Being a Safe Person

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Being a Safe Person

• Rolling Hills January 22nd

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(No Transcript)
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Tips for building relationship

• Be sure to express your dissatisfaction with your
  life, and just about everything else
• Expect other people to accommodate you
• Talk about yourself
• Criticize people who arent there
• Share confidential information as it makes
  conversations so interesting

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The development of relationship style

• Genetics
• Conditioning in the home
• Developmental experiences
• Practice

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The general basics

• Has basic trust
• Has definition
• Expresses wants
• Developed gifting or skills
• Expresses other person perspective
• Capable of flexible roles
• Can adapt to and assimilate new information

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The specific characteristics

• No one has them all
• Each is on a continuum
• They are developed in the refiners fire
• Ironically, we avoid them
• They are dynamic, ongoing

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Speaks what is happening

• Is not ruled by embarrassment
• Speaks truth empathically
• Can be confronted, can confront
• Reality based
• Opposite avoids discussion of
• Here and now
• Anything uncomfortable, negative
• Feelings

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Open and vulnerable with strengths and weaknesses

• Does not hide either strengths or weaknesses
• Does not lead with weaknesses
• Is not giving TMI
• Sharing is appropriate to setting
• Personal ambition blocks openness
• Opposite Closed down regarding details of
  personality and skills

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Releases offenses

• Flexible
• Adaptable
• Merciful
• Opposite counts transgressions, keeps score,
  brings things up from past, resolved situations,
  escalated anger

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Relational, able to connect

• Can be known
• Desires to know others
• Faithful
• Keeps word, commitments
• Opposite disconnected, no real desire to be in
  relationship, not able to attach to others

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Peaceful

• Maintains a predictability about their life and
  being
• Leans toward calmness, no one would want to watch
  this movie
• Seeks contemplation, or at least does not fear it
• Opposite chaos, tornado lifestyle, draws others
  into the drama, seeds discord

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Patience

• Has the ability to wait for
• Relationship
• Gratification
• Outcome
• Doesnt need to know today
• Opposite demanding impulsivity, will choose the
  lesser if it can be obtained now, pressures
  relationship

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Kindness, gentleness

• Extends grace to others
• Able to combine power and love
• High sense of other person perspective
• Opposite malicious intent, uncaring response to
  pain, lacks ability to see through the eyes of
  another, rages

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Self Control

• Able to say No
• Will promote others in front of self
• Choices based on informed consequences
• Opposite impulsive choices, tends not to count
  the cost, no long term perspective