Title: Teaching Children
1Teaching Children Teens to be Emotionally
Healthy
- Presented by
- Avril Z Daley
- JTA Conference 2008
2Multiple Intelligence
- In 1983 by Dr. Howard Gardner reported that
Instead of having one intelligence we have
several different intelligences. - Linguistic intelligence ("word smart")
- Logical-mathematical intelligence
("number/reasoning smart") - Spatial intelligence ("picture smart")
- Bodily-Kinesthetic intelligence ("body smart")
- Musical intelligence ("music smart")
- Interpersonal intelligence ("people smart")
- Intrapersonal intelligence ("self smart")
- Naturalist intelligence ("nature smart")
3Emotional Intelligence
- This one of the newest type of intelligence
4Emotional Intelligence (EI)
- Author Daniel Goleman popularized the term
"emotional intelligence" in his landmark 1995
best-selling book of the same name.
5What is Emotional Intelligence?
6Emotional Intelligence (EQ/EI)
- The capacity for recognizing our own feelings
and those of others, for motivating ourselves,
for managing emotions well in ourselves and in
our relationships.
7Emotional Intelligence
- The teacher's level of EQ is by far the single
most important variable in creating a classroom
where EI can be developed healthily. - And the single most important variable in the
teacher's EQ is how they handle their own
emotions, especially their negative emotions. - An effective, successful teacher is largely one
who can handle his or her negative feelings in an
authentic, real and healthy way.
8EI in Schools
- Is school the right place to teach EI?
- The formation of emotional skills is much easier
in the "formative" years from birth to the late
teens. - School is the major activity in that age group.
- However, teaching emotions rarely have a place in
schools. Beyond infants school and early primary
school, almost all efforts are concentrated on
cognitive skills (reading, writing,
mathematics,...). - What's more, there is little or nothing in the
standard training of teachers that prepares them
from such a task. Yet there is no subject where
the quality and ability of teachers would be more
crucial. - All Teachers have the opportunity to teach EI!
- EI is part of the formal and informal curriculum.
9Benefits of Emotional Smarts
- Manage emotions
- Learn better
- Pay attention
- Take in information
- Remember more
- Better self image, and
- Sense of integrity
10- Teachers have to be emotionally intelligent to be
able to assist their students to be become
emotionally intelligent.
11Emotional Intelligence - the five domains
- Goleman identified the five 'domains' of EI as
- Self-awareness.
- Mood management.
- Self-motivation.
- Empathy.
- Managing relationships.
- These skills are critical for emotional
well-being and life success.
121. Self-Awareness
- Is being able to recognize feelings and put a
name on them. - It is also important to be aware of the
relationship between thoughts, feelings and
actions.
13CYLCE OF COGNITION
What thought sparked off that feeling?
What feeling was behind that action?
What action did we take?
14Developing Self awareness
- Labeling feelings How am I feelings?
- Help them label their feelings.
- Introduce with their language then give more
choices for feelings dissed red, feel a
way, and bringle - Teach them a wide range of feeling words -
Embarrassed, angry, ashamed, disgusted,
misunderstood - Start expressing your feelings - Start talking
about feelings - Start using simple, three word sentences such as
these - I feel sad. I feel motivated. I feel offended. I
feel appreciated. I feel hurt. I feel
disrespected. I feel ecstatic.
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17How To foster Self-Awareness
- Spending time explaining to students the effects
of their behaviour on others and to model the
appropriate behaviour - Teach children to express their emotions and to
identify such emotions in others so as to be able
to build good emotional rapport. - Use stories or song to identify the feelings
18- Label your feelings rather than your students
- I am feeling disgusted not You are disgusting
19- Respect their feelings
- Ask them how they feel
- Ask them how they would feel before taking action
- Think about how you want them to feel
- Key aptitude identifying feelings in self and
others
202. Managing emotions
- Managing your own emotions, handling feelings so
they're relevant to the current situation and you
react appropriately. - It is important to realise what is behind
feelings. - Beliefs have a fundamental effect on the ability
to act and on how things are done. (thoughts
feelings action) - Many people continually give themselves negative
messages.
21Managing emotions
- In addition, finding ways to deal with anger,
fear, anxiety and sadness - It is essential learning how to soothe oneself
when upset, for example is crucial. - Understanding what happens when emotions get the
upper hand and how to gain time to judge if what
is about to be said or done in the heat of the
moment is really the best thing to do. - Key aptitude Being able to channel emotions to a
positive end.
22- Learn to take responsibility for your own
feelings rather than blame them on your students.
- I felt embarrassed when the principal was here,"
rather than "You embarrassed me in front of the
principal."
23- But remember that the children are not there to
meet your needs, you are there to meet theirs. - Thus, you must either get your needs met
somewhere else, or you must "let go" of some of
your needs, such as your need to have so much
control, or to feel obeyed. - REMEMBER that respect is something you earn, not
demand. - The easiest way to do this is to show respect for
each individual childs feelings, and remember
his negative feelings are indications of unmet
emotional needs. - The more you help the child identify and meet the
needs, the happier everyone will be.
24Managing emotions
- State the feeling/emotion that is being
expressed. - Then give the student permission to have the
feeling and state the limits (safety limits). - Discuss the feelings later after the student has
calmed down.
25FEEL WHAT YOU WANT, CONTROL WHAT YOU DO
- One of the most valuable skills you can teach
your students is how to express strong emotions
without hurting themselves, others, or damaging
property. - Students learn to feel what they want, but
control what they do. - Encourage your students to say his/her feelings
out loud and to tell the other person how he/she
feels.
