Wild At Heart Chapter 4

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Wild At Heart Chapter 4

• The Wound
• Every boy in his journey to become a man, takes
  an arrow in the center of his heart, in the place
  of his strength. Because the wound is rarely
  discussed and even more rarely healed. Every man
  carries a wound.
• And the wound is nearly always given by his
  father.

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A Mans Deepest question. (60-61)

• Sams rock climbing story-61-62
• Male sport shop talk
• Its our way of affirming each other without
  looking like we are affirming. Men rarely praise
  each other directly.
• Its not a question, its the question- Do I have
  what it takes? Am I powerful?
• Until a man knows hes a man he will forever be
  trying to prove he is one

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Where does masculinity come from?

• Masculinity is bestowed
• A boy learns who he is and what hes got from a
  man, or the company of men.
• He cannot learn it from other boys
• The plan from the beginning of time was that his
  father would lay a foundation for a young boys
  heart, and pass on to him that essential
  knowledge and confidence in his strength

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• Dad would be the most important man in a boys
  life. He would answer his question and give him
  his name (blessing).
• Scriptural Fathers and sons
• Adam receives his name from God and is given the
  power of naming. He names all of creation.
• Abraham names Isaac Jacob and Esau crave Isaacs
  blessing
• Jesus is given His fathers blessing Luke 322

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• Rachel Ben-Oni- Jacob-Benjamin
• It is a critical move, when a boy draws his
  identity no longer from his mother, but from his
  father
• The father needs to actively intervene

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Mothers and Sons (63-64)

• For the first years the Mother is the center of
  the sons universe
• Mamas little sweetheart.
• A boy can not grow into manhood with a name like
  that.
• A boy will shift his gaze to the father and will
  want to wrestle, play catch, work in the garage.
  Dads return home is celebrated

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• Femininity can never bestow masculinity
• Sweet heart/Tiger which way will a boy head?
• Turns to Mother for comfort and Dad for
  adventure, to test his strength, answer his
  question
• John car story (64)
• If a mother will not allow her son to become
  dangerous, if she does not let the father take
  him away she will emasculate him.

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• A Perfect World story

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From Strength to Strength(66-68)

• Masculinity is an essence
• The traditional way of raising sons
• Johns fishing story
• The fish were never the important thing, it was
  the delight, the contact, the masculine presence
  being bestowed on me
• Men and their fathers
• What did your dad teach you?

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• In these stories, what is mostly passed on is the
  masculine blessing.
• Tribal cultures Fathers and sons
• Johns wrestling/bloody lip story (67)
• The ancient societies believed that a boy
  becomes a man only through ritual and effort-
  only through the active intervention of older
  men.
• A mothers involvement can be an integral part of
  this process.

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• The father is key to answering the question and
  bestowing masculinity on his son.
• That is why the deepest wound is almost always
  given by the father.

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The Father-wound (69-71)

• Daves Story 69
• Charles Story 69
• Depression story 70
• Craigs seagull story
• Violent fathers-Am I man?
• No you are a mamas boy, a faggot, a seagull.
  Defining sentences that shape a mans life.

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• One thing about assault wounds (verbal physical,
  or sexual abuse) they are obvious.
• Passive wounds are not, they are subtle, they
  often go unrecognized as wounds and therefore are
  actualy more difficult to heal.
• Johns father-wound
• Not receiving a blessing from your father is a
  wound

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• Not seeing your father when you are young, never
  being with your father, a remote father, an
  absent father, a workaholic father is a wound
• Alexs father 71
• Stuarts father
• Divorce or abandonment is a wound that lingers
  because the boy (or girl) believes if they had
  done things better, Daddy would have stayed.

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• Silent Fathers wound their sons
• The silence is deafening
• Silent father provide a wound that no one could
  see or understand
• Do I have what it takes? Am I a man Daddy?
• Silent fathers silence I dont know, I doubt it,
  youll have to find out for yourself, probably
  not.

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The Wounds effect 72-75

• Every man carries a wound
• Every wound whether its assaultive or passive,
  delivers a message. The message feels final and
  true, absolutely true because it is delivered
  with such force.
• Johns reaction to his wound 72
• Becoming a Christian doesnt necessarily fix
  things. My arrows were still lodged deep and
  refused to allow some angry wounds inside to
  heal Brent Curtis

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• The driven man 72-73
• The casualties of a driven man and its effect on
  others
• Stans story 73
• The two basic reactions to a mans wound
• They either overcompensate for it and become
  driven (violent) men
• Or they shrink back and go passive (retreating
  men).
• Often its an odd mixture of both. College age man
  with goatee and backwards baseball hat

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• Alexs story continued 74
• Charles story continued 74
• Daves story continued
• Stuarts story continued
• The wound comes, and with it is a message. From
  that place aboy makes a vow, chooses a way of
  life that gives rise to the false self (poser)
• Next time more on what happens to a man after the
  wound is given
• Chapter 5 -The battle for a mans heart