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1
Revising Sentences for Order

• Weak Endings
• Embedded Phrases
• Weak Sentence Openers
• Passive Voice

2
Understanding Emphasis
3
Weak Endings

• The information provided in the report suggesting
  the cause of the crash was due to mechanical
  failure is not persuasive for the most part.

4
Weak Endings

• For the most part, the information provided in
  the report suggesting the cause of the crash was
  due to mechanical failure is not persuasive.

5
Weak Endings

• An explanation of atmospheric stability and a
  detailed evaluation of its application to this
  air quality evaluation is contained in Appendix
  A.

6
Weak Endings

• Appendix A contains an explanation of atmospheric
  stability and a detailed evaluation of its
  application to this air quality evaluation.

7
Weak Endings

• The department had made a series of requests in
  their letters of 15 February, 20 February, and 27
  February 1999. The departmental requests may be
  listed as follows

8
Weak Endings

• In their letters of 15, 20, and 27 February 1999,
  the department made a series of requests

9
Embedded Phrases

• Engineers, because they inadvertently write in
  ways that, all too often, use technical jargon,
  lengthy noun strings, and the passive voice, have
  difficulty communicating with non-specialists.

10
Embedded Phrases

• Because they inadvertently write in ways that
  often use technical jargon, lengthy noun strings,
  and the passive voice, engineers have difficulty
  communicating with non-specialists.

11
Embedded Phrases

• This practice, while satisfying the client on
  whose project we are working, leads to several of
  our other clients needs not being met.

12
Embedded Phrases

• While satisfying the client on whose project we
  are working, this practice leads to several of
  our other clients needs not being met.

13
Embedded Phrases

• The bipolar junction transistor, a three terminal
  solid state device, which is often referred to
  simply as "the transistor," is widely used in
  discrete circuits as well as in integrated
  circuits, both analog and digital, since the
  device's performance is remarkably predictable
  and quite insensitive to variations in device
  parameters.

14
Embedded Phrases

• The bipolar junction transition is a
  three-terminal solid-state device which is often
  referred to simply as "the transistor." As its
  performance is remarkably predictable and quite
  insensitive to variations in device parameters,
  this transistor is widely used in discrete and
  integrated circuits, both analog and digital.

15
Embedded Phrases

• For inversion cases, the dispersion models
  Figure 3 and Figure 4 were placed here do not
  incorporate mixing height into E and F stability
  (e.g., inversion) ambient air quality
  predictions.

16
Embedded Phrases

• Place Figure 3 and Figure 4 here For inversion
  cases, the dispersion models do not incorporate
  mixing height into E and F stability (e.g.,
  inversion) ambient air quality predictions.

17
Weak Sentence Openers

• There are many aspects of the problem that have
  not yet been considered.

18
Weak Sentence Openers

• Many aspects of the problem have not yet been
  considered.

19
Weak Sentence Openers

• There are several problems that are caused by the
  slow response.

20
Weak Sentence Openers

• Several problems are caused by the slow response.
• Or better yet
• The slow response causes several problems.

21
Weak Sentence Openers

• It is considered that implementation of a range
  of measures should lead to a reduction of the
  emissions.

22
Weak Sentence Openers

• Implementation of a range of measures should lead
  to a reduction of the emissions.
• Or better yet
• Implementing a range of measures should reduce
  emissions.

23
Weak Sentence Openers

• It is clear that the kiln contributes to the
  problem.
• It is probable that we should measure the wind
  characteristics at the site.

24
Weak Sentence Openers

• Clearly, the kiln contributes to the problem.
• Probably, we should measure the wind
  characteristics at the site.

25
Weak Sentence Openers

• It is our understanding that the clarifier does
  not form a direct part of the treatment system.

26
Weak Sentence Openers

• We understand that the clarifier does not form a
  direct part of the treatment system.

27
Weak Sentence Openers

• There is a trust among peers and a growing trust
  with management. This encourages open
  communication and productivity.

28
Weak Sentence Openers

• The trust among peers and the growing trust with
  management encourages open communication and
  productivity.

29
Weak Sentence Openers

• It is true that there is now widespread
  acceptance that there is a solid market for our
  companys goods, but there is now increased
  competition for our products.

30
Weak Sentence Openers

• People generally agree our company has a solid
  market for its goods, but we also face more
  competition.

31
Passive Voice

• AGENT ACTION GOAL
• ACTIVE Some engineers design bridges.
• PASSIVE Bridges are designed by some engineers.
• GOAL ACTION AGENT

32
Passive Voice
33
Passive Voice

• The terms of reference for this study have been
  provided by the agency.

34
Passive Voice

• The agency has provided the terms of reference
  for this study.

35
Passive Voice

• Therefore, the regional wind speed and direction
  patterns are considered in this air quality
  evaluation.

36
Passive Voice

• Therefore, this air quality evaluation considers
  the regional wind speed and direction patterns.

37
Passive Voice

• Kirchhoffs Voltage Law was confirmed by directly
  measuring the voltages in the circuit.

38
Passive Voice

• We confirmed Kirchhoffs Voltage Law by directly
  measuring the voltages in the circuit.

39
Passive Voice

• As part of the analysis of roadway improvements,
  the review of signal progression along Cambie
  Street will be required.

40
Passive Voice

• Analyzing roadway improvements requires reviewing
  signal progression along Cambie Street.