Daily Dilemmas

1
Character is what you do when no one is looking!
What would you do?
Courage
Trustworthiness
Caring
Fairness
Responsibility
Diligence
Honesty
Citizenship
Integrity
Respect
2
Trustworthiness Be honest Dont deceive, cheat,
or steal Be reliable do what you say youll
do Have the courage to do the right thing
Build a good reputation Be loyal stand by
your family, friends, and country Respect Treat
others with respect follow the Golden Rule Be
tolerant and accepting of differences Use good
manners, not bad language Be considerate of the
feelings of others Dont threaten, hit or hurt
anyone Deal peacefully with anger, insults, and
disagreements Responsibility Do what you are
supposed to do Plan ahead Persevere keep on
trying! Always do your best Use self-control
Be self-disciplined Think before you act
consider the consequences Be accountable for
your words, actions, and attitudes Set a good
example for others Fairness Play by the rules
Take turns and share Be open-minded listen to
others Dont take advantage of others Dont
blame others carelessly Treat all people
fairly Caring Be kind Be compassionate and
show you care Express gratitude Forgive
others Help people in need Citizenship Do
your share to make your school and community
better Cooperate Get involved in community
affairs Stay informed vote Be a good
neighbor Obey laws and rules Respect
authority Protect the environment
Volunteer Integrity Do what is right, even when
it is costly or difficult. Be true to your very
best self Live up to the highest ethical
standards Don't compromise values by giving in
to temptation. Diligence Do your best strive
for excellence   Be willing to risk failure for
a worthy goal Be self-disciplined   Make sure
to learn from mistakes and failures Try to see
the big picture and think long term Set goals
and stay focused Don't give up just because
things seem difficult Don't procrastinate. Cour
age Stand up for what is right even if you stand
alone Don't cave in to negative peer pressure
Fear of failure does not prevent you from trying
things Do not be afraid to express yourself
just because some people might disapprove Work
to solve problems without violence Never
intentionally ridicule, embarrass, or hurt
others. Honesty Be truthful, sincere, and
straightforward Don't lie, cheat, or steal
Don't intentionally mislead others.
3
Situation 1
Georgias hands were sweating. She was fifteen
minutes into her math final when she began to
panic. This exam was worth most of her grade in
the class. She understood  matheven liked itand
usually did really well. Her constant problem was
that she wasnt a strong test-taker. Her grades
never reflected her understanding of the material
she studied. Now, here she was, once again
stuck on one problem worth twenty-five points on
the test, and she was drawing a blank. She put
her head down on the desk and concentrated as
hard as she could. She remembered doing a similar
problem in class and explaining it to her friend
Jessie, but now she was so stressed out by the
test, she couldnt even remember how to begin the
problem. She lifted her head and stared at her
test. She listened to the clock tick on the wall
and imagined her parents expression when she
receives her report card. Jessie was sitting
right in front of her. He is always a good test
taker and had already solved the problem. The
teacher had his backed turned and was on the
other side of the room. Georgia could look over
Jessies shoulder, get the answer, and no one
would know. Georgia needed to think quickly. She
thought about how unfair it was that she
regularly does badly on tests even though she
works so hard in class and understands the
material, too.  She thought about how often she
helped Jessie in class throughout the semester.
What should she do?  She prided herself on
doing what was right. But how right is it that
she has to work in a system that doesnt reward
such hard work? Finally, she took a deep
breath. She looked to see if the teacher was
still on the other side of the room, and glanced
over Jessies shoulder just long enough to get
the final answer to the question. Then, she
figured out the rest of the problem on her own.
In the moment, she felt great about her decision.
She felt she had sort of created an ethical
compromise.           But on the way home on
the bus, Georgias good feelings started to fade.
What exactly is an ethical compromise anyway?
she thought to herself. Should she tell her
teacher what she did or move forward and forget
about the whole thing?
4
Qs for Discussion

• Can you answer Georgias question at the end? Is
  there such a thing as an ethical compromise?
• Can you think of a time when you did something
  you knew could be considered ethically wrong, but
  decided it was worth it? What was the situation?
• What do you think about Georgias point about how
  it is unfair that she works so hard but isnt
  rewarded for her work? Do you feel she should be
  given more leeway for making the choice she did?
• Have you ever had someone cheat off of you? What
  did it feel like? How did you handle it? Would
  you handle it the same way if you could re-live
  the same situation?
• Given the list of five reasons (above) that U.S.
  students say they cheat, which make more sense to
  you than others? Can you relate to any of them
  personally?
• What should Georgia do? Should she tell her
  teacher what she did?
• What would you do in this situation? Would you
  cheat? If so, could you do it and feel okay given
  the situation?

5
Situation 2
Jeff and his best friend, Steven go to different
high schools. Theyve been friends since third
grade, but since Jeff transferred to another
school for 10th grade, theyve started to grow
apart. One Saturday, Steven asked Jeff if he
would drive him into the nearest city. He didnt
have his license yet and said he thought it would
be fun for them to hang out. Jeff felt
uncomfortable saying yes because hed only had
his license for six months and his parents told
him he wasnt allowed to drive into the city yet.
But, Steven said that he wouldnt be able to go
without Jeffs help and they never got to see
each other anymore. Jeff agreed and they left
that afternoon after telling Jeffs parents they
were driving to another friends house. When
they got to the city, Steven asked Jeff to drive
across town to a particular address. When they
arrived, Steven asked Jeff to wait in the car
while he ran inside for a few minutes. After
Steven returned to the car Jeff asked what was
going on and Steven pulled out a bag of white
powder. He admitted it was his drug connection
and that the powder was crystal meth. When Jeff
asked him why he didnt tell him that was why
they came to the city. Steven said he didnt tell
him because he figured Jeff wouldnt go. That
night Jeff couldnt sleep because he felt
overwhelmed by what he had found out. He knew
meth was no good and that Steven would continue
using it with or without his help. He was angry
that Steven had put him in the position of
driving with an illegal substance, but even more
importantly, he was worried about his friend.
Jeff had promised Steven he wouldnt tell
anyone about all this but it was driving him
crazy. He had a teacher at school he really liked
and trusted. He wanted to go to him and ask his
advice. But what if the teacher decided to turn
in his best friend? Jeff was torn about how best
to protect Steven.
6
Qs for Discussion

