Transforming Conflict: Promoting Harmony and Healing in Shelter

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Transforming Conflict Promoting Harmony and
Healing in Shelter

• Presented by
• Beth Schnorr, Executive Director
• Harbor House Domestic Abuse Programs
• Appleton, WI
• Developed from the Audio Conference Enhancing
  Advocacy Skills for Effective Conflict Resolution
  in Domestic Violence Shelter Programs
• by Kenya Fairley, Program Manager, National
  Resource Center on DV
• Lisa Fleming, Chief Operating Officer, Rose
  Brooks Center
• Loretta Baum, Counselor, Family Crisis Center,
  Inc. of Prince Georges County

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Workshop Goals

• Increase understanding of the challenges
  associated with communal living
• Explore different types of conflict
• Examine ways to measure the intensity and impact
  of conflict within the shelter
• Explore ways to reduce, resolve, contain, and
  regroup once conflict arises

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Meeting Survivors Needs A Multi-State Study of
Domestic Violence Shelter Experiences

• Captured the voices and experiences of over 3,400
  shelter residents in 215 programs across 8 states
  (CT, FL, IL, MI, NM, OK, TN, WA)
• One section focused on the kinds of problems
  encountered by the shelter residents and the
  extent to which these problems were resolved

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Challenges to Shelter Living

• Sudden change in family circumstances
• Living in close proximity to other families
• Recovering from the crisis that led them to seek
  shelter

• Attending to their childrens reactions
• Finding privacy
• Getting along with other residents
• Complying with shelter rules

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Main Challenges Identified by Survivors
Resident Problems Encountered Resolved
Conflict with other Residents 32 73
Transportation 24 54
Time limits 16 50
Finding privacy 16 47
Curfew 14 61
Child discipline 13 66
Chores 13 59
Conflict with Staff 13 49
Choices of food 13 44
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Key Areas of Conflict

• Entering the Shelter
• New Community or Neighborhood
• Recovering from the effects of recent
  trauma/abuse
• Differences in culture and lifestyle
• Temporary nature of shelter living
• Adjustment to communal living environment
• Settling in and adjustment to shelter living
• Time needed to understand and adjust to the
  shelter structure and support system
• Constant transition of families in/out of the
  shelter
• Difficulty establishing and/or maintaining a
  routine
• Challenges in finding privacy

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Key Areas of Conflict (continued)

• Issues related to children and parenting
• Differences in parenting styles and expectations
• Limited services to assist parents with the
  children
• Prohibition of physical or corporal punishment
• Varying responses/coping strategies of children
  exposed to dv
• Shelter rules and structure
• Some residents welcome structure while others
  experience it as overly structured/restrictive
• Rules/Guidelines followed and enforced to varying
  degrees
• Residents responding in crisis mode

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Impact of Domestic Violence on Children
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Impact of Abuse on Children

• Mental/Emotional Health
• Heightened levels of anxiety
• Difficulty distinguishing right from wrong
• Sense of safety and security is compromised
• Depression / helplessness / hopelessness
• Fear of abandonment
• Feeling burdened adult roles/care for siblings
• Guilt, shame, feelings of isolation
• Resentment towards one or both parents

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Impact of Abuse on Children (continued)

• Physical Health
• Physical injuries
• Bed wetting (episodic or regressive)
• Trouble sleeping (inability to fall asleep, stay
  asleep, or nightmares)
• Eating problems
• Somatic complaints (headaches, stomach aches,
  body pains)
• Regression in development
• No reaction to pain at times
• Education and Academics
• Difficulty learning
• Lack of motivation to participate in activities
  or complete goals
• Compensation or overachieving behaviors

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Impact of Abuse on Children (continued)

• Behavior
• Infants may adapt to violent, stressful
  conditions
• Aggressive behavior
• Run aways
• Self-injurious behaviors
• Poor response to parental authority
• Social/Interpersonal Relationships
• Inability to empathize with others
• Rigid stereotypes, perpetration of violence, and
  victimization
• Difficulty trusting
• May resist intimacy
• Poor conflict resolution skills
• Greater risk of being involved with dating
  violence

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Batterer Impact Parent-Child Relationship

• Direct/indirect interference with parenting
• Under duress, the victim-parent may not be able
  to fully attend to the needs of the children
• Potential for child to absorb the batterers
  disrespect/contempt for the victim-parent
• This can lead to distance in the parent-child
  relationship
• Particularly prevalent in boys age 8 and older,
  and in both sexes as teenagers

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Batterer Impact Parent-Child Rel. (continued)

• Child may exhibit violence towards the
  victim-parent
• Reproduction of battering behavior
• Assumption of batterers role after separation
• Use of children as weapons while together and
  after separation
• Deliberate endangerment neglect/maltreatment to
  pressure the victim-parent into reconciliation
• Threatening to take the children
• Use of children as vehicles for communication

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Shelter Rules Reduction and Elimination
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How rules create conflict

• Purpose to help ensure safety and wellbeing.
• Monitoring and enforcement vs. build a trusting,
  respectful and equal relationship between staff
  and residents.
• Role of monitor/enforcer strongly contradicts the
  core values and philosophies of our advocacy
  work.

