Conversations with Power

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Conversations with Power
The role of leadership
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These slides are available from
http//www.stevedenning.com/slides/Smithsonian2006
.ppt
Or send me an email at steve_at_stevedenning.com
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This evening 5.30 pm onwards For any who would
like to hang out together Brasserie Les
Halles(pronounced lay ull) 1201 Pennsylvania
Avenue NW Directions walk across the mall A room
is reserved just off the bar
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Terminology
Argument,Negotiation
Argument is adversarial
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Most books on conversation assume hierarchical
equals
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The dream of conversation

• Imagine connecting with the human spirit,
• Imagine interacting with others so that
  everyone's needs to be equally valued.
• Imagine generating new worlds

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Just do it, OK?
The reality
He seemsreally angrytoday
The bosss orders have declining effectiveness
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Organizational setting

• How does the boss launch a conversation
  subordinates?

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Can we have a conversation?
Does hereally mean this?
Is there enoughtrust for a real conversation?
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Organizational setting

• How does the subordinate launch a conversation
  with the boss?

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Here are yourmarching orders!
Boss, can wediscuss this?
Is the boss really open to a conversation?
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How do youget people to wantto engage in
dialogue?
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Role play 1

• The mother and the teenage daughter

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Mother/teenage daughter
Mother Clarissa, would you please take those
dirty glasses into the kitchen? Clarissa Why?
Theyre not mine.
If it is 1907 Clarissa gets a hard smack and
takes the glasses to the kitchen.
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Mother/teenage daughter
Mother Clarissa, would you please take those
dirty glasses into the kitchen? Clarissa Why?
Theyre not mine.
Wolf, A.E. Get Out Of My Life, but first could
you drive me and Cheryl to the Mall?

• Mother I dont care if theyre not yours,
  Clarissa. You live in this house and I am asking
  you to take those glasses out into the kitchen.
• Clarissa But theyre not mine. I dont have to
  do to it.
• Mother Clarissa, youre asking for it.
• Clarissa Youre asking for it.
• It is 2007 in a liberal neighborhood
• Clarissa storms out. Mother wonders what shes
  done wrong.

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Lets role play the situation

• Find a partner

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Lets role play the situation
Having found your partner Decide between you
who is going to be the mother and who is going
to be Clarissa
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Lets prepare for role play
Clarissa I resent being treated as a child. My
mom doesnt understand Im growing up. I have
other issues to worry about. Im doing ok in
school, so whats the big deal with these
glasses? Why cant she get off my back?
Mother What can I do? I yell at Clarissa. I
ground her. I take away privileges. But none of
this changes seems to change her attitude. Shes
becoming more and more difficult!
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Now role play the conversation
The conversation begins
Mother Clarissa, would you please take those
dirty glasses into the kitchen? Clarissa Why?
Theyre not mine. Now carry on.
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Mother as manager
Mother as manager
Bargaining
Carrots Sticks
Questions
Reasoning
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Daughter as negotiator
Daughter as negotiator
Bargaining
Threats
Questions
Reasoning
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Role play exercise
Why doesnt reasoning change peoples minds?
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The Secret Language of Leadership
The western intellectual tradition
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I was in the supermarket recently
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(No Transcript)
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The Confirmation Bias

• Charles Lord at Stanford University (1979)
  Lord, C., et al . Biased assimilation and
  attitude polarization The effects of prior
  theories on subsequently considered evidence.
  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,
  1979, 37, 2098

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The Confirmation Bias
Drew Westen at Emory University (2006)
Westen, D. et al. Neural Bases of Motivated
Reasoning An fMRI Study of Emotional Constraints
on Partisan Political Judgment in the 2004 US
Presidental Election, Journal of Cognitive
Neuroscience, 2006, 18, 11, 1947-1958.
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The Secret Language of Leadership
The western intellectual tradition
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Managers vs leaders
Mother as manager
Bargaining
Carrots Sticks
Questions
Reasoning
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Managers vs leaders
Daughter as negotiator
Bargaining
Threats
Questions
Reasoning
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How do you inspire enduring enthusiasm for
something different?
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On becoming a leader
Right goal? Right time? Right place? Right
participants? Right communication tool?
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Leadership Right Goal?
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Leadership Right Goal?
Instrumental goal
Intrinsic goal
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Leadership Right time?
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Leadership Right place?
Is this place conducive to conversation? Is there
a better place?
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Leadership Right participants?
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LeadershipRight communication tools?
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LeadershipRight communication tools Story
Springboard Story Mother find a story or
stories about People that clarissa
admires Daughter find a story about a mother
who has entered a more adult
relationship with her daughter
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LeadershipRight communication tools humor
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Role play 2

• The Heckler

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The heckler

• Youre giving a talk. After 30 minutes, you ask
  Are there any questions?
• A man says Youre the most arrogant speaker
  weve ever had here. You should stop now.

