Department of

1
Reconnecting

• Parenting in an Age of
• Instant Messenger
• and
• MySpace
• Presented by
• Dr. Peggy Kendall

2
Its Big!

• MySpace
• 230,000 new users a day (same pop. as Scottsdale)
• 55 of online teens use regularly
• Instant Messenger
• 2/3 of all teenagers

3
So What?

• Changing kids
• Good things
• Bad things
• Our job

4
Instant Messenger

• Why important?
• Changes friendships
• Part of every other technology
• What is it?
• Real-time e-mail
• Buddy list

5
Instant Messenger

• Good things
• Fun and easy
• Builds confidence
• Enhances relationships
• Builds bridges
• Reduces distance

6
Instant Messenger

• Troubling Things
• Develops Hyper-intimacy
• More control
• Fewer immediate consequences
• Idealized responses
• Creates Disinhibition Effect
• Its not real
• Few consequences

7
Instant Messenger

• Questions for Discussion
• Why do you like it?
• What are things you dont like about it?
• Are you different online? how?
• Are your friends different online? why?
• Is it easier to share things online? How does
  that effect your face to face relationships?
• What are things that are better to talk about
  face to face?
• TALK ABOUT CYBERSEX

8
MySpace

• How do they use it?
• Self Expression
• Profiles
• Blogs
• Communication
• Messages
• E-mail
• Bulletins
• Sharing
• Music
• Pictures
• Videos (Youtube.com)
• Networking
• Background checks
• Searches
• Groups
• Friends of friends

9
MySpace

• What to do?
• Talk about it
• Privacy settings
• Age kid appropriate
• Monitor
• Talk about it

10
Managing the Technology

• 1. Wise up
• Dont be naïve
• 1 in 3 kids have been exposed to unwanted sexual
  material
• 1 in 7 online kids have been sexually solicited
• Kids routinely give out personal information
• 58 of kids have said someone has said something
  mean or hurtful online
• 53 have said something mean or hurtful to
  someone else online
• 42 have been bullied online
• Check it out

11
Managing the Technology

• Wise kids up
• Stranger danger
• Public v. private
• Privacy settings/Blocking
• Make incremental media choices
• Netiquette List

12
Managing the Technology

• Kendall Family Netiquette List
• Dont forward someones e-mail or IM without
  their permission
• Dont respond to messages from a cyberbully
• Dont share your password with anyone
• Dont send messages when you are angry
• Dont talk to strangers
• Dont provide personal information
• Do think about what it would feel like to be the
  receiver of your messages
• Do use only language you would use in person (and
  only language you would use in front of your
  parents)
• Do take a break after 20-30 minutes of
  computer-time
• Do remember things are not private on the
  computer

13
Managing the Technology

• Negotiate guidelines
• Time limits
• Where you keep the computer
• Reward System
• Monitor
• Least invasive
• Buddy lists
• Ask about friends when online
• no-minimization rule
• Keep checking MySpace
• More invasive
• Save IM conversations
• Tracking software
• E-mail alert software
• Blocking software
• Require passwords
• 5. Find Alternatives

14
Online Resources
Parenting Sites http//www.mediafamily.org
(lots of good parenting adviceboth internet and
media) http//www.safekids.com (excellent
parenting ideas) http//www.netsmartz.org (lots
of parenting adviceespecially good for
elementary aged-kids) http//www.getnetwise.com
(well organized parenting technical
advice) http//www.protectkids.com (internet
safety parenting site) http//www.cybersmart.org
(good educator link)
15
Online Resources

• Filtering software information
• http//www.filterreview.com (helps parents find
  software to monitor protect kids on the
  internet)
• http//www.blogsafety.com (blog site that lets
  parents share questions advice on internet
  safety)
• http//www.webwisekids.com (site has some
  parenting tips resources to buy)
• http//www.contentwatch.com (distributor of
  filtering software)
• Research Site
• http//www.pewinternet.org (latest research on
  adolescent use of IM MySpace)
• Internet Safety sites
• http//www.ncmec.org (Ntl Center for Missing
  Exploited Children)
• http//micac.da.ru (St. Paul police dept.)
• http//www.fbi.gov
• http//www.isafe.org (internet safety site)

16
Top 20 IM Abbreviations Every Parent Should Know

• 1. POS - Parent Over Shoulder
• 2. PIR - Parent In Room
• 3. P911 - Parent Alert
• 4. PAW - Parents Are Watching
• 5. PAL- Parents Are Listening
• 6. ASL- Age/Sex/Location
• 7. MorF - Male or Female
• 8. SorG - Straight or Gay
• 9. LMIRL - Let's Meet In Real Life
• 10. KPC - Keeping Parents Clueless

• 11. TDTM - Talk Dirty To Me
• 12. IWSN - I Want Sex Now
• 13. NIFOC - Nude In Front Of Computer
• 14. GYPO- Get Your Pants Off
• 15. ADR - Address
• 16. WYCM - Will You Call Me?KFY - Kiss For You
• 17. NALOPKT- Not A Lot Of People Know That
• 18. FOAF - Friend Of A Friend
• 20. WYRN - What's Your Real Name?

Taken from http//www.netlingo.com/top20teens.cfm
17
Additional Parent Resources

• P. Kendall, Reconnected Christian parenting in
  an age of MySpace and Instant Messenger. (Judson
  Press expected publication date August, 2007)
• M. Bugeja, Interpersonal Divide The Search for
  Community in a Technological Age (New York
  Oxford Press, 2005).
• A. Gunn, Ping! The Yahoo!Messenger Guide to All
  Things IM (New York Sterling Publishing Co.,
  2005).
• J. Illian, MySpace, MyKids (Eugene, OR Harvest
  House, 2007).