Problems with Organization, Procrastination, and Perfectionism in Gifted Children

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Problems with Organization, Procrastination, and
Perfectionism in Gifted Children

• Kevin Kendall
• Gifted Education Coordinator
• Lexington City Schools
• April 20, 2006
• kkendall_at_lexedu.org

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Organizational Issues - Messiness

• The absent-minded professor syndrome Why is a
  kid who is so smart about so many things so
  completely clueless about basic organizational
  skills?
• Organization is not a priority
• The brain needs to be trained to organize
• If they can cope with the mess it wont bother
  them, no matter how much it bothers you

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Strategies for Dealing with Your Organizational
Mess

• Color code materials
• Establish regular routines for school and for
  home
• Establish a regular work space separate from a
  designated dumping ground
• Keep a record of time the student has lost due to
  disorganization rather than losing your temper
• Make sure the bag is packed before going to bed
• Use sticky note reminders in a place the student
  has to check each morning
• Allow the student to be the victim of his/her own
  disorganization to make its importance valuable
• Use a reward system for organizational success
  the punishment system is typically an endless
  cycle

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Organizational Issues - Time

• Individuals who are led by intellectual passions
  have no regard for time. The statement, I lost
  track of time, is actually not a cover story.
• They become visibly upset when they are being
  rushed away from something of importance to
  them.
• They prioritize according to passionate interest
  rather than importance of task, time required
  to complete task, or deadline.

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Strategies for Time Management

• Its never too early for a desk calendar just
  dont leave it on the desk, post it on the wall
• As soon as long-term assignments come home create
  interim deadlines if they have not been provided
• Designate three nights for finish project/ bonus
  free time this gives a visual picture of a
  reward for early completion and provides recovery
  time for the unexpected
• Use a timer to create homework periods and
  allow some passing time in between
• If getting started is always a battle try a
  get it out of your system time (again use the
  timer to avoid arguments over when play time is
  over)

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Time Management The Writing Marathon

• For open-ended writing topics for the child with
  too many ideas 1) list 10 2) strike 5 3) try
  3 4) choose 1. If youre going to stand your
  ground on anything make it outlining not
  webbing.
• For open-ended writing topics for the child with
  no idea what to write about Brainstorm, web
  (then outline), discuss past favorite activities
  and family stories, create idea cards the student
  will keep on file and use for future assignments

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Problems with Procrastination

• The reason for procrastinating is often
  perfectionism
• Playfulness often masks a lack of confidence
• There is a healthy amount of pressure that can
  motivate creativity and productivity, but
  adolescents dont know how to define a safe line

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The Procrastinators Paradox

• I need to put this off until I have time to
  think about it clearly.
• I need to read just one more thing before I can
  start writing.
• Ill have more energy for this after I eat
  something.
• Let me just give my mind a little TV break and
  then Ill be able to make a fresh start.
• I work better under pressure anyway.
• The last time I did a project like this the
  night before it was due I got an A.
• Safety net I didnt get the A because I
  didnt give myself enough time to do my best
  work.

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Perfectionism and the Gifted Procrastinator

• Problem Many talented young writers are hesitant
  to write down their ideas because they dont look
  like the books they read. They think their
  writing is too messy.
• Solutions 1) Teach the child to type as soon as
  you can. 2) Use a tape recorder to record the
  ideas first so the physical act of writing,
  erasing, whiting out, etc. doesnt cause the
  writer to lose his or her great ideas. 3) Allow
  younger children to dictate the ideas to you, but
  you MUST resist the urge to edit and leave that
  to them (perfectionists are generally pretty good
  at being critical). 4) If possible, show the
  student a sample of the messy penmanship of a
  famous writer.

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The Perfectionist and theNever-Ending Project

• The tell-tale signs
• you buy white-out by the gallon
• youre re-living your college all-nighter days
  
• your compliments dont count and
• you are convinced that the teacher must be a
  sadist to demand this much work of your child.

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The Perfectionist and theNever-Ending Project

• The likely reality
• Your child is imposing higher standards on
  himself/herself than his or her teacher expects.

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The Perfectionist and theNever-Ending Project

• Solution 1) If this happens more often than not,
  touch base with the teacher on expectations and
  be honest about how much your child agonizes over
  the details. 2) Ask the teacher to view a work in
  progress (digital pictures could suffice if the
  project is not easily portable) so that the
  evaluation counts in the eyes (ears) of your
  child.

