Zoeyology

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Zoeyology

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Title: Zoeyology

1
Zoeyology

The study of My Mind

2
Introduction(additional writing)The Study of My
Mind

I cry for help at times but its usually an
aftermath.
After I have fallen so deep
NO! I have dug so deep into a whole that I cant,
NO! I haven't built an escape route
Out.
Its the study of my mind that makes me speak
such deep words.
Yes words I wish to annihilate the human mind so
they can elapse thinking past their own
mentality.
YES! It is the study of my mind
I wish to go deeper and study my mind
And in my mind Ive studied the word acute
doesnt just describe an angle.
It describes me,Im getting deeper into my mind
and I find the word
Acute equals Sensitivity.
But I still must form words from my mind that
demonstrate to you me.
This is me, yes ,I am emotional
And because I am in fact emotional I am not
strong?
As for your observation, you are wrong.
I am as strong as my mother who generated me in
her womb
I am as strong as the wife of Moses, standing by
his very side waiting for the king to let GODS
PEOPLE GO!
I AM STRONG ENOUGH TO CRY IN FRONT OF YOU AND
STILL LIVE MY LIFE!

3
Table of contents

Poems
Beautiful Liar
Im So Fake
My Book of Questions
I Wish

Journal Entries
If Im such a Burden
Mike and Ashley-After she left Me
Questions,Trials,and Tribulations
Help Me To Freedom
Inhaling You

4
Beautiful Liar

Honesty, It's what I want to stay in me. Inner
beauty, It's what they see in me. Courage,
It's what they feel from me. Dignity, It's
what they can't take from me.Even if it is so
little it doesn't compare to the size of a
microscopic cell,it's still belongs to me.
Honor, It's what I have for my father.
Tashina, It's the name of my alter-ego that is
for everyone to see. Ashlee, It's only what
some see. The real me. A Mirror, Something I
dread to see. Me, What they see and what I
don't see. Me, Wish I could see what you see.
Me, Because right now I want to see something
in the mirror............

5
IM SO FAKE!!!

Im so Fake that my Fake is real.
And there is no such thing as normal.
Why?
Normal has no form.
But, if normal has no form then there is no such
thing as weird.
But then Im weird because.
Or not like everyone else who appears to be the
same otherwise known as fake.
But my Fake is Real. Its So real its Me.
Its my name.
My date of birth.
My self-esteem.
My abnormal has common sense to know that you are
confused.
But then again you cant be because abnormal is
normal because its weird which has no form which
makes everything Absolutely Fake

6
My Book Of Questions????

Instead of a beauty pageant, can the world have
a ugly pageant?
If you could taste the rainbow, would it taste
like skittles or would you walk right through
it???????
If you died only to meet God what would be the
one question you would ask him?
Do the blind have a bigger imagination than the
ones who may see?
If we had no emotion would life be stiff yet more
equal?
If raisins could talk, do you think they would
say much beyond the words ouch Knowing for a
fact that they are dried grapes?
Can opinions be factual?
If all gods are the same, according to history,
then why do we all fight for which religion to
believe in is real?
If family members dont believe you are capable
of doing what you believe is your career, then
are they capable for the word supportive?
Do children not know what love is or do parents
not want to except the fact the children in fact
do love?
Questions come from the mind. In this case these
questions come from one who sits and thinks. The
study of Ashley Kiara Meyers mind. Also known as
Zoeyology.

7
I Wish

I wish I was a light bulb, then I would be
naturally bright.
I wish I was a fish because then I would have an
excuse for being stupid.
I wish I was a cat, then I could be wise.
I wish I didnt exists because then there
wouldnt exists the word naive.
I wish the sky wasnt blue and the grass wasnt
green.
I wish my eyes werent brown but a red to match
my angry.
I wish there was no such thing as a right or a
left sided brained person.
I wish time wasnt invented so that days would
just float by.
I wish I could sleep so I could stop getting so
restless.
I wish I had a twin so I could share my pain with
someone.
I wish I could express myself so I wouldnt feel
like a lame.
I wish people would stop telling me negative
things.
I wish people would stop telling me my name.
I wish I knew what my insides are feeling so I
could pour ALL of it out.
I wish this page was endless so maybe all my
sorrow will disappear.
I wish I lived in happiness and not drenched in
doubt.
I wish I knew the secrets of life.
I wish I could scream and run away.
I wish I annihilated her words and made tears
appear.

