Valley Creek Baptist Church Mens Retreat

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Valley Creek Baptist Church Mens Retreat

• CAMP WOHALETO
• TELEPHONE, TEXAS
• APRIL 30 MAY 1, 2004

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MENS RETREAT

• Take a few moments and reflect why you are here
  for a mens retreat?
• What do you expect to get out of this retreat?
• What is your definition of SUCCESS?
• What is your purpose and mission as a man?

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Why have a Mentoring Group (Mens Retreat)?

• How to be a successful person-what God
• wants me to be as a Person.
• a. Success in the Bible is wisdom.
• b. Wisdom is not an education or a
  knowledge of facts
• c. Wisdom is beginning to see life
• from Gods perspective. Its a view
• point of what God wants me to be.

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• How to be what God wants me to be as a Partner.
• How to be what God Wants me to be as a Parent.
• How to be what God wants me to be as a Christian,
  Pastor/Shepherd, and Servant-Leader.
• This retreat will seek to help you to be a
  successful Person, Partner, Parent, and Pastor
  (Shepherd/Servant-Leader)

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You As A Person

• 1. Acceptance 3 root problems-Have to be
  dealt with before acceptance can come.
• Most men have not learned to love properly
  because they have not learned to love themselves.
  A man is to love his wife as his own body, and a
  man is to love his neighbor as himself.

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• 2. Authority
• Your role of authority in your family and home.
• Most men have the opinion that to have authority
  is to be a dictator or a Master Sergeant. The
  Bible says, He that is greatest is servant of
  all
• How you can build in the eyes of your wife
  yourself as the authority in your home. When
  someone asks your wife who is the boss in your
  home, she will say proudly. My husband

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• 3. Responsibility
• How to be personally responsible for the
  atmosphere in your home.
• Society says that the wife is to initiate love in
  the home. But the Scripture says we (the church)
  loved Him ( the Lord) because He (the Lord) first
  loved us. The Bible also says that we are to
  love our wives as Christ first loved the church.
  Therefore if there is no love, forgiveness, etc.
  in your home, you are responsible!

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• 4. Ownership
• How to come to financial freedom. What is
  financial freedom?
• Financial bondage is not the lack of money, but
  the lack of contentment. Therefore, financial
  freedom is not a lot of money, but a lot of
  contentment. Thats why the Apostle could be
  content in any state in which he found himself.
  How you handle money will depend to a large
  extent how content you are.

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• In financial freedom there are three areas of
  concern
• 1. Freedom to receive - How to receive. The
  intake of money, how do you get money? Some men
  do not know how to get it so they rob a bank or
  cheat Uncle Sam on their income taxes. Gods
  means of obtaining money is different, we will
  talk about this.
• 2. Freedom in Giving - How to give. What God
  wants you to do in terms of giving. We will talk
  more about this when we get to Stewardship.

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• 5. Motivation How to motivate yourselfWhat
  you learn here goes on the rest of your life
• How to heal hurts.
• How to motivate yourself spiritually.
• How to right wrongs. How to seek forgiveness.

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• 6. Freedom
• How to be morally pure-Men are stimulated by
  sight and women are stimulated by touch.. Our
  culture today is filled with literature that
  stimulates men by the sight of scanty clad
  women. The trouble is the stimulation does not
  stop after the book has been read. Even Sports
  Illustrated can be detrimental.
• 1. How to overcome immoral thoughts.
• 2. How to deal with masturbation.
• As a result our sons and
  daughters will
• know what moral freedom is.

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• How to walk in the Spirit. This is where freedom
  is really at.
• Freedom is not only negatively putting
• off the old things life fornication,
• lasciviousness, etc., but it is
  putting on
• the Lord Jesus. As you have received
• the Lord Jesus so walk in Him.

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7. Growth ( A Continuing Process)

• How to discover and use your spiritual gifts.
• How to Pray
• How to Fast
• YOU AS A PARTNER - Has the same seven areas as
  you as a person has

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• 1. Acceptance
• No two people are alike.
• Husbands and wives are different from each
  other. We all have weaknesses and strengths.
  Acceptance in marriage is when we come to the
  understanding that God perfectly matches a man
  and a woman so that her strengths are needed in
  your life and your strengths are need in her
  life.

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• 2. Authority
• You are to be your wifes authority without
  lording it over her.
• For a man to assume authority in his family is
  the greatest protection that you can ever give to
  your children and wife.

