Addendum to Transformational Ministry

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Addendum toTransformational Ministry

• Frequently Asked Questions About Forgiveness

All Bible quotations are NKJV unless otherwise
noted.
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What is forgiveness?

• The cancellation of a debt
• Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain
  king who wanted to settle accounts with his
  servants. And when he had begun to settle
  accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten
  thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay,
  his master commanded that he be sold, with his
  wife and children and all that he had, and that
  payment be made. The servant therefore fell down
  before him, saying, Master, have patience with
  me, and I will pay you all. Then the master of
  that servant was moved with compassion, released
  him, and forgave him the debt. (Matt. 1823-27)

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Why is Forgiveness Needed?

• People hurt each other
• Result broken relationships

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What is Forgiveness?

• A cancellation of debt
• Monetary debt is easy to understand
• Can also be other debts
• Pain suffered (physical or emotional)
• Opportunities lost
• Physical injury
• Anger
• The debt may not be due to sin (e.g., accident)
• When we forgive, we agree to accept the pain
• As Christ did for us when he died on the cross
• Depending upon the debt, it may be ongoing
• Then Peter came to Him and said, Lord, how often
  shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive
  him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, I do
  not say to you, up to seven times, but up to
  seventy times seven. (Matt. 1821-22)
• There may be continuing pain every time you see
  the person
• Every time you revisit the pain, you need to
  revisit forgiveness

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What is forgiveness?

• A three-fold promise by the victim
• Not to throw it back in the villains face
• Does not mean you cannot mention it again
• Excludes using it as a weapon

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Forgiveness as a Promise

• Not to tell other people
• Does not mean you cant talk to others about it
• You may need to talk to others to help bring
  about healing in the villain.
• Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and
  tell him his fault between you and him alone. If
  he hears you, you have gained your brother. But
  if he will not hear, take with you one or two
  more, that by the mouth of two or three
  witnesses every word may be established. (Matt.
  1815-16)
• Excludes telling people to gain sympathy or turn
  them against the villain

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Forgiveness as a Promise

• Not to rehearse it in his mind.
• Does not mean you cant remember the sin
• Excludes nursing a grudge or keeping anger going
• When we take up this promise, we give up our
  right to vengeance, and leave it to God
• Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good
  things in the sight of all men. Beloved, do not
  avenge yourselves, but rather give place to
  wrath for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I
  will repay, says the Lord. (Romans 1217, 19)

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How Can We Forgive?

• We can only forgive to about the extent we are
  forgiven
• Christians have been saved from debt of death
• Any debt to us pales in comparison to it
• I, Paul, am writing with my own hand. I will
  repaynot to mention to you that you owe me even
  your own self besides. (Philemon 19)
• But that servant went out and found one of his
  fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii
  and he laid hands on him and took him by the
  throat, saying, Pay me what you owe! So his
  fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged
  him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will
  pay you all. And he would not, but went and
  threw him into prison till he should pay the
  debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had
  been done, they were very grieved, and came and
  told their master all that had been done. Then
  his master, after he had called him, said to him,
  You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt
  because you begged me. Should you not also have
  had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I
  had pity on you? And his master was angry, and
  delivered him to the torturers until he should
  pay all that was due to him. (Matt 1828-34)

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Why Should We Forgive?

• The Bible commands it
• And be kind to one another, tenderhearted,
  forgiving one another, even as God in Christ
  forgave you. (Eph. 432)
• Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins
  against you, rebuke him and if he repents,
  forgive him. And if he sins against you seven
  times in a day, and seven times in a day returns
  to you, saying, I repent, you shall forgive
  him. (Luke 173-4)
• Our forgiveness depends upon forgiving others
• And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our
  debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, But
  deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the
  kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
  Amen. For if you forgive men their trespasses,
  your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But
  if you do not forgive men their trespasses,
  neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
  (Matt. 612-15)
• So My heavenly Father also will do to you if
  each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his
  brother his trespasses. (Matt. 1835)

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Why Should We Forgive?

• Its the only way to avoid bitterness
• Plant anger, reap bitterness
• Anger per se is not sin letting the sun go down
  on it is (Eph. 426-27)
• Be angry, and do not sin do not let the sun go
  down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.
  
• Bitterness is a sin
• Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and
  evil speaking be put away from you, with all
  malice. (Ephesians 431)
• Recognize fruit of bitterness by getting a
  reaction out of proportion to the offense
• Forgiveness is for our own benefit and healing.
• When we do not forgive, this often results in sin
  for us
• looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the
  grace of God lest any root of bitterness
  springing up cause trouble, and by this many
  become defiled (Hebrews 1215)

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What Forgiveness is Not

• Forgiveness is not owed
• We can ask for forgiveness but have no right to
  demand it
• Forgiveness was rescinded in Matt. 1834
• Forgiveness is an example of grace
• If forgiveness is not offered, the relationship
  remains broken from the other end
• We need to be sure our side of the relationship
  is clear
• If it is possible, as much as depends on you,
  live peaceably with all men. (Rom. 1218)

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What Forgiveness Is Not

• The Forgive and Forget myth
• God forgives but does not forget (Job 116
  notwithstanding)
• Forgiveness does not imply restoration of trust
• We do not control whom we trust.
• Trust is lost as a direct consequence of the sin
  that the villain committed against the victim
• Trust needs to be earned
• One effect of following through on a good plan of
  restitution is the re-earning of trust
• Forgiveness does not mean that we remove all
  consequences
• Parents need to forgive their children, but still
  train them
• Sometimes the debt is only partly the victims to
  cancel
• Ortralla Mosleys mother forgiving Marcus McTear
• Victims may need to file charges to prevent other
  victims

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Summary

• Why is forgiveness needed? We hurt each other
• What is forgiveness?
• Cancellation of a debt
• Promise 1. Not to throw it back, 2. Not to tell
  others, 3. Not to nurse a grudge
• How can we forgive? Weve been forgiven a
  greater debt
• Why should we forgive?
• The Bible commands it
• Our forgiveness depends on it
• Its how we avoid bitterness and sin
• What forgiveness is not
• Forgiveness is not owed
• The Forgive and Forget myth
• It does not mean removal of all consequences