Style Workshop

1
Style Workshop

• Professor Louise Wetherbee Phelps

2
Punctuating Compounds

• Wrong
• I had a better understanding about the definition
  of a protocol , and the process of designing one.
  
• RIGHT
• I had a better understanding about the definition
  of a protocol and the process of designing one

3

• Wrong
• The letter serves to introduce, and is therefore
  very formal.
• Right
• The letter serves to introduce and is therefore
  very formal.
• Right
• To serve as an introduction, the letter needs to
  be formal.

4

• Wrong
• It can be difficult for a woman to find a good
  fit with a company that respects her status as a
  woman , and that appreciates her needs and
  priorities as a woman.
• Right
• It can be difficult for a woman to find a good
  fit with a company that respects her status as a
  woman and that appreciates her needs and
  priorities as a woman.

5

• Wrong
• The interview we completed was a good one and I
  feel the report represents the depth of our
  learning.
• Right
• The interview we completed was a good one, and I
  feel the report represents the depth of our
  learning.
• Right
• The report represents the depth of our learning,
  reflecting a good interview.

6
(Not) Splitting Subjects and Verbs (Predicates)

• Wrong
• Much of what is communicated among colleagues, is
  now done through electronic mail.
• Right
• Much of what is communicated among colleagues is
  now done through electronic mail.

7
Unintended Fragments

• Wrong
• One of which is Women in IT.
• Right
• It is distributed to certain groups, one of which
  is Women in IT.

8
Punctuating Parenthetical Expressions(Added
Information) Enclosing in Commas

• Text, transitional word, text.
• Text, phrase, text.
• Text, clause, text.

9

• Wrong
• Plus, it is also an instant form of
  communication.
• Right
• It is, moreover, an instant form of
  communication.
• Wrong/Immature
• There is only one graphic image in the entire
  Handbook, which is a blurred content of the city
  of Onondaga and this is placed on the front
  cover.
• Right/Mature
• The only graphic in the entire handbook, a
  blurred image of the city of Onondaga , is placed
  on the front cover.

10

• Wrong
• Patricia explained that email, although it is
  common in many businesses is not as important as
  we expected it to be.
• Patricia explained that although email is common
  in many businesses, it is not as important as we
  expected it to be.
• Right
• Patricia explained that email, although it is
  common in many businesses, is not as important as
  we expected it to be.
• Patricia explained that, although email is not
  common in many businesses, it is not as important
  as we expected it to be.

11
Using Commas for Non-Essential Elements Attached
at Beginning and Ends of Sentences

• Some transitional words, x subject and
  predicate.
• Introductory phrase, x.
• Introductory clause, x.
• X subject and predicate, non-essential phrase.
• X, non-essential clause.
• Note Comma sometimes optional. Test for
  readability.

12

• Wrong
• Thus, the report must follow certain rules.
• However professional writing is important for
  dealing with clients.
• Right
• Thus the report must follow certain rules.
• However, professional writing is important for
  dealing with clients.
• At times it was difficult for me to come up with
  effective questions.
• Without it, no one would pay.

13

• Wrong
• If the need arose for further training in
  professional writing courses would be available.
• Right
• If the need arose for further training in
  professional writing, courses would be available.

14

• Right
• The department would make courses available if
  the need arose for further training.
• Wrong
• The department will make courses available but
  only if the need arises for further training.
• Right
• The department will make courses available, but
  only if the need arises for further training.

15
Using Semi-Colons and Colons

• Use semi-colons to join sentences with no
  conjunction or transition word.
• Use semi-colons to join sentences with transition
  words ( however, therefore, nevertheless, etc.)
  and expressions ( for example, in contrast, on
  the other hand, etc.).
• Use a colon to introduce examples, lists, and
  quotations. Use a colon to join sentences when
  the second one sums up or illustrates or is
  equivalent to the first.

