October 2004

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Audrey Nelson Ph.D.
Presented to
October 2004
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Objectives

• Identify your approach to problems
• Understand steps for handling difficult people
• Learn how to handle the most frustrating types
• Autocratic Dictator
•  Learn how YOU contribute to making people
  difficult
•  Identify how to keep difficult people from
  getting to you
•  Learn how to respond to difficult people

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Exercise
The most frustrating types of difficult people
are
What are the payoffs of being difficult?
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You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to
surf. Jack Kornfield
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Exercise
Exercise
List three ways to approach a relationship
problem 1. 2. 3.
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Principles of behavior to keep in mind

• Behavior that is reinforced is most likely to be
• The strongest type of reinforcement is
• If you ignore a behavior that has been used
  repeatedly in the past, it will initially
  before
• If a behavior is followed by a consequence the
  person doesnt want, it will begin to
•  Doing is doing
•  The Buster phenomena

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We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust our
sails. City of Hope
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Exercise
Steps to take when dealing with difficult people

• Evaluate what is going on before you get
  involved. 
• Label the behaviors. 
• Give up magical-thinking. 
• Keep detached and stay plugged in. 
• What are your feelings? 
• Develop strategy. 
• Rehearse. 
• Do it and evaluate it.

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The Bully
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Be Able To Rise One Level Above The Difficult
Person

• Be able to forgive them - send out empathy, not
  resentment and anger.
• Accept that they are doing the best they know
  how. They have not yet learned effective
  communication skills and have instead adopted
  manipulative behavior.
• Be able to change yourself - when doing so would
  add to your ability to work better with others.
  Difficult people find it very hard to change.
  They think to themselves this is just the way I
  am.
• Be able to take 100 responsibility for your
  happiness. Do not allow another human being to
  rob you for one minute (one second) of your
  enjoyment of life.
• Commit yourself to a sense of life purpose beyond
  day-to-day work. Youll gain a perspective that
  will keep difficult people in perspective.

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You Dont Say Navigating Nonverbal Communicatio
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Hall 2004  
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