26Managing Emotions
- Teach children to "control" their anger and
refrain from taking "revenge" and to learn
assertive behaviour e.g. when they're hit,
refrain from "throwing punches" but tell the
other person to stop because you don't like being
hit.
27- Validation - Accept their feelings - Show
understanding, empathy, caring and concern -
Whenever there is a problem remember to always
first validate the feelings - I realize that you are upset. I would be upset
too if that had happened to me. - Dont Invalidate.
- Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease,
judge, or diminish someone's feelings.
28Anger Management
293. Self-motivation
- Motivating yourself , "gathering up" your
feelings and - directing yourself towards a goal,
- despite self-doubt, inertia, and impulsiveness.
30gt These contribute to healthy self-esteem,
openness to learn and willingness to cooperate
- When you feel good about yourself you are more
- accepting
- tolerant
- patient
- understanding
- predictable
- gt This helps your students feel
- Accepted
- Approved of
- Secure
- Relaxed
- Good about themselves
31Set Self Goals
- Give them real choices
- Honour their decisions
- Don't issue orders in disguise as requests
- Ask them to help you meet your needs don't
demand it - Key aptitude to be able to pick up yourself
after disappointment
32Self-motivation
- Set self goals and accomplish them These goals
don't have to be major one. Achieving goals
builds confidence and improves mood. - Goals should be clear, specific, positive and
broken down into
manageable steps.
334. Empathy
- Empathy means recognizing emotions in others.
- It is the capacity to put yourself in another
persons shoes and understand how they view their
reality and how they feel about things. - Empathy is more than just listening it is also
responding - Recognizing and understanding other people's
emotions and tuning into their verbal and
nonverbal cues - Being able to size up a situation and then acting
appropriately.
34Empathy
- Empathy" could be learned through reaching out
to those who are in need, share experiences of
hurt and bad times, help children put themselves
in other "people's shoes" to increase feelings of
sensitivity. - Pay attention to your own feelings as you observe
the other person. - Put these feelings into words, keeping the focus
on the other person. - An empathic response concentrates on describing
the other persons feelings.
35Validation
- - Accept their feelings - Show understanding,
empathy, caring and concern - Whenever there is a
problem remember to always first validate the
feelings
36Empathy
- Empower them - Ask them how they feel and "What
would help you feel better" - Teach them to solve
their own problems using empathy, compassion and
mutual respect for each other's feelings - Key aptitude putting yourself in the other
persons place
375. Managing relationships-
- Handling interpersonal interaction,
- Conflict resolution,
- Managing the emotions of others, and
- Negotiations.
38Avoid Labels and Judgment
- Avoid "shoulds"
- Avoid subjective labels (good/bad nice/rude,
etc.)
39Managing relationships-
- Resolving conflicts
- People in conflict are generally locked into a
self-perpetuating emotional spiral in which the
declared subject of conflict is rarely the key
issue. - Much of the resolution of conflicts calls on
using the other emotional skills mentioned
before.
40Managing relationships-
- Communicating
- Developing quality relationships has a very
positive effect on all involved. - What feelings are being communicated to others?
- Enthusiasm and optimism are contagious as are
pessimism and negativity. - Being able to express personal concerns without
anger or passivity is a key asset.
41Managing relationships-
- Co-operation
- Knowing how and when to take the lead and when to
follow is essential for effective co-operation. - Effective leadership is not built on domination
but the art of helping people work together on
common goals. - Recognising the value of the contribution of
others and encouraging their participation can
often do more good than giving orders or
complaining. - At the same time, there is a need to take
responsibilities and recognise the consequences
of decisions and acts and follow through on
commitments. - Key aptitude Being able to agree to disagree,
and express yourself in without aggression and
condescension
42Assertiveness
- Assertiveness is standing up for your rights and
not being taken advantage of. - It is an honest and appropriate expression of
one's feelings, opinions, and needs. - Being assertive allow us to express negative
emotion without violating our rights or the
rights of others. React assertively and not
passively or aggressively.
43Simple Assertiveness
- We use "I statements" - This allows us to learn
to communicate our needs, conflicts or problems
rather that act them out. - A statement would sound like " I feel___________
when you ____________ because _______ and I
want________."
443-Step Problem Solving
- 1. Stop and think of how you feel. 2. Decide
what it is you are feeling. 3. Think about your
choices - a. Say Stop in your mind or aloud, then think
what am I feeling, - b. then say to the person, " I feel". c. Act out
your best choice Walk away for now is also a
choice.
452 qualities for Emotionally Healthy
- Self-love, the quiet, inner sense that a person
has about herself that she is a competent,
valuable person who is worthy of giving and
receiving love. - Self-love is absolutely essential for mental
health and the best insurance against mental
illness. - With it, a person can face and handle most, if
not all, of the shocks and setbacks she will
receive in life. Without it, she may have
emotional problems with both herself and others.
462 qualities for Emotionally Healthy
- A sense of responsibility for one's own
behaviour. - Although we start out using external rewards and
punishments to raise children, we want them
eventually to develop their own internal
controls. - We want them as adults to be aware of how their
actions can infringe on the rights of others, and
so be able to prevent themselves from behaving in
ways that would hurt others.
47Remember
- Enthusiasm and optimism are contagious as are
pessimism and negativity. - Emotions are Contagious, Manage them wisely!
48- Emotional Intelligence
-
- Good emotional health
49WHAT IT MEANS TO BE EMOTIONALLY SMART
- You are Emotionally Smart when you are able to
- 1. accurately identify feelings 2. use feelings
to help you think 3. understand what causes
feelings , and 4 stay in tune of your feelings
in order to make wise choice for your life.
50The End
- Emotionally Smart Children Become Healthy and
Responsible Adults!