THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION

1
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION

• CHAPTER 7

2
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION

• 1) The only child
• 2) The first born child
• 3) The second child
• 4) The youngest child
• 5) The middle child
• 6) Generalizations
• 7) Competition

3
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION

• INTRODUCTION
• The relationships that the child forms within
  the family contribute greatly to his personality
  development and to his transactions in the world
  outside the family.

4
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION

• INTRODUCTION
• In the family each child develops his frame of
  reference through his perceptions,
  interpretations, and evaluations of the world.
• The knowledge, skills, and habits he acquires in
  the home determine his capacity for dealing
  effectively with all life situations.

5
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION

• INTRODUCTION
• Specific types of challenges, opportunities,
  barriers, and expectations in the family can be
  greatly influenced by the position of ones birth
  Birth Order.

6
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION

• INTRODUCTION
• The childs interactions and reactions to family
  members significantly influence his development
  he influences the members of his family as much
  as he is influenced by them.

7
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION

• INTRODUCTION
• Each child in his early relationships with other
  members of the family establishes his own
  approach to others in his effort to gain a place
  in the group.

8
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION

• INTRODUCTION
• All of the childs strivings are directed
  towards achieving or maintaining a feeling of
  security, a sense of belonging, and a certainty
  that the difficulties of life will be overcome
  from which he will emerge safely and
  victoriously.

9
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION

• INTRODUCTION
• No two children born into the same family grow
  up in the same atmosphere the family
  environment that surrounds each individual child
  varies.

10
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION

• INTRODUCTION
• Although there are children who are happy in
  their ordinal position, there are others who are
  not. How they feel will depend on the
  conclusions drawn from their experiences and
  their interpretation of them.

11
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION

• INTRODUCTION
• In the life pattern of every child there is the
  imprint of his position in the family, which has
  definite characteristics. It is upon this one
  fact the childs subjective impression of his
  place within the family constellation that much
  of his future attitude towards life depends.

12
THE ONLY CHILD

• The only child has a difficult start in life due
  to spending his entire life among persons who
  are more proficient. He usually measures himself
  by adult standards and often has high aspirations.

13
THE ONLY CHILD

• Parents of only children tend to be more
  overprotective and constrictive, particularly
  when the parents wanted more than just one child
  but were unable to have them.

14
THE ONLY CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
• The child is often pampered and enjoys his
  position as the center of interest.
• The child may become self-centered.
• Discord may occur in the family if the only
  child identifies most with the parent of the
  opposite sex.

15
THE ONLY CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
• The child may feel insecure because of the
  anxiety of his parents who often remind him that
  you are all we have.
• If his parents are overindulgent, the child may
  feel unfairly treated and refuse to cooperate if
  his requests are not granted.

16
THE ONLY CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
• The child may be too adult centered and
  therefore, may have difficulty relating to peers.
• The child usually accepts the values of his
  parents.

17
THE ONLY CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
• The child is often conservative and serious.
• The child is often highly ambitious and
  achievement oriented.

18
THE FIRSTBORN CHILD

• The first child has a precarious position in
  life. Being the oldest usually entitles him to
  the favored spot.
• He very often is the parents most wanted child,
  and he tends to represent his parents dreams and
  ambitions.

19
THE FIRSTBORN CHILD

• The first child may become discouraged upon the
  birth of the 2nd child and refuse to take
  responsibility, but in general he tends to be
  responsible.

20
THE FIRSTBORN CHILD

• The first child may lack personal security
  because he measures himself against adult levels
  of accomplishment.
• He may not hold up well under stress and turn to
  others for support.

21
THE FIRSTBORN CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
• This child was an only child for a period of
  time and during that time he had the undivided
  attention of his parents.
• As a firstborn, this child feels threatened by
  the advance of the sibling that follows him. He
  must maintain the position of being first.

22
THE FIRSTBORN CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
• This child often feels as if he has been
  dethroned upon the arrival of the 2nd born,
  feeling as if his parents do not love him as much
  as they did before.
• He sometimes strives to protect and help others
  in his struggle to keep the upper hand as the big
  brother or the big sister.

23
THE FIRSTBORN CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
• He may express death wishes or hate directed
  toward the 2nd child.
• If the 2nd child is precocious, it may threaten
  the first childs position, particularly if the
  2nd child is a girl and the firstborn is a boy.