• What do you think about what Steven asks of Jeff?
  Is it fair? What would you do if your friend
  asked you to do the same thing?
• What obstacles did Jeff face in telling Steven he
  would go to the city with him?
• Have you ever been in a position where you had
  trouble saying you didnt want to do something
  with a friend? What obstacles did you face?
• What would you tell someone to do that was in the
  same position as Jeff?
• Do you think Jeff should talk to the teacher he
  respects? If not, should he talk to anyone else?
  If so, who?
• How do you think it would affect the friendship
  if Steven finds out that Jeff told an adult the
  situation?
• How do you think Jeff will feel if he doesnt
  tell anyone and Steven overdoses on meth?
• How do you think Jeff will feel if he tells his
  teacher and the teacher tells him that he has to
  tell his own parents, or tell Steven to tell
  someone?
• How do you personally weigh the friendship
  against the fact that the friend is doing
  something illegal and potentially problematic?
• What do you do with those thoughts/feelings that
  can arise when you are doing something that you
  intuitively know is maybe not the best thing to
  be doing?
• The definition of dilemma is a difficult choice
  to be made between two equally undesirable
  alternatives.  How do we decide? And, how do we
  choose to live with our choices? Have you ever
  been in a dilemma? What was it like and how did
  you deal with it?

7
Situation 3
Jennifer is a transfer student in her sophomore
year in high school. By November, she had made
some good friends through her soccer team and her
classes, but still felt on the outside of the
more popular students. She has a great
relationship with her parents, and trusts their
advice to just give it time. The first weekend
of Thanksgiving break, rumors started that a blow
out party was happening at a sophomore girls
house while the parents were out of town.
Jennifer didnt know the girl well but she was
one of the most popular girls in the class and
most of the upperclassmen were planning on
attending, as well. One of the hottest junior
guys had already asked her if she would be there.
Everyone was saying this was going to be the best
party of the year. This seemed like the perfect
opportunity to break out of her small clique and
hang out with the students everyone always talked
about. Her dilemma was that there was no way her
parents would let her go to this party if they
knew the parents were out of town, and she wanted
to go very badly. Jennifer had rarely lied to her
parents and never about anything big. She knew
her parents trusted her and that made it even
harder to lie to them. Because they respected
her, she hated the times when she felt like she
was letting them down. Her friends told her to
just not say anything and only lie if her parents
directly asked her about adults being at the
party. Easy enough for them to say, but her
friends werent as tight with their parents as
she was with hers. She felt that if she just went
to this one party her social standing at school
could be a lot different. She would get to know
more students, shed be seen as someone they can
party with, and she wouldnt be so shy about
approaching the more popular students anymore.
Would it be worth it to hide the facts of the
party from her parents and risk having to lie?
And if they found out about the party, could she
deal with the fact that they probably wouldnt
trust her anymore? On the other hand, everyone
lies to his or her parents eventually. And if
they never found out, what would it really
matter?
8
Qs for Discussion

• What do you think about Jennifers situation? Do
  you empathize with her? How does being new
  possibly affect her dilemma?
• What would you do?
• What do you think your parents would do if you
  told them about the party?
• Have you or someone you know ever been in a
  similar situation? What happened?
• What do you do when you are faced with a
  situation where there doesnt seem to be a good
  choice?
• Who do you have in your life (besides your
  parents) that you might go to if you were faced
  with this dilemma?

9
Situation 4
Brendan was in third grade when he was caught
cheating on his math quiz. He had been doing
poorly in math and his parents had threatened
that if he didnt raise his grades they wouldnt
let him play on the baseball team. So he cheated.
When the teacher asked him about it, he denied it
at first, but finally admitted to writing down
the answers ahead of time. A parent conference
was called and Brendan had to sit with his
parents, the teacher, and the principal to
discuss the school policy on cheating and lying.
On the way home, his father told Brendan he was
deeply disappointed in him and expected more from
him in the future. That night, Brendan felt like
the whole world was against him, but he also felt
guilty for letting his parents down. That
weekend, Brendan and his family went to a movie.
When they got to the ticket window Brendans dad
asked for childrens tickets for both Brendan and
his 16 year old brother. Brendan looked over at
his brother, who stared down at the sidewalk and
hunched his shoulders hoping the ticket seller
wouldnt notice that he was well above the age
for a childs ticket. The ticket seller glanced
suspiciously back and forth between the father
and the brother, and then, with a doubtful look
on her face, she handed them the the two childs
tickets. This happened every time they went to
the movies, and it always made Brendan feel
weird. On the way home from the movie, Brendan
asked his father why it was okay to lie and cheat
the theater out of money but not to cheat on his
math quiz. His dad responded that sometimes its
okay to lie as long as nobody gets hurt. The
rest of the way home Brendan just got more and
more confused. Cheating on his test hurt nobody.
He didnt steal the answers from any of the other
students. If he hadnt gotten caught, he would
have been praised.  How was what he did different
from what his dad did over and over again? And
should he continue to stay silent the next time
his dad lied?
10
Qs for Discussion

• What is Brendans dilemma?
• Have you ever seen an adult or friend do
  something you felt wasnt right? What did you do?
  How did it make you feel?
• Do you think Brendan should try to talk to his
  Dad again about his lying at the movies?
• Who might Brendan have hurt by cheating on his
  quiz?
• Brendans Dad said it was okay to be dishonest if
  no one was hurt. Who do you think might have been
  hurt by his lying at the movie ticket office?
• Have you ever felt like doing (or have you
  actually done) the wrong thing because you felt
  like it was worth it? Do you still feel that it
  was worth it?