8
(No Transcript)
9
Zoeyology
The Study Of My Mind!!!!
10
If Im Such A Burden

It started in eighth grade when my body had grown
out of that ugly stage and into that Hey Im a
teenager but yet I want to look like a women
stage and my mother had already warned me that
she was going to lock me up .I didnt know she
meant it literally.
ummm, Regina just wait until you get to high
school. No boys will be over here no maam. My
Aunt told me. Of course I always took it
sarcastically. Never believing her thinking of a
non-realistic temperate sensitive girls life,
taking it that every time I was tripped, pinched,
poked, stabbed, laughed at, called a name or
commanded to do something by a male my age, that
meant the opposite sex couldnt stand me. Well
now I know I was wrong.
Now I am a freshman in high school and my Aunt
and my relationship changed so dramatically you
would think it was a script in a play. Also I am
so unused to being known by so many people it
changed my study habits .Not that they were so
wonderful in the first place.
My name is Regina Essence Meyer. Im a typical
tenth grade fifteen-year-old girl who loves to
seek attention. I sometimes seem to want to be
like everyone else but I have noticed I was put
here on this earth to be different. Im five feet
eight inches with a foot size of eight and a
half. My hair is short and choppy with a dark
almond brown color. I always thought my eyes were
regular brown just like every one else with the
same boring brown eyes. It appears that my eyes
are envied in some categories and in others
admired. I learned my eyes arent just brown they
are golden brown inspired with a hint of
personality. I dont know why? It must be a
natural occurrence. Many people see me as the out
going type. I may seem shy on the first meet, and
I am on situations like that, but I know that on
the inside I will grow up to be a strong black
woman who experienced many lessons.
I know someone who has a very big impact
on me, but in the suburban life I live I keep him
hidden like my own little secret. He is three
years older than me but I have known him, his
sisters, his mom ,and his best friend since I
was a toddler. It is funny how we put so much
commitment into getting someone or something and
once you get it in your hand someone else takes
it before you can grasp hold of it.
My grandmother came to visit me in Virginia one
weekend. She never stays long. And when I left
the dinner table on Saturday night to go take a
shower nana said to my Auntie quietly, You know
Gina is getting really close to that boy Derek
and I just dont want to see her get hurt. It
was my fault my mother was upset because I
decided not to speak to her about him. Who is
Derek ? my Aunt asked as clueless as a mouse
pulling the cheese of a mousetrap. Valerias
boy, that goes to my church. I can always feel
the tension between the two of them. It is a
shame Alisia . My Aunt finally figured out why I
loved to visit Suitland, Maryland.
The next night my nana was taken back home. And
my aunt asked me many questions.
How old is he? What is his Whole name? What
school does he attend? Does he have siblings?
Where is he from? Do you know his parents, where
is his daddy? When do you see him? Why didnt you
tell me about him? Does his mother like you? Do
you think he loves you?
And at the moment I didnt know that much about
him so the thirteen years meant nothing. I did
answer the questions as best as I could.
He is eighteen years old. I dont know his
middle name because he wont tell me for some
reason. He might go to Booghie High School, but I
think he attends Thomas Eddison. He has an older
sister named Kenisha and a twin named Shawnte. He
is from D.C. Auntie, Good Gracious! I dont know
his dad Auntie, and his mothers name is Valeria.
I never thought to ask if his mother liked me?
And of course he loves me, would I give the fool
the time of day if he didnt love me?
It was after that night when my Aunt was trying
so hard to get me to believe he didnt love me at
all. I knew better. Even though I knew he did
have it deep for me just as much as I did him,
how could I be sure if he lived forty-five
minutes away from him. Aunts always have a way to
make you feel like youre in an oxy- Moran stage.
Of course you dont want to believe he is having
sex with other girls in his school, neighborhood,
church, wherever, but you arent there and that
is what makes you think. That night I had the
most horrible dream that I went to his school to
show my friends he was the love of my life, but
when we got there he was kissing another girl. I
woke up at three fourteen in the morning crying.
What spell has my mother put on me? I never
thought of this shit before! now feeling guilty
by questioning someone you KNOW loves you. For
the rest of the next three months I had questions
constantly in my mind. When I called him I asked
him random things I began to think I was too
sensitive around him, too gushy around him and
sure did ask him too many freakn random
questions!!!