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• 3. Responsibility
• In freeing your wifes spirit-(Sexual adjustment
  is not the answer to a successful marriage)
• 1. A wife cannot respond sexually unless she
  has a free spirit.
• 2. Sex in marriage is never a problem, but a
  symptom of a problem.. The problem is that the
  spirit of the marriage is not free.
• 3. A free spirit begins to show itself in the
  face of a woman. Bill Gothard A sad faced
  wife is a public rebuke to her husband and a
  radiant is a public testimony to her husband.

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• 4. Ownership
• How to determine the proper use of your money as
  far as your marriage is concerned.
• You need to relieve your wife from paying bills.
• Why? Because it puts pressure on a woman that
  God never created her for. It does not create a
  free spirit in your wife. Whereas there should
  be an accounting of what money is spent for and
  how much, actual bookkeeping is the
  responsibility of the husband.

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• 5. Motivation
• How to motivate your wife to change. You must
  understand that acceptance comes first. You do
  not get her to change by demanding that she
  change.

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• 6. Freedom (Sexual freedom and freedom within
  your marriage.)
• How to be free from wandering eyes.
• 1. When I am with a group of men I can tell
  you within 15 minutes which man has a good solid
  sex relationship with his wife. Its simply
  observing their reactions or the focus of their
  eyes on women.
• 2. One of the greatest gifts that youll ever
  give your wife is the confidence that your eyes
  dont wander.

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• 7. Growth
• How to turn your marriage into a sharing
  experience.
• How to develop an atmosphere at home that centers
  around a your relationship as husband and wife.
• How to grow an adult centered home.
• One of your problems that is that we are child
  centered, everything centers around kids.
• Dont project the idea that children are to be
  perfect.

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You as a Parent (or Grandparent)

• 1. Acceptance
• How to accept a child as a individual. Never
  treat your children as the same, simply because
  your children are not the same. Give them names
  with meaning because they have special
  personalities.
• Children reflect their names.

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• 2. Authority
• How to teach your children discipline.
• The real tragedy is that men have left the
  discipline to the wife. Also they think
  discipline is spanking, but discipline is a whole
  lot more.
• The first word any child should learn is NO.
  Why? Because the first thing that a child should
  learn spiritually is that God ahs put limits and
  they have by passed them. You are bringing your
  child to redemption when you teach them NO.
• Teach children by example as much as with words!

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• 3. Responsibility
• How to teach your child how to maintain a clear
  conscience.
• How to memorize Scripture.
• How to pray.
• How to fast.
• Faith and faithfulness

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• 4. Ownership
• How to teach your child the difference between
  needs and wants.
• Needs are those things God has already supplied.
  Wants are those things we are supposed to pray
  about. God provides according to His riches not
  out of His riches!
• Financial freedom will come only when we live on
  the basis of our needs!

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• 5. Motivation
• How to avoid the steps that lead to an immoral
  life.

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• 6. Freedom
• How to hate evil
• How to stand alone against the crowd and society.
  Teach your children how to say no and not
  violate authority. It is possible by paying the
  price of refusal
• How to develop dating relationships
• Example In the area of dating. Teach your sons
  and daughters how to take a stand with a ring and
  necklace

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• 7. Growth
• How to learn truth and consequently become
  wise.
• 1. What is wisdom Seeing life from Gods
• viewpoint.
• 2. Your children will never be wise unless
  they
• see wisdom in the life of their father.

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SESSION TWOWe must hear with the ears of our
spirit and see with the eyes of our spirit. The
opposite of faith is fear.
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Root Problems

• In every person there are three root
  problems. All sin comes from each of these root
  problems. Every person has one of these root
  problems. It must be known and dealt with before
  God can begin to use a person.
• Bitterness
• Moral Impurity
• Materialism

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Galatians 519 - 21

• Lust
• Stress
• Lying
• Gossip
• Fear
• Worry
• Anger
• Quarreling
• Hatred

• Pride
• Envy
• Jealously
• Idolatry
• Adultery
• Fornication
• Murders Strife
• Heresies

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God speaks to us in two ways

• Logos-His Word
• Rhema-His Spirit
• This two will never contradict one another.
• Many times we do not hear Gods voice because
  our spiritual ears are dull because of these
  three root problems.

