OOTS Lesson Two

1
OOTS Lesson Two

• Core beliefs of addicts
• I am a bad, unworthy person
• No one would love me as I am
• My needs are never going to be met if I must
  depend upon others
• Sex is my most important need
• Negative rules, message judgments about sex
  complicate these beliefs

2
OOTS Lesson Two

• Sexual abuse leads to difficulty in separating
  sexuality from relationships
• Sexual compulsivity obscures victimization
• Sexual contact is a victory
• Many of their early sexual experiences were
  exploitive (Summer of 42)
• Family loyalty is strong a type of
  victimization keep family secrets

3
OOTS Lesson Two

• Addicts create a façade of normalcy to hide their
  inadequacy
• They may appear grandiose, self important and
  insensitive to others
• They are charming and sociable but unreachable
  personally
• They appear to not want or need anything on a
  human level

4
OOTS Lesson Two

• They often appear to have high sexual morality
• Study figure 4.2 (pp. 112-115)
• Beths story (p. 119)

5
OOTS Lesson Two

• Coaddicts cognitive distortions
• Denial dismissing your own intuitions
• Rationalization outsiders dont understand the
  excuses
• Inadequacy see themselves as flawed
• Grandiosity see themselves as responsible for
  the addicts behavior

6
OOTS Lesson Two

• The coaddict judges the addict as the source of
  all the familys problems
• Blame protects the coaddict from getting close to
  the addict
• The coaddict becomes preoccupied w/the addicts
  sexual behavior this leads to controlling
  behavior to prevent the addict from acting out

7
OOTS Lesson Two

• The coaddict uses the sexual relationship to
  control the addict
• Enabling occurs when the coaddict covers for the
  addict (see figure 5.2)
• See figures 5.3 6.1 7.2 7.3

8
OOTS Lesson Two

• Compulsive sexuality SAFE acronym
• It is a SECRET
• It is ABUSIVE to self or others - if it is
  exploitive, harmful or degrading
• It is used as a source or to avoid FEELINGS
• It is EMPTY of a caring, committed relationship