Authentic Relationships

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Authentic Relationships
Chapter 4
Adapted from

• discover the lost art of One Anothering

By Wayne Jacobsen and Clay Jacobsen
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Part 1- Starting InsideChapter 4 - Its Not All
about You

• NIV Romans 1210a Be devoted to one another in
  brotherly love.

NIV Romans 1210b Honor one another above
yourselves. Selfishness is not living as one
wishes to live, it is asking others to live as
one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde
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Chapter 4 - Its Not All about You (cont.)

• Like a spinning merry-go-round on the playground,
  a self focused life will unwittingly push others
  away

• If we are going to participate in the joy of one
  anothering, we need to let Jesus rewire our
  thinking so that we are even more aware of others
  than we are of ourselves

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Not Here for Me

• If anyone has ever deserved to be the center of
  attention and to demand others serve his needs,
  it was Jesus

• He created the world, gave life to His disciples,
  chose them out of the world, and soon would be
  executed for their redemption
• He had the right to demand their service
• But He did not!

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Not Here for Me (cont.)

• NKJ Mark 1045 "For even the Son of Man did not
  come to be served deaconed, but to serve be a
  deacon, and to give His life a ransom for many."

• Jesus had just told His disciples that He was
  going to Jerusalem to be beaten and crucified
• However, the disciples were too busy thinking
  about themselves to understand what Jesus said
• James and John were busy asking for the best
  seats in the Kingdom
• The other disciples were just mad because James
  and John had asked first

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Not Here for Me (cont.)

• Most people treat others as their servants,
  trying to get out of them whatever they need to
  be happy

• We naturally focused on our needs and desires,
  trying to maximize gain or minimize pain
• As a consequence, our selfish actions and defense
  mechanisms kick in with hardly any forethought
• We struggle to satisfy self, which is our
  greatest tyranny
• Instead of relaxing in the moment, we constantly
  have to manipulate it
• We use people instead of loving them

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Not Here for Me (cont.)

• If Jesus, the one that had the right to demand
  that kind of attention, refused it in order to
  give His life away to others, what more do we
  need to know?

• Jesus wanted His followers to understand that
  just the opposite was true in His Kingdom
• He had not come to make people meet His needs but
  to be available to touch their needs
• This is a secret to the fulfilled and fruitful
  life in Christ!

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Not Here for Me (cont.)

• However, changing the focus from ourselves to
  others does not happen just by choice

• Trying to put everyone elses needs above our own
  will wear us out and we will revert back to
  looking out for ourselves
• A life lived in love will only work out of a
  growing trust in God to provide for us and show
  us how to love people He has put near us
• Again, we must not love others trying to please
  God (dead work) but rather love others knowing
  that God is already pleased with us in Christ
  (good work). Not to please but rather bring
  pleasure

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Not Here for Me (cont.)

• The key is living our lives with only one motive
  - to bring honor to Jesus Christ our Lord

• This can not be done in our ability
• This can be done by ensuring that everything we
  do, including all prayer requests to our Heavenly
  Father, have the motive of honoring Christ Jesus
  our Lord and Savior
• Realize the Holy Spirits primary mission to the
  church is to bring honor to Jesus
• The Holy Spirit mainly honors Jesus by revealing
  Him in and through us!

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Not Here for Me (cont.)

• NKJ 2 Corinthians 318 But we all, with unveiled
  face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the
  Lord, are being transformed into the same image
  from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the
  Lord.

• NKJ John 1426 "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit,
  whom the Father will send in My name, He will
  teach you all things, and bring to your
  remembrance all things that I said to you.
• NKJ John 1613 "However, when He, the Spirit of
  truth, has come, He will guide you into all
  truth for He will not speak on His own
  authority, but whatever He hears He will speak
  and He will tell you things to come.
• NKJ 1 John 227 But the anointing which you have
  received from Him abides in you, and you do not
  need that anyone teach you but as the same
  anointing teaches you concerning all things, and
  is true, and is not a lie, and just as it has
  taught you, you will abide in Him.
• NKJ Luke 1211 "Now when they bring you to the
  synagogues and magistrates and authorities, do
  not worry about how or what you should answer, or
  what you should say. 12 "For the Holy Spirit will
  teach you in that very hour what you ought to
  say."

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Not Here for Me (cont.)

• Honoring Jesus glorifies our Heavenly Father!

