Peak Parenting: Understanding the Effects of OverNurturance

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Peak Parenting Understanding the Effects of
OverNurturance
The SENG Summit Reaching Attitudes
Altitudes Salt Lake City, UT-July 18-20, 2008

• Presented by
• Debra A. Troxclair, Ph.D.
• University of Louisiana at Monroe
• http//ulm.edu/troxclair/2008 Website for
  Handouts
• troxclair_at_ulm.edu Email

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This session.

• Includes information gleaned from reviewing the
  literature from the fields of
• gifted education and
• psychology
• on the topics of
• intensity and
• sensitivity in gifted children and
• overnurturing parents in preparation for future
  research study.

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My observations
Helicopter Parents
Teachers
My Own Personal "Story"
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Questions leading up to research hypothesis

• Are parents of gifted children more or less
  overprotective of their children?
• Are parents of gifted children defensive of their
  children in school and/or other social
  situations?
• Are socio-economic factors an influence in the
  level of suspected Overnurturance by parents of
  gifted children?
• Why is this important to research with respect to
  gifted children? Arent the dangers involved with
  Overnurturance of non-gifted children the same?

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In this session.

• Information about characteristics of gifted
  children will be shared.
• Sensitivity and intensity will be discussed and
• parental (and teacher)
• The effects of Overnurturance will be outlined.
• A bibliography of readings will be provided.

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Social EmotionalCharacteristics of Gifted
Children

• Clark (1992)
• Unusual sensitivity to the expectations and
  feelings of others
• Heightened self-awareness accompanied by feelings
  of being different
• Idealism and a sense of justice, which appear at
  an early age
• Earlier development of inner locus of control and
  satisfaction
• Advanced levels of moral judgment
• High expectations of self and others, which often
  leads to high levels of frustration with self,
  others, and situations.
• Unusual emotional depth and intensity
• Sensitivity to inconsistency between ideals and
  behaviors
• (p. 248 251)

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Intensity

• Silverman (1993)
• Intensity, so characteristic of the gifted, is
  explained in terms of overexciteabilitiesgreater
  capacities to respond to various stimuli (p. 12)
• the gifted come equipped with supersensitive
  nervous systems which enable them to assimilate
  extraordinary amounts of sensory stimuli (p. 12)
• By its very intensity, a high kind of creativity
  may cause nervous strain and tension, and a
  supersensitivity of the nervous system may be
  conducive to both inner and outer conflict and
  creative expression Chrickshank, Whitmore (as
  cited in Silverman, 1993,
• p. 12)
• Supersensitivity makes the gifted acutely more
  perceptive and sensitive, more discriminating of
  the details of stimuli, and more analytical and
  critical of themselves and others Whitmore (as
  cited in Silverman, 1993)

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Sensitivity

• A depth of feeling that results in a sense of
  identification with others (people, animals,
  nature, the universe) characterizes the trait of
  sensitivity (Silverman, 1993).
• Passion and compassion are two different
  aspects Lovecky (as cited in Silverman, 1993).
• Passion refers to the depth of feeling that
  colors all life experiences and brings an
  intensity and complexity to the emotional life of
  the gifted individual (Silverman, 1993).
• Passionate people can form deep attachments and
  react to the feeling tone of situations they may
  think with their feelings (Silverman, 1993).
• Compassionnot all gifted people exhibit
  compassion but those who do find they make
  commitments to other people and to social causes
  that involve caring for others and wanting to
  decrease the pain they feel in others
  (Silverman, 1993).

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Sensitivity (continued)

• Silverman (1993)
• In childhood the passion side of sensitivity?
  intense commitment to people and ideas. This sort
  of child may be dedicated to friendship, not
  seeing the faults of others by focusing instead
  on the potential within. Even if hurt over and
  over again, the child will not give up the
  alliance (p. 39)
• Sensitive children can bring their passion to
  bear on causes ranging from national issues to
  personal issues (p. 39)
• Sensitive and passionate gifted children are
  highly empathic. They seem not only to know what
  others feel, but to actually feel the feelings
  within themselves. This is particularly true of
  intense and negative feelings (p. 39).
• Children who feel the feelings of others and are
  unable to set interpersonal boundaries may feel
  too much pain coming from other people. Feeling
  so overwhelmed, they are likely to try to cope by
  either withdrawing or trying to make other people
  happy. The result may be isolation and
  disconnection from others (p. 39).

