SAFE PLACE

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SAFE PLACE
Creating a Safe Environment
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Statement of Purpose

• To foster, for all people, healthy, loving
  relationships in the image of God
• To prevent unhealthy, negative, or harmful
  relationships and boundary violations, especially
  child abuse.

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A safe environment

• Offers children and adults the opportunity to
  grow in Catholic faith and experience
  relationships that promote healthy development
  of
• Spirituality
• Sexuality
• Emotional growth
• Intellectual growth
• Physical growth

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We establish safe environments for all by

• Cultivating role- and age-appropriate
  relationships.
• Maintaining healthy personal
• boundaries.
• Creating structure to assure adult and youth
  rights.

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BOUNDARIES What are Boundaries? A boundary is a
personal space that you keep between yourself and
others. It defines where I end and you begin.
Boundaries work in two ways They allow things
in, and they keep things out. Boundaries are
important because they define areas of privacy.
Initially, parents help you begin setting your
boundaries. Later, you take a more active role in
setting your boundaries.
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External Boundaries

• Protect your body, keeping it safe and healthy.
• PhysicalProtect your body.
• SexualProtect your sexual body parts and your
  sexuality.

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Internal Boundaries

• Protect your thoughts and emotions.
• EmotionalProtect your feelings.
• SpiritualProtect the deepest part of who you
  areyour sense of hope, trust, mystery, security,
  and spirituality.

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The purpose of a relationship determines its
boundaries.

• Examples of relationships include
• Parent/Child
• Brother/Sister
• Husband/Wife

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Anyone charged with the care, education, and
protection of a child, youth, or other vulnerable
person is acting in loco parentis. (Defined by
Websters Dictionary as, in the place of a
parent, orof a parents authority.)

• Examples of such relationships include
• Teacher/Student
• Coach/Athlete
• Youth Minister/Youth
• Adult Volunteer/Youth

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Your Boundary Circle
YOU
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It is important for people to know what you stand
for. It is equally important that they know what
you wont stand for. Everyone you encounter fits
somewhere in your boundary circle. Strangers are
the farthest outside, with casual acquaintances
next, friends next, good friends and than family
closest to you. Where do the various people in
your life fit within your Boundary circle? Write
their names in the appropriate places.
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What is Sex Webster's - sex \seks\ n (ME, fr. L
sexus) 1 either of two divisions of organisms
distinguished respectively as male or female 2
The sum of structural, functional, and behavioral
peculiarities of living beings that serve
reproduction by two interacting parents and
distinguish males and females 3. a Sexually
motivated phenomena or behavior b SEXUAL
INTERCOURSE
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Sexuality affects all aspects of the human
person, body and soul.

• It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity
  to love and to procreate, and in a more general
  way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion
  with others.
• The sexual act must take place exclusively within
  marriage.
• Source Catechism of the Catholic Church,
• Second Edition, 1997.

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The Different types of Child Abuse Physical
Abuse Sexual Abuse Emotional Abuse Spiritual
abuse
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Emotional Grooming

• When someone manipulates anothers emotions to
  skillfully gain control of that person.
• Emotional grooming is used
• to seduce, coerce, or con
• others into sexual
• activity.

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Key Elements of the Emotional Grooming Process

• False sense of trusta groomer convinces the
  victim that s/he is the only person in the world
  to trust.
• Secrecygroomers persuade
• their victims to keep our little
• secret hidden from others.

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Language Cons

• Words and phrases or lines that groomers
  use to trick and manipulate their targets.
• Sometimes lines make a target feel special or
  desired other times they make a target feel
  guilty or threatened.
• Lines may seem genuine or sincere at first, but
  their real purpose is to control the target.
• Language cons are used to convince targets to do
  things they shouldnt do.

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The Nine Grooming Tactics

• Flattery
• Bribery
• Status
• Jealousy and Possessiveness
• Insecurity
• Accusations
• Intimidation
• Anger
• Control

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Flattery

• Exaggerated and insincere comments said in order
  to get something in return.
• Is often sexually suggestive or graphic.
• Is not the same as a compliment.

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Bribery

• Giving to get.
• The groomer may give material things to his
  target, but these gifts always have a string
  attached.
• The target may believe that some sort of sexual
  behavior is due to pay back the groomer for the
  gifts.

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Status

• The groomer uses what s/he has (possessions) or
  who s/he is (image, popularity, or position) to
  lure a target into a sexual relationship.
• The target may like hanging around with the
  popular crowd and be convinced that sexual
  activity is owed in return.

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Other Forms of Status

• Groomer uses his/her age to lure a younger
  target.
• Younger targets seek status by pursuing
  friendships with someone several years older.
• Some people think sexual activity will give them
  status.

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Jealousy and Possessiveness

• A normal yet difficult human emotion.
• Only a grooming tactic when used to control or
  manipulate someone else.
• Examples of manipulative jealousy
• Telling someone how to dress, who to talk to,
  where to go, etc.
• Treating someone as an object to own rather than
  a person to relate to.

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Insecurity

• A normal human emotion.
• Its a grooming tactic only when its used to
  manipulate someone else.
• The groomer uses insecurity to manipulate
• May act insecure and ask for reassurance of the
  targets love and loyalty.
• May want pity and sympathy.
• May threaten self-harm.