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What is bitterness? (or resentment)

• It is poison to the system
• 1. affects inwardly
• 2. affects outwardly
• A personal right assumed
• 1. retaliation belongs to the Lord (vengeance
• is mine saith the Lord)
• It springs from a perspective that is confused.
  Confusion comes when we set our attention on the
  one that has done us wrong.

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When do I know that I am bitter?

• When I cannot thank God for whoever or whatever
  has hurt me.

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How can I come to the place where I can thank God
for the people and circumstances that have hurt
me?

• When I realize that God either caused or allowed
  the incident to happen.
• Thanking God for it-because I saw God in it.
• See what God is doing in me through the incident.
  God wants to produce Galatians 522-23 in me.
• Your spirit must be set free.

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• Apply The evidence that the Holy Spirit is in
  charge of you is not so much that you go when HE
  tells you to go, but that you stop when HE tells
  you to stop! We need to be still and know that
  He is God!
• His sheep hear His voice! A free spirit will
  recognize Gods voice!

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Moral Impurity-2nd root problemIt will
desynthesis your spirit and create all kinds of
fears about as quick as anything will. It will
create an unhealthy spirit of lust.
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What is moral impurity?

• Lasciviousness-tendency to excite lustful
  desires. Mark 722, Gal. 519
• Sensuality James 315, I Peter 21 Planned
  appeal to the physical (5 senses) instead of
  appealing to the Spirit. A preoccupation with
  sexual pleasure.
• Concupiscence- A strong or abnormal sexual
  appetite thats stronger than the spiritual
  appetite.

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• Fornication- I Cor. 618, Hebrews 1216 the
  voluntary sexual intercourse between an unmarried
  man or woman. This is premarital sex.
• Adultery The voluntary sexual intercourse
  between a married man or woman.
• Defrauding I Thess. 46, to arouse sexual
  desires in another person that cannot be
  righteously satisfied or fulfilled. Flirting or
  heavy petting are examples.

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What are the symptoms of Moral Impurity?

• Resistance to authority II Peter 2 9-10, Jude
  18
• An argumentative spirit Titus 3 9-11
• A scoffing at spiritual truths Jude 110
• Excessive religious activities-II Timothy 3 2-5
• Many people who are in moral bondage feel that
  the only way to break the bondage is to work for
  God!

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How to deal with Moral Impurity

• Incorrect way
• Incomplete repentance-being sorrowful over the
  consequences of sin and not the sin itself -
  Judas
• They will compensate in activities performed
  especially religious activities within the
  church, trying to make up to God for what has
  happened.

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• They become frustrated over concupiscence.
• They start redefining their moral convictions,
  because they feel the need to justify their
  behavior.
• They become argumentative over doctrines, instead
  of having the overwhelming compassion to build
  the word of God into their lives they have the
  desire to prove to somebody that this is what it
  means. But never really have the desire to apply
  the doctrine to their life.

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• Correct Way
• Make a decision to get right- Luke 15- the
  Prodigal Son is the best picture of repentance in
  Scripture! He came to himself. We need to come
  to ourselves!
• Acknowledge that your action was sin, both
  against God and against the person involved.
• Make it right at your own expense. (Moral
  impurity is not just in the physical sense, but
  anything that violates the law of God.)

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• Making it right involves
• You take all of the responsibility. Do not
  involve them in the sin at all.
• You tell them why you are making it right
• You ask their forgiveness and make complete
  restitution at you own expense.
• A failure to make right immoral activities leads
  to a major problem in marriages. Biblical
  premarital counseling can curb this problem.

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Six things happen when you make it right.

• You will confront the one you have sinned against
• You will plan what to say do not include the
  other person in the sin!
• Do not demand that they respond in a certain way.
• Do not witness to them. The witness borne will be
  your confession that God is working in your life.
  
• You take full responsibility for the sin.
• Find the right time and the right place. Ask
  guidance from God to bring it about. Confession
  is always with the circle of the offended!

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Steps to conquering moral impurity.

• Learn to hate evil. Learn to hate sin.
• 1. This means to minimize the benefits and
  maximize the consequences of sin.
• 2. Alter the patterns of actions as to not
  make provisions to the flesh.
• Find out where it happens the most.
• Find out what it stimulates the most.
• Genuinely repent of sin

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Materialism-3rd root problem (financial freedom)

• Financial bondage is not the lack of money but
  the lack of contentment.
• Financial freedom is not the possession of money
  but the possession of contentment.

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How to be contented?

