Most traditional parenting programs presume a
  basic level of cooperation and consistency
  between parents
• I was pissed off at her, so I took her to court
  to get custody to get her back for her mind
  games.
• I tell them not to listen to their mother.
• I get their mother to take care of the
  discipline. Im more laid back.

Misfit with Traditional Programs
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Principle 3

• Interventions must recognize that men may not
  initially be ready for change

A New Approach Principles
A New Approach
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Focus on Individual Fathers Not Systems

• Accountability is not a focus of most parenting
  education programs
• Lack of connection with larger family, community,
  and justice systems
• Few feedback loops that matter

Misfit with Traditional Programs
A New Approach
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Principle 4

• Fathers involvement in intervention should
  have the potential to benefit children,
  regardless of mens progress, or lack of
  progress, in making change.

A New Approach Principles
A New Approach
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Caring Dads Helping Fathers Value their Children
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Caring Dads Goals

• Goal 1 Engaging men
• Goal 2 Developing child centered fathering
• Goal 3 Challenging abusive, neglectful and
  controlling fathering
• Goal 4 Rebuilding trust and planning for the
  future

Caring Dads The Program
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Caring Dads Manual Overview

• Summary Table
• Process notes
• Worksheets and homework

Caring Dads The Program
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Caring Dads Goals and Strategies
Goal 1 Engaging Men
Engage men to prevent dropout Enhance motivation
to change
Goal 1 Engaging Men
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Motivational Interviewing Basics

• When behaviour change occurs, much of it happens
  or fails to happened in the first few sessions of
  treatment
• What people say about change is VERY important
• Change is motivated by conflict between problem
  behaviour and values

Goal 1 Engaging Men
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Motivational Interviewing Basics

• Key Skills
• Joining/Empathy/Good reflective listening
• Developing discrepancy
• Rolling with resistance

Goal 1 Engaging Men
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Motivational Interviewing Basics

• Joining/Empathy/Good reflective listening
• Why is this person presenting in this way?
• Why is change so undesirable?
• What might we need to understand?
• What has this persons experience been so far?

Goal 1 Engaging Men
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Group Practice - Genograms
An opportunity for joining
Goal 1 Engaging Men
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Motivational Interviewing Developing Discrepancy
How I was How I want
How my child fathered to be as a
father experiences me
Goal 1 Engaging Men
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Motivational Interviewing Basics

• Strategies for eliciting change talk
• Disadvantages of the status quo
• What makes you think you may need to do something
  about these issues?
• What difficulties or hassles have you had in
  regards to taking a closer look at yourself in
  relationship?
• What is it that other people want you to change
  and how does this affect you?
• Advantages of change
• How would you like things to be different
• If you could make this change right now have
  might things be better for you?

Goal 1 Engaging Men
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Motivational Interviewing Basics

• Strategies for eliciting change talk
• Optimism about change
• What makes you think that if you decided to make
  a change, you could do it?
• What personal strengths do you have that would
  help you?
• Intention to change
• What are you thinking about taking a second look
  at your behavior at this point?
• How important is it to you to make a change?
• What would you be willing to try?

Goal 1 Engaging Men
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Caring Dads Session 1-3

• Home work assignments
• Three hopes I have for my children
• Weekly Fathering Logs
• Additional handouts
• Feelings Sheet
• 3 Fathering Circles

Goal 1 Engaging Men
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Caring Dads Goals and Strategies
Goal 1 Engaging Men
Goal 2 Child-Centered Parenting
Goal 2 Child-Centered Parenting
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Developing Child Centered Fathering

• Four core skills
• Nurturing and praising
• Supporting childrens relationship to their
  mothers
• Listening to and knowing children
• Understanding child development

Goal 2 Child-Centered Parenting
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The Parenting Continuum
Goal 2 Child-Centered Parenting
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Caring Dads sessions 4-9

• Understanding the links for yourself and your
  children

Goal 2 Child-Centered Parenting
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Caring Dads session 4-9

• Home work assignments
• Fathering logs
• How well do I know my children quizzes
• Relationship building challenges
• What kind of example do I set scale
• Being a good model for my children
• Two types of frustrations with your child
• Additional handouts
• Nurturing Wheel
• Parenting Continuum
• When Praise is not really praise at all
• Tips for being a good listener
• Thoughts, feeling, action triangle
• Thoughts and beliefs to watch out for
• Developmental charts and practical applications

Goal 2 Child-Centered Parenting
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Caring Dads Helping Fathers Value their Children

• Katreena Scott, Ph.D. C. Psych.,
• OISE/University of Toronto
• Tim Kelly, Executive Director,
• Changing Ways, London, Inc.

