Targets of Bullying

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Targets of Bullying
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Bullying or Teasing?

• Relationship of the bully and victim
• Bullying usually occurs between people who are
  not friends.
• Intent of the interaction

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Play vs. Bullying

• Usually friends Not friends
• 2 or more May be group vs. one
• power, even if Unequal power
• adjusted
• Smiling, friendly, Laughter, scorn
• laughter or neutral Sad, depressed,
  crying

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• Intent is positive Negative,aggressive,
• friendly desire to injure,
  insult, or humiliate
• Bystanders have Spectators gather
• little or no interest
• Continued play Leave each other
• after episode

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Passive Targets

• Tend to
• Be quiet, sensitive, cries easily
• Be insecure, anxious
• Be physically weaker than peers (boys)
• Be afraid of getting hurt
• Be lonely and depressed
• Yield easily to bullying
• Lack the ability to use humor to defuse conflict
• Associate more easily w/ adults than peers

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Cause or Consequence?

• Characteristics of the passive victim may be
  viewed as both a cause AND a consequence of
  bullying

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Provocative Targets tend to

• Be hyperactive, restless, have difficulty
  concentrating
• Be hot-tempered, quick to fight
  or answer back when they
  feel attacked or insulted

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• Irritate and tease others and dont know when to
  stop
• Tend to make you feel like they deserve it

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• To be clumsy or immature

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Provocative Targets tend

• To have difficulty reading social signals
• To be disliked by adults, including teacher

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Why Dont Targets Tell?

• Shame
• Fear of retaliation

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• They dont think anyone CAN
  help
• They dont think anyone WILL help

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• They believe the lie that its
  just a normal part of
  growing up
• Only 25 of students report that teachers
  intervene in bullying situations while 71 of the
  teachers believe they always intervene

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Identify the targets

• Watch for
• Withdrawal
• Apathy
• Unexplained illness
• Frequent visits to school nurse
• Missing belongings

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• Lack of friends
• Derogatory language when talking about peers
• Stops talking about peers everyday activities
• If you suspect, ASK!

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Lasting Effects on the Target

• Lower self-esteem
• Higher rates of depression

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Effects Bullying has on School

• Interferes with learning
• Fear and disrespect
• Perception of apathy

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Tips for the Target

• Teach friendship, communication, problem
  solving skills
• Teach difference between tattling reporting
• Teach that retaliation is NOT the answer

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• Teach decision making skills
  
• Is it safe?
• Is it healthy?
• Is it the right thing to do?

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• Role Play
• standing up for self
• posture
• calm confident

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• Teach child to recognize situations that might
  signal danger or harm and assess risk

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HA HA SO

• Give Targets a protective shield
• H Help (Know when how to get help)
• A Assert Yourself (I-messages)

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• H Humor (turn a difficult situation into a
  funny one)
• A Avoid (Know when to walk
  away)

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• S Self Talk (positive messages)
• O Own It (agree with the putdown in order to
  make light of it the ability to laugh at
  oneself)

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Practice, Practice, Practice

• In the mirror
• I-Messages
• Compliments
• Positive self-talk

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• Tone Twisters
• Bully Go to h_ll!
• Target Go to Disneyland!
• Bully Shut up, Moron!
• Target Have a hot fudge sundae,
  Gorgeous!

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Make a commitment to

• Treat ALL people with respect, especially when
  the act their worst
• Not take mean comments seriously
• Talk only to the good part of people
• Refuse to listen to or
• repeat gossip

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And the Witnesses???

• There are NO innocent bystanders

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There are

• Supporters Dont take an active part but
  support bullies
• Passive Supporters Like but dont openly
  support the bully
• Disengaged Onlookers Watch but dont take a
  stand
• Possible defenders Dislike the bullying want
  to help but dont

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Effects of Bullying on Witnesses

• Afraid
• Feel powerless
• Guilt
• Diminished empathy

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Teach Witnesses Responsibility

• Empathy
• Offer target support
• Offer target a respectable way out
• Leave the area no audience
• Report the incident
• If safe, tell bully to STOP! KNOCK IT OFF! Its
  mean and I dont like it!

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• In the end, we will remember not the words of our
  enemies but the silence of our friends. Dr.
  Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Resources

• Cohen-Posey, Kate. How to Handle Bullies,
  Teasers and Other Meanies. Rainbow Books, Inc.,
  1995.
• Fried, Suellen Paula. Bullies Victims. M.
  Evans Co., New York, 1996.
• Garrity, Carla. Bully-Proofing Your School.
  Sopris West, Longmont, CO, 2000.
• Garrity, Carla. Bully-Proofing Your Child. Sopris
  West, Longmont, CO, 2000.