• How can you be contented where you are in terms
  of possessions and finances?
• First you must learn to distinguish between needs
  and wants
• 1. God will supply all or our needs in Christ
• 2. Bondage to materialism develops because or
  our wants

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What is Financial Freedom?

• Freedom from debts
• 1. People are not free to uproot and follow God
  because of indebtedness
• 2. Churches are in bondage to debts

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• Freedom from past due bills
• Freedom from the love of money
• Freedom from business entanglements-and business
  deal that would violate Matthew 633
• Freedom from get rich programs
• Freedom from guilt of unfairness

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ThingsOne of the greatest testimonies
that you will ever bear in the world is for God
to miraculously provide for you. One of the
worst testimonies that you will ever bear is for
you to get messed up in your finances. If God
wants you to have anything he will provide it.
Whatever God orders, He pays for.

• THINGS

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3 Aspects of Financial Freedom

• In giving to God Malachi 310
• 1. Law giving is one tenth
• 2. Grace giving is one tenth plus-grace always
  exceeds the Law.

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• Freedom to give to other Christians
• Romans 14 says for us to give to the necessity
  of the saints!
• Freedom in giving to the poor Proverbs He that
  giveth to the poor lendeth to the Lord.

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Must be free in receiving

• Freedom from receiving from labor I Tim. 6
• Freedom in receiving by resourcefulness
• Not always buying the best and the newest
• Making do with what you have
• Must be freedom in praying Teach your kids to
  pray about their wants
• Must be free in decreasing bills When you
  decrease a bill it actually becomes income

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Must be free in spending

• Build sales resistance-any deal that takes our
  savings we will not get it. Never accept a deal
  without first praying about it. This will give
  opportunity to witness to sales people. Do not
  buy anything of any significant value without
  first praying about it.

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• Buy Value the best value is not always the
  cheapest, likewise the most expensive is not
  always the best or necessary. Never go to the
  grocery store hungry and always carry a
  calculator with you

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• Pay bills promptly
• Do not let your wife pay the bills-there is a
  binding in the spirit of a woman which cramps the
  spirit of your marriage.

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Whats is Gods part in your marriage?

• He gives you the ability to make money Deut.
  818, Proverbs 821
• Apart from the blessing of God, no one
  would have or be able to make money.

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What is Gods purpose in my finances?

• To provide my basic needs Matthew 6 31-33
• Food Clothing - Shelter
• To confirm His power Malachi 3 10-11
• God has the power to give and take
• To unite Christians II Cor. 8 14-15
• This is the reason for having freedom
• in giving to Christians.

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• To confirm direction
• If God wants us to go in a certain direction,
  first find out if it is affordable
• Lack of finances may lead to a lack of
  direction
• The Lord can confirm His direction through
  money

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Our Objectives in Finances

• Have no past due bills
• Have no pressure from increasing bills
• The principle of borrowing is to never owe more
  on an item than what it is worth! Purchase items
  for no interest.
• Relating Gods reputation to your expenditures
• Keep business in proper perspective
• Gods Kingdom is always first and business is
  second

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Procedures for getting out of debt

• With a definite act of commitment to transfer
  ownership of all property, time , possessions and
  money to God. If necessary get alone with God.
• Never have anything that you cant give away
• Transfer earning power to God When you
  totally trust God, He will be responsible to
  provide for you.
• To transfer ownership provides God the
  opportunities to provide necessities and
  extraordinary illustrations of His power

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• Establish the tithe as a weekly reminder that all
  belongs to God.
• Remember that if God doesnt get it the
  devourer will.
• Make it your life goal to creatively and
  tactfully present Jesus Christ and His way of
  Life
• This means that he will use your finances to
  perform that goal. You will seek to give to the
  work of the Kingdom, special projects and mission
  opportunities.

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• Get out of debt altogether.
• Get with your wife and list and evaluate all
  of your expenditures.
• Discontinue any service which is not
  essential and sell any item which is extravagant
  or of high depreciation.

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• Go on a cash basis tear up all credit cards
• See if you can do things for yourself, rather
  than hiring them done
• Dont expect a quick solution

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• Evaluate every expenditure on the basis of how it
  will affect or benefit the reputation and work of
  Jesus Christ.
• Give God the chance for the item before you buy
  it.
• Through prayer
• Through savings
• Supernaturally

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What About Savings?