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Mother Contact Key Priorities

• Key Priorities
• Provide realistic information about the Caring
  Dads program and its potential outcomes
• Program content
• Impact of violence on children
• Evaluation report

Mother Contact
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Mother Contact Key Priorities

• Support women by referral to appropriate services
• May need to liaise with professionals already
  involved in womens lives
• Contribute to womens and childrens safety

Mother Contact
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Mother Contact Who will you contact and why?

• Children are in the care of CAS. Mother and
  father both have supervised access.
• Children are in custody of father. Mother has
  access, but uses it infrequent.
• Father referred to program as a result of current
  relationship. Has a teenager from a former
  relationship who recently looked him up. It has
  been 6 years since he last had contact with the
  biological mother.

Mother Contact
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Mother Contact Suggested Principles of Practice

• Contact warranted when
• Mother may need a context for interpreting
  changes in mens behaviour
• There is a potential safety concern

Mother Contact
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Mother Contact Opportunities

• Contribute to risk management
• Contribute to coordinated case management
• Contribute to intervention planning for men

Mother Contact
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Assessment and Evaluation Early Findings
Assessment and Evaluation
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Comprehensive Evaluation

• Six levels of evaluation
• Need
• Theory
• Process
• Outcome
• Efficacy
• Efficiency

Assessment and Evaluation
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Meeting a Need?

• Number and range of referral sources
• Second year of program, 150 referrals
• Community involvement in terms of volunteer hours
• 432 hours over 1 year or 22,968 of in kind
  contribution

Assessment and Evaluation
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Self-Reported Difficulties
CAPI
PSI
AAPI
Assessment and Evaluation
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Physical Punishment

• Physical punishment is not right. But at some
  point, they need to know that dad and moms word
  means something. Before I kicked my kids in the
  ass to get them to do something that was wrong.
  But they need a slap on the ass at least.
• I only spanked my older son twice. I explained
  to him why I punched him.

Assessment and Evaluation
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Emotional Support

• Well if were talking on the phone and it sounds
  like hes getting upset or Im getting upset Ill
  say the boss is coming and Ill end it, Ill end
  the phone call.
• When he gets mad, like when he got put in the
  foster home, we just dont see him much til hes
  calmed down.

Assessment and Evaluation
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Parentification

• He knows if Im upset. Hell say Want to lay
  down in my room, dad? And hell kind of take
  care of me bring me another beer if the other
  ones empty.
• When we were split the kids would call me but I
  wouldnt take their calls.

Assessment and Evaluation
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Foundational Theories

• Abuse in the father-child relationship results
  primarily from mens sense of entitlement,
  self-centered attitudes, and overcontrolling
  behavior
• Overlap between mens abuse of children and their
  abuse of childrens mothers

Assessment and Evaluation
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RISC Interview

• Five domains Emotional unavailability,
  parent-child boundaries, hostility and coercion,
  anger regulation, relationship with childrens
  mother

Assessment and Evaluation
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RISC Interview Hostility, rejection

• Do you feel that your child does things
  purposefully to anger you, get you or to annoy
  you?
• What do you usually do when your child disobeys
  or does something wrong?
• When the usual methods of discipline don't work,
  as parents we often find ourselves doing other,
  maybe less desirable things. Do you ever nag or
  lecture your child if he/she doesnt do what
  he/she is supposed to do? How often would you
  say this happens?
• Have you found yourself saying mean or
  threatening things to him/her? Perhaps things
  that you regret later? Give me an example. How
  often would you say this happens
• Is your child ever so "in your face" that you
  feel like you just have to get away or that you
  are going to blow up? What happens then?

