Erin Leach

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A Parents Guide to Bullying

• Erin Leach
• School Counselor
• Forest Hill Elementary School

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What are your concerns?
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What Do We Know About Bullying?

• Bullying is NOT pre-wired, harmless, or
  inevitable
• Bullying IS learned, harmful, and controllable
• Bullying SPREADS if supported or left unchecked
• Bullying INVOLVES everyonebullies, victims,
  and bystanders
• Bullying CAN BE effectively stopped or entirely
  prevented

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Who Is Involved?

• The Bully
• Often hot-tempered, inflexible, overly confident,
  and dont like to follow rules
• Desire to dominate and control others
• Select and systematically train their victims to
  comply to demands
• Seek active encouragement, passive acceptance, or
  silence from bystanders
• Can learn how to make friends and get what they
  want by helping, rather than hurting

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Who Is Involved?

• The Victim
• Tend to appear small, weak, insecure, sensitive,
  or different
• Tend to be passive
• Rewards the bully by yielding control and showing
  signs of intimidation
• Often fails to gain support from bystanders
• Avoids reporting bullying
• Can learn to defeat bully by responding
  assertively, rallying support from bystanders, or
  reporting bullying to adults

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Who Is Involved?

• The Bystander (http//www.adcouncil.org/default.as
  px?id42)
• Most powerful role in a bullying situation
• More than half the time, bullying stops within 10
  seconds of a bystander stepping in to help!
• Can either contribute to the problem or the
  solution
• Can contribute to the solution by
• Discouraging the bully
• Defending the victim
• Redirecting the situation
• Rallying support from peers
• Reporting the bullying to adults

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What are we teaching your children?
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Bullying Is

• Negative acts carried out repeatedly over time
• Involves a real or perceived imbalance of power
  (more powerful group/person challenging less
  powerful group/person)
• Takes 3 forms
• Verbal teasing, name-calling, etc.
• Physical hitting, kicking, etc.
• Psychological spreading rumors, exclusion, etc.
• NOT OK!!!
• http//www.teachertube.com/view_video.php?viewkey
  26a7f5e9f1cfb099511e

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What Should I Do If
HA-HA-SO
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What Should I Do If
CARES
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Most Common Types of Bullying at Forest Hill

• Verbal
• Teasing, name-calling, etc.
• Relational Aggression
• AKA Girl Bullying
• Gossip, spreading rumors, social
  exclusion/isolation
• Cyberbullying
• Spreading rumors or posting false/private
  information online
• Getting other people to post or send hurtful
  messages
• Excluding someone from an online group

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What Are Some Warning Signs of Bullying?

• Unexplained damage or loss of clothing and other
  personal items
• Evidence of physical abuse (bruises/scratches)
• Loss of friends changes in friends
• Reluctance to participate in activities with
  peers
• Loss of interest in favorite activities

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What Are Some Warning Signs of Bullying? (cont.)

• Unusually sad, moody, anxious, lonely, or
  depressed
• Problems with eating, sleeping, bed-wetting
• Headaches, stomachaches, or other physical
  complaints
• Decline in school achievement
• Thoughts of harming self or others

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What Can You Do To Help?

• Look for warning signs
• Dont assume the problem will go away on its own
• Discuss bullying openly with your children
• Invite children to talk about what is bothering
  them
• Listen sincerely and attentively
• Help develop a response strategy (based on
  strategies shared earlier)

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What Can You Do To Help? (cont.)

• Encourage you child to use a bully-buster
  strategy independently first
• Model and help children practice assertiveness
  skills (firm but not ferocious)
• Follow-up to make sure the bullying does not
  continue
• Dont EVER say, Thats just the way kids are.

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What Can You Do to Prevent Cyberbullying?

• Keep computers in visible places and monitor use
• Talk with children about the safe and responsible
  use of the internet, cell phones, and dangers of
  cyberbullying
• Discuss what to do when cyberbullying occurs
• Ignoring the message
• Calmly, but firmly, telling the cyberbully to
  remove the harmful material

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What Can You Do to Prevent Cyberbullying? (cont.)

• Remind children not to share any personal
  information online
• Encourage children to tell you if they are being
  cyberbullied or know others who are
• Assure children that you will help them deal with
  the problem
• Teach children to Take 5 before responding to a
  hurtful message
• http//www.adcouncil.org/default.aspx?id42

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What Resources Are Out There?

• Online
• www.bullying.org
• www.eyesonbullying.org
• www.stopbullyingnow.org (great for kids!)
• www.cyberbullying.org
• www.stopcyberbullying.org

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What Resources Are Out There?

• Books for Adults
• The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander by
  Barbara Coloroso
• Easing the Teasing Helping Your Child Cope with
  Name-Calling, Ridicule, and Verbal Bullying by
  Judy S. Freedman
• Odd Girl Out The Hidden Culture of Aggression in
  Girls by Rachael Simmons
• Queen Bees and Wannabees Helping Your Daughter
  Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other
  Realities of Adolescence by Rosalind Wiseman

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What Resources Are Out There?

• Books for Children
• How to Be a Friend A Guide to Making Friends and
  Keeping Them by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc
  Brown
• Stand Tall, Molly Lou Melon by Patty Lovell
• Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain by Trevor Romain
• My Secret Bully by Trudy Ludwig
• The English Roses by Madonna

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Lets Discuss
What questions have been left unanswered?