Improving your essay

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Improving your essay MASTER FILE
You must have the first draft completed before
beginning this file
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Improving your essay

• Taking a close look at your first draft before
  moving on gt gt gt

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Fast check before you can truly improve your
essay, you must first check to see if your
writing qualifies AS an essay (meaning, looking
for the basic content and organizational
structure).
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Step 1 STATEMENT that directly addresses the
GENERAL topic

• Examples
• (in a personal narrative essay about favorite
  candies)
• There are many candies in the world today.
• (in an expository essay comparing crocodiles to
  alligators) There are many people in the world
  today who think alligators and crocodiles are the
  same.
• (In a proposition \ support essay about
  responsibility towards nature) Of the many
  responsibilities that we have in this world, none
  is as important as preserving our environment.
• (in an expository essay about an specific
  invention) There are many inventions in our
  world today that assist us daily.

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Step 2 Other INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH information

• T
• A

Types and examples of those general topic
types. Anecdote (for narrative essays), Argument
of the opposition (for persuasive or position
papers), and Attention grabber (for all essay
forms)
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Step 3 Other INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH information

• R
• T

Reduce the intro paragraph down from the A to
the T (thesis) with the help of a transitional
word, phrase, or sentence. Thesis This is ONE
SENTENCE that offers the reader information on
the direction a paper will take. It should
contain two to four points that will be made in
the following supporting paragraphs.
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Step 4 Parallelism (type 1)

• Make sure the key words of the points listed
  in your thesis MATCH the (topic sentences of the)
  supporting paragraphs in the SAME ORDER as
  they appear in the thesis.

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Step 5 Parallelism (type 2)

• Make sure the key words found in the topic
  sentence of the first supporting paragraph MATCH
  the key words \ wording \ style in each of the
  topic sentences of the other supporting paragraphs

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Step 6 Flow

• Does the essay flow? (meaning, does it make a
  concrete point and have salient supporting points
  that progress in a logical manner?)

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Step 7 Parallelism (type 3) - A Full Circle
Conclusion

• Did you remember to start your conclusion with a
  summary of the thesis points and end with a
  revisiting of the general topic? (The last
  becomes the first and the first becomes the last)

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Improving your essay

• Spelling, Grammar, and Basic Punctuation Checks
  gt gt gt

At more than one point in the writing process,
you will need to check on the spelling, grammar,
and punctuation of your essay as a type of
quality control of the overall work.
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Step 1 Obvious Formatting

• Indentation
• Each paragraph of an MLA formatted essay REQUIRES
  an indentation before beginning
• Do not use double spacing between paragraphs AND
  indentation
• Each paragraph of a BUSINESS letter AVOIDS
  indentation, but rather uses a double space
  before beginning the next section

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Step 2 Presentation

• Legibility
• If handwritten, make it legible (similar slant,
  decent spacing, consistent and reasonable sizing,
  clarity of shape, and contrast meaning AVOID
  using a light pencil if ink is available)
• If electronically processed, use either Times
  Roman font or the Arial font, no smaller than 10
  no larger than 12 AND double spaced for easier
  editing
• (Ms. Pariseau is not opposed to size 14 and 1.5
  spacing, BUT DO NOT TRY THIS IN HIGH SCHOOL!)

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Step 3 I, as in me (and Proper Nouns, too)

• Capitalization
• Starting each sentence with a capital
• Capitalizing the personal pronoun, I
• Capitalizing the proper nouns (people by name,
  places by name, or titles of books and films)
• The above is especially important to double check
  in any accompanying citations, quotations, or
  bibliographies

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Step 4 No BIG BUTS

• Appropriate Conjunction Use
• Conjuntions are to CO-JOIN two phrases or
  clauses, NOT TO BEGIN A SENTENCE!
• No sentence should begin with But (the same for
  And, Or, or Because.
• There are rule breakers, but learn to follow the
  rules first.

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Step 5 In my opinion.

• Statement of the Obvious
• AVOID stating, in my opinion because the
  paper has YOUR name on it (or had better have
  it), so everything that is on the paper is in
  your opinion.
• Again, there are times to break the rules, but
  learn them first.

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Step 6 Spell Check, please!

• Use the tools you have available!
• If your word processor has a Spell Check (which
  most do), USE IT! You may not know it, but
  improperly spelled words get squiggly underlines.
  Fix them.
• Many processing programs also include Grammar
  Check. Use it. If you doubt the accuracy of the
  suggestion, do not accept (or change) it, but
  make note of it and ask your instructor what is
  wrong.

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Bonus What is a Fleisch-Kincaid?

• Readability Statistics are helpful
• If you are using Word, you can set your Spell
  Check to run a passage diagnostics. This would
  cover
• Number of words
• Number of sentences
• ABOVE ALL, the Readability Statistics which
  offers an approximate grade level at which your
  essay is written. Dont like it? Raise the
  level with more sentence combining and higher
  level vocabulary.