• There is a danger of having a savings-It might
  move you away from trusting in the Lord.
• There is a need in having a savings-It builds a
  sense of security in your life.
• The Bible says more about money than heaven or
  hell! Money is not the root of all evil. The
  love of money is the root!

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SESSION THREEYou As A Person

• Acceptance of self You cannot love someone
  unless you first love yourself
• There is talk about hating self and becoming dead
  to self.
• Ephesians 5 also talks about man loving himself
  which is evidenced by him nourishing and
  cherishing himself, even as the Lord does the
  church.

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• In one sense self is used to represent the
  principle of sin.
• To the Greeks the body was evil. The Hebrews
  looked upon the body as not being evil
• In one sense, Ephesians 5, flesh means your body.
  Your wife has become one flesh with you. You are
  to look at her the same way you do your own body.

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• Flesh is also used to describe the human race.
  In Genesis the Bible says and all flesh died.
• The Scripture also refers to a earthly body and a
  heavenly body.
• Flesh in Ephesians 5 is talking about your body
  and it is not evil. Christians look to the body,
  soul and spirit as one which is the image of God
  in us. Therefore, it is good. Thus sex is good.

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• To understand what flesh means in the evil sense,
  drop the h and turn the word around backward
  and it spells self it is often called EGO!
• Therefore, acceptance is accepting things about
  yourself, the way they are.
• There are 4 things about yourself that no one
  asked you about and over which you have no
  control.
• Appearance, Ability (or lack of),
• Environment and Parents

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Problems can arise from all these areas

• You can resent your parents
• You can regret your appearance
• You can react to your abilities or lack of them.
  
• You can resent you environment

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Acceptance of yourself really means the
abilityto praise God for all of these
unchangeable things in your life. It is the
ability to say thank you for my appearance and
thank you for my abilities or the lack of them
and thank you for my environment If you cannot
THANK GOD there will be some tremendous problems
surface in your life
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• Your going to have a tremendous inability to
  trust God for anything.
• If I dont accept myself in this fashion, I will
  have a tendency to over compensate with my own
  children if I think I have been cheated in my
  past.
• The worst thing of all is that if you dont
  accept yourself in all of these areas, then you
  will develop an ungrateful spirit.

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Method of acceptance of self

• Realize that God is more interested in what you
  are on the inside than what you are on the
  outside.
• Recognize that God is building a message through
  you. It is to be like JESUS!
• Recognize that Gods reputation is at stake in
  your life. If what you are on the inside is not
  right, it is a reflection on Him.

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• Choose to thank God for every one of these
  unchangeable aspects of your life.
• If a physical deformity is correctable correct
  it, if not then praise God anyway.
• Glory in the things that cannot be changed

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Authority Your personal position within the home

• Headship-Man is head over the woman as Christ is
  head over the church.
• It is not dictatorship
• It is like the captain of a ship-You plot the
  course of the family as a captain plots the
  course of a ship.
• you steer the destination of your family into
  the direction which they are going!.

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What is headship?

• It is submission
• 1. To the Lordship of Christ-I Cor. 113
• 2. You are to be head because of who Jesus is to
  His Bride, the Church!
• 3. Women are not submitting to their husbands
  because their husbands are not submitting the
  Lord.
• 4. A wife is to submit herself graciously to the
  servant leadership of her husband even as the
  church willingly submits to the headship of
  Christ.

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Headship is Authority

• We are not to lord it over the family
• The authority is manifested in my being servant
  and submissive to your families needs
• Why have authority?
• Because everyone needs someone to look to
• It stops chaos and disorder
• Authority is in the family because the same
  structure is in Gods family
• God-under him Jesus-the Holy Spirit is under
  Jesus, therefore man in under Jesus, the wife
  under man, and the children under them. A
  husband and father has the God-given
  responsibility to provide for, protect, and to
  lead his family.

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Responsibility-Every man has a responsibility to
have a clear conscience

• What is a clear conscience?
• The ability to say that there is no one I have
  wronged that can point a finger at me and say,
  you havent made it right
• I Timothy 15 says that genuine love springs up
  out of a clear conscience and a faith that is not
  fake!
• You cannot properly love until you have a clear
  conscience!

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How to get a clear conscience

• Getting forgiveness
• Giving forgiveness

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• What it is to forgive another person
• It is not forgetting the sin. Jeremiah 3134
• It is making a commitment not to ever raise the
  issue ever again
• It is making a commitment not to hold over the
  head any issue
• It is making a commitment not to tell the issue
  to anyone else
• Not forgetting the sin is particularly true of
  the sex sin. Adultery does not constitute
  grounds for a divorce!

