Stepfamilies: Meeting Challenges and Building Strengths

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StepfamiliesMeeting Challenges and Building
Strengths
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Stepfamily Stats

• About 43 of all marriages are remarriages for at
  least one of the adults
• About 65 of remarriages involve children from
  the prior marriage and, thus, form stepfamilies
• 60 of all remarriages end in divorce
• An estimated 23 of children live in a stepfamily

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Stepfamily Stats

• There are an estimated 9,100 new stepfamilies
  created each week
• 50 of Americans have a step connection
• Should current trends continue, estimates show
  that the stepfamily will be Americas most common
  family form in 2010

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Challenges of Stepfamilies

• Developing a Unique Family Unit
• Myths versus realities

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Common Stepfamily Myths

• Stepfamily integration occurs quickly
• A stepfamily is the same as a first marriage
  family
• Love occurs instantly
• Stepmothers are wicked

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Common Stepfamily Myths

• All children whose parents divorce and remarry
  are severely damaged
• It helps children withdraw from their
  nonresidential parent
• Remarriages following a death go more smoothly
  than those occurring after a divorce

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Structural Differences

• Begins after many losses and changes
• Individuals are at different places in their
  family life cycles
• Children and adults all come with expectations
  from previous families
• There is a biological parent elsewhere in
  actuality or in memory

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Structural Differences

• Children are often members of two households
• There is little or no legal relationship between
  stepparent and stepchildren

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Challenges to Stepfamilies

• Developing a Unique Family Unit
• Myths versus realities
• No rulebooks
• Feelings of loss
• Divided loyalties

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Challenges to Stepfamilies

• Combining Two Families and Meeting Everyones
  Needs
• Different histories
• Different emotional attachments preceding the
  remarriage
• Husband and wife at different parental stages
• Children at different developmental stages
• Sexuality

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Challenges to Stepfamilies

• Developing a Solid Remarriage
• Relationships with ex-spouses
• Immediate parental responsibilities
• Intrusion of non-residential parent
• Pre-existing parent-child relationships
• Stepparent-stepchild relationships
• Same old bad habits
• Problems with in-laws
• Finances

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Challenges to Stepfamilies

• Defining the Stepparents Role
• Defining and performing the role
• Dealing with myths
• Performing despite limited social support

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Challenges to Stepfamilies

• Discipline
• Mixed feelings about stepparent role
• Resentment from stepchildren for stepparent as a
  disciplinarian

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Challenges to Stepfamilies

• Relations with Extended Family Members
• Shifts from one household to another
• Loyalty conflicts
• Few guidelines with extended kin

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Challenges to Stepfamilies

• Economic Issues
• How to pool and/or divide money
• Dealing with unexpected income and expenses

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Stepfamily Strengths

• New people, new experiences
• Positive model of adult intimacy and marriage
• More adults to meet childrens needs, model
  parental behavior and provide support
• Opportunity to learn cooperation, flexibility,
  negotiation skills

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Stepfamily Strengths

• Stepchildren may be more adaptable
• Formerly single parent happier
• Adults are more experienced, and may be more
  mature and motivated to succeed
• Positive relationships with stepchildren can form
• Change in birth order
• can be positive

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Characteristics of Successful Stepfamilies

• Losses have been mourned
• Expectations are realistic
• There is a strong, unified couple
• Constructive rituals are established
• Satisfactory step-relationships have formed
• The separate households cooperate