11
Situation 5
David had recently been invited to join a group
of kids from his school on Facebook. Since he was
somewhat shy around other people and had only
recently begun to hang out with these guys, David
felt good about being asked to join the group.
And, to be sure, it was a lot of fun at first.
Until one day . . . David logged onto Facebook
and was disgusted by what he saw. Somebody had
posted a photo of a girl in their class and
altered it with Photoshop. The image made it look
like she was the only girl at a party of boys,
scantily dressed, holding a beer, and laughing.
The caption under the picture was filled with
four-letter words and mentioned her name. David
hardly knew the girl, but he did know that she
had a reputation as a straight edge and that she
was often teased about it. He also knew that this
would be very hurtful to her if she ever found
out. David knew it was a private online group
and anything posted there was supposedly for the
members eyes only. But what if someone in a
group you belong to posts something
offensivelike this photo? Wont anyone who sees
it think its from the whole group? David also
wondered who else might be able to see what is
posted. Can people who arent members look at the
postings without the group knowing? David knew
the other members would think he was overreacting
if he made an issue about it. But he also knew
that the photo made him feel guilty, a sure sign
that his moral compass was tugging at him. So,
now what? Should he say something to the other
guys and risk looking like a weirdo? He was sure
they would just tell him to lighten up. Should he
drop out of the group? That would mean the photo
stayed out there and he would just be ignoring
the problem. He had a teacher he really respected
who he could talk to, but what if the whole thing
snowballed into a discipline issue at school?
What would happen then? And if he talked to his
parents, they might take away his internet
access. David felt stuck. All he did was agree
to join a group. Why was this such a  problem?
What, if anything, should he do?
12
Qs for Discussion

• Which of the options David lists for responding
  to this dilemma makes the most sense to you? Is
  there another better idea he may not be thinking
  of?
• What would you do in this situation? If you think
  it depends what the photo consists of, where
  would you draw the line? Why? Can you explain?
• Do you think people should be able to say
  anything they want if they feel they are on a
  list that holds their confidentiality? Why? Why
  not?
• Have you or someone you know ever been in a
  similar situation? What happened? How do you feel
  about how the situation was handled?
• Have you ever felt uncomfortable about something
  but couldnt exactly explain why? How did you
  react to your discomfort? Ignore it? Act on it?
  How?
• If any of the rest of the class or school
  community gains access to the page with the
  girls photo, do you think the school should
  discipline the boys? Is this a school issue?
  Why/why not?
• Is this a community issue if no one but the boys
  ever see it?
• Do we have any ethical responsibility when using
  the Internet? If so, how would you define that
  responsibility?
• What is a moral compass? Do you have one? Does
  everyone? How can you tell when someone is acting
  in accordance with his/her own moral compass?

13
Situation 6
Phoebe is a senior and president of the student
body. Lately she is becoming more and more
overwhelmed by her rigorous AP course load and
college applications. She has been sick for the
past month and has fallen behind in many of her
classes. Her application to Brown University and
her AP Art History paper are both due on Monday.
Its Sunday now. Phoebe makes a tough decision
and plagiarizes the entire section on
Impressionism on her paper, finishes her
application and goes to bed. On Monday, Phoebe
turns in her paper. By lunchtime, Phoebes AP
Art History teacher had asked to see her. He
quickly realized the fact that a large portion of
her paper was plagiarized and confronts her about
it. Phoebe bursts into tears and explains to him
about all the pressures of being sick, taking
five APs, playing three varsity sports and being
president of the student body. Brown is her
number one choice for college and she felt she
had to make a choice. Phoebes teacher turns
her in to the school honor council. She is very
remorseful and volunteers to give a speech to the
student body apologizing for what she has done.
She also begs the honor council not to write to
the colleges that she has applied to, as she has
worked so hard throughout her high school career
and is applying to the most competitive colleges
and universities. What should the honor council
do?
14
Qs for Discussion

• If you were on the honor council what would your
  decision be in this case?
• Does the fact that Phoebe is student body
  president affect your decision? In what way?
• Do you think expectations should be higher for
  Phoebe based on her position in the school?
• Have you ever known someone who cheated in some
  way but felt justified? Did you agree with this
  person?
• Have you ever felt justified in cheating in
  school? What contributed to your feelings?
• Would your decision be the same if you had known
  about the second student applying to Brown?
• How would you explain to others the exception
  that was made for Phoebe if others were more
  severely punished?
• Have any of you been in a class where you know
  someone who cheated and got a higher grade than
  you? What did you do? Would you do the same thing
  now?

15
Situation 7
Julia was in 6th grade and had been at her school
since kindergarten.  Her two best friends were
Wendy and Erin. Erin was the most popular girl in
the class and all the girls saw her as the
leader. One morning Julia arrived at school and
Erin was acting weird. When Julia said hi to her,
she didnt respond. She just looked away and
smiled at a group of girls in the corner of the
classroom. It didnt take long for Julia to
figure out that Erin had turned most of the girls
against her. But, she didnt know why! She went
to Wendy and asked her why Erin was mad at her.
Wendy acted nervous and said that all she knew
was that Erin told her that if she hung out with
Julia, none of the rest of the girls would talk
to her anymore. The rest of that day lasted
forever. Whenever the teacher was looking
everyone was nice to Julia. But, when her back
was to the class, Erin or another girl would
throw pieces of paper toward Julia or whisper to
each other and look in her direction. Julia
thought Wendy would help her but Wendy just
pretended nothing was happening. That night
Julia talked to her parents and they told her to
wait and see if tomorrow was better. If not, they
said, perhaps they could help Julia talk to Erin
and work through the problem. Julia felt like
that would make her look stupid if everyone found
out that her mom and dad had to get involved. She
knew that sometimes the class would pick on
someone, but she never thought her friends would
turn against her and do the same thing to her.
She felt like she didnt have any friends and
nobody liked her. The next day was even worse.
No one wanted to hang out with her at recess and
she had to sit by herself at lunch. At the end of
lunch she went into the girls bathroom. While
she was there, a girl from her class came in and
said that Erin had sent her in and that Julia had
to take off her shoes and send them back to Erin
or no one would talk to her tomorrow. Julia just
wanted to go home. She didnt want to cry but she
was confused and hurt and scared. She gave the
girl her shoes. Now she was late for class and
was in the bathroom with no shoes. She headed to
class and walked in quietly with her head down.
Before she could get to her chair, the teacher
asked her why she was late and where her shoes
were. Here was her dilemma. What should she do
now? Everyone was watching her. If she told the
teacher about Erin and the girls ganging up on
her she would look like a snitch, and who knows
what the kids would do to her after that. But, if
she didnt say anything or lied to the teacher,
she would get into trouble.
16
Qs for Discussion

