Communicating: Speaking Clearly

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Communicating Speaking Clearly
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Transition from Listening to Speaking

• Actively listen, repeat/paraphrase
• Separate listening from agreeing
• Find something you can agree upon first
• Commonalities
• Positive intentions, Highly valued criteria
• Relate your experience
• You had the same experience
• However, you have had a different experience
• Speaking Clearly AEIOU method
• Especially for upward communication

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Improve Speaking Skills

• Speak to be understood
• Monitor your tone of voice
• State your positive intent
• Tell your truth
• Tactfully interrupt interruptions
• Be ready to listen
• Sending clear messages
• AEIOU method
• Declarative Talk
• Declarations
• Straight Talk
• Emotional Stand

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Clear Messages

• Be willing to say where you stand. AEIOU Method
• Assume the other person means well. (Identify
  possible positive intention.)
• Express your feelings.
• Identify what you would like to happen
• Outcome expected (Negative result and positive
  results.)
• Understanding on a mutual basis (What can both
  agree to?)
• Declarative speaking for more difficult
  conversations

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Declarative Speaking

• Used instead of nagging, griping, attacking,
  defending, or justifying. It says,You have
  violate my physical and/or psychological space.
  Get back on your side of the line.
• Used infrequently in business, because most
  conversations involve mutual problem solving. BUT
  can be used for difficult situations.
• Three levels of skills
• Declaration
• Straight talk
• Emotional stand

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• Declaration
• Repeat same statement a number of times, make no
  accusations about the other person, make only
  statements about what you will or will not do.
• I need my phone now
• Straight talk
• Identify the problem, state the desired result,
  give indisputable reasons.
• I need my phone now because Im expecting a
  scheduled call
• Emotional stand
• When you (behavior), I feel (emotion), because
  (effect on me). And what I want(your
  solution).
• When you are talking on my phone so I cant get
  a scheduled call, I get mad because I cant keep
  my promise to the person calling. Please get off
  the phone.

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Speaking Clearly in Ways that Promote Listening

• Speak for yourself
• Avoid attribution and check assumptions.
• Use short, clear statements
• Ask them to repeat back what weve said.

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High-Impact Communications

• Personal communication strategies keep careers on
  the fast track
• 10 communicating up, 40 down. Lasting
  impressions for each
• We need to relearn two essential life skills
• Responsible listening (to establish trust)
• Responsible speaking (to share information)
• The way we structure a conversation determines
  its success
• Attention, Benefits, Resistance, Agreement

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Structure of High-Impact Conversations

• Attention
• Focus
• Benefits
• Pain or gain
• Resistance
• Interrupt, disagree, change context
• Agreement
• Question, statement, action

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Role of Conversation Styles

• Strengths and vulnerabilities
• Our greatest strength is our greatest weakness
• Different personalities, different perceptions
• Personal life experiences
• Modifying personal beliefs helps eliminate static
• Equal and unequal conversations
• Equal respectful, trusting, congruent, rational
• Unequal disrespectful, distrusting, incongruent,
  emotional
• Indicate superiority, attempt to control
• Info and relationships being strained
• Blocks willingness to communicate

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How People Communicate in Negotiation

• Polarized languagepositive words for own
  positions, negative for others positions
• Verbal immediacyhigh to engage, low to create
  distance
• Language intensityconvey strong vs. weak
  feelings
• Lexical diversitybroad, rich vocabulary. High
  comfort and competence, low discomfort,
  anxiety, inexperience
• High-power language stylelow power verbal
  hedges, hesitations, politeness. High verbal
  dominance, clarity, firmness

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Standards to Control Conversations

• Specific objective for each conversation
• What other person will do.
• Expected time length for each conversation
• Action- vs. idea-oriented persons need different
  times
• Changing time limit to stay 100 focused.
• Commit to using responsible skills throughout
• 100 responsible to listen and speak
• Right to exit difficult conversations, options
• Stopping the person, leaving the room, asking for
  help