... good worker, provider, mother, wife) to interna

1
Couples Therapy

• The relationship as the client

2
Post WW-II history of marriage

• Economics
• Shift in type of work due to industrialization
• Necessity of dual incomes
• Technology
• Industrialization
• Transportation
• Birth control
• Social Norms (next slide)

3
The change in social norms

• Shift from external, role-oriented criteria
  (e.g., good worker, provider, mother, wife) to
  internal criteria of personal satisfaction.
• Studies of changing themes in popular magazine
  articles about marriage since the '50s document
  increased emphasis on self-development, flexible
  and negotiable roles, and open communication
  about problems. Surveys show similarly dramatic
  changes in criteria for "marital satisfaction".
• These changes reflect increases in individualism
  and our standard of living, as well as improved
  contraceptive methods and greater availability of
  abortions.
• Could you conceive of staying in a marriage
  unless you're happy?

4
Current statistics

• The American divorce rate has increased
  dramatically since the mid 19th century (peak in
  early '80s).
• Between 50-67 of first marriages end in divorce
  -- and the failure rate for second marriages is
  10 higher. Median duration is 7.2 years.
• More marriages now end in divorce than death
  (true since 1974).
• Couple therapy is a growing industry From 1,000
  licensed marital therapists in 1972 to over
  50,000 today.
• Barely half of couples report significant
  improvement from therapy (compared to over 75 in
  individual therapy) -- and a third of those who
  improve have problems later on (Bray Jouriles).

5
Characteristics of happy couples
Tolstoys adage All happy families are alike,
but unhappy marriages are unhappy in their own
way.

• Characteristics (John Gottman)
• foundation of affection and friendship
• "validation sequences
• ability to resolve disagreements
• positive sentiment override
• a 5 to 1(or better) compliment-criticism ratio is
  optimal
• as the ratio decreases, marriage satisfaction
  decreases
• Amount of conflict relatively unimportant (all
  relationships have conflict)

6
Distressed couples (Gottman cont.)

• Engage in a wide range of destructive fighting
  techniques
• Personal attacks (name calling)
• Dredging up the past
• Losing focus (and the kitchen sink)
• Tend to resort to the "four horsemen of the
  apocalypse
• Criticism (more common in women)
• Defensiveness
• Withdrawal (more common in men)
• Contempt

7
Couples interaction styles (Gottman cont.)

• Three ways of understanding couples interaction
  styles
• Validating (optimal)
• the 5 to 1 ratio (optimal)
• respect partner's opinions and emotions
• compromise often
• resolve problems to mutual satisfaction
• Volatile
• arguments, conflict may or may not be resolved
• Vacillate between heated arguments and passionate
  reconciliation
• Avoiding do not deal with problems at all
  (agree to disagree)
• Compatibility of interaction styles sometimes
  more predictive of relationship success than the
  style itself

8
Love is a story (Sternberg)

• What are stories of love?
• They are stories about what love ideally should
  be
• They play out in our day-to-day experiences in
  relationships
• They influence who we are attracted to and who we
  are compatible with
• They are a lens through which people experience
  events
• How do they form?
• Stories come from past experiences, thoughts, and
  feelings about relationships
• Stories can and do change, but new stories start
  with old stories
• Stories are affected by cultural norms

9
Love is a story (continued)

• Some examples
• Asymetrical stories (generally not healthy)
• teacher-student
• sacrifice
• government
• police investigation (detective/suspect)
• horror
• collection
• Coordination stories (usually healthier)
• travel
• gardenprocessing attention
• sewing
• business
• Narratives
• fantasy
• war

10
Goals of therapy

• The most-studied form of couple therapy --
  Behavioral Marital Therapy
• Help partners negotiate behavior change
• Teach more effective communication skills (e.g.,
  active listening, how to argue)
• Gottman (microskills)
• Avoid the 4 horsemen and other forms of
  destructive fighting
• Focus on and encourage positive sentiment
  override
• Latest research findings
• Improving "communication skills" may not be the
  key to resolving many couple problems (Baucom
  Burleson Denton).
• Good will between partners may be more important
  than good communication skills
• Good language and communication skills can even
  make bad marriages worse (e.g., keeps problem
  salient)
• Several promising new approaches
• Acceptance therapy (focus on interrupting
  partners' attempts to change each other)
• Solution-focused therapy (intervention aims to
  identify exceptions to the problem and reinforce
  strengths in the couple's relationship)

11
Therapeutic techniques

• Maintain balanced approach (dont show
  favoritism)
• Have members of the couple talk to each other,
  not the therapist
• Anticipate backsliding (habits are hard to
  change)