Chapter 2 Helpers as Agents of Change

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Chapter 2Helpers as Agents of Change
Two Parts InsightResponse Styles
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The Blind Men the Elephant

• John Godfrey Saxe's ( 1816-1887) version of the
  famous Indian legend
• When a person is opinionated or blind to his
  limitations because of insufficient knowledge or
  smug mentality, he is as blind as if he had no
  eyesight."

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Insight Self Awareness and Other Awareness

• The act or result of apprehending the inner
  nature of things or of seeing intuitively
• Power of acute observation and deduction
  penetration discernment perception
• Introspection
• A kind of problem or problem solving
  behaviorwikipedia, 2007

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More on Insight

• Awareness and ability to accept self as fallible
  with strengths and weaknesses.
• Flexible character not demanding perfection of
  self and not expecting perfection from others.
• Capacity to recognize deal with the impact of
  negative attitudes behavior of others in life.
• Acceptance of the fact that self-liking is not
  static or unchanging.
• Brill Levine, 2005

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• Self Assessment Time!

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Scoring

• a. AG b.PA c.AS
• a. PA b.AG c.AS
• a. AG b. AS c. PA
• a. AS b.AG c. PA
• a. PA b. AS c. AG
• a. PA b.AG c. AS
• a. PA b. AS c. AG
• a. AS b. AG c. PS
• a. AG b. PA c. AS
• a.AS b. PA c. AG
• a. PA b. AG c. AS
• a. AS b. AG c. PA
• a.AG b. PA c. AS
• a.PA b. AS c. AG
• a.PA b. AS c. AG
• a.AG b. AS c. PA
• a.AS b. PA c. AG
• a.PA b. AS c. AG
• a. AG b. PA c. AS

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Response Styles

• ASSERTIVENESS WHAT IS IT?
• Assertiveness is about reasonable behavior that
  holds own ground and finds reasonable working
  compromises, so there are no losers. It's about
  both sides winning at least something.
• Handling difficult situations more effectively.
• Understanding where you are coming from - what
  situations you can and can't handle at present.
• Having a sense of self-worth.
• Helping you to control the way you feel about the
  world and the people in it rather than the other
  way around.
• Recognizing your own and other people's rights
  and responsibilities.

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Assertive Response

• Characteristics of assertive behavior
• Assertive behavior reduces the negative aspects
  passive and aggressive behavior.
• It gives one the right to say what one thinks and
  feels calmly and clearly, without giving offence
  and denying the rights of others to have
  different views or expectations.
• Described as being about what you say... and
  especially about how you say it.

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• assertive behavior helps everyone to win
  something, as it removes unhealthy competition,
  the need for one party to beat another. If you
  win, they win too. It is possible, with solutions
  to difficult situations that recognize everyone's
  needs and wants, and that aim for constructive
  compromise that gives everyone something.

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Passive Response
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Passive Response

• Passive response reduces people's level of
  anxiety as they avoid conflict. But because
  passive people say " Yes" when they shouldn't,
  they frequently end up taking on too much work,
  or not delivering on time and the cycle of
  disappointment and guilt begins all over again.
• The initial buzz of avoiding conflict is rapidly
  replaced by
• A feeling that you have let yourself down
• Panic about what you have agreed to do
• Even lower self-esteem
• In the extreme case, passive behavior can make
  people ill as their confidence plummets and a
  cycle of guilt sets in.

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Characteristics of Passive Response

• Body language - One stares at his feet to avoid
  expressing his feelings. Other typical behavior
  might include appearing to be engrossed in other
  people's views to avoid being questioned
  yourself fidgeting nervously hiding behind your
  hair searching thoughtfully through paperwork,
  etc.
• Not standing up for own's own rights - One
  assumes his boss needs the report urgently,
  making no attempt to state his own position.
  Managers need to prioritize in the light of real
  facts, not emotions. So postponing, advancing or
  delegating business decisions is a sound business
  decision reflecting the current state of
  resources.
• Thinking others' needs and rights are more
  important than one's own - One assumes he doesn't
  have any rights and shows this by assuming he has
  to work through the night managers faced with
  this form of subjugation will find it hard to
  know what they are dealing with.
• Apologizing - The passive individual will tend to
  apologize constantly. This makes it hard for his
  / her own manager.
• Not contributing own ideas - Passive people tend
  to think that their own ideas are worthless.
• Feeling anxious about there being too much work
  to do - Probably familiar to most people.

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Aggressive Response
Aggressive adults are much like the school
playground bully. They trample on the smaller
kids and do not listen to anyone else's
feelings. They order others around and make
others run errands for them or do their work.
They act tough and threaten to knock you down if
you do not do what you want. The aggressive
person is often quite an obvious problem and can
take up a lot of time and energy to manage.
Aggressive managers are authoritarian and rarely
listen to reason argument. They bully staff into
taking on ludicrous workloads or targets which
cannot possibly be delivered. They then get
angry, rant and rave when these targets are not
met.
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Characteristics of Aggressive Response

• Ignoring/ dismissing the needs, opinions,
  feelings or beliefs of others - Your feelings are
  far more important. Managers adopting this
  approach tend to lose the respect of their staff
  and may often miss out on vital information or
  ideas which could benefit their business.
• Expressing your own needs, wants, opinions in
  inappropriate ways
• You have rights, other people don't - a dangerous
  premise likely to result in never-ending
  disputes. This attitude can be especially
  damaging when managing people, for example when
  you need to persuade someone to take on more
  responsibility.
• You have something to contribute - no one else
  does. Again, this myopic approach leads to missed
  opportunities.
• Body language and vocal approach - Could be to
  shout or act dramatically, towering over people,
  bearing down on them or restricting the space
  they occupy, or perhaps excessive sarcasm.
• Violating the rights of others - whether these
  are personal, social or set out in a person's
  terms of appointment, everyone is entitled to and
  has rights.