• What do you think Julia should do now?
• Why do you think Wendy didnt stick up for Julia?
• Has this sort of thing happen ever happened to
  you or to someone you know?
• Have you ever been in Wendys position? Erins?
• How do you think this situation would be
  different if the case involved boys instead of
  girls?
• Why do you think people pick on others, and why
  do others join in?
• What do you do when you see or hear someone in
  your class making fun of someone? Do you join in?
  Speak up for the person? Say nothing? Why do you
  think you react that way?
• Have you ever felt that a good friend turned his
  or her back on you? What happened and what did it
  feel like?

17
Situation 8
Corey was drunk. There might be times you can
convince yourself that youre okay this wasnt
one of those times. He was drunk and he knew he
was drunk. But that wasnt the problem. He had
gone to this party with his friends, including a
designated driver, but they had already left. He
was supposed to go with them, but he was having
such a great time he told them hed find another
ride. Now he was stuck. The only people left
who could give him a ride were pretty wasted,
themselves. He thought about calling a friend,
but it was at least thirty miles to his house and
he didnt want to impose. He couldnt stay where
he was because he didnt even know the people who
threw the party. If he called his parents. well,
he couldnt even imagine the lecture. He had
already been given the spring term senior year
keep your nose to the grindstone talk a hundred
times. A girl he had met that night said her
friend was dropping her off and could take him
too. Unfortunately, she was pretty buzzed. Corey
knew it was dumb to get into the car with a
driver you know is drunk. Everyone knows that.
But everyone doesnt have to go thirty miles and
then face grumpy parents. As far as he was
concerned, he was in trouble either way. He
needed to make a decision.
18
Qs for Discussion

• So, what should Corey do?
• Is that different than what you actually would
  do?
• If your best friend is ever in this situation
  what do you hope he or she will do? If your
  answer is different from the one above, why do
  you think that is?
• Have you or anyone you know been in a situation
  like this? What choice was made? Do you think it
  was the right choice?
• Have you ever made a choice that was contrary to
  what you clearly knew was the right choice or the
  smart choice?  What factors contributed to your
  decision? Would you do it again?

19
Situation 9
Lea is a sophomore in high school and a member of
a local theater group in a nearby city. She likes
school, but her passion for singing and acting is
huge. Lately there has been talk going around
that some members have been exempt from auditions
for the last few productions. Leah knew in the
real world that can happen sometimes. Some
productions have such huge numbers of applicants
and so little time that the more experienced,
well known actors and singers sometimes get
bumped up into the cast without having to try
out. But, this wasnt Broadway, this was a local
teen theater group and the whole idea was to give
everyone a chance to prove him or herself. She
and her friends talked about the rumor and how,
if it was true, how unfair it was. Its one thing
to know someone probably deserves to be cast in
the production, but another to just put that
person in without letting others compete for the
same role. They felt close enough to their choir
director to talk to him about it. He said he
couldnt imagine that applicants were being
exempt. Leas friends talked about going to the
director, but didnt want to jeopardize their
relationship with him. He was intimidating and,
after all, what if he took offense or got mad?
Their future chances for good roles could be
compromised.
Continued
20
Situation 9
The first week of tryouts for the next musical
production Lea was called into the directors
office. He told her she was in for one of the
main singing parts. She was ecstatic at first. It
was the role she had wanted more than any other.
It was a starring spot and would set her up for
amazing roles in the future. Then, she realized
the director meant she didnt have to audition.
He explained that they simply didnt have enough
time to see every performers audition. They knew
her work and knew she was right for the role.
Lea was conflicted. What would she say to her
friends? How would she explain this to them?
Whats more, the choir director agreed with her
and her friends that everyone should audition.
What would she tell him?  She decided she would
raise the question to the head director before
she left his office. She asked, What do I tell
my choir director or the rest of the cast? He
replied, They dont need to know. This is often
done with the strongest performers.  Just skip
the audition and well take care of the rest.
Now what was Lea supposed to do? What if her
choir director asks her how her audition went?
And what about her friends? She was the one who
talked about how unfair it was to do this exact
thing. But, what if she insisted on auditioning?
First, she might not get the role. There were
over thirty kids that wanted her role. Second,
the director might not want to work with her
again. You dont rock the boat and keep a good
reputation with directors. Everyone knows that.
21
Qs for Discussion

• What should Lea do? What would you do?
• What position did the director put Lea in? Do you
  think it was fair of him?
• Do you think she should tell her choir director
  about all this? What about her friends?
• What do you think are the possible outcomes if
  Lea were to tell her choir director? What if she
  were to tell her friends?
• Would you talk to your parents about this if you
  were in Leas place? What do you think they would
  do? Would you agree?
• Have you or someone you know ever been put in an
  uncomfortable position by an adult where you were
  supposed to keep something quiet? What was the
  situation? Were you happy with how you handled
  it? Would you handle the situation in the same
  way again?