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The Perfectionist and Grades

• Beware of the phrase Do your best. The child
  may be internalizing Be perfect in everything
  that you do.
• If Bs are causing tears now, the increasing
  academic expectations will only make things
  worse. Address the tears and stress proactively.
• Emphasize the question What did you learn
  today/this week?
• Perfectionists want to please. Find ways for
  them to do that in ways other than report cards.
• Perfectionists often equate a grade on their work
  with an evaluation of themselves as people. Make
  sure self-worth is tied to something substantive.
• Choose family activities that are new to
  everybody so that it becomes safe to fail.

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Theories on Perfectionism

• Many perfectionistic children are the products
  of relaxed, easy-going parents with realistic
  expectations. It seems possible that certain
  children are simply born with the combination of
  temper-aments that create the need for an orderly
  environment, or conversely, an aversion to
  chaos. - Barbara Kerr, 1991

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Theories on Perfectionism

• Whereas abstract reasoning is the most accepted
  aspect of giftedness, perfectionism is the least
  understood and most maligned, even though the
  latter is the result of the former. Perfection
  is an abstract concept. It is an awareness of
  what is possible an abstract ideal, beyond that
  which currently exists in reality. Dabrowskis
  Level III conflict between what is and what
  ought to be is the search for ideals of a higher
  order.
• - Linda Silverman, 1993

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Theories on Perfectionism

• Perfectionism is also a function of asynchronous
  development of the gifted child. When the mind
  develops faster than the body, the reasoning and
  values of the child are more like those of his or
  her mental peers than like those of age-mates.
  The child sets standards for him- or herself
  based upon this advanced awareness.

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Theories on Perfectionism

• Sometimes the childs body will not be
  sufficiently advanced to keep the promises the
  mind has made . Frustration ensues. It appears
  to others that the child is being too
  perfectionistic by setting such impossible
  standards. But when it becomes clear that the
  part of the child setting the standards is quite
  advanced, then those standards appear more
  reasonable.
• - Linda Silverman, 1993

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Intervention Strategies - Perfectionism

• It becomes the job of anyone acting in a
  counseling capacity to help that advanced part of
  the child understand the physical limitations of
  the other parts of the system.
• - Linda Silverman, 1993

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Intervention Strategies - Perfectionism

• It is a sad commentary on contemporary values
  that we have come to view this powerful force of
  perfectionism as a disease of the mind and
  spirit. Bookstores are filled with self-help
  books on how to rid oneself of perfectionism.
  Counselors who understand giftedness respect this
  quality and help the individual learn how to use
  it productively in their lives. (continued on
  next slide)

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Intervention Strategies - Perfectionism

• As part of the equipment of the personality,
  perfectionism can be used in a positive way to
  achieve excellence, or it can be used in a
  negative way to beat oneself over the head for
  past mistakes. To use perfectionism
  productively, the student must learn how to set
  priorities. The student who tries to be
  perfectionistic in too many areas at once is
  likely to get frustrated. - Linda Silverman,
  1993

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Intervention Strategies - Perfectionism

• Another positive approach to take with
  perfectionism is reframing mistakes as
  learning experiences and stepping stones to
  future accomplishments.
• - Linda Silverman, 1993
• Well, Mr. Edison how do you feel about having
  1,500 failures to your credit? Edison replied,
  No, they werent failures. We now know 1,500
  bulb filaments that dont work.

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A little tough love

• Now is the time to let your disorganized child or
  your procrastinator to take a hit and suffer the
  consequences. Your stories of your mistakes
  often fail to resonate until theyve made their
  own.
• Dont reward the success of the perfectionist if
  it came at too great a personal cost.

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and a soft landing

• Work together with your disorganized/
  procrastinating/ perfectionistic child to come up
  with an action plan that can avoid future
  unfortunate outcomes.
• Praise and reward successes achieved ahead of
  schedule.
• Dont let expressions of your frustration be the
  last words of the night.
• They drive you crazy because you know they can do
  better and/or live more stress-free lives. Dont
  let them forget that you DO believe in them.
• Praise who they are, not just what they do.

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References

• Kerr, B. A. (1991). A handbook for counseling the
  gifted and talented. Alexandria, VA American
  Counseling Association.
• Neihart, M., Reis, S. M., Robinson, N. M.,
  Moon, S.M. (2002). The social and emotional
  development of gifted children what do we know?
  Waco, TX Prufrock Press, Inc.
• Silverman, L. K. (1993). Counseling the Gifted
  and Talented. Denver Love Publishing Company.