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Reducing Shelter Rules

• Where to Start
• Identify and describe your agencys mission,
  vision, values and philosophies.
• Do current practices and rules support or
  conflict with your core values and philosophies?

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Where to Start (continued)

• Common Core Values and Beliefs
• Safety and Respite from Violence and Control
• Empowerment
• Right to Self Determination
• Right to Accessible Services

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Where to Start (continued)

• Implement as a Pilot Project.
• Try it out. If it doesnt work you can change
  back to the old practices.
• Establish new expectations for advocacy.
• Replace these monitoring functions with advocacy
  that support your values and beliefs.
• Establish new procedures for dealing with
  community living conflicts
• Focus on What is a successful shelter stay?

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Project Results

• Fewer conflicts between staff and residents
• Staff report better rapport in the absence of
  having to monitor and enforce rules.
• Lessens the power and control staff have over
  residents

• Fewer (or no) problems with chores, persons using
  drugs/alcohol, childrens bedtimes, etc.
• Increase in positive results from resident
  satisfaction surveys
• Average length of stay increased from 28 to 43
  days

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What is Conflict in the Shelter Setting?
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Characteristics of Conflict

• Conflict within the shelter setting cannot be
  avoided
• Differing perceptions of need and how to get them
  met
• Within the shelter setting, conflict may exist
  whether all parties are aware of it or not the
  conflict escalates at the time that other parties
  become aware of its existence
• When managed well, conflict can be a very
  valuable teaching tool when managed poorly,
  conflict can become distracting, disruptive, and
  destructive within the shelter environment

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Desired Outcomes of Conflict Resolution

• Enhanced and more meaningful survivor/advocate
  relationship
• De-escalation of any additional or related
  tension or conflict
• Increased understanding of shelter/agency
  services, opportunities, and limitations
• Improved decision-making skills and increased
  understanding of how those decisions are made
• Resolutions that will satisfy the needs and
  remove the disruption from the shelter environment

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Desired Outcomes (continued)

• A change in survivor and advocate behavior that
  will reduce future conflict and enhance provision
  of services
• Reduction in tension/stress and better coping
  skills on the part of the survivor and advocate
• Increased opportunities for success on the part
  of the survivor and advocate to meet established
  goals
• Greater empowerment on the part of the survivor
  to continue working towards safety, independence,
  and self-sufficiency
• Greater cohesiveness amongst the shelter
  residents and staff to maintain a stable shelter
  environment

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Guidelines to resolving conflict situations

• Respond in a timely manner in the best scenario
  possible
• Prior to meeting with a resident(s) to discuss
  the conflict, process the situation with your
  supervisor or a colleague
• It is best to plan ahead and determine which
  staff member is best suited to address the
  conflict
• If possible, have a 2nd staff member sit-in on
  the discussion, determine their role and level of
  participation in advance

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Guidelines (continued)

• Do not address the conflict situation until staff
  are able to remain calm and not take the
  resident(s) response personally, even if being
  verbally attacked or physically threatened
• Anger on the part of the survivor may be a very
  real and valid response to life and/or shelter
  stressors
• Allow survivors to express their feelings, help
  them process through it, re-direct their energy
  towards a more positive solution
• Rarely is the conflict about you as an
  individual remember that conflict arises out of
  differing needs
• In times of crisis, people may sometimes behave
  in ways that they would not otherwise when they
  are safe and have their needs met.

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Handling the DiscussionHuman Resources, Univ. of
California, Berkley

• Acknowledge that a difficult situation exists.
• Seek to understand
• Let individuals express their feelings.
• Define the problem. Determine the underlying
  need.
• Find common areas of agreement, no matter how
  small.
• Agree on the problem
• Agree on the procedure to follow
• Agree on worst fears
• Agree on some small change to give an experience
  of success

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Handling the Discussion (continued)Human
Resources, Univ. of California, Berkley

• Find solutions to satisfy needs.
• Problem-solve by generating multiple
  alternatives.
• Determine which actions will be taken.
• Make sure involved parties buy into actions.
• Determine follow-up you will take to monitor
  actions.
• Determine what youll do if the conflict goes
  unresolved.

