UNTOLD DAMAGE Children

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UNTOLD DAMAGEChildrens accounts of living with
harmful parental drinking

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• What children tell ChildLine about the impact of
  living with parental harmful drinking

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Physical abuse

• Dad was drinking last night. He came home and
  started an
• argument and tried to strangle me. Its happened
  before
• Dad batters her and hits mum about. Dad took
  mobile and
• raided her bedroom. Mum wears makeup to cover the
  bruises
• she has started doing the same. Police dont do
  anything about
• it mum denied abuse when police were involved.
  Dad smokes
• weed and comes home from work drunk.
• (case records)

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Sexual abuse

• I ran away an hour ago. Mum and dad had been
  drinking all night
• had friends over drinking as well. I was
  sleeping in my room.
• Dads friend took off my pjs. Im not sure what
  happened. My
• body is hurting down below.

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• Neglect
• I had a long call from a girl who was
  exhausted.. she
• was exclusively looking after her baby brother.
  The mother sleeps all
• day, goes out at night and she is left to look
  after the baby. She has
• to come home at lunchtime because the baby hasnt
  been moved,
• changed, anything. This child was quite angry,
  she said she doesnt
• care as long as she is drunk.
• (focus group)

6
Arguments and conflict
always shouting and swearing
constantly picking on me
thrown out of house after argument with mum
step-dad very aggressive screams and shouts
they come home drunk and smash up the house
he gets drunk and gets abusive
she starts shouting and crying
she gets on at me all the time
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Lack of parental attention and emotional care

• I had a call - a boy he said he had no
  relationship with his
• dad. My dad doesnt talk to me, I have to do
  everything on my
• own. He felt constantly isolated. His mum had
  died a year ago
• Half way through the call he started talking
  about his dads
• drinking saying his dad only talked to him when
  he had been
• drinking and it was to shout at me and blame me
  for something I
• havent done.
• (Focus Groups)

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Family separation and loss

• Male caller worried about his mum and dad.
  Parents have recently split
• up. Mum is now drinking heavily in the evening.
  (Case records)
• One call I took from a 12 year old girl who said
  her dad was great in the
• morning but by the time she got home he had been
  drinking all day. She
• kept saying what a great dad he was when he
  wasnt drinking and what a
• terrible time hed had since her mum died.
  (Focus Groups)

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Worry

• Im worried about dad drinking too much. I think
  he might die
  
• (case records)
• Caller worried about deteriorating mental health
  of her mother.
• Mother wont seek help and family seem unable to
  do anything.
• Mum also alcoholic. She and her brothers see
  father at
• weekend. Hes aware of situation but doesnt
  help.
• (case records)

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• Fear, anger, sadness
• Dad kicked her dog when he came home from the
  pub tonight. He's aggressive threatening when
  he's been drinking. . . . . Is constantly scared
  of her Dad.
• I dont really feel that happy. The problem is
  with my dad and a little bit with my mum. Theyve
  split up and they dont really get on that well.
  They fight a lot and dads got a problem with
  drinking.

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Self harm and suicide

• Because of abuse feels like ending her own life.
  Abuse was by
• her dad. Lives with mum and dad mum rarely
  there and always
• drunk (case records)
• Caller self harms has been doing it for a
  year. She cuts
• her arms and wears long sleeves to cover it up.
  She does it
• when shes angry when her mother gets drunk. Her
  
• mother hits her when she gets drunk. She feels
  crap and her
• mother blames her

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Problems with friends/ isolation and loneliness

• If her dad was drunk when she came home from
  school she
• wouldnt invite her friends because she was
  ashamed. And she
• couldnt go out because she didnt want to leave
  her dad with
• her wee sister because sometimes he gets in
  bad moods when
• hes been drinking.
• (Focus Groups)

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• Difficulties at school, bullying
• Mum and dad drink and fight caller helps look
  after her gran
• sometimes but worries that if shes not at home
  things will get
• out of hand. Gets headaches at school and has
  trouble
• concentrating. (case records)
• Girl in class calling her names like 'fat whore'.
  Hurts herself
• whenever girl calls her names by making herself
  throw up.
• Could not speak to mum because she has drinking
  problem.
• Dad rarely around.
• (case records)

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How children get by

• getting out of the way and staying away
• self harm
• talking to someone
• keeping secrets

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Keeping secrets

• I remember one call. . .. A girl whose mum was a
  professional
• person. . .a lawyer or doctor. They seemed a
  quite well off family
• and there was a real embarrassment about her mum
  (drinking) .
• And she was very clear that no-one should know.
• (focus groups)