• Jesus spoke these words, lifted up His eyes to
  heaven, and said "Father, the hour has come.
  Glorify Your Son, that Your Son also may glorify
  You, NKJ John 171
• Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever
  you do, do all to the glory of God. NKJ 1
  Corinthians 1031
• And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in
  the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God
  the Father through Him.
• NKJ Colossians 317
• And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the
  Lord and not to men,
• NKJ Colossians 323
• But we have this treasure in earthen vessels,
  that the excellence of the power may be of God
  and not of us.
• NKJ 2 Corinthians 47
• "Let your light so shine before men, that they
  may see your good works and glorify your Father
  in heaven. NKJ Matthew 516

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Whos Got My Back

• The best moments in marriage do not come when
  each partner is looking out for his or her own
  rights

• They come when each partner looks after the
  interests of the other
• Instead of each having to manipulate the other to
  be fulfilled, each looks out for the others
  needs and desires
• However, we will never spin free of orbiting
  around our concerns in our own ability
• We must allow God to take care of them

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Whos Got My Back (cont.)

• Jesus could go through life responding to others
  around Him because he trusted that God would look
  after His needs

• He did not have to walk into circumstances
  protecting Himself or trying to get His way
• He knew His Heavenly Father would provide
  everything He needed

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Whos Got My Back (cont.)

• NKJ Matthew 624 " No one can serve two masters
  for either he will hate the one and love the
  other, or else he will be loyal to the one and
  despise the other. You cannot serve God and
  mammon.

25 " Therefore I say to you, do not worry about
your life, what you will eat or what you will
drink nor about your body, what you will put on.
Is not life more than food and the body more than
clothing? 26 "Look at the birds of the air, for
they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns
yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not
of more value than they? 27 "Which of you by
worrying can add one cubit to his stature? 28
"So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the
lilies of the field, how they grow they neither
toil nor spin 29 "and yet I say to you that
even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed
like one of these.
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Whos Got My Back (cont.)
630 "Now if God so clothes the grass of the
field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown
into the oven, will He not much more clothe you,
O you of little faith?
31 "Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall
we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall
we wear?' 32 "For after all these things the
Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows
that you need all these things. 33 "But seek
first the kingdom of God and His righteousness,
and all these things shall be added to you. 34
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for
tomorrow will worry about its own things.
Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
NKJ Philippians 46 Be anxious for nothing, but
in everything by prayer and supplication, with
thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to
God 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all
understanding, will guard your hearts and minds
through Christ Jesus.
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Whos Got My Back (cont.)

• True freedom comes when we know that our whole
  life is in Gods hands and that He will provide
  everything we need

• We no longer have to fight for things at someone
  elses expense
• We can then be relaxed enough to do the things
  that bless someone else

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The Ruse of Expectations

• Jesus could have been devastated by the fact
  that, in the face of death, the disciples cared
  only about their positions in His future Kingdom

• He was not because he knew selfishness dominates
  most human relationships and was past their
  failures before they were
• Nothing Jesus friends did seemed to bother Him
• Martha thought kitchen chores more important than
  conversing with him
• Peter vehemently denied Him three times at the
  trial
• Thomas doubted His resurrection

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The Ruse of Expectations (cont.)

• Jesus did not lace His relationships with
  expectations and He refused to be trapped when
  others sought to put their expectations on Him

• He did not tell people all they wanted to know
• He did not heal people just to prove His power
• Many misunderstood Him, others were angry
• Yet He just kept loving them as they were, gently
  pointing them to the truth and letting them
  decide whether it was worth it to come and
  follow Him
• He refused to manipulate people even for their
  own good and was not crushed when they turned on
  Him

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The Ruse of Expectations (cont.)

• Expectations are resentments waiting to happen

• We sabotage many of our relationships by imposing
  expectations on others or trying to meet theirs
• It can not be done!
• People who live with expectations will never be
  satisfied
• We still love those who impose their expectations
  on us
• However, we will have to find peace knowing that
  we may never be able to love them their way

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The Ruse of Expectations (cont.)

• Disappointments are the surest test that we are
  captive to expectations

• Have you found yourself saying
• If they loved me, they wouldnt (or would) have
• After all I have done for them, you would think
• These are signs that we have fallen into a trap
  from which there is only one escape
• Instead of letting your disappointment rage at
  whoever has not done what you thought he or she
  should
• Ask Jesus to help you trust Him to bring whoever
  or whatever you need into your life without
  demanding that it come your way

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The Ruse of Expectations (cont.)

• Having expectations is not wrong just misplaced
  if they are applied to people

• Our expectations should only be for God to be
  true to His Word
• Only God does not change!
• NKJ Malachi 36a "For I am the LORD, I do not
  change
• NKJ Hebrews 138 Jesus Christ is the same
  yesterday, today, and forever.
• Therefore, only God will not disappoint us

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Be Devoted to One Another

• NIV Romans 1210a Be devoted to one another in
  brotherly love.

• Not committed to one another but rather devoted
  to one another
• When we substitute commitment for affection, we
  mistake the shadow for reality
• As we experience Gods affection for us, we will
  find ourselves having affection in our hearts for
  others - we become devoted to them!
• Ask Jesus to help you trust Him to bring whoever
  or whatever you need into your life without
  demanding that it come your way

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Be Devoted to One Another (cont.)