11
Mike and Ashley-After she Left us

Mike, make sure you watch your sister. She is
the baby girl dont forget that. Uncle Kevin
said as he watched all the kids open the doors
carelessly to his Expedition
I AM NOT A BABY! IM FIFTHTEEN YEARS OLD, JUS
CUZ WE IN SOUF EAS D.C. DON MEAN I WON BEAT DA
HELL OUT DEAZ NEGRAZ! Ashley stated offensively
.
Look little girl I told before we left V-A
that Washington D.C. aint how you remember it so
chill. I have had enough of you! What are you
going to do when someone puts a gun up to your
head huh? Trying to get rid of me now huh? Then
youll be looking for your big brother miss Im
so damned hard? Mike looked at Ashley Waiting
for a smart comment.
O lord, you two couldnt wait till I left to
start fighting? Uncle Kevin dramatically asked
as he rolled his eyes, then drove off leaving his
niece and nephew to face there own problems, as
they normally did.
Can you two please walk and talk, Ian, the
oldest cousin, said then looked around and
noticed Ashley wasnt there, Ashley?
Where the flip and toms did Ashley go? the
youngest cousin Karin asked trying not to sound
worried.
I know were she is. Mike said
As the cousins and there friend Quite walked into
Union Station Mike thought of all the times when
Ashley, there mother, and him used to go on there
own when they used to be too afraid to stay at
home. Ashley was three and Mike was five when
there father came in the house and tried to rape
there mother, kidnap them, and take everything or
what little they had left. He walked into the
Store and saw that Ashley still knew were her
mothers favorite perfume was. She just stood
there smelling it. Euphoria Calvin Klein. Mike
said to let his sister know that they found her.
Go away, you were so positive that I was trying
to get rid of you like you say mommy wanted to
get rid of us. You know that hurts me. Jus, jus
go away ! Ashley didnt look at him once,
crying already knowing if she does see her
brothers selfless face, shell give in and hug
him and say sorry like she always does. Your
mothers favorite smell in a jar wont bring her
back baby. Shes gone. She chose Jason and LJ
over us, Ashley interrupted No she didnt she
is visiting him and she is common's back to get
us. Thats what she said Mike, Thats What she
said, Mike grabbed her, turned her around and
looked her into her eyes. Ashley fought it for a
while tossing and turning her head so she didnt
look back, She was drunk, you were twelve look
at me and tell me you couldnt tell she was
drunk. He waited.
Look we came here to have a good time not to
make a lifetime movie. Can we please drop this
sub to the eject? Ashley come on I know you want
to see some boys, you ant in no mini skirt for
nothing Quita said trying to cheer Mike and
Ashley up.
Ashley tried to ignore Mike and squirm out of his
arm but he refused to let her go until she
admitted it. Why do you keep doing this to me?
She then smacked Mike on his shoulder.
Lets go get something to eat. I dont like how
these men are looking at us.Ian said quietly
I see two watching Ashley, two watching Mike,
and one in the back watching you Ian. Yeah, Its
time to go. Quita pointed out.
Freakn fruit cups! Kamrin yelled as he walked
out of El Perfume De Union Station.
As they all walked trying to make the mood happy
again Ashley thought she had just seen her
grandfather pass by. A normal height chubby old
man, gray hair with a bald spot on the top of his
head.Just what you would suspect a grandfather to
look like in a night time story. Mike looked down
and was happy to see his sister smiling but
aggravated because he didnt know why. There
grandfather never really cared about what people
said and always had time to listen to Ashleys
point of view. She thought of all the times she
could have been in trouble. But not once was she
ever just because he sat down and listened.
Papa! Papa! Im right here. Ashley
The man passed by again and this time Mike
noticed also.It is him. Ashley then left her
crowd.
Baby girl were are you going? Mike asked
keeping quiet about his grandfather. He knew why
he was there.
I know youve seen papa pass us three times
already. Im going to say hi even if you wont.
Ashley tried not to sound so unstable.