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Giving forgiveness is without limits -Luke 174

• Your forgiveness hinges on a mans testimony
  only. We must not test the sincerity of another
  person.
• The key is in verse 4- REPENTANCE is the
  testimony of a true Christians life. The
  willingness to repent is the true evidence of a
  believer.
• REPENTANCE is the first word of Jesus used
  after His baptism.

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• Real or genuine repentance involves
• Confession to God and others or the one sinned
  against.
• Forgiveness by God and others-giving forgiveness
• The establishment of a new relationship between
  the offended and the offender. This is what
  happens when God forgives us!

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• Ownership See the root problem of materialism.
• Motivation See the root problem of bitterness.
• Freedom (Of the mind)
• Our ultimate goal is to hear the voice of God.
• Gods ultimate goal is to make us like Jesus.

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• If God were to speak what function of your
  personality would hear Him speak? Through the
  spirit. Man has the capacity to communicate and
  the intellectual capacity like no other creature!
  Man is body. But man is also soul. Soul is
  actually mind, will and emotions.

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• You are uniquely different from animal life in
  that you have a spirit.
• Body relates you to the world.
• Soul relates you to self Intellectual, will,
  emotions
• Spirit relates you to God. Nothing besides man
  has it. It is innate within mankind to cry out
  to something beyond.

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• Your mind is the battleground for victory or
  defeat. Because whatever controls your mind
  controls you.
• When you trusted Jesus as your personal
  Savior, the Holy Spirit took up residence in your
  body, in you. He took control of your human
  spirit. Your body is the temple of the Holy
  Spirit.

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• Whatever controls your mind is going to control
  you.
• I have two cellars. In one I put canned goods,
  In the other I put garbage. Six months later I
  open them up. What do I get out of them. What I
  have put into them.
• GARBAGE IN, GARBAGE OUT
• LEMON/ORANGE JUICE

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• Application-You are going to get out of your mind
  whatever is really in it. The reason is that your
  mind is the only avenue that the devil has to
  use.
• The operation of the mind starts with a
  thought. It then moves to meditation. It then
  moves to the an act of the will. Then an
  emotional response. This will lead to a memory
  then to another thought and the vicious cycle is
  repeated.

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How does Freedom of the Mind come?

• By Faithfulness in the Word of God!
• Listen to it
• Study it
• Read it
• Memorize it
• Meditate on it

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Freedom of the Mind

• Fasting will synthesis the human spirit! This is
  why Jesus fasted for 40 days before the
  wilderness temptations. It will cause you to
  focus on God!
• Prayer the Bible says in Thessalonians to pray
  without ceasing. A continual state of prayer
  will cause temptations to flee.

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You As a Partner

• In Genesis 2 God said that it was not good for
  man to be alone. Therefore, we are to see our
  wife as Gods gift to us and perfectly suitable
  to me.
• Learn to be grateful for your wife even in her
  weaknesses!

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Gratitude

• Leave Means to abandon. This means as far as
  their relationship being the number one
  relationship in his life. This brings about
  security in your wife.
• The 3 basic needs in every woman are
• Security
• Intimate Communication
• Sincere Praise.

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• Cleave Means to adhere to or to stick like glue.
• Divorce will be no option. Because if you did
  find someone else, they would have some of the
  same problems as your other mate had.

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• Become To accomplish what you ought.
• One Flesh
• You can never become one with your wife until
  you first leave and cleave. To become one takes
  a lifetime.
• Your wife is exactly what you need in your
  marriage regardless of her weaknesses!

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Why develop this attitude of gratitude?

• It will free you from reacting to your wives
  weaknesses. As a result quarrels will diminish.
  Instead of reacting you will respond
• It will free you from reacting to your wifes
  strengths
• It will free your wife from having to perform a
  certain way to please you
• It will be the key to both the husband and wife
  changing.

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How to develop gratitude

• Get alone and make two columns on a piece of
  paper.
• In the left hand column list all her weaknesses.
• In the right column write all of her strengths
• Then get on your knees, look at the paper, and
  confess to God your wrong reactions to each
  weakness and to each strength.
• While still on your knees, thank God for each
  strength and each weakness in your wife.

