Wisdom according to Geo Carlin

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Wisdom according to Geo Carlin
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• Dont sweat the petty things
• and dont pet the sweaty things.

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•  One tequila, two tequila, three tequila,
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•  One tequila, two tequila, three tequila,
• floor.
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• Atheism is a
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• Atheism is a
• non-prophet
• organization.
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• If man evolved from monkeys and apes,
• why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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• The main reason Santa is so jolly
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• The main reason Santa is so jolly
• he knows where all the bad girls live.
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• I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
• Wheres the selfhelp section?

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• I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
• Wheres the selfhelp section?
• She said if she told me, it would defeat the
  purpose

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• Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters
  wearing sheets are not going as ghosts

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• Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters
  wearing sheets are not going as ghosts
• but as mattresses?

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• If a man is standing in the middle of the forest
  speaking
• and
• his wife isnt around to hear him. . .

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• If a man is standing in the middle of the forest
  speaking
• and
• his wife isnt around to hear him. . .
• is he still wrong?

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• If someone with multiple personalities threatens
  to kill himself
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• If someone with multiple personalities threatens
  to kill himself
• is it considered a hostage situation?
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• Is there another word for synonym?

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• Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what
  they do

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• Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what
  they do
• practice?

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• Where do forest rangers go to
• get away from it all?
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• One nice thing about egotists

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• One nice thing about egotists
• they dont talk about other people.

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• What do you do when you see an endangered animal
  eating an
• Endangered plant?
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• If a parsley farmer is sued,

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• If a parsley farmer is sued,
• can they garnish his wages?

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• Would a fly without wings
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• Would a fly without wings
• be called a walk?
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• Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?

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• Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
• Are they afraid someone will clean them?

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• If a turtle doesnt have a shell,

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• If a turtle doesnt have a shell,
• is he homeless or naked?

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• Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

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• If the police arrest a mime,
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• If the police arrest a mime,
• do they tell him he has the right to remain
  silent?
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• How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow
  road sign?
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• Is it true that cannibals dont eat clowns

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• Is it true that cannibals dont eat clowns
• because they taste funny?

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• What was the best thing before sliced bread?

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• One nice thing about egotists

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• One nice thing about egotists
• they dont talk about other people.

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• Does the Little Mermaid wear
• an algebra?
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• How is it possible to have a civil war?

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• If one synchronized swimmer were to drown

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• If one synchronized swimmer were to drown
• do the rest have to drown also?
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• If you ate pasta and antipasta,
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• If you ate pasta and antipasta,
• would you still be hungry?
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• If you try to fail, and succeed,
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• If you try to fail, and succeed,
• which have you done?
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• Whose cruel idea was it for the word Lisp

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• Whose cruel idea was it for the word Lisp
• to have a sp in it?

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• Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids
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• Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids
• instead of assteroids?
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• Why is it called tourist season if we cant shoot
  at them?
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• Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?