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Lets role play the situation

• Find a partner

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Lets role play the situation
Having found your partner Decide between you
who is going to be the speaker and who is
going to be the heckler
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Lets prepare for role play
Heckler As the speech went, I got more and more
frustrated. The speaker really seems too full of
him/herself. What right has he/she got to be
pontificating like this? Is he/she a real
expert? I just couldnt control myself. I felt it
had to be said.
Speaker Ive told the truth as I know it. Im
ready to have an open discussion with reasonable
people. But the tone of the intervention of this
heckler is impossible. Im upset to be attacked
in public like this.
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Now role play the conversation

• The speaker is giving a talk, and, after 30
  minutes, asks Are there any questions?
• The heckler says Youre the most arrogant
  speaker weve ever had here. You should stop
  now.
• Now carry on..

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The heckler some options

• Im feeling hurt by that remark!
• If you blurt it out, it shows youre still
  suffering and not ready to communicate
• Youre an ahole.
• The putdown. The audience will help the underdog.
• .
• Ouch! You make a joke of it. Youve revealed
  your feelings but show that youre ready to
  communicate.
• Thanks for getting this out in the open.
• Shows mastery of your feelings. Youre ready to
  converse.

Express your feelings
The putdown
Make a joke about it
Thank theheckler
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The heckler some options

• In fact, all those stories have been thoroughly
  verified.
• Could you share with us why you think this?
• .
• Ask the audience to clarify problem
• Heres someone who found the story incredible.
  How did others feel about the presentation so
  far?
• Ask the audience to help solve the problem
• So one or more listeners have found the story
  incredible. How could I have told the story
  differently so that the listener(s) would find it
  more credible? (Turn it into a storytelling
  problem-solving exercise.)

Argueback
Ask for more information
Widen theconversation
Invite audience to problem-solve
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On becoming a leader
Right goal? Right time? Right place? Right
participants? Right communication tool?
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Role play 3

• The storyteller

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The case of the storytelling principal

• Tom is the principal of local elementary school.
• He discovered the power of storytelling some
  years ago and makes a point of using it as a
  teaching tool for both the staff and the
  students.
• He is frustrated because he finds that the staff
  dont share his enthusiasm for storytelling.
• He wants to find a way to instill in them the
  same enthusiasm that he has.
• He decides to meet with Mary, his new assistant
  principal to get her to take up the issue.

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Lets role play the situation

• Find a partner

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Lets role play the situation
Having found your partner Decide between you
who is going to be tom, the storytelling
principal and who is going to be the mary,
the new assistant principal
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Lets prepare for role play
Mary, Asst Principal the staff say that Tom is
driving them crazy because he tells endless
stories of his childhood. meetings always end
20-30 minutes late, throwing the schedule into a
chaos. Staff roll their eyes, yawn, to no
avail. Once asked about it, Tom said, that
reminds me.. and told another story.
Tom, the principal You discovered the power of
storytelling some years ago and want to use it as
a teaching tool You are frustrated because you
find that the staff dont share your enthusiasm
for storytelling You want to find a way to
instill in them the same enthusiasm that you
have.
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Now role play the conversation

• Tom has asked to meet with Mary to discuss the
  role of storytelling in the school.
• Now carry on

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On becoming a leader
Right goal? Right time? Right place? Right
participants? Right communication tool?
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Organizational setting

• Conversations with bosses can be dangerous

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Turnover with new CEO
Executives listed in proxy statement
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No change in CEO
New CEOfromwithin
New CEOfromoutside
Surviving Your New CEO Kevin Coyne Edward
Coyne, HBR May 2007
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How to survive new CEO
Loyal apparatchik

• Study his/her working style
• Understand his agenda
• Be objective about yourself
• Be on your toes
• Buy into his/her vision
• Leave your baggage at door

Surviving Your New CEO Kevin Coyne Edward
Coyne, HBR May 2007
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How to lead a new CEO
Loyal apparatchik
Organizational leader

• Study his/her working style
• Understand his agenda
• Be objective about yourself
• Be on your toes
• Buy into his/her vision
• Leave your baggage at door

• Study his/her working style
• Understand his agenda
• Be objective about yourself
• Be on your toes
• Understand his/her vision
• Inspire him/her with new vision

Surviving Your New CEO Kevin Coyne Edward
Coyne, HBR May 2007
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On becoming a leader
Right goal? Right time? Right place? Right
participants? Right communication tool?
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• The caseof Jim wolfensohn

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On becoming a leader
Right goal? Right time? Right place? Right
participants? Right communication tool?
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• The caseof Nelson Mandela

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These slides are available from
http//www.stevedenning.com/slides/Smithsonian2006
.ppt
Or send me an email at steve_at_stevedenning.com