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• Ask God to show you how he wants you to use those
  things you havent liked as a tool to change you
• Then take that piece of paper and tear it
  up.
• Then take another piece of paper and write a
  commitment to you wife.
• 1. Make a confession without condemnation.
  Confession means to agree with just as when we
  confess our sins we agree with God that we have
  sinned!
• 2. Make a resolution to totally accept her as
  herself
• 3. Then make a list of thanksgiving. Things
  you are grateful for in your wifes life.

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Goals Ephesians 5 26-27

• My goals for my marriage (my wife)
• To make her holy and mature
• To cleanse her through the Word
• To make her radiant in the eyes of others
• To remove emotional blemishes

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• Jesus Total submission to the Father
• Husband Total submission to God, He becomes
  Lord in your life.
• Application I become the best example of
  submission to my wife and my children. She
  observes this in your actions. You do not tell
  her this.

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• Jesus He showed His disciples He loved them by
  dying for them.
• Husband You must show your wife that you love
  her by living for her. To do this you must die
  to yourself.
• Application You become saved from
  self-centeredness which is the worst problem we
  face in our lives. Marriage is your redemption
  from self-centeredness

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• Jesus Jesus showed a profound understanding of
  His disciples. He knew Judas was a traitor and
  that Peter would betray Him
• Husband you are to have an understanding of your
  wife. I Peter 31 (READ), this is the purpose of
  this seminar.
• Application Be a student, learner and disciple
  of your wife.

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• Jesus He accepted responsibility for His
  disciples.
• Husband You are totally responsible for your
  marriage and home
• Application No love? I am the problem. No
  forgiveness? You are the problem. No peace?
  Youre the problem. Because the husband is the
  initiator. Christ loved the church and gave
  himself for us.

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Three guidelines to create an environment of love

• Build Security- Security for you wife is the
  knowledge of her knowing that she is first in
  your life.
• It is not a lot of money or clothes or a nice big
  house.
• It is knowing that no job or any other person
  including the children should ever come between
  you and your wife.

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• Build Communication
• Communication for a wife is on the level of the
  spirit (the inner person that she is). It is not
  sex.
• Therefore , you have to be free to open
  yourself.
• A wife needs intimate communication that is
  built by the husband.
• A wife responds physically to the degree that
  the husband is open in his spirit and
  communicates his weaknesses.
• INTIMATE COMMUNCATION IS MORE THAN SEX FOR A WOMAN

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• Build an atmosphere of praise You can never
  praise her unless you have developed an attitude
  of gratitude and intimate communication with her
• There is a difference between flattery and
  praise
• Flattery Commenting to her about something
  over which she has no control
• Genuine praise is commenting about those things
  over which she does have control

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7 Steps to achieve security, communication and
praise

• Remove areas of fear in your wife. (she has
  certain fears)
• In a very subtle way find out what her fears
  are and be creative in helping her to overcome
  her fears.
• Acquire insurance. The right or wrong of
  having insurance is determined by your motives.
• Establish and maintain a good, strong
  relationship with her family
• Encourage her to get training. To prepare for
  the future

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• Be creative in showing affection (aside from
  sex.) (in manners)
• Showing common courtesy. Open doors for her,
  seat her at the table, leave notes for her.

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• Be a one woman man
• Create the environment where your wife knows
  that you do no enjoy the company of insights of
  an abilities of another woman
• Be very careful about your eyes! Make a
  covenant with your eyes!

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• Delight in doing small things for your wife,
  especially in doing things around the house.
• It will show you love for her
• If you dont delight in doing the little things
  around the house for her, then what you are
  really saying is that what she does around the
  house in not important.

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• Provide times for intimate communication
• This takes planning
• How often? You and your wife need to work that
  out.
• Divert Daily, Withdraw Weekly, Abandon Annually
• Plan what to talk about
• Be free from distractions-go where no one knows
  you
• Intimate planned times like this should include
  prayer.

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• Value her opinions
• It is best to communicate with your wife,
  before making any major and even some minor
  decisions. Wait until you have talked to her.

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• Spend quality and creative time with the children
• This creates a free spirit in your wife,
  especially with physical touch and contact

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• ISAIAH 4031
• But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew
  their strength they shall mount up with wings as
  eagles they shall run and not be weary and they
  shall walk and not faint!
• E Encouraging men (ministers to be
• A accountable to each other to
• G Glorify God through spiritual
• L Leadership of their families and
• E Equipping of Saints

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• Thank You for coming!
• Go Shepherd Your Family!