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Scenario 1

• Aisha requested a meeting with shelter staff to
  discuss Helens child Amy. On several occasions,
  Amy has burst into Aishas room without
  permission and on one occasion, Aisha came into
  the shelter from work and found Amy playing in
  her room with Aishas sons toys.
• Each time, Aisha has tried to resolve this matter
  with Helen, who has talked to her daughter Amy
  about boundaries and personal space.
  Unfortunately, Amy just yells at Helen or runs
  away and continues to do what she wants. Now,
  Aishas sons Nintendo DS is missing and she
  believes that Amy has taken it.
• Helen and Amy are headed out of the shelter to
  run errands and as Aisha is waiting for staff to
  talk to her, she decides to confront Helen in
  case they are leaving with the missing Nintendo
  DS.

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Questions to be explored

• Should staff intervene or allow the confrontation
  to play itself out? Why or why not?
• How might this conflict, and the details
  involved, impact the shelter environment?
• Based on each families history of domestic
  violence, how should shelter staff work with each
  mother to resolve the conflict? How do they work
  with the children?
• What recourse does Aisha have in this scenario?
• What are the implications for the rules at the
  shelter regarding resident interaction,
  monitoring of children, theft, and privacy?

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Scenario 2

• Suki has been in the shelter for 3 months now,
  awaiting a final confirmation of her move-in date
  for transitional housing (its been rescheduled
  twice at this point).
• Shes become increasingly frustrated with the
  slow response from the Housing Authority, and
  with the rules of the shelter which she finds to
  be very limiting and too strict. On a few
  occasions shes been written up for not having
  her daughter in school during the weekday.
• This morning, Sukis frustrations boiled over and
  she screamed at the Shelter Director and made
  physically threatening gestures. Several
  residents saw this happen and now Suki has
  stormed out of the shelter.

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Questions to be explored

• How do you respond to the residents who have
  witnessed this entire exchange?
• What will be the staff response to Suki when she
  returns to the shelter?
• What are the implications for your continued
  service provision to Suki and her daughter?
• How might Sukis past experiences with domestic
  violence and at the shelter, including past
  conflicts with staff, contribute to this
  situation?
• What role might shelter rules, program or funding
  goals, and advocacy philosophy play in this
  situation?

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Scenario 3

• Recently, Kelly, the overnight weekend staff at
  the shelter, was out sick for a few days. Staff
  who filled in for her reported that a few women
  came in past curfew and two of them appeared
  inebriated. They made lots of noise and disturbed
  several of the children who had already been put
  to bed.
• When confronted by relief staff, the residents
  said that Kelly lets them come in when they want
  to because its the weekend and she believes they
  need more freedom in the shelter.
• To date, as the Shelter Director, youve received
  no reports that residents in the shelter have
  come in past curfew or been suspected of drinking
  alcohol, however you are aware that one of the
  women that came in late has a history of
  substance abuse.

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Questions to be explored

• As Kellys supervisor, how do you manage this
  situation upon her return?
• How do you respond to the residents that have
  been breaking shelter rules with the permission
  of shelter staff?
• Noting the past experiences of each of the women
  that came in past curfew, including
  victimization, shelter living, and various
  interactions with staff, how might those
  experiences have contributed to this situation?

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Scenario 4

• Judy arrived at the shelter late last night and
  needs court accompaniment
• for a Protective Order hearing this morning. Her
  case is quite severe and
• involves use of strangulation, weapons, and
  threats to kill her by her
• partner who is a law enforcement officer.
• Prior to Julys arrival, another resident, Donna
  requested transportation and
• accompaniment to her appointment for transitional
  housing shes new to
• the area and very nervous about her interview.
  At this time, theres only
• one staff member (the Case Manager) whos
  available to go to one of the
• appointments.

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Questions to be explored

• Which appointment should the Case Manager attend?
  Why?
• What other resources/options might be offered to
  the resident who will not be accompanied by the
  Case Manager?
• How will that message be delivered?
• What are the implications for staff relationships
  with these residents?
• What role might agency policies, program or
  funding goals, and advocacy philosophy play in
  this situation?

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Questions to be explored (continued)

• What role might agency policy, shelter rules, and
  advocacy philosophy play in this situation?
• What are the implications for staff relationships
  with residents in the shelter? Consider those
  that were involved and those that were not.
• How do you raise and discuss these issues at your
  next staff meeting? Consider whether there are
  factors that make exceptions to the rules
  necessary. Who should be making that judgment and
  on what basis?

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Reference Materials

• For related materials, research, and resources,
  visit VAWnet the National Online Resource Center
  on Violence Against Women at www.vawnet.org or
  use the links below.
• Conflict Resolution Tools for Domestic Violence
  Shelter Staff (http//new.vawnet.org/category/inde
  x_pages.php?category_id940).
• Meeting Survivors Needs A Multi-State Study of
  Domestic Violence Shelter Experiences
  (http//new.vawnet.org/category/index_pages.php?ca
  tegory_id936).