Chapter 10 Preparing for Marriage

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Chapter 10 Preparing for Marriage

• Marriage Preparation in the Catholic Church
• Remote Domestic Church (home, family,
  culture, society, media
• Proximate Adolescence
• Immediate 6 months 1 year before date of
  Marriage consultation with priest, Engaged
  Encounter, planning the liturgy

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A MOST IMPORTANT DECISION

• Romantic dreams, Love at first sight, only
  one part of what is necessary to sustain a
  relationship
• Infatuation instant attraction, relationship
  seems to move very quickly
• True love develops gradually over time and a
  variety of shared experiences, including
  conflicts resolved together

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Marriage in Other Times

• Arranged marriages between families
• No personal choice on part of bride or groom
• Dowry paid to husband by wifes family so she
  wouldnt be a financial burden
• Sometimes, payment by groom to brides family for
  depriving her family of her services bride
  price or betrothal
• Women had few, if any, rights Property of
  either her family or her husband

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Marriage Today

• Based on a personal commitment to love choice
• However, most peoples choice of potential
  partners is limited by age, background, interests
  and proximity
• Dating is the usual process through which a
  marriage partner is chosen
• People date for different reasons it is
  important to know the motivations of those you
  date

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Marriage in the Church

• Firmly established by the Lord, the unity of
  marriage will radiate from the equal personal
  dignity of wife and husband, a dignity
  acknowledged by mutual and total love.
• (Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the
  Modern World, Ch. 1, verse 49, qtd. in text, p.
  190.)

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Principles that lead to success

• Common interests, beliefs, values, faith
• Similar expectations of marriage, finances,
  children, family life
• Respect for each others uniqueness
• Common cultural experiences openness to spouses
  culture if different from yours
• Readiness for marriage ability to commit,
  psychological, emotional maturity

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Maturity Generally a mature person will

• Be able to form and maintain trusting
  relationships with others
• Be able to offer and receive support to both
  give and receive
• Have adequate self-knowledge and self-identity
• Have established personal values based on the
  experiences of family, friends and Church
• Be emotionally secure and not totally dependent
  on another
• Be able to take personal responsibility for
  his/her life and choices
• Be able to fulfill promise of commitment

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• While its vital to know as much as you can
  about your partner before marriage, its even
  more important to know yourself everything from
  how you react to certain situations, to your
  dreams for this life and beyond.
• (Text, p. 193)

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3 Stages of Courtship

• Falling in love sexual attraction, somewhat
  self-centered evolves into relationship
• Trusting more honest communication, personal
  revelation, taking off masks
• Testing serious consideration of the other as
  marriage partner more thorough exploration of
  important issues (p. 197) Is our love strong
  enough to last a lifetime?

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Marriage Failure False expectations

• A belief that all intimacy needs will be
  fulfilled through sex
• A belief that spouse will change after marriage
• A belief that my spouse is here to take care of
  me and all my needs self-centeredness, lack of
  shared responsibility
• Finances often starts with wedding debt

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Important Considerations

• Are we willing to support each others career
  interests?
• What are the roles for the man and woman in
  marriage?
• What are our religious beliefs? How do we
  practice our religion?
• Are we able to maintain our autonomy?
• Are we using marriage to solve a problem, or as
  an escape from an unhealthy family situation?
• How do we feel about children? Family size?

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Two purposes of Catholic Christian Marriage

• To unify the couple in a loving relationship
• To assist God in the couples role as co-Creators
  of new life with God
• Jesus is the model for all vocations he is the
  way for all Christian life