Intimacy

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Intimacy
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Intimacy influences well-being

• Best predictor of well-being

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Continued Benefits of Intimacy

• Relationships act as a buffer against stress
• For example, people without a confidant were 10
  times more likely to become depressed (Brown and
  Harris, 1978)

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Erik Eriksons stages of development
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Intimacy Stage

• Capacity to commit self to concrete affiliations
  and partnerships
• To develop the ethical strength to abide by such
  commitments
• even though they may call for sacrifices and
  compromises

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Prerequisites to Full Intimacy

• 1) Know self
• 2) Risk- No risk No intimacy (no pain, no
  gain?)
• involves being vulnerable

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• 3) Commitment- cant just quit when tired of the
  relationship
• if want true intimacy, it involves sacrifice
• 4) Equality in relationship is important
• one cant always give and the other take

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4 Essentials to Intimacy

• Self-Esteem and knowing self
• Risk
• Commitment and Sacrifice
• Equality

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Self - Esteem

• Lets see how your self-esteem is...

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Describe yourself using the following

• Almost always 1
• Often 2
• At times 3
• Seldom 4
• Never 5

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• I feel that I am a person of worth, at least on
  an equal basis with others.___
• I feel that I have a number of good qualities.
  ___
• All in all, I am inclined to feel that I am
  failure .___

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• I am able to do things as well as most other
  people. ___
• I feel I do not have much to be proud of. ___
• I take a positive attitude toward myself. ___

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• On the whole, I am satisfied with myself. ___
• I wish I could have more respect for myself. ___
• I certainly feel useless at times. At times I
  think I am no good at all. ___

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Ok, now to get your total score...

• Change your answers to questions1,2,4,6 7 as
  follows
• If you answered a 1 5, 24, 33, 42, 51 (just
  reverse the scores on these items.
• Next add up the total of all your answers.

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Knowing Yourself The Compulsion for Completion

• If you try to find intimacy with another person
  before achieving a sense of identity on your own,
  all your relationships become an attempt to
  complete yourself.

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False Gap-fillers

• Something outside ourselves
• Shopping
• Eating
• Drinking
• Just the right person

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Lies that Sabotage our Relationships

• I need this person to be complete
• If this person needs me, Ill be complete
• See quotes p. 26

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How to Become Whole

• Heal your hurts
• Take off your Mask (Risk)
• Sit in the Drivers Seat- (be proactive)
• Rely on a Higher Power

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Disorders of Intimacy

• Attachment style

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• Feeling Secure is a basic need that satisfies our
  attachment drive
• Just like feeling full is a basic need that
  satisfies our hunger drive
• What happens when this need isnt met?
• Failure to Thrive Syndrome

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Attachment Theory

• Styles Secure and insecure
• Two Insecure types Anxious and Avoidant
• Style Can change