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Overnurturance

• Thomasgard Metz (1993)
• The terms overindulgent, oversolicitous,
  overprotective, overanxious used synonymously ?
  lack of clarity of term
• Two types of Overnurturance
• Indulgent
• Controlling

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Indulgent Parent Child Relationship Thompson
Metz (1993)

• Characterized by a guilty, anxious parental
  attachment to the child
• As the child becomes more independent, setting
  limits becomes more difficult with anxiety and
  unresolved feeling of guilt or grief continuing
  to resurface.
• Guilt is overtaken by anger
• The parent suddenly becomes punitive toward the
  child, with a shift from overly indulgent to
  overly controlling and demeaning behaviors.
• We need to understand parental anxiety
  surrounding limit setting and help the parent
  development consistent and effective behavioral
  strategies to use with the child.

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Overprotective Parent Child Relationship
Thompson Metz (1993)

• Is characterized by a parent who
• Is highly supervising and vigilant
• Has difficulties with separation from the child
• Discourages independent behavior
• Is highly controlling
• Studies have linked adult dysthymia and anxiety
  disorders in the overprotected child
• Help parents understand parental fears and
  anxieties surrounding issues of safety for both
  the parent and child and to promote age
  appropriate autonomy and independence for the
  child

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Factors Involved in Parental Overnurturance
Thompson Metz (1993)

• Child factors
• Parent factors
• Dyadic relationships
• A form of relationship disorder
• Family factors
• Socio-cultural and environmental factors

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Childs Contribution

• Is reflective of biological tendencies such as
  temperament
• Temperament includes the dimensions of
  emotionality and activity level
• The childs role in either initiating and/or
  maintaining an overprotective relationship, may
  consist of an inherent temperamental
  vulnerability, such as excessive shyness or a
  heightened emotional responsively to the
  environment which elicits increased vigilance
  from the parent.
• The child may respond to the anxious, controlling
  parent in a submissive manner, with dysthymia and
  anxiety disorders emerging later in life, when
  the parent is no longer immediately available.
• Other children may respond to Overnurturance with
  
• defiant behavior ? parents redoubling their
  efforts
• to control.

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Parent Contribution

• Overprotective behaviors may be in response to
  previous unresolved traumas in the parents life,
  such as abuseleaving the parent with a view of
  the world as an unsafe place.
• Parents trait anxiety combined with a lack of
  care drives parental overprotective behaviors.
• Overprotective parents may respond to their own
  internal anxiety with overregulation of their
  childs life and activities
• Or overprotective parents who are guilt laden
  often have an angry/hostile attachment to their
  child
• Either of these two may interfere with the
  parents ability to recognize the childs
  separateness

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Family System Perspective

• There is usually a history of a distant,
  uninvolved spouse when evaluating families in
  which one parent is overprotective toward the
  child
• Often this is the father, who has minimal direct
  interaction with the growing child, leaving the
  mother to address the issues of
  separation-individuation.
• The work of parenting is shouldered by one
  individual whose energy and tolerance for daily
  stresses are depleted, setting the state for
  anger and hostility toward the child.
• Unresolved aspects of previous relationships are
  repeated within the parent-child relationship,
  instead of between the childs parents or
  caregivers, where the emotional maturity of the
  other partner could allow a more optimal
  reworking of these issues.

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The Environment

• Parents must be able to modify their protective
  behaviors based on the environment and the
  childs developmental level.
• Such flexibility would be difficult for a highly
  anxious parent responding to internal danger cues.

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Socio-Cultural Perspective

• Potential cultural or ethnic differences need to
  be recognized.

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Family and Child Resilience

• Analysis of vulnerability and resiliency factors
  for children, families and their external
  supports may help us toe better understand the
  processes that protect against or contribute to
  overprotective relationship disorders.
• The resilient family is viewed as both a
  mediator of a childs psychosocial development
  and as adapting to ongoing stress.