• NKJ Romans 138 Owe no one anything except to
  love one another, for he who loves another has
  fulfilled the law.

• If we learn to love one another, we will need
  nothing more
• We will not need commitment, we will not fall
  victim to expectations, and will not be
  disappointed when other do not do for us what has
  been done for them
• Remember, Gods love demands nothing in return

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Be Devoted to One Another (cont.)

• For every 30 to 40 people we love like this 1 or
  2 just might respond with similar concern for us

• These are the ones with whom we will get to
  experience a depth of spiritual community that is
  unrivaled by anything else in this world
• This is the basis of our mens accountability
  groups
• Our Mens small groups provide a Bible centered
  laboratory where men learn how to apply the
  principles of the Christian faith to everyday life

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Honor One Another above Yourselves

• NIV Romans 1210b Honor one another above
  yourselves.

• Honoring others above ourselves simply means to
  put their needs above our own and to watch out
  for their wellbeing
• The stronger we are in our faith, the freer we
  will be to defer to the needs of the weaker
• Not demanding what we want but rather being ready
  to help others get what they need is the essence
  of genuine church life
• We should come to church to be a blessing!

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Honor One Another above Yourselves (cont.)

• However, we have been schooled as consumers in
  church, finding fellowship where our needs are met

• Where we get fed, have the worship experience we
  prefer, unload our guilt, have our children
  disciplined, and maybe even gather some business
  contacts
• Consumers will never discover the joy of
  Christian community
• Orbiting around our needs causes us to miss the
  freedom of preferring others

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Honor One Another above Yourselves (cont.)

• Consumers will never know the joy of

• taking the last place in line at a potluck
• helping make sure every mess is cleaned up before
  they leave
• caring more about how someone heard it than how
  we said it
• giving up a personal want for someone elses need

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Honor One Another above Yourselves (cont.)

• Can you image how a group of people who honor
  others above themselves would make Gods love
  known in a self-preferring world?

• It can happen so simply
• When God has so satisfied you that you can trust
  him to fulfill every hunger in your life, you are
  ready to experience the depths of one anothering!

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Honor One Another above Yourselves (cont.)

• Oh so you been overlooked?

They have placed someone else before you? They
have whispered that you are pretty small stuff
after all? And now you feel hurt because the
world is saying about you the very things you
have been saying about yourself? Only yesterday
you were telling God that you were nothing, a
mere worm of the dust Where is your consistency?
Come on, humble yourself and cease to care what
men think Excerpted from The Pursuit of God by
A.W. Tozer
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Cat and Dog TheologyGenesis Chapter 1

• Why are most Christians bored?

• They view the Bible from a people-centered view
  of the Scriptures
• Most dont get excited until Genesis 3, then they
  have something to live forsaving the lost world!
• They have nonverbally communicated to themselves
  and God that the Bible is all about people

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Genesis Chapter 1

• Two views on the main character of the Bible

• God is the main character of the Bible and lives
  to radiate His glory therefore, God lives for
  God
• Humanity is the main character of the Bible and
  God lives to provide for us therefore, God lives
  for humanity
• The average true believer says the Bible is all
  about God, but lives as if humanity is
• Consequently, humanity often replaces God as the
  main character of the Bible

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Genesis Chapter 1 (cont.)

• Lets look at two examples

• First example What did God get out of Jesus
  death?
• Most Christians want to say He got us but that
  is jumping straight back into a people-centered
  perspective!
• He also received glory, honor, praise, adoration
  and obedience. Most Christians overlook this

• Second example Why dont you want others to go
  to hell?
• Most people dont want others to go to hell
  because theyll suffer (back to a people centered
  perspective)
• David talks about the praise God wouldnt receive
• NKJ Psalm 309 "What profit is there in my blood,
  When I go down to the pit? Will the dust praise
  You? Will it declare Your truth?

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Cat and Dog Theology

• These two views on the Bibles main character
  have birthed two types of Christianity. These
  two differences are seen in the different
  attitudes between a dog and a cat

• A dog says You pet me, you feed me, you
• shelter me, you love me, You must be God.
• A cat says You pet me, you feed me, you
• shelter me, you love me, I must be God.
• Its very hard to differentiate between a Dog and
  a Cat in church. They both look and act
  Christian but there is a huge difference in
  their heart attitude

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Getting to Heaven

• Cats have a tendency to walk away from hell.
  Their sole focus is on themselves.

• Dogs walk toward heaven having fallen in love
  with God
• Many Christians today are joyless simply because
  they are still focused on themselves and are
  walking away from hell
• NKJ Matthew 1344 " Again, the kingdom of heaven
  is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man
  found and hid and for joy over it he goes and
  sells all that he has and buys that field.

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Guarantee of Salvation

• Cats are sure they are Christians because they
  prayed a prayer some time in their lives.

