Feedback on Paper Two

1
Feedback on Paper Two

• CRTW 201
• Dr. Fike

2
Grading

• I was looking for 4 things
• Did you have 4 pages minimum?
• Did you have all parts of the classical argument
  plus a bridge paragraph?
• Did you do your Works Cited list correctly?
• Did you have fewer than 12 categories of errors
  on the grid?
• For each no answer, I deducted .5 point.
• With the exception of MLA format, these
  components did not have to be perfect they just
  had to be present.

3
This Slide Show

• I will walk you through the paper and emphasize
  the most important things that a lot of you need
  to work on.

4
Introduction

• Mention the passage in the introduction and say
  something about it in the thesis.
• Do not quote it here, however. Just establish
  the expectation that you will quote it in the
  body.

5
A Really Good Thesis

• Although nature plays a role, I will argue that
  my ability to think as an Early Childhood
  Education major (as illustrated by the passage in
  Exploring Education) is due mainly to nurture
  because of the influence of my mother who is a
  teacher in the Early Childhood field.
• Key components
• An although clause that anticipates objections,
• A main clause that mentions the passage and gives
  a controversial idea for which the paper will
  argue,
• And a because clause that gives a reason why
  and anticipates arguments

6
Length of Introduction

• It should be at least 5 sentences / half a page.
• I want to see your thesis on page 1.

7
Background Paragraph

• You need a good topic sentence, but it must be a
  sentence that the paragraph actually supports.
• Quote the passage double space, double indent.
  
• Add 2-3 sentences after the quotation. Digest
  the quotation a bit before starting a new
  paragraph.
• Do not just start a new paragraph or go on to the
  elements in the same paragraph.

8
Your Passage

• It has to be a paragraph not one or two
  sentences.
• Pick something interesting and controversial,
  something that you will have to THINK about.
• If you cannot apply the elements to it, pick
  another passage.
• The passage has to be about something in your
  field, not about critical thinking in general.

9
The Elements

• Apply the elements of critical thinking in a
  separate paragraph. It is okay to have more than
  one paragraph on the elements.
• Talk about what is IN the passage, not about your
  discipline in general.
• Underline the name of each element The purpose
  of music therapy is to recognize.

10
Problem Confusion about Q_at_I

• There is only one Question at Issue in the
  passage.
• Do not be confused by the presence of multiple
  questions in the passage.
• What OVERALL question is the author trying to
  answer? That is the Q_at_I.

11
Problem Order of Elements

• You followed Nosichs order on page 68, and it is
  true that you can start with any element.
• But for Paper Two you need a different order. I
  suggest
• Contextthe source from which you took the
  quotation
• Point of view
• Q_at_I
• Purpose
• Other elements in whatever order seems logical.
• If your order is arbitrary because you followed
  Nosichs list, your organization will be jumbled.

12
Bridge Paragraph

• Between the elements paragraph and the arguments
  paragraph, give me a bridge paragraph.
• A bridge between what two things?
• Between what you just did with your passage and
  the elements
• And what you did in the exercise on pages 63-64
• There is OVERLAP between thinking about your
  passage in particular and thinking in your
  discipline in general.
• This intersection is what belongs in the bridge
  paragraph. Think partially overlapping circles.
  
• The overlapping part should contain the type or
  types of thinking that you should EXTRACT (not
  exacttypo) from the elements section to argue
  about in the next section of the paper.

13
Argument Section

• Here is the problem with micro-managing your
  papers If I do not mention something, you
  assume that you do not need to include it.
• I did not specifically tell you to mention your
  passage in the argument section of the paper
  therefore, you did not bother to do so.

14
But Remember

• Your passage is your focus.
• You must talk about the focused topic in every
  paragraph.
• Therefore, you should mention your passage in
  your argument/objection/reply paragraphs.
• Otherwise, you have a paper that reads like a
  chopped up snakeno unity.

15
How To Increase Unity

• Often a key concept will arise from your passage
  like these examples from your papers
• Concentration
• Great teacher
• Imitation
• Building such a concept into the thesis and topic
  sentences would greatly increase the papers
  unity.

16
Another Way To Increase Unity

• There is another reason for lack of unity in your
  papers namely, a disconnection between two
  things
• Where does your ability to think in your
  discipline come fromnature or nurture? This is
  what youre supposed to argue about.
• And one of the following things that you actually
  discussed
• What makes you, for example, a suitable teacher?
• How did you come to the decision that you should
  be a teacher?
• Stay with thinking in your discipline do not
  meander off on a tangent.

17
Objections

• They have to be more than one sentence.
• Do two things in your objection paragraph
• Poke holes in your arguments.
• Offer the alternative (nature vs. nurture)
• In other words, you should first object directly
  to the argumentsstate that they are weak in
  particular ways. THEN give your alternative view.

18
Reply

• Concession has to be more than a sentence or
  less
• These objections are pretty realistic. Then
  the paper arbitrarily claims that they are less
  weighty than the arguments.
• Well, why are they pretty realistic?
• Make the concession a substantive part of your
  paper, not just a structural element.
• You will probably need a topic sentence that
  anticipates both concession and reply.

19
Conclusion

• Are you in the right major?
• Which one of Ridleys statements about nature and
  nurture seems most relevant to your situation?
• Answer these questions at a minimum.

20
Works Cited List

• Double space not only within but also between
  entries.

21
Correct This W.C. Entry

• Ridley, Matt. Genome The Autobiography
• of a Species in 23 Chapters. New York, NY
  HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 1999.

22
Corrected Version

• Ridley, Matt. Genome The Autobiography
• of a Species in 23 Chapters. New York
• HarperCollins, 1999.

23
Conferences

• Bring 2 copies of your graded draft and comment
  sheet.
• Be prepared to ask questions, make comments,
  propose solutions to problems.
• If you do all of that, you will receive 5/5.
• If you leave something out, you will receive 4/5.