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Assessment Tools

• Overindulged (from childs perspective)
• Overindulgence (from the parents perspective)
• Parent Child Relations Questionnaire (PCRQ)
• Mother-Child Relationship Questionnaire (MCRE)
• Parental Bonding Instrument (PBI)
• VCOP Scale A Measure of Overnurturance in
  Parents of Physically Vulnerable Children

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Types of OverindulgenceBredehoft Armao

• Giving too much
• Too many material possessions (toys,etc),
  parental over-scheduling of activities for
  children
• Over-nurturing
• Over-loving (Smothering)
• Giving too much attention
• Doing things for children that they can/should be
  doing for themselves
• Too little structure/Soft structure
• Having no chores,
• Not enforcing rules
• Not expecting children to learns skills

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Overindulgence

• Comes from a GOOD HEART

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Overindulgence
If you water a plant too much it dies. Even if
you water it out of love, it still dies. -Ada
Alden http//www.overindulgence.info Bredehoft,
D., Armao, C. (2008). What teachers can do when
overindulged children come to school. Lutheran
Education Journal, 142(1).
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Overindulgence
At the root of things...
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Is your child highly sensitive?Aron, E. (2002).
The highly sensitive child Helping our children
thrive when the world overwhelms them. New York,
NY Broadway Books. Answer true or false

• My child.
• .startles easily
• Complains about scratchy clothing, seams in
  socks, or labels against his/her skin.
• doesnt usually enjoy big surprises.
• learns better from a gentle correction than
  strong punishment.
• seems to read my mind.
• uses big words for his/her age.
• notices the slightest unusual odor.
• has a clever sense of humor.
• seems very intuitive.

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Risks of Overindulgence

• Negative influences affect children into
  adulthood
• Not knowing the difference between needs and
  wants
• Needing constant stimulation and entertainment
  from others
• Being deficient in life skills which interferes
  with performing daily tasks
• Not taking responsibility for their own actions
• Not learning important social skills which lead
  to interpersonal boundary issues and decision
  making problems
• Lower self-efficacy (a sense of feeling incapable
  of dealing effectively with life problems)
• Overeating, overspending, and dysfunctional
  thinking (increased depressive thoughts)
• Paradoxically, these children can develop an
  overblown sense of self-importance which can lead
  to problems at school, on the job, and/or in
  relationships.
• Bredehoft, D., Armao, C. (2008). What teachers
  can do when overindulged children come to school.
  Lutheran Education Journal, 142(1).

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Overindulgence Grows UP

• When overindulged children grow up they are more
  likely to become parents that
• Feel ineffective
• Believe that they are not in control of their
  lives or their childs behavior
• Think they are not responsible for the childs
  actions, and that raising good children is due to
  fate, luck, or chance
• Possess poor conflict resolution skills

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Is your child highly sensitive?Aron, E. (2002).
The highly sensitive child Helping our children
thrive when the world overwhelms them. New York,
NY Broadway Books. Answer true or false

• is hard to get to sleep after an exciting day.
• doesnt do well with big changes.
• wants to change clothes if wet or sandy
• asks a lot of questions.
• is a perfectionist.
• notices the distress of others.
• prefers quiet play.
• asks deep, thought-provoking questions.
• is very sensitive to pain.
• is bothered by noisy places.
• notices subtleties (something thats been
  moved, a change in a persons appearance, etc.)
• considers if it is safe before climbing high.
• performs best when strangers arent present
• feels things deeply.

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Answers

• If you answered true to thirteen or more of the
  questions, your child is probably highly
  sensitive. But no psychological test is so
  accurate that you should base how you treat your
  child on it. If only one or two questions are
  true of your child, but they are extremely true,
  you might also be justified in calling your child
  highly sensitive.

