Parenting Early Adolescents

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Chapter 10

• Parenting Early Adolescents
• Pages 355-375

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Parent- Child Relationships

• Young adolescents spend about ½ as much time with
  parents as they did in the elementary school
  years
• Parent-child Conflict
• Causes
• Different realities for children and parents
• Differences in the way children and parents view
  events and people

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Parent-Child Conflicts

• Causes of conflicts..
• Everyday, routine behaviors cause most conflicts
• Teens understand parents insistence on following
  conventions
• But do not agree with them
• Most conflicts end when teens give in to parents
  wishes

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Parent-Child Conflicts

• Mothers usually have more conflicts with teens
• When Dad is 3rd party, boys more respectful
• Dad-teen relationship more open when Mom is NOT
  present
• When parents insist on retaining power and dont
  share decision making with teens
• Teens become highly peer oriented

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Harmonious Parent-Child Relations

• Authoritative parenting style is best for teens
• Monitoring
• Parents are advised to know about teens
  activities and friends
• Trust and good communications is more important
  than surveillance and tracking

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Harmonious Relations

• Creating Mutually Responsive Dialogues
• Conversations and mutual problem solving is
  important
• Ways to talk with teens
• Listen more
• Ask open-ended questions
• Encourage teens to talk
• Avoid lecturing
• Willing to accept teens brief responses and wait
  for another time
• Continue being positive when teen is negative

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Harmonious Relations

• Promoting Ethnic Identity
• Serve as models and sources of information about
  ethnic cultures
• Methods listed in Table 10-1, page 360
• Research supports these strategies with African
  Americans
• Recognition of African American achievements
• Proactive ways of dealing with racism
• Responsibility to the community as a whole

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Harmonious Relations

• Taking Time
• It is important not to push children into growing
  up too fast
• Parents may pressure children to achieve and/or
  take on more responsibilities
• Young teens may like the greater freedom, but
  cant handle it yet

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Harmonious Relations

• Family Events
• Happy family times provide a well of good
  feelings
• These good feelings can help members through
  difficult times and conflicts
• Making time for family fun may decrease conflicts
  and arguments

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Relationships with Siblings

• Young teens have mixed feelings about siblings
• 97 of teens say they sometimes and usually do
  like their siblings
• They also rank siblings as one of their biggest
  problems
• More than parents or peers

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Relationships with Siblings

• Ways siblings upset each other
• 1.Invasion of privacy and space
• 2.Younger siblings get privileges older ones did
  not
• 3.Teasing
• 4.Resentment because parents favor another child
• Siblings can become close
• Relationships often improve as older sibling
  become more independent

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Peer Relationships

• Young teens have fewer friends than elementary
  school children
• Gain more support from these friendships
• Cliques
• Groups of 5 9 members who choose each other as
  friends
• Hang out together
• Girls talk and shop
• Boys contact sports

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Peer Relationships

• Purposes of group activities
• Provide sociability and sense of belonging
• Hanging out and talking
• Promote exploration of self and achievements
• Competitive games
• Give opportunities for learning and instruction
• Clubs or classes

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Peer Relationships

• Very young teens spend most of their time in
  same-sex groups
• This changes as teens grow older
• Young teens usually pick friends who are like
  them
• Peers become more influential
• Parents are still the main influence over major
  decisions about
• Life values
• Goals
• Future decisions

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Tasks and Concerns of Parents

• Listed on page 363 those specific to Early
  Adolescents
• Communicating information and values on important
  but difficult-to discuss topics
• Making time, being available for conversation
  when the child is ready to talk
• Giving children more decision-making power
• Providing support as children undergo many
  physical and social changes
• Sharing pleasurable time

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Communicating with the Noncommunicative

• 3 strategies to promote conversation
• Much like creating harmonious relations
• 1.Comment on nonverbal behavior
• Looks like you had a good day today.
• 2.Ask for comments
• Hows school going?
• If teen doesnt answer, wait for another time
• 3.Be a model for conversing
• Talk about your own day

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Communicating with the Noncommunicative

• Once teen begins to talk, parent can
• Listen
• Communicate their feeling
• Reflect the teens feelings
• DONT
• Force the teen to tell his///her feelings
• Give advice
• Rush to find the solution
• Hurry to answer questions

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Communicating with the Noncommunicative