24
THE FIRSTBORN CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
• If the first child is a girl and the 2nd child a
  boy who receives more admiration from the
  parents, the girl may draw the conclusion that
  boys are preferred, therefore developing a sense
  of inferiority. She may try to overcompensate
  through charm, cooperation, or become a tomboy in
  order to find acceptance.

25
THE SECOND CHILD

• This child is in an uncomfortable position in
  life. Mostly he takes a steam-engine attitude,
  trying to catch up with the child in front, and
  feels as if he is under constant pressure.

26
THE SECOND CHILD

• These children often move right past their older
  and more perfectionist-minded firstborns.
• The parents of these children tend to be more
  relaxed, less strict, and less preoccupied with
  childrearing than occurred during the firstborn.

27
THE SECOND CHILD

• The second child is usually more socially
  oriented. He is also apt to be more aggressive
  and competitive, quite often rejecting rules and
  regulations.

28
THE SECOND CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
• This child never has his parents undivided
  attention
• The child always has in front of him another
  child who is more advanced.
• The child feels that the firstborn cannot be
  matched, which disputes his claim of equality.

29
THE SECOND CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
• This child often acts as if he is in a race
  hyperactive and pushy.
• If the firstborn is successful, the 2nd child is
  more likely to feel uncertain of himself and his
  abilities.
• The child is usually opposite of the first
  child.

30
THE SECOND CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
• The child may be less concerned about winning
  adult approval than about winning peer approval.
• The child may frequently be a rebel.

31
THE MIDDLE CHILD

• This child may have a difficult time finding his
  place in the family group and may feel neglected,
  but middle children of larger families tend to be
  more stable with fewer conflicts with other
  family members.

32
THE MIDDLE CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARATERISTICS
• The child may feel that he has neither the
  privileges of the youngest nor the rights of the
  oldest child.
• He may hold the conviction that people are
  unfair to him.
• He may feel unloved.

33
THE MIDDLE CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARATERISTICS
• He may become extremely discouraged and a
  problem child.
• He may replace his family if they do not feel as
  if he belongs by becoming overly involved with a
  peer group.

34
THE YOUNGEST CHILD

• The youngest child has a special place in the
  family constellation. He may become a speeder
  because he has been outdistanced and may then
  become the most successful, or most discouraged
  feeling inferior to others.

35
THE YOUNGEST CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
• Gets more attention from the family
• Gets less pressure from parents when compared to
  older siblings
• May be punished less
• May retain the baby role and place others in his
  service

36
THE YOUNGEST CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
• Often feels like an only child
• Usually has things done for him
• Has most decisions made for him by others
• May not be taken seriously

37
THE YOUNGEST CHILD

• SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
• May become the boss in the family
• Often allies himself with the first child
• May attempt to excel and overtake his older
  siblings

38
GENERALIZATIONS

• If there are 5 to6 years spacing between the
  birth of the children, each child may have some
  of the characteristics of an only child.
• In such a situation there may be more than one
  family constellation

39
GENERALIZATIONS

• The direction in life a child takes depends on
  the family values. If a male grows up in a
  highly male-oriented family and he feels inferior
  as a male, he may acquire feminine
  characteristics. Females growing up in the same
  environment may emulate the behaviors of boys.

40
GENERALIZATIONS

• If a particular value is held by both parents,
  then every child in the family is bound to take a
  stand. Sometimes children become rebellious, and
  alter the family values to purposely defeat their
  parents.

41
COMPETITION

• Competition accounts for the degree of
  differences between children in the same family.
  Sibling rivalry can occur even when there are no
  fights on the surface, even when children seem to
  be getting along well.

42
COMPETITION

• There are 2 types of Sibling Rivalry
• 1) QUANTITATIVE
• 2) QUALITATIVE

43
COMPETITION

• QUANTITATIVE
• - This type of competition is found from
  children within the same family who pursue the
  same goal but who are striving to outshine the
  other.

44
COMPETITION

• 2) QUALTITATIVE
• - This type of competition is found in children
  who stay out of the areas in which their siblings
  are successful. Each child strives to be
  successful in their own area.

45
COMPETITION

• - As each member strives for his own place
  within the group, the competing opponents watch
  each other carefully to see the ways and means by
  which the opponent succeeds or fails.
• - Where one succeeds, the other gives up where
  one shows weaknesses the other steps in.

46
SUMMARY

• While Adler and Dreikurs believed in the
  concept and related theories of birth order, both
  realized that each child and family member is
  distinctly different and could not always be
  explained by the order in which he was born.