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Conclusion

• Review of the literature in gifted education and
  psychology has revealed that indeed,
  Overnurturance of parents is related in a variety
  of ways to a childs social-emotional development
• Anxiety, interpersonal and intrapersonal
  functioning, hostility, and much more
• Nakao, Takaishi, Tatsuta, Katayam, Iwase,
  Yorifuji Takeda (2000) have found that
• introverts and intellects were more susceptible
  to family environment than were extroverts and
  non-intellects.
• Extroversion was negatively associated with
  Overnurturance/interference and with maternal
  participation in child rearing
• Maturity correlated highly with high
  socioeconomic status, appropriate child-rearing
  patterns, and parental participation in child
  rearing.
• Intelligence correlated positively with high
  socioeconomic status and with material
  participation in child rearing.
• Many gifted children are intuitive..
• Myers McCaulley (as cited in Nichols and Pass,
  1993)
• Hoehn Bireley (as cited in Bireley, 1991)
• Olszewski-Kubilius Kulieke (1989)
• Gallagher (as cited in Silverman, 1993)
• Troxclair (1997) found nearly one third of the
  gifted population in a se LA school district to
  be NT or NF (27 of that population was undecided
  so that percentage could be larger) (Sample
  included 4th grade gifted children.

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Reading List

• Andersson, P., Perris, C. (2000). Perceptions
  of parental rearing and dysfunctional attitudes
  The link between early experiences and individual
  vulnerability, Nord J Psychiatry, 54(6), p.
  405-409.
• Aron, E. The highly sensitive person How to
  thrive when the world overwhelms you. New York
  NY Broadway Books.
• Aron, E. The highly sensitive person in love. New
  York NY Broadway Books.
• Bratter, T. (2003). Surviving suicide Treatment
  challenges for gifted, angry, drug dependent
  adolescents, International Journal of Reality
  Therapy, 23(2), p. 32- 37.
• Chambless, D., Gillis, M., Tran, G. (1996).
  Parental bonding reports of clients with
  obsessive-comulsive disorder and agoraphobia,
  Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy, 3(2), p.
  77 85).
• Bredehoft, D., Armao, C. (2008). What teachers
  can do when overindulged children come to school.
  Lutheran Education Journal, 142(1).
• Kitamura, T. (2003). Understanding personality
  traits from early life experiences, Psychiatry
  and Clinical Neurosciences, 57, p. 323-331.
• Kitamura, T., Sakamoto, S., Yasumiya, R.,
  Sumiyama, T., and Fujihara, S. (2000) Child
  abuse, other early experiences and depression
  II Single episode and recurrent/chronic subtypes
  of depression and their link to early
  experiences, Archives of Womens Health, 3, p.
  53-58.
• Little, L. (1986). Gestalt therapy with parents
  when a child is presented as the problem, Family
  Relations.
• Randolph, J., Dykman, B. (1998). Perceptions of
  parenting and depression-proneness in the
  offspring Dysfunctional attitudes as mediating
  mechanism, Cognitive Therapy and Research, 22(4),
  p. 377-400.
• Taylor, C., Alden, L (2006). Parental
  overprotection and interpersonal behavior in
  generalized and social phobis. Behavior Therapy,
  37, p. 14-24.
• Thomasgard, M. (1998). Parental perceptions of
  child vulnerability, Overnurturance, and parental
  psychological characteristics, Child Psychiatry
  and Human Development, 28(4), p. 223 240.
• Thompson, S., Sobolew-Shubin, A. (1993).
  Overprotective relationships A nonsupportive
  side of social networks. Basic and applied Social
  Psychology, 14(3), p. 363-383.

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Websites

• http//www.ulm.edu/troxclair/2008
• For copy of this presentation
• http//www.overindulgence.info/Documents/Overindju
  lgent20Parents,20Under-Functioning20Kids.pdf
• http//www.overindulgence.info/

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References

• Aron, E. (2002). The highly sensitive child
  Helping our children thrive when the world
  overwhelms them. New York, NY Broadway Books.
• Clark, B (1992). Growing up gifted Developing
  the potential of children at home and at school
  (4th ed). New York, NY Merrill.
• Silverman, L. (1993). Counseling the gifted and
  talented. Denver, CO Love Publishing.
• Nakao, K., Takaishi, J., Tatsuta,K., Katayama,
  H., Iwase, M., Yorifuji, K., Takeda, M. (2000).
  The influences of family environment on
  personality traits. Psychiatry and Clinical
  Neurosciences, 54, p. 91-95.
• Thomas, M., Metz, W. (1993). Parental
  Overnurturance revisited, Child Psychiatry and
  Human Development, 24(2), p. 67 80.
• Troxclair, D. (1997). Self-perception,
  temperament type, achievement, grade level, and
  gender in intellectually gifted youth.
  Dissertation. University of Southern Mississippi.