22
Situation 10
Stephanie is in ninth grade and, until recently,
felt pretty lucky. She had a good group of
friends, was fairly popular, and was doing okay
academically. The fall was hard because starting
high school meant meeting a whole new group of
people and teachers. Things were just beginning
to get easier, and now she was in trouble.
Stephanie always thought of herself as a good
friend but two weeks ago she found herself in a
pretty big dilemma.  One of her good friends,
Rebecca, had confided to her that she liked a guy
in the sophomore class. Stephanie had offered to
go talk to him for her. When Stephanie told the
boy that Rebecca was interested in him, he told
Stephanie he might be interested but also asked
if Stephanie wanted to hang out that Saturday at
a local party. It didnt seem like that big a
deal when Stephanie said yes, but on Saturday,
she let things get carried away and the two
hooked up. She didnt even know why she did it.
It just seemed really cool that he was into her
and, quite frankly, she just wasnt thinking.
To make matters worse, Rebecca came to her on
Monday and asked if Stephanie knew anything about
what was going on with this guy. She had heard
that he had gotten together with someone else and
Rebecca was upset. Stephanie knew she should just
tell Rebecca the truth, but she didnt want to
lose her friendship. She wanted to find a way
where Rebecca wouldnt find out what happened and
Stephanie wouldnt lose any friends. She had to
think fast. She panicked, and told Rebecca she
had heard a rumor that he had hooked up with a
certain other girl in their class. Now,
everything felt like it was spinning out of
control. The boy wasnt talking, but after
Rebecca confronted the accused girl she wanted
Rebecca to set up a meeting so she could talk to
Stephanie. This was a mess. What was Stephanie
supposed to do now?
23
Qs for Discussion

• What sort of person do you think Stephanie is?
• What do you think she should do at this point?
• Why do you think she made the choices she did?
• Have you ever been in the same place as any of
  the four people in this dilemma? What happened?
  What did it feel like?
• Have you or someone you know ever lied to a
  friend about someone you (or they might have been
  interested in?
• Do you think girls handle conflict differently
  than guys? How? Why?

24
Situation 11
Chris was just about to finish his sophomore year
and felt like his whole world was crashing in
around him. His mom was a recovering alcoholic
and had been sober for three years . . . until
now. When Chris was in  middle school his mom
went through rehab. When she finally came home,
Chriss dad said he would leave her if she ever
drank again. Everything seemed okay until his dad
took a new job this year and had to travel a lot.
During that last few months, every time Chriss
dad left town his mom would drink. It was on the
sly but Chris knew the signs. He saw the
thermoses in the bathroom, the water bottles in
her bedroom. It was like middle school all over
again. It was like living in a nightmare. The
hardest part was trying to figure out what he was
supposed to do. If he called her out on her
drinking, his dad would probably leave all of
them. If he didnt do anything, something bad
could happen to his mom. He was mad and hurt and
lonely. He had friends he could talk to but what
could they do? He felt like there wasnt a single
good choice to make. What should Chris do?
25
Qs for Discussion

• What should Chris do?
• What should he say to his Mom once something is
  decided?
• What would you do in his situation?
• Have you or someone you know ever faced a
  situation where he/she had an adult in his/her
  life that was doing something harmful or wrong?
• What do you think is the hardest part of Chriss
  dilemma?

26
Situation 12
Maria was worried about her good friend Pam. Pam
was always talking about how fat she was and what
she was trying to do about it. But the truth is
that Pam was not at all fat. In fact, she was
downright skinny. Since their freshmen year Pam
had lost at least 15 pounds. Now, they were
juniors and Maria was afraid that Pam had an
eating disorder. Maria was also getting
frustrated. Where were all the grown-ups? Who was
watching out for Pam besides Maria and her
friends? Maria knew that someone from their
school had talked to Pams parents last year, and
that Pams mom had gotten angry about the school
poking its nose into family business. Pams mom
claimed that Pam had a dancers body and a high
metabolism. That was last year. Now things were
worse and Maria felt like she was literally
watching her friend disappear. Finally, one
Monday afternoon Maria had had enough. As she
watched Pam take three diet pills and eat four
grapes for lunch she decided she had to do
something. As helpless and scared as she felt
now, how would it compare to how she would feel
if Pam actually ended up in the hospitalor
worse? Pam would be furious if she found out the
Maria had talked to someone behind her back. So,
Maria had two problems--should she tell someone
how bad things were, and if so, whom should she
go to? 
27
Qs for Discussion

• Do you agree with Maria? Do you think she should
  tell someone about Pam?
• If so, who do you think she should tell?
• What do you think Maria should say if Pam asks
  her if she told someone?
• Have you ever been in a position like this? What
  happened? Would you make the same choices if you
  were in that position again?

28
Situation 13
David is a student in a school district where his
mother is on the school board. Recently, three of
his classmates posted a web site that openly
attacks some of the teachers and students, using
explicit and offensive language. It even goes as
far as predicting which gay students will be the
first to die of AIDS. Remarks about several
teachers are scathing, suggesting that one
fantasizes about having sex with young girls and
that two married teachers are having an affair.
The site includes disgusting graphics. Several
weeks ago David learned the identities of the
three students who created the website when one
of them accidentally said something to him in a
conversation. The other two quickly corralled
David and pressured him not to reveal their
names. He agreed, not thinking much about it at
the time. David used to be close to one of the
three students, but that friendship has
faded. Now, the school principal has obtained a
program that allows him to identify each person
who has visited the website. He is asking
students to come forward with the names of the
creators of the site, and if no one does, he is
going to question each student who visited the
site. David is one of those who did visit the
site. He realizes he may be the only student who
knows the names of the three kids who created the
site. He can lie and say he doesnt know, or he
can break his promise not to tell. David has
always thought of himself as an ethical person
with a pretty clear sense of right and wrong.
Right now, however, he feels that either choice
will end in disaster. What should David do?
29
Qs for Discussion

• How might David make sense of this situation?
• What do you consider to be Davids
  responsibility?
• A common definition used to describe an ethical
  choice is a choice between two rights. How
  might you apply this to Davids situation?
• What would you do if you were in Davids place?
  How would that choice affect the others in this
  case?
• How might your decision be affected by whether or
  not you were close with one of the teachers or
  students that were humiliated on the site?
• How bound would you feel by the promise you made
  to the three students?
• Have you or someone you know ever been in a
  situation where you were expected to turn someone
  in? Share what that was like.
• Is there ever a point where the good of a
  community is more important to honor than the
  good of an individual relationship?

