Crossing the line

1
Crossing the line

• Exploring Appropriate Boundaries in Befriending
  and Mentoring Projects
• Jess Skelton and Richard Turner
• Friends United Network

2
About FUN

• Long-term befriending for children from
  disadvantaged families in North London
• Children referred between 5-16 from social
  services, schools and directly from parents
• Adult volunteer befrienders meet with their
  matched child once a week for 3-4 hours
• Mininum commitment 2 years longest match 24
  years
• 2008 is FUNs 25th anniversary!

3
What is a boundary?

• That which indicates or fixes a limit or
  extent, or marks a bound, as of a territory a
  bounding or separating line a real or imaginary
  limit

4
How do we know where appropriate boundaries lie?

• Gut feeling/ emotional reaction
• Common sense
• By custom or precedent
• Legally or by policy
• May be explicit or inferred

5
Appropriate boundaries change dependent on
situation..

• Rush hour on the Northern Line
• War (and sometimes sport!)

Sometimes theyre clear..

• Your doctor asks to borrow 20

And sometimes theyre not..
6
Why are clear boundaries so important for
befriending and mentoring projects?

• Its often an unusual relationship with no clear
  precedent
• It involves an element of friendship and people
  come with different expectations
• The client often has some level of vulnerability
  unequal power
• Mentors and befrienders are susceptible to
  becoming overinvolved this can lead to burn
  out (particularly for volunteers)

7
Group work

• Look at the list of scenarios in your groups
• When has an boundary been crossed?
• What are you considering (feeling?) when making
  your decision? How do you know its
  inappropriate?

8
On what do we base our decisions about boundaries?

• Safety of the client
• Long-term success of the match
• Legal issues
• Past experience (both good and bad)
• Safety and reputation of the agency
• Cultural and racial issues
• Nature of role
• Length of match
• Age and gender
• Specific needs of client
• Level of vulnerability
• of client

9
How do we ensure that mentors/ befrienders
understand where appropriate boundaries lie?

• Policy
• Training
• Supervision and support
• Ensuring that the organisations expectations are
  communicated clearly

10
What kind of projects have more complex fluid
boundaries?

• Further towards the befriending end of the
  mentoring/ befriending continuum
• Projects where the role of the mentor/
  befriender is more flexible
• Projects with different kinds of clients and/or
  different levels of need

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Why do boundaries get crossed?

• People have different expectations of friendship
• People have different expectations about the
  level of friendship involved in the match
• The need of the client may be so great that
  volunteers feel compelled to give more
• The client may feel they need more from the
  volunteer than is appropriate

12

• Volunteers may be looking to get their own needs
  met in the relationship
• Clients may not have learnt or understand where
  appropriate boundaries lie
• Clients may not be able to negotiate the
  boundaries that they feel comfortable with
• Policies, training and supervision may not have
  been clear enough

13
Crossed boundaries warning signals

• When boundaries are being crossed it can be a
  signal that all is not well
• Regular supervision for befrienders and mentors
  is essential to pick up problems early
• Supervision for casework staff is essential to
  protect against professional dangerousness

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Summary

• The appropriate boundaries for each project need
  to be carefully thought out
• Guidance on boundaries needs to be clearly
  communicated to mentors/ befrienders
• Some projects will have more complex and fluid
  boundaries. Close and regular supervision will
  be essential for these
• Learn from experience. Have space to reflect on
  whats gone well and what hasnt and ways of
  sharing this with colleagues

15
Contact details

• Jess Skelton (Senior Caseworker)
• jess_at_friendsunitednetwork.org.uk
• Richard Turner (Chief Executive)
• richard_at_friendsunitednetwork.org.uk
• Tel [phone]