16

• Wrong
• I had a faint idea, however it turned out to be
  wrong.
• I had a faint idea, however, it turned out to be
  wrong.
• I had a faint idea however, it turned out to be
  wrong.
• Right
• I had a faint idea. However, it turned out to be
  wrong.
• I had a faint idea however, it turned out to be
  wrong.
• Although I had a faint idea, it turned out to be
  wrong.
• I had a faint idea, which turned out to be wrong.

17

• Wrong
• Land is divided into distinct pieces with given
  bearings and distances meaning a person owns a
  very specific piece of land.
• Right
• Land is divided into distinct pieces with given
  bearings and distances, meaning that a person
  owns a very specific piece of land.
• Wrong
• He wasnt sure exactly how they were supposed to
  be written, he could only look up the formats in
  books.
• Right
• He wasnt sure exactly how they were supposed to
  be written he could only look up the formats in
  books.

18

• Wrong
• Many of the documents are handwritten including
  casual post-it notes, sketches, and the message
  book.
• Right
• Many of the documents are handwritten, including
  casual post-it notes, sketches, and the message
  book.
• Many documents are handwritten, including these
  casual post-it notes, sketches, and the message
  book.
• Here are some of the handwritten documents
  casual post-it notes, sketches, and the message
  book.

19
Parallelism

• Edit series, pairs, or lists so that they express
  parallel ideas in the same grammatical form.

20

• Wrong
• I really appreciate the time you were able to
  spend with me and for your very helpful
  responses.
• Right
• I really appreciate the time you were able to
  spend with me and the responses you provided.
• I really appreciate your time and your very
  helpful responses.
• Wrong
• This process yields both team expertise, but also
  a well-revised document.

21

• Right
• This process yields both team expertise and a
  well-revised document.
• This process yields not only team expertise but
  also a well-revised document.

22
Possessives and Its/Its

• Wrong
• Writing has rules and factors that change its
  setup.
• Closer analysis also provides insight into the
  documents brief but effective language.
• In such an environment ones writing ability is
  very important.
• A major part of writing is to know what youre
  audiences wants.

23

• Right
• Writing has rules and factors that change its
  setup.
• Closer analysis also provides insight into the
  documents brief but effective language.
• Closer analysis also provides insight into the
  brief but effective language of the document.
• In such an environment ones writing ability is
  very important.
• A major part of writing is to know what your
  audience wants.

24
Plurals and Singulars

• Wrong
• When a Dean is being reviewed for promotion, they
  must have a reviewer from another university.
• Each individual receives a Blackberry that they
  are to keep on them at all times.
• I was unaware of how many vital aspects of the
  piece there was.
• Right
• When deans are reviewed for promotion, they must
  each have a reviewer from another university.
• Each individual receives a Blackberry to keep
  on hand at all times.
• I was unaware of how many vital aspects of the
  piece there were.

25
That/which/who

• Wrong
• They are written for managers that are pressed
  for time.
• Right
• They are written for managers, who are pressed
  for time.
• They are written for managers who are pressed for
  time.
• They are written for managers pressed for time.

26
This/Which Clear Reference

• Wrong
• This paints the picture that no matter who you
  are you can find your niche at the company.
• There are pictures of women with their families,
  which reveals that family is a priority.
• A good example of this is the first sentence of
  the second section.
• Right
• This brochure paints the picture that no matter
  who you are you can find your niche at the
  company.
• Pictures of women with their families reveal that
  family is a priority.

27
Combining Sentences for Mature Writing

• Strings of Ideas (linked by and, so, then,
  therefore . . . )
• She is the one that the business goes through and
  she is very proud of her ability to make things
  work smoothly.
• Mr. U knows that people are often skeptical when
  being solicited, and he wants to put every fear
  at rest.
• The interview we completed was a good one, so I
  feel the report represents the depth of our
  learning.
• It was written to a coworker. Therefore, he did
  not have to worry about it being crystal clear.
• When a company needs to export goods, they call
  Ms. M. She will then contact the carrier and
  arrange the pickup.