Because I could not join you . . .

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Because I could not join you . . .
Images of male and female grieving in
popular media
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McDowells Attitudes Toward Gender and Grief
Scale
McDowell found that our culture tends to perceive
masculine and feminine grief differently, with
certain themes apparent for each gender
Themes, in this context, are characteristics or
actions that our culture sees as typical of the
grief reaction for that gender
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McDowells Attitudes Toward Gender and Grief
Scale Themes
Characteristic of Masculine Grief ( indicates
confirmed in the current study)
Socializing/Sexualizing men seen to displace
feelings of grief into social and/or sexual
activities
Play men also seen as displacing feelings into
play, such as sports or hobbies
Cognitive Task Oriented when men DO
acknowledge their grief, they are seen as
focusing upon what needs to be done to resolve
it i.e., What do I need to DO to get
through this?
Work men often seen as throwing themselves
into their work or other duties, focusing on
external tasks that must be done as a
distraction or displacement activity
Inexpressiveness our culture strongly sees
men as NOT being expressive of their
grief, either in terms of communicating about it,
or in terms of open expression of the
feelings associated with it
Anger anger is the one feeling our culture
perceives as appropriate for men to show, not
not only in grief-related contexts, but
almost at all the only other exception being
extreme happiness, for example, if
ones team wins the Super Bowlotherwise,
our culture expects men to be very private,
even repressive, with their feelings
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McDowells Attitudes Toward Gender and Grief
Scale Themes
Characteristic of Feminine Grief ( indicates
confirmed in the current study)
Seek Professional Help women seen as more
likely to need and/or to seek counseling
Long Term Grief women seen as grieving their
losses for longer than do men
Grieve Deeply women seen as being more
profoundly affected by loss
Seek Support women seen as more likely to seek
and to accept support from others, such as
friends and family
Expressive women seen as far more likely
than men to communicate about their grief
Emotional Expression women seen as far more
likely than men to show emotional
manifestations of grief and loss
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The Stillion Millenial Study (conducted spring
2001)
Assumption cultural artifacts, such as film,
not only reflect the culture that creates them,
but serve as powerful acculturation forces
Hypothesis adolescents and young adults may be
particularly amenable tothe messages from film
and the media regarding grief behaviors, since
theywill not have had much direct experience
with bereavement situations
Observation highly popular films (seen by
millions), targeted for young adults
Analysis extract the meta-messages in each film
regarding the ways men and women are depicted
reacting to bereavement compare these to
McDowells themes
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Current Snapshot of Images of Grieving
Recent Films1998-2000 looking at only recent
films (at the time of the study), we examined
Chick Flicks
Movies For Guys Who Like Movies
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Masculine Grief Models
The Patriot
Saving Private Ryan
End of Days
Gladiator
Emotional expression of grief not
appropriate/allowed (all masculine films)
Proper emotional response to bereavement is
angervengeance is an appropriate, even
laudable, expression of this anger (all m.films)
Social bonds/support not sought rejected if
offered (strong ex The Patriot)
Grief, if felt, is INCAPACITATING (strong exs
The Patriot, Gladiator)
Only appropriate to express in private (strong
ex Tom Hanks tells Private Ryan to takea
momentis there somewhere you can go? Ryan
refuses, chooses instead to throw himself into
his work)
After very brief time, only continuing emotional
connection to the deceased is a kind of
wistful happy memorializing (strong exs
Gladiator, Saving Private Ryan)
Death is an appropriate way out (strong exs
heroic suicides of Gladiator, End of Days)
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Feminine Grief Models
Angelas Ashes
Hanging Up
What Dreams May Come
Titanic
Do express feelings of grief, whether in public
or private (all fem. films)
This grief is NOT incapacitatingwomen ENDURE
grief, survive, go on and do what needs to
be done (strong exs Angelas Ashes
Titanic)
Seek support (usually from other women) (strong
exs Angelas Ashes, Hanging Up)
Grief may actually strengthen emotional bonds
(strong example Hanging Up)
Grieve more deeply and for longer (all fem.
films particularly strong example What
Dreams May Come)
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Messages for Women
Grief (emotion) is appropriate
Grief does NOT result in impotence
Endure WITH grief
Male advantage Task-oriented
Messages for Men
Social bonds are important, Even strengthened
Female advantage Expression
encouraged
GriefImpotence
Anger is Approved
Action not expected
Vengeance is an appropriate motivation for
action
Violent Action is appropriate
Social bonds are not sought rejected if
offered
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Healthy Grieving May Require
Forwomen
Formen
Join and Balancefor each individual
Morefreedomforexpression
More task-orientation
Joining Elements of Typically Masculine and
Typically Feminine Grief Styles
Finding the Right Balance for Each Bereaved Person
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Because I Could Not Join You . . .
Images of Male and Female Grieving in Popular
Media
B.D. Stillion, Ph.D.