Courageous Conversation

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The Academy

• Courageous Conversation

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Courageous Conversations

• Objective Provide chapter presidents (CP) and
  chapter advisors (CA) with tools for courageous
  conversations to address behaviors which are
  inconsistent with GF? core values. The tools are
  available to encourage ongoing dialogue,
  curiosity and as a model for creating positive
  collaborative resolutions.

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Your Beliefs About Conflict

• Stand if you agree
• It is possible to eliminate conflict if both
  parties try hard enough.
• Women get into more conflicts with other women
  than men do with other men.
• Most conflicts in the chapter are between the
  officers and the general membership.
• I prefer to avoid conflict if at all possible.
• I prefer to win conflicts.
• A woman should be President.

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Courageous Conversation vs. Confrontation

• Confront - to bring something to the forefront,
  bring a topic up for discussion.
• Courageous Conversation - to bring topics to the
  forefront using the purpose of your relationship
  and the purpose of the organization to engage in
  a meaningful dialogue for a positive resolution.

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Dialogue vs. Discussion

• What kind of conversation are you having?
• Discussion
• i. To shake apart, examine or scatter
• ii. To take up conversation
• iii. To argue pros cons of
• Dialogue
• i. German- one who speaks magic words
• ii. Latin- Gather to speak
• iii. Greek- flow through speech
• Use of self reflection, curiosity and
  non-judgmental approach

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Discussion vs Dialogue
Person expresses a thought, idea or need
Differences emerge
CHOICE POINT
Dialogue -Learn/Learn -Remain open -Learning and
change -Collaborate -Inquire to understand
Discussion-Debate -Win/lose -Take a stand -Take
control -Change the other
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Using Curiosity, Not Judgment

• Listen to learn
• Paraphrase to learn more and clarify, not judge
• Understanding is not the same as agreeing
• Listen to the feelings beneath the words
• Encourage the person to clarify their comments
• Remember, 70 of a message is non-verbal, so
  observe
• Avoid phrases such as If I were you you
  should heres what you should do. This implies
  judgment.
• Instead, use such phrases as Might I offer a
  suggestion? Have you ever thought of another
  way? Would you be interested in other ideas?

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Tools

• Active listening
• Lead in Emotion Content PAUSE
• Listening to understand, not to respond
• I messages
• Non-blameful description of behavior
• When this happens
• Emotion
• I feel, Im concerned
• Result of the Behavior
• Asking 2nd more powerful questions, aka peeling
  the onion
• Really? Can you tell me more?

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Lets Practice!!

• Break into groups of two to three.
• Choose a specific situation/behavior you would
  like to address, or use one of the following
  scenarios.
• Utilize the Courageous Conversation Skill
  Builder handout to script your situation and
  role play Divide the time equally.
• Situations
• 1. A senior is not showing up to chapter
  meetings.
• 2. A new member attending her first
  social/exchange dresses in a risqué manner.
  Members approach you about her attire.

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Purpose Triad

• Description the purpose triad is a communication
  technique that reinforces the organizations
  philosophy. It is a declarative statement that
  utilizes the core values and vision to guide
  behavior. It replaces the personal with purpose.

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Purpose Triad

• The purpose triad focuses on how each person
  supports the organization through their officer
  responsibilities and membership. It links each
  persons action to the mission and values of Gamma
  Phi Beta.
• What is the purpose of our relationship?
• Describe how the behavior does not align with the
  purpose or core values of Gamma Phi Beta.
• Describe how you want the behavior to align with
  our purpose.

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Purpose Triad

Purpose
You
Other
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Purpose Triad
Purpose
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Follow-up with the Purpose Triad

• How do we avoid being sucked into the drama
  often associated with conflict?
• Use the golden toilet plunger.
• Use the 24-hour rule if too much emotion is
  present.
• Come to an agreement and use follow-up methods.

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Courageous Conversation Negotiation

• Separate people from the problem.
• Be hard on the problem, soft on the person.
• Assume there is a win-win solution.
• If we both succeed in getting what we want, what
  would happen?
• Focus on interests not position.
• Ask not only for what the other person wants, but
  why they want it?