• Techniques when teens talk about discouragement
  or frustration
• Show respect for the teens struggle
• That can be hard.
• Give information as options
• Sometimes it helps when
• Make sure the information does not sound like
  advice
• Focus on effort, improvement, and interest

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Communicating with the Noncommumicative

• Alternative to saying no
• Leave out the no just give information
• Id like to do that, but I have to get dinner
  and be at a meeting by 700.
• If you want that as a birthday present, that
  would be fine.
• Strategies foster selfesteem and autonomy by
  focusing on the positive things teens do

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Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills

• Problem-solving can help in
• Disagreements at home
• Relationships with peers and others
• Review steps of Problem-solving, p.366
• To solve problems, teens must
• 1.Understand others feeling and motivations
• 2.Generate new solutions
• 3.Anticipate the consequences of the solutions
• 4.Plan behaviors in advance to avoid potential
  problems
• Work on only 1 or 2 of these skills at a time

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Encouraging Problem-Solving..

• Parents should be supportive and not dictate
  solutions
• Ask questions to help them think
• Examples p. 366
• If the problem involves the parent, use I
  messages
• Give children the time to figure out problem if
  there is no safety issue involved

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Promoting Initiative

• Teens need to develop initiative
• the ability to be motivated from within to
  direct attention and effort toward a challenging
  goal
• Long-term structured voluntary activities provide
  activities that both interest and challenge teens
• Structured by adults who
• Provide encouragement
• Ask questions that prompt teens to think through
  the situation
• Organized and carried out by teens

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Promoting Positive Peer Relationships

• Peer acceptance involves
• Cognitive understanding of others and oneself
• Appropriate peer behavior
• Aggressive and inhibited teens may have problems
  with
• How they view people
• How they behave

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Promoting Positive Peer

• Part of the way to help
• Aggressive teens is to have them
• Examine the way they interpret others behavior
• Take a more friendly view of behavior
• Shy teens is to have them
• Review their positive qualities
• Find the contributions they can make to the
  social activity

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Promoting Positive Peer

• Zimbardos and Radls suggest helping children
  look as good as possible from their point of view
• Personal comment this would have to be done
  very carefully based on parents view of
  appropriate dress and other issues
• At home parents can do things that increase teens
  sense of security and self-worth

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Handling School Problems

• Experts are divided
• Give all the responsibility to the teen
• Ginott, Gordon, etc.
• Parents take an active role
• Behaviorists
• Research suggest that parents should take an
  active role
• Mutual problem-solving, I messages
• If these fail, can use rewards and punishments
• Table 10-2, page 370 has 10 steps

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Special Needs Teen Girls and Boys Have

• Girls
• May become focused on the needs, feelings and
  approval of other people
• Need
• to develop identities based on
• Talents and interests
• NOT appearance, popularity or sexuality
• Good habits for coping with stress
• Self-nurtutuing skills
• A sense of purpose and perspective

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Special Needs of Teen Girls

• Parents need to
• Listen
• Encourage
• Independent thought
• Rational decision-making skills
• Friendships with boys and girls
• A wide variety of activities that build skills
• Helping others
• Help separate thinking from feelings
• Use both in making decisions
• Manage pain in a positive way

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Special Needs of Teen Boys

• Pollack believes that boys are socialized to
  conform to the Boys Code which requires boys to
  
• 1.Be strong, tough, and independent no matter how
  they feel
• 2.Be aggressive, daring and energetic
• 3.Achieve status and power
• 4.Avoid the expression of tender feelings

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Special Needs of Teen Boys

• Pollack advises parents to
• 1.Become aware of signs that sons are hiding
  their feelings
• 2.Talk to sons about feelings and listen to them
• 3.Accept sons schedule for revealing feelings
• 4.Connect with sons through joint activities
• 5.Sharing their own growing-up experiences
• Parents need to
• Encourage girls to be more independent in
  thoughts and actions
• Stay more closely connected to sons

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Parents Experiences in Facing Transitions

• Some of early teens behaviors remind parents of
  the conflicts with toddlers and preschoolers
• Parents may react in ways they havent for quite
  some time
• Parents must readjust their images of themselves
  and their child
• Child may be physically and sexually mature
• Psychologically not mature
• Still need parents guidance

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..Experiences in..Transitions..

• Parents must be careful not to be overstrict or
  overcritize out of envy
• Galinskys Interdependent Stage
• Parents can be more separate from their children
• Available to help to grow
• Not stifle them