30
Situation 14
Mary is an eighth grader and, until recently,
pretty popular at school. Lately, she started
finding notes in her locker and in her backpack
that were really upsetting. The notes were
unsigned and mean. They said things like We
dont like how youre treading on our territory.
You act like a slut. And even, You better
watch out because were watching you Mary had
no idea who might be sending the notes but she
had an idea why. In the last few months she had
started accepting invitations to high school
parties. She had also fooled around with a couple
of sophomore guys. She had a feeling that the
notes were from some of the high school girls.
She knew how gossip got around and how mean other
people said the sophomore girls were. What was
she supposed to do? Almost every day this week
she received a note. She felt angry, scared, and
hurt. She showed the notes to two of her friends.
One of them said that whoever is sending them was
probably just jealous and she should just ignore
them. The other friend said she should show them
to a teacher. Mary felt like there was no good
choice. If she tried to ignore the notes she was
afraid they would just continue, and she was not
only scared, she was mad. She wanted them to
stop. But if she turned in the notes, she was
sure the whole school would find out and she
would probably have to name names as to who she
thought was sending them. If the gossip was bad
now, wouldnt it be worse then? What should
Mary do?
31
Qs for Discussion

• What do you think Mary should do?
• Would you do the same thing?
• What do you think would happen to someone in your
  school who was in Marys situation? (I.e. would
  she get backlash for hooking up with older guys?
  Would people gossip about her?)
• How does gossip play a role in your school, in
  your community?
• Have you ever been in a situation similar to
  Marys? How was it resolved?
• Why do you think people gossip? Have you ever
  gossiped about

32
Situation 15
Sam knew something was weird the second he got to
class on Tuesday morning. He saw kids whispering
and pointing at him. Some were looking at him
funny. He sat down next to his best friend and
picked up the graded report the teacher, Mr.
Crosby, had graded over the weekend. Sam looked
at the A- and forgot about the rest of the
class for a minute. He had worked hard at that
report and was thrilled it had paid off. He
looked up and saw a bunch of kids staring at him.
While the teacher cleaned up the white board, Sam
whispered to Dylan, Whats going on? Dylan,
looked down and said quietly, Conner told
everyone you copied your report from the
internet. But, thats a lie! Sam said. I
never cheat and everyone knows it. He was hurt
and angry. He couldnt focus the rest of the
morning in class. At recess he went up to Conner
and asked him if he had really told everyone he
had cheated. Its no big deal, Conner scoffed.
I only told a few people. Lighten up. It was
just a joke. Sam turned and walked away. He
wanted to yell at Conner, or hit him, or
something. He just wanted to make Conner feel as
bad as Conner had made him feel. For the next
two days, Sam avoided Conner but Sam and Dylan
made up as many lies as they could think of about
Conner to get back at him. They told kids that he
was jealous of anyone who did well in school
because he almost failed fourth grade last year.
They told the girl Conner liked that he still wet
his bed sometimes. But it wasnt helping. Sam was
still just as mad at Conner. In fact, all he
thought about now was Conner and what he had
done. On Friday, Mr. Crosby had all three boys
stay to talk with him during recess. He told them
they had until the end of recess to work out
whatever it was that was going on between them.
If they had not all forgiven each other by the
end of recess, they had to go to the principals
office. Then Mr. Crosby left the classroom. The
three boys stared angrily at each other waiting
for someone to say something. Sam didnt know
what to say. All he knew was that he was tired of
being mad and hurt. What could he do to make it
stop? And what did Mr. Crosby mean by all forgive
each other?
33
Qs for Discussion

• Do you think all three boys need to apologize?
  Why or why not?
• Who do you think is the most guilty of doing
  wrong. Why?
• Do you think it will improve their friendship if
  Sam forgives Conner?
• Have you ever been in a position like this? What
  happened? Would you make the same choices if you
  were in the position again?
• Is there someone in your life right now that you
  might need to forgive for something?
• What does it feel like to forgive someone? Why do
  you think that is?

34
Situation 16
It's midway through the spring semester, and you
are taking a math test. You've been struggling
all semester in this class, and you know that
this test will form a big part of your grade. You
feel like you are doing quite well on the test
until you come to the last problem. It is worth
20 points and you just can't remember how to
solve it. As it happens, the class math whiz is
sitting right in front of you and you can see
he's just finished it. You are close enough to
see how he solved it, and you know that no
teacher can see you if you cheat.   What do you
do?
35
Qs for Discussion

• Would you cheat?
• Whether you respond yes or no, explain your
  reasoning.
• Think of someone you have a great deal of respect
  for. Would that person cheat? Why or why not?
• What would you do if you cheated and then a
  fellow student confronted you and was angry about
  what you did?
• Suppose you cheated. If the teacher asked you the
  next day whether or not you cheated, would you
  confess or make something up?
• Have you been in this situation? Would you change
  anything about your decision now?
• Have you ever seen someone cheat in class? What
  did it feel like?
• If one person cheats in a class, do you think
  anyone else is affected? Why how / Why not?
• How big an issue is cheating in your school? Do
  you think it affects you?