Assessment and Evaluation
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Foundational Assumptions
Self-centered, entitled and over-controlling
parenting w DV 30
Assessment and Evaluation
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Interview Data Exposure to DV
Assessment and Evaluation
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Interview Data Coercive
Assessment and Evaluation
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Caring Dads Helping Fathers Value their Children
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Caring Dads Goals and Strategies
Goal 3 Recognizing Challenging Abuse /
Neglect
Goal 1 Engaging Men
Goal 2 Child- Centered Parenting
Goal 3 Challenging Abuse
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Goal 3 Awareness of and Responsibility for
Abusive Behaviours

• Direct confrontation at rationalizations for the
  abuse and neglect they have used
• Work through many examples and employ whole group
  in problem-solving

Goal 3 Challenging Abuse
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Challenging Abusive, Neglectful and Controlling
Fathering

• Core tools
• Not valuing children wheel
• Parenting continuum
• Thinking-Feeling-Action Triangle
• Effect of abuse on children

Goal 3 Challenging Abuse
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Caring Dads Sessions 10-14

• Responding to my childs needs
• Emotional abuse and neglect
• Relationship with my childs mother
• Impact of witnessing woman abuse
• Using children as confident of children
• Putting children in the middle

Goal 3 Challenging Abuse
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Caring Dads Sessions 10-14

• What are my children learning from my behaviour?
• Learn not to get caught
• Learn to expect abuse from authority
• Learn to use power to solve differences
• Learn to abuse others

Goal 3 Challenging Abuse
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Caring Dads Sessions 10-14

• Denial and minimization
• Shame and secrecy
• Identify one thing they have done that has harmed
  their children that causes them to feel ashamed
• Effects of denial
• Discussion of impact of denial on childrens
  experience

Goal 3 Challenging Abuse
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Problem-Solving for Parents Steps

• What is the Situation?
• What was your Intention?
• Is intention about Child needs or Parent needs?
• Thoughts, feelings, and actions
• F
• A T
• Effects on child?
• Alternatives?

Goal 3 Challenging Abuse
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Caring Dads Sessions 10-14

• Home work
• Three parent centered behaviours
• Problem solving for Parents
• Handouts
• Not valuing children wheel
• Myths and facts how children are affected by
  parental conflict
• What children learn from abusive and controlling
  fathering

Goal 3 Challenging Abuse
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Caring Dads Goals and Strategies
Goal 4 Rebuilding and Planning
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Goal 4 Rebuilding Trust and Planning

• Realistic expectations for child / parent
  relationship
• Encourage help seeking behavior
• Relapse prevention

Goal 4 Rebuilding and Planning
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Rebuilding Trust and Planning for the Future

• Core tools
• Alternatives to parent-centered fathering
• Beginning to rebuild trust / talking with
  children about past violence
• Help seeking and safety planning

Goal 4 Rebuilding and Planning
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Consolidating learning, rebuilding trust and
planning for the future

• Alternatives to parent-centered behaviours
• Consider what things I can live with. Can I
  change my demands?
• How can I arrange the situation so that this
  argument doesn't come up?
• How can I encourage/support my child's positive
  behaviors?
• Is there a natural consequence or an outside
  authority that I can rely on?
• What is child misbehavior really about? Can I
  fix that problem?

Goal 4 Rebuilding and Planning
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Caring Dads sessions 15-17

• Identify abuses they have used against their
  children or their childrens mother
• Identify how they will keep their children and
  their childrens mother safe from their abuse

Goal 4 Rebuilding and Planning
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Caring Dads sessions 15-17

• Rebuilding trust
• Taking responsibility for the abuse
• Develop a plan to about how to talk to their
  children about the abuse when and if they ask
• Being child safe
• Developing realistic expectations for the future

Goal 4 Rebuilding and Planning
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Caring Dads sessions 15-17

• Discipline and rebuilding trust
• Changing parental demands
• Being positive and encouraging
• Natural consequences
• Understanding the underlying needs of children

Goal 4 Rebuilding and Planning
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Caring Dads sessions 15-17

• Homework
• List problems that have occurred in your
  relationship to your children
• How have I done?
• Alternative parenting steps
• Handouts
• Talking to children about violence
• Alternative methods to child management

Goal 4 Rebuilding and Planning
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Caring DadsHow one community mobilized to
address this gap in services
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Advisory Committee
Community Case Study
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Partnership Focus
Community Case Study
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Examples of How Collaboration Works

• Encouraging compliance
• Sharing information about risk
• Connecting service providers
• Ensuring follow-through

Community Case Study
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• I used to think that kids just needed a good
  whack. Now I think they just need an adult to
  make an effort.

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Contact us _at_

• www.caringdadsprogram.com
• kscott_at_oise.utoronto.on.ca
• timkelly_at_changingways.on.ca