The Social Construction of Intimacy

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The Social Construction of Intimacy
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Applying a Structural Approach Requires the
Acceptance of Certain Fundamental Assumptions

• 1) Intimacy is experienced at the micro level,
  yet it is shaped and given meaning by macro level
  forces.
• 2) Human sexuality is not simply a biological
  drive but is socially constructed within
  particular sociohistorical conditions and
  sanctioned by social institutions
• 3) Although social forces influence sexuality
  and love, people can take deliberate actions to
  create rewarding relationships.

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Gender Roles and Dating Styles

• Traditional dating roles remain salient despite
  social changes.
• What are traditional dating roles?
• How are relations of power and privilege manifest
  in dating interactions?

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How Do Dating Relations Vary By

• Class
• Race

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Inter-racial Relationships- 1997 Gallup Poll of
Teens 15-19
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Mate Selection

• The study of mate selection, or who marries whom,
  is called assortive mating.
• In the U.S., traditionally mate choice has tended
  to remain within class, race, ethnic and
  religious groups. This is referred to as
  homogamy.
• How is this changing? In what ways is it not?

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How Do Traditional Gender Expectations Play a
Role in Mate Selection?

• If pairing were random, the woman would be taller
  than the man in one out of six couples, but such
  couples are much rarer.
• Similarly, more couples than expected would have
  a weight gap between the male and female
  exceeding the average if the pairing were random.
• Men marry younger women. Among first marriages,
  the gap is more than 2 years 2 years, for
  divorced men it is 4.5 years.
• Women tend to marry men who are better educated.
  With few exceptions, men make more money than
  their wives.

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Roles and Power in Relationships

• 4 Ideal Types (McCarthy) of Couples
• 1) Complementary Couples
• 2) Conflict Minimizing
• 3) Best Friend Couples
• 4) Emotionally Expressive Couples

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1) Complementary Couples

• Maintain a balance between autonomy and
  coupleness.
• Desire is promoted by validating relationship.
• They run the risk of falling into trap of routine
  and mechanical sex. (Over time the couple looks
  back on romance, but now sex is just one more
  thing to get done.
• Often managing sex becomes one partners role.
  If it is the males and he experiences erectile
  disfunction as he ages- the sex life may decline
  significantly.

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2) Conflict Minimizing

• Are the most stable marriages. Rules are easily
  understood and implemented.
• They tend to be organized around traditional
  male-female roles. -emphasis is stability,
  family, religion
• The Husband initiates sex and sets style.
• Tend to value security over intimacy and family
  over singleness
• Sexuality tends to be undervalued, and
  mechanical. Dysfunction and inhibited desire
  appear more frequently due to double standards on
  sexuality.
• If the man has problems, he tends to be too
  frustrated or embarrassed to seek help. He will
  decide that sex isnt worth the effort.
• Making the transition to intimate interactive sex
  is a difficult transition.

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3) Best Friend Couples

• The most intimate marital style and the cultural
  ideal.
• There is a high degree of acceptance, intimacy,
  satisfaction and security.
• Sex is positive, integral, vital. Sexuality
  energizes the marital bond
• The marital bond is based on trust, respect and
  intimacy.
• Value touching, pleasure and eroticism. Sexual
  styles tend to be flexible and responsive to
  feelings and preferences of both partners.
• The potential pitfalls couples lack conflict
  resolution skills and are bitter over unmet
  expectations. Too much intimacy stifles sexual
  feelings. Couple needs to have a mutually
  comfortable level of intimacy which promotes
  connection and desire.
• They may fail to be assertive in dealing with
  sexual dysfunction or dissatisfaction. Spouses
  tend to alternate between blaming self and
  partner. Couples need to be taught to work as a
  team.

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4) Emotionally Expressive Couples

• These couples have the highest intensity of
  feelings- both loving and angry.
• When it works- its vibrant and exciting, when it
  doesnt it can be violent.
• These are the most unstable marital form, most
  likely to result in divorce.
• In some cases, sex is used to make up for violent
  incidents.
• Couples that succeed tend to maintain awareness
  of personal boundaries. Are able to express
  conflict, anger and disappointment without
  crossing into personal putdowns, contempt and
  loss of respect.
• If healthy, sex is likely to be spontaneous,
  adventuresome, and energizing.
• If sexual dysfunction occurs, it is hard to adopt
  a stepwise cognitive behavioral sexual exercise
  approach. If the dysfunction is not quickly
  resolved, they easily become demoralized, bitter,
  and cant tolerate the hiatus.

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Gender Differences

• How are men and women socialized to view sex and
  love differently?

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Socialization

• Socialization is an influential process mediated
  by individuals, groups, and cultural practices
  the outcome of socialization is the acquisition
  or an agreed-upon system of standards and values.

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Discuss

• How are men and women socialized to view sex/love
  differently?
• How does this create problems?