36
Situation 17
Jay and his mom were on the way home from
attending an evening at school for parents and
teenagers. The event was designed for parents and
teens to build communication skills around the
issues that kids face during high school. The
night had gone so well that Jay decided this was
a good time to ask his mom about drugs. He had
been wanting to do that for a long time, but
figured hed just get a lecture. He wanted
something more real than that. Jay told his mom
about a party he had recently attended where some
of the kids were smoking pot. Jay had never
smoked pot before and he was tempted to give it a
try, but he declined because he thought about
what his parents might do if they found out. Now
seemed like a good opportunity to find out
exactly what they would do. So he asked his
mom. She replied that she would be terribly
disappointed in him. That she would feel she had
failed as a parent. That she wouldnt be able to
trust him anymore. That she would seek
professional counseling for the whole
family. Her answer seemed pretty clear,
until-- A few weeks later, the family was
packing for week of skiing. As Jay was helping to
load the last of the bags into the trunk, he
knocked over his moms bag and a small pipe fell
out. He picked it up and saw traces of pot left
in the bottom of it. Now what? All the way to
the mountains Jay replayed that moment of finding
the pipe. The hypocrisy was too much. Now, what
should he do? Should he stay quiet and assume
this gives him a perfect excuse to smoke pot, or
should he confront his mom and tell her what it
felt like to find the pipe in her bag? All Jay
knew for sure was that he resented having to make
this choice at all.
37
Qs for Discussion

• What are the possible consequences if Jay
  confronts his mom?
• What are the possible consequences if Jay says
  nothing and waits to use the information later?
• Can you think other options Jay might choose?
• What are some of the feelings Jay probably felt
  when he discovered his moms pipe?
• What would you do if you were in Jays shoes?
• Can you think of a time recently when someone you
  admired let you down?
• What are some examples of hypocrisy that you see
  in adults? What do you think are some causes why
  those examples exist?
• How comfortable are you with your parents in
  discussing some of the choices youre making in
  your life right now?

38
Situation 18
Kevin is a talented basketball player whose high
school team made it into the playoffs and all the
way to the city championship game. As a result,
Kevin had to miss his schools baseball tryouts
and a couple of weeks of practice. So, he was
grateful when the coach gave him an opportunity
to come out for the team anyway. Kevins older
brother had been on the varsity team for four
years, so the coach knew the family and assumed
Kevin would follow in his brothers footsteps.
But Kevin had never played league baseball before
and had no expectation of getting a lot of
playing time. Besides, the team already had a
solid lineup of experienced players he would
just have to be patient and earn his position
through hard work. Which is why Kevin was
shocked when the coach announced the starting
lineup for the first game Kevin was picked to
start at third base. Kevin immediately felt
confused, then embarrassed, then guilty. He was
confused because the coach had never seen him
play. He felt embarrassed and guilty because
everyone knew that the coach must have made this
decision based on Kevins athletic reputation and
the coachs relationship with Kevins older
brother. Kevin considered himself a team player.
He also knew the other third basemana strong
player who never missed a practice. Surely the
other guy deserved to be the starter. He looked
around at his teammates and saw himself through
their eyes. He felt bad. He walked to his
position without making eye contact with the
coach or the players. After the game, Kevin
called his brother and said he was thinking about
asking the coach to let him step down until he
had earned the position in a way that was fair to
the rest of the team. His brother said no way.
Life is about seizing opportunity. Thats how you
achieve your dreams. Why give up your big chance?
Besides, he said, I put in a good word for
you, so dont blow it. Kevin felt like he was
stuck. If he kept silent, he risked the respect
of his team if he came forward, he risked the
athletic opportunity and his relationship with
his coach. He needed to make a decision before
the next game.
39
Qs for Discussion

• What do you think Kevin should do? What do you
  think you would do?
• How do you think the team might feel about the
  coach letting Kevin start without having seen him
  play or participate in the first two weeks of
  practice?
• What do you think is the coachs reason for
  making Kevin a starting player? Do you agree with
  it?
• How do you feel about the role Kevins brother is
  playing in all this?
• How might Kevin feel if he doesnt talk to the
  coach?
• How much influence do you think Kevins brother
  has on Kevins choice?
• If you were faced with an ethical dilemma, how
  important would your siblings opinion be?
• Have you ever seen someone you know benefit from
  an unfair situation? What happened? What did it
  feel like? How did the person benefiting respond?
  If you didnt agree with that response, how do
  you wish he/she would have responded?
• Have you ever benefited from an unfair situation?
  What happened and how did you respond? Would you
  respond in the same way again?

40
Situation 19
Tina considered herself a pretty assertive young
woman. She was sixteen but felt her confidence in
both her values and her place in the world was
stronger than most of her peers. That made
Saturday night even more surprising and harder to
deal with. She had gone to a party her parents
agreed she could attend. In arranging a ride, her
mother had called the parents of an acquaintance
of Tinas she knew from chorus. Chris lived
nearby and Tinas parents thought they could
carpool. It was decided that Tinas mother would
drive the two of them to the party and Chriss
father would drive them home. The problem arose
at the end of the night when Chris' dad arrived
to pick them up. When Tina opened the passenger
door of the car, the smell of alcohol washed over
her. She got in and thanked Chriss Dad for
coming to get them. He seemed normal to Tina, but
she wasn't sure what a drunk driver looked like.
Tina was close to her parents and respected how
often they told her never to get in the car with
someone who was drinking. They also told her if
she ever felt uncomfortable to call home and they
would pick her up, no questions asked. But, what
if the driver was a friend of her parents and an
adult? She hadnt ever considered that as a
possibility and now that she was, she was halfway
home smack in the middle of the problem. Chris
was acting like everything was fine. Tina felt
very uncomfortable. All of her confidence had
disappeared. She felt like a robot just going
through the motions. What could she do? She felt
like all the rules had changed and she had no
options.
41
Qs for Discussion

• What makes this dilemma so difficult?
• Put yourself in Tinas shoes. What would you do?
  Why?
• What might have made Tinas situation easier to
  deal with?
• What do you think your parents would do if you
  asked to get out of the car and called your
  parents for a ride? Do you know anyone who would
  make that choice? Why or why not?
• Describe a time you or someone you know
  questioned an adult you felt was making a choice
  that might impact you negatively.
• Describe a time an adult in your life
  disappointed you? What happened? How did it
  change how you viewed him or her (if at all)?