• Dogs are sure they are Christians because they
  hunger for God in their lives. This is how they
  know they are believers whether or not they
  prayed a prayer at some time in their lives

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Obedience School

• Both Cats and Dogs want obedience in their lives.
  Dogs want to obey God. Cats want God to obey them

• You usually see this reflected in the motive for
  their prayer requests
• Cats pray for a more Christ-like spouse in order
  to have a better quality of life for themselves
  and children
• Dogs pray for a more Christ-like spouse in order
  for the name of Jesus to no longer be reproached
  by their poor behavior

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Quiet Times

• Both Cats and Dogs have quiet times

• Dogs focus on Gods glory (they think, How is
  Gods reputation being affected by my life?)
• Cats focus on themselves (how can they better
  their life?)

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Prayer

• Dogs pray to establish Gods kingdom.

• Cats pray to establish their own kingdom

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Blessing and Responsibilities

• Cats want all the blessings and none of the
  responsibilities

• As a result, two major problems arise in Cat
  Theology
• An incomplete gospel comes about, and
• Cats have mixed-up priorities

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Incomplete Gospel

• Over time, Cat Theology develops into an
  incomplete gospel

• Cats are saved from hell and it stops there
• This is not incorrect, but it is incomplete
• Dogs are saved from hell, FOR WORSHIP

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In Our Prayers

• Praying Father, thank you for dying on the cross
  for our sins is not incorrect, but it is
  incomplete

• He died on the cross for our sins SO THAT we
  might point to God and glorify Him

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In Our Blessings

• Cats focus on gathering all of Gods blessings
  with a bucket. And once they have them, they keep
  them

• Dogs gather as many blessings as they can from
  God and pass them on to others. They know that
  the blessings are meant to go through them to
  others

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Mixed up PrioritiesBlessings and Glory

• Both Cats and Dogs want to see God glorified and
  want to be blessed by God

• Dogs hunger more for Gods glory
• Whereas Cats hunger more for the blessings

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Worship

• Dogs worship God primarily for who He is

• Cats worship God primarily for what Hes done for
  them

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Tessara

• Why all these differences? Dogs study Theology
  while Cats study MEology.

• Dogs see Gods glory like a stained glass window.
  Each piece of glass is called a tessera.
• Each tessera uniquely displays Gods glory, such
  as the animal kingdom, the family unit, taste,
  the stars.
• Glory is any revelation or expression of His
  excellency in His presence, creativity and/or
  character
• One way God chooses to reveal His glory is
  through blessing us!

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Satans Strategy

• Satan doesnt want Christians to focus on Gods
  glory.

• His strategy is to get humanity to focus in on
  something safe and close to Gods heart so
  their focus is off of Gods glory
• As a result, we begin to think that life is all
  about us. Because of this, we make a foundational
  shift in our theology
• Our focus goes off of God glorifying Himself
  through blessing us
• Our focus is on receiving the blessings from God,
  and we become primary Gods glory becomes
  secondary

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Cats are Livingfor Themselves

• Cats are basically living for themselves in a
  Christian context

• Theyve rejected other ways of life and have
  chosen Christianity as the best way to live for
  themselves
• Therefore, Life is still all about them

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WDGG

• Dogs ask one key question as they go through
  life
• What Does God Get?

• As a result, they realize that life is for God,
  it is not for us
• They see the joy God had in Genesis 1 while He
  was creating!

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A Prayer of Repentance

• Heavenly Father please forgive us
• For thinking life was about us and not You
• For advancing our kingdom and not Yours
• For seeking Your blessings more than You
• For an incomplete Christianity
• For mixed-up priorities
• For living for ourselves in a Christian context
• For not seeing Your glory all around us
• We repent. Fill us again with your Holy Spirit
  that we might live to make You famous

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One Anothering
Loving one another (John 1334) Forgiving one
another (Ephesians 432) Accepting one another
(Romans 157) Bearing with one another (Ephesians
42) Being devoted to one another (Romans
1210) Honoring one another above ourselves
(Romans 1210) Greeting one another (2
Corinthians 1312) Being hospitable to one
another (1Peter 49) Being kind and compassionate
to one another (Eph. 432) Sharing with one
another (Hebrews 1316)
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Homework

• Read Part 2, Chapters 5 6
• Initial contact
• Sharing Gods Kindness
• Meet next week Wednesday at 600 PM in Room A124
• Visit this link and read more about Cat and Dog
  Theology
• http//unveilinglory.gospelcom.net/Home.html
• Pray the Word Daily

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Pray the Word (Philippians 19-11)

• I pray that our love may abound still more and
  more in knowledge and all discernment, that we
  may approve the things that are excellent, that
  we may be sincere and without offense till the
  day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of
  righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the
  glory and praise of God.

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Discussion Questions

• Turn to page 54