Power in Intimate Relationships

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Power in Intimate Relationships

• Is the principle of least interest true?
• How is power communicated?
• Why do we have a need for power?

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• Historically, men have been the dominant partners
  in heterosexual relationships
• 95 of women and 87 of men in one study said
  they believed that partners should have equal say
  in the relationship (Hill et al., 1979)

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• But how does this equality work?
• Do partners make all decisions together?
• Does each partner make half of the decisions?
• Does it matter which decisions are more important
  than others?

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Power Social Exchange Theory

• Based on control of valuable resources
• Thus, one person controls resources, or may
  merely control access to the resources
• The partner must be interested in obtaining these
  resources
• Or must he/she?

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Dependency as power currency

• Law of personal exploitation the person who
  cares less has the power to exploit the person
  who cares more (Ross, 1921)
• Principle of least interest the person who
  cares less about continuing and maintaining the
  relationship has more power (Waller Hill, 1951)
• Supported empirically the person who was less
  emotionally involved had more power (Sprecher
  Felmlee, 1997)

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• The availability of alternative sources of
  desired resources influences power
• Thus, partners may try to influence the
  alternatives that are available to their partner
  or themselves

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Theories of societal power

• 1. Patriarchy - The husband is the authority
  regardless of his socioeconomic status
• 2. Modified Patriarchy - Upper classes have more
  egalitarian beliefs about power in the family
  (ex. Greece Yugoslavia)
• 3. Transitional Egalitarianism - Culture does
  not clearly dictate who should have power, and
  therefore power is based on possession of
  resources (ex. U.S.)
• 4. Egalitarianism - Equal sharing of power, so
  that it is not affected by socioeconomic
  resources (ex. Denmark Sweden)

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Types of power

• Thinking about power, what are some reasons why
  you might defer to someone else?
• That is, why might someone have power over you?
• Reward (rewards) they can do something you like
  for you, or take away something you dont like
• Coercive (punishments) they can do something
  you dont like to you, or take away something you
  like

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Types of power, cont.

• Legitimate (authority) you recognize their
  authority to tell you what to do
• Referent (respect/love) you identify with them
  and want to remain close to them
• Expert (expertise) they have the broad
  understanding you desire
• Informational (knowledge) they possess some
  specific knowledge you desire

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Power through speech

• In heterosexual interactions, men tend to
  interrupt women more than vice-versa (Zimmerman
  West, 1975)
• Men are more likely to dominate conversations of
  neutral and masculine topics
• Women are more dominant only when feminine topics
  are discussed

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• Men and women who speak tentatively are seen as
  less confident and less powerful (Carli, 1990)
• But only women are perceived as less competent
• Tentative female speakers were more influential
  with male listeners and liked more by them
• Female listeners liked the assertive sounding
  women more

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Nonverbal behavior

• Task style a rapid rate of speech, upright
  posture, moderately high eye contact, few vocal
  stumbles, and calm hand gestures
• This style was very influential in an experiment
  in which students were persuaded to change their
  meal plan
• However, when women used it on a male audience,
  it was less influential, and liked less

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• visual dominance looking directly at a person
  while you are talking to them and then looking
  away while you are listening
• Touch
• Men tend to touch women more than women touch men
  in public, non-intimate settings
• Display of higher status? Warmth and concern?
  Interest in sex?

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Styles of power

• Women may be more likely to use personal power
  (appeals to affection and sexuality) and
  manipulative power (appeals based on
  helplessness)
• Men may be more likely to use direct forms of
  power (coercion, authority) as well as power
  based on competence (expertise, information)
  (Johnson, 1976, 1978)

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• One study showed that wives complied with their
  husbands because of his superior knowledge and
  the fact that members of the same family should
  see eye to eye (referent)
• Most husbands cited only referent power as the
  reason for complying with wives

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• Falbo Peplau, 1980
• Direct (telling) vs. indirect styles (hinting)
• Bilateral (persuasion) vs. unilateral
  (withdrawing)
• Heterosexual males used direct and bilateral
  styles
• Styles associated with greater satisfaction
• Heterosexual females used indirect and unilateral
  styles
• Styles associated with greater dissatisfaction
• Homosexuals did not differ in their styles of
  power from heterosexuals
• Homosexual males did not differ from homosexual
  females

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Outcomes of power

• Research on power outcomes has typically focused
  on which person gets his or her way in decisions
  made by the family
• What are some problems with this?
• implementation power delegated power that is
  simply carried out
• orchestration power the who decides who
  decides
• Are the types and importance of the decisions
  important?

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• Unless these distinctions are made, studies may
  overestimate the amount of power wives have in
  their marriages
• Japanese-American wives in Hawaii (Johnson, 1975)
• Wives did not report husband dominance in a
  self-report questionnaire
• When interviewed, responses indicated a great
  deal of husband dominance it appears they had
  only delegated power and power in minor situations

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Measuring power

• Wives tend to report less power than they
  actually have in self-report measures
• It may be they are influence by social norms
• Potential powerlessness bias each person
  tends to overestimate their partners power while
  underestimating their own
• Observed in a laboratory, wives tend to have a
  lot more power than they self-report
• This may be because social norms are less obvious
• Or, it may be that husbands dont mind relegating
  power in pretend decisions

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Female dominance a taboo?

• Couples tend to be more comfortable when power is
  shifted in the male direction (Madden, 1987)
• People seem to prefer the roles of male initiator
  and female responder in heterosexual interactions
  (Poppen Segal, 1988)
• Men typically date shorter, younger women

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• Martial satisfaction research has indicated that
  couples are less satisfied in female-dominated
  relationships
• Experiment observing verbal interactions of
  partners
• 80 of couples in which the female interrupted
  more were broken up 5 years later
• Of those couples still together, those with a
  female who had interrupted more were less
  satisfied with the relationship

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• Why does there seem to be a general aversion to
  women having more power in heterosexual
  relationships?

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The need for power

• Veroff and Veroff, 1972
• People who are weak and insecure desire power to
  gain strength and security
• Gender differences
• For men, increasing their amount of education
  leads to a decreasing need for power
• For women, it leads to an increasing need for
  power
• Single women have the greatest need
• Violate cultural norm of marriage
• May feel handicapped in a mans world of higher
  education

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• Winter (1973)
• A high need for power for men was associated with
  low relationship satisfaction, low love for their
  partners, and a higher number of anticipated
  problems in the relationship
• Only associated with a higher number of
  anticipated problems, for women

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• Men with high needs for power as undergrads were
  significantly less likely to have wives with
  full-time careers economic exercise of power
• Men with high needs for power may inflict more
  physical abuse on their female partners
• Also predicts a great likelihood of drinking,
  drug use, aggression, and gambling
• Winter argues that these differences may be
  because of different socializations, that girls
  are socialized to be more responsible what do
  you think?

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Legally Blonde

• The clip (hopefully) illustrated what might be
  considered traditional or stereotypical male
  power a man breaks up with a woman, and she is
  compelled to do whatever it takes to get him
  back.
• Question Do you think that a man would be just
  as likely to react in the same way to such power
  exercised by a woman? Or would a man react
  differently?