Men and Masculinity

1
Men and Masculinity

• Male Friendship and Other Social Relationships

2
What Men Desire

• Men have the desire to be with other men and
  women in positive emotional and instrumental ways
• Men express identification with each other
• Hope for success, respect, and significant
  attachments to groups
• Enact manly qualities, such as courage,
  determination, goal-orientation, hard work, and
  team-spirit

3
Problems of Masculinity

• Most men in our culture have been followers and
  not leaders, as Emerson said, "living lives of
  quiet desperation." This desperation has often
  resulted in acting out real social and
  psychological deprivations, and acting out
  distortions, such as alcoholism and domestic
  violence.

4
Problems of Masculinity

• The striving for success directly linked to
  stress, and the high rate of cardio-vascular
  disease among men
• The striving for respect has often led to
  distorted images of other men
• homophobic remarks and violence
• distorted images of women in language, through
  discrimination and sexualized violence
• Loneliness

5
The Double-Edge

• Our desire for male friendships that embody
  complete trust that other men will not take
  advantage of our vulnerabilities
• The competing demand to be
• the self-reliant loner
• the winner
• emotionally strong and hard

6
Men In Groups

• Men in groups are often a source of
• conflict, violence, substance abuse, and ugly
  sexist and sexual behavior
• Often this is acted out through
• use of violence against oneself and against
  others -- physical abuse of others, substance
  abuse, irresponsible sex and risk-taking behavior
• This creates a cycle of fear in women, and a
  cycle of self-destruction in men

7
Masculinity is a Test

• Themes
• "the flight from the feminine
• defense of masculine turf
• deny fearing other men
• men fear being exposed as a sissy
• fear being unmasked as feminine
• constant tests of manhood

8
The Male Sex Role

• 1. "NO SISSY STUFF!" -- One may never do
  anything that even remotely suggests femininity.
  Masculinity is the RELENTLESS repudiation of the
  feminine.
• 2. "BE A BIG WHEEL" -- Masculinity is measured
  by power, success, wealth and status.
• 3. "BE A STURDY OAK" -- Masculinity depends on
  remaining calm and reliable in a crisis, holding
  emotions in check. In fact, proving you're a man
  depends upon never showing your emotions at all
  (except anger).
• 4. "GIVE EM HELL" -- Exude a aura of manly
  daring and aggression. Go for it. Take risks.

9
Problems with the Model

• No opportunity to think critically about the
  sexist model of masculinity
• the strong offense turns out to be a shaky
  defense
• imagined security is a source of insecurity
• expression of confidence is often bluster, and
  is actually driven by fear

10
Plecks Paradox

• Men have power, but most men experience
  powerlessness in much of their lives
• Men do not recognize the destruction that we
  have caused ourselves or others need to
  understand how we oppress ourselves
• The "male mystique" makes it difficult to have
  loving male friendship and bonding -- it turns
  men permanently against one another

11
Shame and Male Loyalty

• Shame leads to silence
• To preserve the distorted male bond
• men often resort to denial and distortion of
  themselves in defense of masculinity
• men often deny the "other" and render them
  invisible
• men together profess loyalty to the distorted
  ideal of masculinity, and simultaneously, because
  embedded in it is fear of other men, find
  themselves in opposition to each other!

12
Taking Action

• Reverse the standard
• be critical rather than just going along
• speak out instead of remaining silent
• Understand the linkage of domination to
  masculinity that pits each man against each other

13
Hobart Leaders Can

• take a stand against these distortions
• express new models
• generate more positive committed friendships
• generate more enriching social relationships

• become better communicators and better listeners
• teach others how to create groups and friendships
  that help men to feel truly secure in themselves
  and their manhood

14
Worthy Goals

• exhibit gentle-manliness
• unmask your selves, act funny, be silly, and be
  in a relationship of care with one another
• enhanced and enriched relationships
• become more rounded, less lonely, and less
  stressed

15
Horizon Thinking

• Embrace this opportunity for leadership
• Create new models of masculinities
• Deepen your relationships with each other and
  the women of William Smith
• Be active in the community, do good work, help
  others, and be a source of healing
• Reclaim brotherhood, fatherhood, and reinvent
  what it means to be a man

16
Creating Masculinities

• Men can create and sustain masculinities that
• celebrate deepening friendships
• celebrate male variety
• create expressions of lasting and humane value
• create bonds that rest on the worthy foundations
  of respect and care
• Be proud to be a Hobart Man!