12
Continued

stood there and saw his smiling face turn very
stern. He gripped tighter onto his cane and then
said You can kill me but my grandchildren are in
here and if you hurt them I dont think you
understand the meaning of revenge.
Ashley stood there starring at the man looking at
her grandfather. Tall in a leather coat, jeans,
and had his dirty blonde hair in a pony tail. It
disrved the name dirty blonde She looked at the
riffle that everyone seemed to be stepping away
from. Mike looked at Ashley knowing she was going
to try and do something. She always saved someone
somehow, in his eyes and she was to blind to see
the beauty of it. Ashley then took her jacket
off. Ian and Kamrin saw the daggers on her back.
Mike didnt want her to do it but was too anxious
to call out her name. Mike began to run to his
sister and the tall man turned around to shoot at
him but Ashley had already pulled her first
dagger, aimed, and now it rests in the tall buff
mans arm. Mike stood still.
Son of aCrocky Shelia youve got a feisty one
fo(for) a granddaughter. What do ya call this
here knife? He looked at her with the most
perverted grin that made it seem like her stomach
was eating itself and wasnt going to stop.
A dagger. My name is Ashley and if you touch
anyone the next aim will be at your for- head and
trust me I wont miss. Ashley stuck her hip to
the side and put her hand on the next dagger.
Are you testing a professional Shelia? the
man asked pointing the gun once again at her
grandfather. The man if she could put before God
without offending him she would.
I wouldnt consider you a professional. You
dont have the mind frame. The mentality. Anyone
can grab a gun and point it to someones head.
Someone with an I.Q. of one can shoot someone. To
really go up to some and torture them, harass
them, abuse them, Ashley began to walk closer to
the man Does it sound familiar? Or are you just
a gunned professional?
Ashley waited for the answer as he gave her that
sick twisted smile again.
How bout this one Shelia, for an answer that
is.
The man looked at my grandfather and mouthed to
him, Im going to rape your granddaughter and
youll be dead. The man pulled the trigger
Ashleys body went numb along with her sixty-four
year old grandfather.
Mike looked at Ashley and tried to grab her but
she moved. She pulled the thinnest dagger out
and studied his frontalis.
Do it Ashley! he screamed to excite her, Dont
lose focus Her eyes began to burn and her heart
seemed too heavy.
Mike! Go to grandpa and hold him! DO IT RIGHT
NOW! Ashley Started to shake.
Ian and Kamrin pulled out there knives. Quita
stood there waiting for the cue. They stayed in
the back waiting just in case Ashley wasnt
ready.
The man grabbed Ashley, picked her up and placed
her on the balcony after he took her onto the
third floor. He then slipped his hand under her
spaghetti strapped shirt.
Ashley began to mouth something into the mans ear
Born to fight.. she began to tremble Trained
to Kill. She pushed his hand away. Ashley then
whispered in his ear, Ready to die.. he smiled
then put a knife up to her neck from his pocket
and
Ashleys last comment was, But never Will.
The Knife Ashley held in her hand slide across
the mans throat. He looked at her in amazement.
His death was fast and quiet. Ashley Just looked
at him for a moment at his throat and how the
body laid there. It was then she just to released
all the pain screamed.
Mike ran upstairs and saw what Ashley had done.
He picked her up and Brought her downstairs to
see her grandfather.
Happy birthday little Ashley. Her grandfather
choked out of his mouth.

13
Questions,Trials, and Tribulations

What if I told you that I was leaving? What if
it was last minute, and I tried to stay? Would
you still care for me the same way? What if I was
trembling and crying when I said I will miss
you? Would you think I was lying? What if the
only way I could explain was by saying it wasnt
your fault?Would you began to believe there was
nothing between us at all?What would be your
reply out of the two?I understand or Im used
to the pain?
God knows Im not used to it. I just want to
hold you and never let go. But Im having
trouble telling you, part of me is telling me you
wouldnt care. If I told you it be ten years
before I see you again? Would you think about
me, when someone says the nameAshley! Would
you look around just to make sure that they
werent talking about the one you used to love?
After 10 years pass would you still remember the
look you used to make towards me? What if there
was a rock on my ring finger and the tension
between us made us know you know we were meant to
be? What if the babies name was ????? but not
Jr.? What if he started abusing me? Would you
come and pick me up or would you just let me be?
This isnt just about me leaving, its about
what I want to be. Wanting to never leave you.
But this is all hypothetical of course. Would
you want to know or wait until 10 years to know?