Sugar

1
Session 4

• Sugar Spice but Not Always Nice

2
Sugar Spice?

• Little girls are taught that its much prettier
  to be nice
• Result covert forms of aggression Relational
  Aggression (RA)

3
Relational Aggression is

• Emotional violence and bullying behavior focused
  on damaging an individuals social connections
  within the peer group.
• RA is conditional
• friendship

4
Mixed Messages

• Our culture tells girls
• You should be sexy but not slutty
• You should be independent but youre no one w/o a
  boyfriend
• Wiseman, Queen Bees
  Wannabes

5
Types of RA

• Covert Aggression indirect or hidden acts of
  aggression, excluding, social isolation
• Proactive the means for achieving a goal. For
  example, a girl may exclude someone to maintain
  her own social status

6
More Examples of Relational Aggression

• Spreading Rumors
• Verbal Insults
• Teasing
• Intimidation
• Eye Rolling

• Taunting
• Manipulative Affection
• Three-Way Calling
• Cyber bullying Girls are twice as likely to
  participate in cyber-bullying than are boys

7
The Realm of Teen Royalty from Queen Bees
Wannabes

• The Queen charming to adults.
• Can out-argue everyone, including adults.
  Her friends do exactly what she wants.
• Manipulatively affectionate
• No responsibility for hurting others
• Seeks revenge
• May be arrogant, materialistic, selfish,
  superficial
• Value self-esteem tied to what she has
• Right and wrong loyalty disloyalty

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• Sidekick
• 2nd to the Queen
• May be a victim/target
• Gets her power by supporting the Queen
• Sees the Queen as her authority figure telling
  her how to think, feel, act, dress

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The Gossip

• Secretive
• Good communicator
• Perception of being a good listener and
  trustworthy
• Appears to be friends with everyone
• Needs to feel important
• An actress
• Uses confidential information to improve her
  position
• Dont tell I told you this but

10
The Floater

• Moves freely between cliques
• Pretty but not too pretty
• Nice but not too sophisticated
• Avoids conflict
• Higher self-esteem
• Is respected
• Doesnt try to rule but has influence
• Doesnt want to exclude others
• Not socially competitive

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The Bully

• Defiant, outspoken, tough
• Cruel to weaker people
• Usually covert bullying cursing at or about
  other girls, accidentally bumping into or hitting
• Uses physical violence more than relational
  aggression

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The Bystander

• Neither aggressor or target
• Has to choose between friends
• Peacemaker
• Difficulty saying no
• May want to go unnoticed but has access to the
  popular group

13
Wannabe

• Gossiper
• Pleaser
• All her opinions come from the Queen
• Wont go against group
• Will do almost anything to be a part of the group
• Often gossiped about used by the Queen

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The Target

• Feels helpless excluded like a loser or a
  nobody
• Isolated
• Appears defensive in order to shut people out
  mask hurt
• Girls within group may become a target if they
  question someone of perceived higher social status

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• Feels humiliated from rejection
• Feels exposed and vulnerable
• May try to change herself in order to fit in.

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When do you intervene?

• Is the relational aggression
• Severe
• Traumatic
• Ongoing
• Involving a power imbalance
• If the answer to any of these is yes then
  definitely intervene

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Prevention is More Effective than Intervention

• Clear limits regarding unacceptable behavior
• Encourage caring behavior
• Regular classroom discussions
• Inform parents

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• Older grade girls ambassadors for younger grades
• Encourage journaling about feelings
• Mapping Have students draw a map of the school
  and identify areas that are safest and not so
  safe
• Have students trace hand. On
• each finger write the name of a
• person they can go to for help

19
Emotional Literacy

• Self-Awareness
• Decision-Making
• Managing Feelings
• Self-Concept
• Handling Stress
• Communication
• Group Dynamics
• Conflict Resolution

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Be a M.O.D.E.L.

• Model appropriate behavior
• Observe girls
• Dont ignore behaviors (call them on everything
  eye rolling)
• Emphasize difference between reporting tattling
• Listen empathetically

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Web Sites Resources

• www.hateboard.com
• www.myspace.com
• www.xanga.com
• www.schoolscandal.com
• www.teenangels.com
• www.livejournal.com
• www.transl8it.com (helps translate text messages)
• www.webopedia.com (help navigating online terms
  acronyms
• www.urbandictionary.com
• www.myfreeproxy.com (allows students to bypass
  web blocks)
• www.ratemyschool.com

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• www.cyberbully.org
• www.bullying.org
• www.cyberbullying.us
• www.tolerance.org
• www.opheliaproject.com
• www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov
• www.CastleWorks.com
• www.empowerprogram.org
• Simmons, Rachel. Odd Girl Out. Harcourt, Inc.
  New York, 2002.
• Wiseman, Rosalind. Queen Bees Wannabes. Three
  Rivers Press New York, 2002.