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The other misuse of insecurity

• When the groomer attempts to magnify the targets
  insecurities or create new insecurities.
• The groomer hopes the target will feel so bad
  that s/he will stay in a relationship with the
  groomer and become more reluctant to open up to
  others.

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Accusations

• The groomer creates false or exaggerated
  accusations to frighten, threaten, and ultimately
  control the target.
• Frequently made in public places to humiliate or
  intimidate others.

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Intimidationa powerful form of manipulation

• Is not a normal human emotion and has no place in
  healthy relationships.
• The groomer intimidates by frightening, coercing,
  or threatening others into submission.
• Can be verbal, nonverbal, or a combination of
  both.
• Is always wrong and always manipulative.

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Examples of verbal intimidation

• The groomer may
• Use vulgar sexual language in front of the
  target.
• Make sexual noises or sounds.
• Use specific, graphic sexual descriptions of what
  the groomer want to do to the target.
• Ask questions that are too personal or sexual in
  nature.

?????
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Intimidating Physical Actions

• Looming over someone who is seated.
• Standing too close.
• Touching/grabbing self or others.
• Using loud and controlling voice tones and
  language.
• Staring at sexual body parts.
• Hitting the palm of the hand forcefully.
• Clothing that is too tight or too revealing.
• Faking a punch.
• Intimidating stances
• Slouching over, holding their hands on their
  crotches, howling, whistling making catcalls.

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Anger

• Anger is a normal human emotion.
• It is only a grooming tactic when used to
  manipulate others.

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Control

• The ultimate goal of an
• emotional groomer is to gain control of the
  target and of the relationship.
• The groomer seeks to gain power or dominance in
  the relationship by using any or all of the
  grooming tactics.

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Code of conduct for youth Within the diocese of
St. Petersburg, Florida
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The first premise of this code is that children
and youth functions expect best behaviors and
expectations are clearly defined. It is accepted
that parents are the first and foremost educators
of their children in all aspects of their
development. This experience aims at developing
upright citizens and good Christians, following a
new commandment Jesus gave His disciples,A new
commandment I give unto you that you love one
another. John 1334-35 In Timothy 412 we read
Let no one have contempt for your youth, but set
an example for those who believe, in speech,
conduct, love, faith, and purity.
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Timothy is urged to rely on the gifts he has
received from God. This code urges our children
and youth to rely on Gods gift to them,
especially charity, chastity, and purity. This
calls the young person to acknowledge and promote
ones personal dignity and the rights that go
with it. It becomes important for children and
youth to know the difference between right and
not right relationships. Right relationships
foster personal, spiritual, and emotional
growth,e.g., the ability to communicate, to
forgive, to show affection, to be honest,
vulnerable, dependable, etc. Not right
relationships become harmful and hurtful, and
even abusive.
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• Abuse occurs when someone does not respect
  anothers boundaries, uses power, ticks, threats,
  or violence to cross or change anothers
  boundaries, or inflicts hurtful or unwanted
  behavior (physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual)
  on another person.
• This Code is used in conjunction with existing
  local or diocesan policies, protocols or other
  codes and is not intended to supercede them.
• When engaging in formal and informal activities,
  functions, and programs, children and youth are
  expected to behave appropriately at all times,
  respecting the rights of others

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• Code of conduct
• for children and youth
• Christian behavior is
• Expected at all times
• 2. Respect for individuals,
• the community and facilities being
• used is required

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3. Cooperation and self-control are necessary
when participating In programs and
activities. 4. Dress must be in accord with the
activity and appropriate for a Christian
environment
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• 5. Unacceptable behavior
• and lack of cooperation will not be
• tolerated, but will be
• addressed appropriately.
• Examples of unacceptable behavior
• are as follows, though not limited to
• Disrespect for adults and peers
• Use of vulgar language or gesture,
• use of racial slurs.

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c. Damaging of property d. Fighting or intent to
injure others e. Constant disturbance of others
at work or in an activity f. cheating
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6. Possession of weapons, possession, sale or
use of alcohol or drugs are forbidden 7. No
child or youth has the right to treat another in
any manner that Will cause physical or
emotional pain, Therefore harassment of any
kind is Un-Christian and unacceptable
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8. Coercion or threats to do Something
physically hurtful or for the purpose of exposing
someone or something about another is
Unacceptable behavior 9a. Chastity is a virtue
to be held in high esteem and promoted in
practice. Sexual abuse of any sort, coercing a
person to engage in sexual acts against her or
his will, physically touching the sexual parts of
anothers body, treating a person like a sexual
object are unacceptable and abusive behaviors.
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9b. Consensual sex Between students or initiated
by minors to adults must never occur
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In Gratitude

• Bishop Robert N. Lynch, Bishop of St. Petersburg,
  Br. John Cummings, FMSSuperintendent of Catholic
  Schools, Mr. Brian Lemoi, Director of Faith
  Formation and Br. Jerry Meegan, Director for
  Youth Ministry gratefully acknowledge the work of
  the following professional staff member of the
  Pastoral Center and Parishes and Schools of the
  Diocese of St. Petersburg who developed this Safe
  Environment Education Program.

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In Gratitude

• Eileen Daly
• Kathy Filippelli
• Elizabeth Fulham
• Ralph Higginbotham
• Dr. Stuart Miller

• Dr. Jo Ann Quinn
• Kay Rizzo
• Sara Stranz
• Anna Marie Wright
• Cindy Yevich

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SAFE PLACE
Creating a Safe Environment