42
Situation 20
Archer was facing a dilemma. It was spring term,
senior year and he was getting a new car. It
doesnt sound like a dilemma but things werent
that simple. Archer and his parents had a great
relationship. He respected them a lot and felt
they returned that respect. They had their
problems now and then but were always able to
listen to each other and talk through those
problems. Back during Archers sophomore year,
his mom and dad told him that if he maintained a
B or higher in his classes and followed the rules
of the school and the family and never got
involved in anything illegal, they would buy him
a car for graduation. Supposedly Archer had done
just that and his proud parents were rewarding
him next month with the promised car. The problem
was the supposedly part. Archer had a secret,
and if he shared it with his parents, he would
lose the car he wanted so badly. Two months ago
Archer had borrowed his parents car, had a few
beers, and driven off the road into a fence.
Instead of telling his parents what happened, he
called and told them he was staying over at a
friends house. He then slept off the beers and
headed home in the morning. When he got home he
told his parents a deer had jumped into the road
on his way home that morning. Archers house was
in a rural area and it was common for deer to be
in the road, so his parents bought his story. At
first, Archer just felt relief. But, after a few
days he felt pretty guilty. He considered telling
his folks about the real reason he had messed up
the car, but he didnt for two reasons. The first
reason was that he didnt want to let them down.
They thought he was an amazing kid who always did
the right thing. The truth was that he drank
every weekend and this last one had finally
caught up with him. The second reason was that he
wanted a car. Badly. Now that getting the car
was moving from an idea into reality, Archer felt
pretty bad. He wondered if every time he got into
that car he was going to have to think about how
he got it. Despite his weekend of partying,
Archer felt like he had worked hard for his
achievements and rewards. The idea that he would
have gotten his car based on dishonesty and
disrespect made him feel sick. Quite honestly, if
he could just know whether that sick feeling was
going to stick around or not, that would help him
decide how to handle this dilemma. If he was only
going to feel awful for a while, keeping the car
was still pretty viable. If he was going to have
this pit in his stomach forever, he didnt
think he could keep it. The worst part of this
whole thing was imagining his fathers face if
Archer told him what really happened. He had no
idea what to do, but he had to do something soon.

43
Qs for Discussion

• What should Archer do? Is that what you would do?
  
• What role do you think guilt is playing in
  determining whether or not he tells his parents?
• Archer says that if he could be sure that keeping
  his secret wouldnt make him feel bad for very
  long, he wouldnt talk. Have you ever been in a
  situation where the degree of guilt you thought
  youd feel made a difference in deciding whether
  or not to do something you believed was ethically
  wrong?
• Is a person still ethical if the only reason
  he/she is doing the right thing is to avoid
  feeling guilty? Is there ever a bad reason to
  do the right thing?
• Have you ever lied to your parents because you
  thought that telling them the truth would change
  how they looked at you?
• Do you respect Archer? Why, or why not?
• Have you or someone you know ever felt like you
  had to hide parts of yourself in order to still
  be seen as a good person in the eyes of others?
  Why do you think that is?

44
Situation 21
Stacy knew about secrets. She had a best friend
and they had a lot of secrets between them.
Thats what made them best friends. So when
Bethany, a classmate of hers, asked her to keep
her secret, Stacy knew how important it was that
she honor that. But this secret felt different.
Stacy had a feeling in her stomach that told her
that maybe she should tell someone else. It
started when the two girls were changing for PE
class. All fourth graders had PE after activity
time and Stacy was always the last one to finish
her activityexcept for Bethany. She always
seemed to fiddle around and end up at the
changing lockers last also. One afternoon as they
were changing, Bethany and Stacy were joking
around and then Bethany grew quiet. She asked
Stacy if she had any special secrets with anyone.
Stacy thought of Lindsay, her best friend, and
answered that yes, of course she did. But then
Bethany asked if she had any secrets with a
grown-up that she wasnt supposed to tell anyone.
This confused Stacy. Stacy couldnt imagine a
secret she would share with a grown-up that she
wasnt allowed to tell anyone else. What would
that be? Once, her Aunt took her out for ice
cream instead of taking her to library like her
Mom had told her to do. They decided to keep that
a secret. But that was all she could come up
with. She asked Bethany if her secret with a
grown-up was that sort of secret.
Continued
45
Situation 21
Bethanys face turned red and she started to cry.
She told Stacy that sometimes she plays at the
neighbors house when her parents have to go on
errands now and then. She told her that one time
Mrs. Burns wasnt there and Mr. Burns played with
her instead. They played a game where they were
supposed to touch each other in places that made
Bethany feel uncomfortable. When the game was
over, Mr. Burns told Bethany the game was
something just for them, and he told her that
they werent going to tell anyone else because it
was their special secret. Bethany explained that
sometimes she felt bad inside when she knew she
was going to play at the Burns house. She had
played the game twice more since that first time.
She wanted to talk to her mom or dad, or tell Mr.
Burns she didnt want to play the game anymore,
but Mr. Burns was nice to her and she didnt want
to get in trouble or make him mad or sad by
telling their secret. Stacy asked Bethany what
she was going to do and Bethany just shook her
head. Then she said, You have to promise not to
tell anyone I told you Stacy. Promise. Stacy
promised. Just then, the P.E. teacher called
their names and Bethany slammed her locker shut
and ran toward the gym. Stacy was left confused
and a bit lost. She didnt know Bethany well but
she knew her well enough to be upset to see her
so sad and confused. She knew how important
keeping a secret was but she had a bad feeling
inside of her stomach that she got sometimes when
she knew she needed to talk to her parents.
Should she keep Bethanys secret or talk to a
grown up? Bethany might be angry and hurt if she
told her secret, but what if the bad feeling
inside her was right and Mr. Burns was doing
something wrong? Now Stacy wished Bethany had
never told her anything. She slammed her locker
shut and walked slowly toward the gym where she
could see Bethany saving a place for her.
46
Qs for Discussion

• Do you think Stacy should tell Bethanys secret
  to someone? Is that what you would do?
• What do you think is making it hard for Bethany
  to speak up about Mr. Burns?
• What do you think kids should