Writer

1
Writers tips SENTENCE STRUCTURE.

• Keep nouns close to verbs
• Nouns precede verbs.
• Adjectives precede nouns
• Adverbs follow verbs
• No run-on sentences. Use a period.
• Avoid semicolons
• Place the longest item in a series last

2
Adam Cantu, whose life was headed straight to the
Texas State Prison or worse, to death, according
to Luis Concho, a city worker who befriended him
and became his mentor, barfed.
3
John Moore, a UT graduate who is now AP photo
bureau chief in Cairo, Egypt where he covers
stories across Africa, the Middle East and Asia
Minor, was happy to hear hed won the Pulitzer.
4
The boy rode the pony that was red in color. The
boy rode the red pony.
5
The boy walked in a slow manner to the
store. The boy slowly walked to the store. The
boy trudged to the store.
6
Run-on Sentence WEAK I dont care what
people do with their bodies, it doesnt affect
me. BETTER I dont care what people do
with their bodies. It doesnt affect me.
7
Run-on Sentence WEAK It really hurt me,
it was the worst thing in the world for
me. BETTER It really hurt me. It was
the worst thing in the world for me.
8
Sentence flow WEAK Joe went to Albertsons
to buy two pounds of hamburger meat, bread and
milk. BETTER Joe went to Albertsons to buy
bread, milk and two pounds of hamburger meat.
9
What causes WORDINESS?

• When asked about the topic of wordiness, the
  speaker then will be articulating several really
  interesting thoughts and ideas on the subject of
  the answer to that question.

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Passive verbs Joan is a clarinet player. Joan
plays clarinet. There were two small dogs
barking at the mailman. Two Chihuahuas barked at
the mailman. Junior Joan Milbrett will be
competing in the National Spelling Bee.
Junior Joan Milbrett will compete in the National
Spelling Bee.
11
Passive verbs Most teens are questioning Most
teens question Some are opposed to
smoking. Some oppose smoking.
12
Redundancy A sophomore in high school, Adam
Mitchell will begin to start work on Sophomore
Adam Mitchell will start work on Saldaña
approved Adams design, which is a piece that
will show Saldaña approved Adams design, which
shows
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Repetition Mr. Lundgrens pet tarantula was able
to make good his escape. Mr. Lundgrens pet
tarantula escaped. Music created a deep
connection between student and teacher. Music
connected student and teacher.
14
Redundancy Linda said cigarette smoking is vile,
gross and disgusting. She said she has decided
not to smoke. Cigarettes are gross, said Linda,
who doesnt smoke.
15
Repetition Nelson made a promise to himself
to never date another cheerleader. Nelson
promised himself to never date another
cheerleader.
16
Redundancy Once Heidi began smoking, she was
engulfed in the addiction. She found herself
surrounded by a new group of friends who smoked.
Smoking was now a daily part of her life, and it
was something she felt she couldnt do
without. Once Heidi began smoking, she was
hooked. She surrounded herself with friends who
smoked. It became part of her life.
17
Words that say nothing Several students on the
newspaper staff worked really, really hard for a
couple of days to build the web site for the
Crier, the schools student newspaper. Four
sophomores worked three days to build the student
newspapers web site.
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More empty words Smith said he was very excited
with the news. Smith said he was thrilled with
the news. Mr.Eberhart gave us some tips on how
to sell real estate. Mr.Eberhart gave us tips on
how to sell real estate.
19
Statements of the obvious Its football season
again. This years WHS football team will open
season play Friday against our most hated rivals,
the Seaweed High Sandfleas, who shut us out 21-0
last year. We expect to beat them this year,
said Merle Grizzle, coach. Coach Merle Grizzle
said he expects the football team to avenge last
years 21-0 loss to arch-rival Seaweed in
Fridays season opener.
20
Lack of specificity The Japanese car rolled
slowly down the narrow back street. The Lexus
inched down the alley.
21
Adjectives adverbs As a geeky sophomore, Adam
Mitchell was presented a wonderful opportunity by
Mrs. Georgia Johnson, principal, to turn his life
around. As a sophomore, Adam Mitchell was
presented an opportunity by principal Georgia
Johnson to turn his life around. Principal
Georgia Jones gave sophomore Adam Mitchell a
chance to turn his life around.
22
Adjectives adverbs Professional experts
attribute this really great success to effective
state tobacco control measures. Experts
attribute this success to state tobacco control
measures.
23
Passive verbs and adjectives There is an
immense difference between the destitute poor and
the prosperous rich. The poor differ from the
rich. (or) The poor and the rich differ.
24
General chattiness Graffiti, as many current
students know, can be a real eyesore. Thats why
our beloved principal, Diana Saldana,
commissioned a student, Alex Garcia, senior, to
paint a beautiful mural on the north wall. Tired
of seeing graffiti on the north wall, principal
Diana Saldana commissioned senior Alex Garcia to
cover the eyesore with a mural.
25
Prepositional phrases Milton took a leisurely
stroll to the convenience store on the
corner. Milton strolled to the corner 7-11.
26
Unnecessary pronouns State Rep. Pat Robinson is
the one that announced that she visit troops in
Iraq. State Rep. Pat Robinson said she would
visit troops in Iraq.
27
Positive negatives / Negative positives Everythin
g we have been doing has not been
successful. Nothing we have done has
succeeded. Nothing the Bears offense attempted
during the game did not work. Everything the
Bears offense attempted worked.
28
Unnecessary negatives The program serves
students who are not succeeding in high
school. The program serves students who are
failing in high school.
29
Unnecessary adverbs Marvin joined the U.S. Navy
when he was only 17-years old. At 17, Marvin
joined the Navy.
30
Synonyms for said Hermione is hot, Harry
Potter exclaimed. Pity Im such a
geek. Hermione is hot, Harry Potter said.
Pity Im such a geek.
31
When asked When asked about the loss to
arch-rival Seaweed High in the opening game, said
coach Merle Grizzle, Im still sick about the
loss. Im still sick about the loss, coach
Merle Grizzle said.
32
Soft transitions Supt. Jeff Archer announced
that he has suspended 31 seniors for involvement
in a widely reported off-campus hazing incident.
I am announcing the suspension of 31
seniors, he said. Given the egregious nature of
the conduct depicted in the videotapes, Im not
sure mere suspension is punishment enough.
Supt. Jeff Archer suspended 31 seniors for
involvement in a widely reported off-campus
hazing incident. Given the egregious nature
of the conduct depicted in the videotapes,
Archer said, Im not sure mere suspension is
punishment enough.
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Bloviation Benny matriculated to Austin. As the
stage performance commenced, youthful voices
reverberate above an audience of captivated
adolescents.