The Problem of Helping Others

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Chapter 12

• The Problem of Helping Others
• Phillip Dunbar

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A Good Quote

• People cannot do everything they want to do for
  others.
• Counselors need to develop, for their own good,
  simple and reliable estimates of what they can
  accomplish in trying to help their clients.
• Eugene Kennedy

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Help Should Be Natural

• The content of work is supposed to be difficult
  and reserved for specialists
• The process, on the other hand, is something that
  everyone should know

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Question?

• Is it easier to say
• We couldnt get a program working on time
• I wasnt skilled enough as a leader to help
  Jack become a better programmer

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Lessons About Helping

• Wanting to help may be a noble motive but that
  doesnt make it any easier
• If people dont want your help, youll never
  succeed in helping them, no matter how smart or
  wonderful you are

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Lessons About Helping

• Effective help can only start with mutual
  agreement on a clear definition of the problem
• Always check whether they want your help

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Lessons About Helping

• Even when people agree that they want your help,
  that agreement is not usually a lifetime contract
• People who want to help other people generally
  want something for themselves, though they may
  not be aware of it

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Lessons About Helping

• Most people understand that helpers are selfish,
  but also think they are exceptions to the rule
• No matter how strange it may look, most people
  are actually trying to be helpful

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The Bible

• Do unto others as you would have others do unto
  you
• Love they neighbors as thyself
• Interpretation
• Offer to help your neighbor only if you would
  want to be helped in the same situation, and do
  it in the way you would want to be helped.

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Conclusion

• How do we want to be helped?
• Convince them that you care about them
• Dont fool yourself
• How you feel about yourself affects how you will
  react in difficult situations

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Questions?