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Improving your essay

• Eliminating informal language and replacing it
  with formal, more sophisticated choices.

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Tip enter essay into computer word processing
program after 2nd draft (or later) in order to
facilitate faster edits, BUT!

• Caution
• Must save! Save on hard drive save on USB
• Must save each new copy under save as AND a new
  draft so as to avoid writing over the previous
  copy unintentionally (making it therefore
  possible to go back to a previous draft to
  confirm info or to include something that had
  previously been excluded). Without doing so, you
  could accidentally save a blank screen and lose
  everything permanently!

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Step 1 No Contractions

• From
• cant
• Im
• its
• wouldve
• dont
• doesnt
• etc

• To
• cannot
• I am
• it is
• would have
• do not
• does not
• etcetera

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Step 2 No Abbrs (abbreviations)

• From
• B\S
• S\D
• Etc.
• Goth
• Met
• or E
• TVs
• 24\7

• To
• Batman and Superman
• Similarities and differences
• You write more or write and so on.
• Gotham City
• Metropolis
• (No ampersand) write and televisions
• All day, every day

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Step 3 No Slang

• From
• bomb
• 24\7
• gonna
• cuz
• dope
• doh! \ my bad
• duh!
• finna

• To
• The best!
• All day every day
• going to
• because
• popular
• my mistake
• I cannot believe you did not know that!
• affirmative

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Step 4 Check for places to improve your word
choice (yes, again)

• From
• VERBS
• wore capes
• flies in
• flew across
• ADJECTIVES
• (DESCRIPTIONS)
• GREEN
• SKINNY
• MAD
• HAPPY

• To
• cloaked
• swoops in
• bolted across (the counter, the sky)
• EMERALD
• SVELTE
• FURIOUS
• ECSTATIC

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Step 5c Increase the level by sentence combining

• Instead of
• They both are orphans they both were fostered.
• They are both superheroes they both live in
  large cities

• Consider
• Each man understands what it is to be an orphan
  raised by someone other than parents.
• These superheroes each defends the citizens of
  his own home populous city.

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Step 5 Increase the level by incorporating
figurative language

• From
• Superman flies.
• Batman always seems mad.

• To
• Superman zooms across the sky with the grace and
  agility of a bird at the speed of a jet.
• Batman broods like an angry house cat not allowed
  to go outdoors anymore.

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Improving your essay

• Eliminating repetitive words or phrases with
  alternatives (preferably ACTION verbs and subject
  synonyms) and combining sentences to avoid
  listing

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Synonyms

• Batman
• Superman
• Either

• Dark Knight, Bruce Wayne, Dynamic Duo (with
  Robin), Caped Crusader, detective
• Kal-el, Man of Steel, Clark Kent, Last Son of
  Krypton,
• superheroes, crimefighters, defenders of justice,
  comic book heroes,

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Synonyms

• things
• Transitions to move in the SAME direction
  (similarities paragraph)
• (words of quantity)

• Aspects, features, characteristics, traits
• Thus, therefore, and so, so this, for this
  purpose, it follows that,
• One, solitary, individual, two, couple, pair,
  matched, a few (3) quite a few (3x3), some, many,
  varied, variety, plethora, myriad, unnumerable,
  countless

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Synonyms

• Different
• Transitions to move to an opposite or different
  direction (differences)
• Similar

• Each, unique, uniquely, custom, signature,
  individual, own, respective
• Although, while, however
• Both, share, in common, together, they, them,
  these, those, also

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Action Verbs \ sentence combining

• Instead of
• They both are orphans they both were fostered.
• They are both superheroes they both live in
  large cities

• Consider
• Each man understands what it is to be an orphan
  raised by someone other than parents.
• These superheroes each defends the citizens of
  his own home populous city.

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Action Verbs

• Instead of
• Run, ran, runs, running
• Have (what do you have)

• Consider
• Dash, dashes, dashed, zoomed, sprinted, jetted,
  walked swiftly, trotted
• Have enemies, instead use BATTLES, STRUGGLES
  AGAINST, FACES, ENCOUNTERS
• Have similarities, instead use SHARES, EXIHIBITS,
  EXPERIENCES, POSSESSES,

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Improving your essay

• Incorporating citations, analyzing them, finding
  symbolism and characterization as the key to
  insight

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COLORS
One way to improve your paper is to LOOK closely
at the SYMBOLISM of an item. In this essay, that
could mean colors, the bat, the mask, etc.
Symbolism found in

• RED passion anger love romance blood death,
  STOP! Red is a power color
• WHITE innocence enlightenment, purity, and
  (conversely) pure evil no thanks to Lucifer,
  Gods bearer of light and who, after trying to
  overthrow the throne of God, was cast into outer
  darkness with 1\3 of the other angels who joined
  in the rebellion (now called Satan and his
  demons)
• BLUE power dreams flight truth power color
• YELLOW decay sickness regret (sometimes
  sunshine)
• GOLD wealth, royalty, greed, lasting (metal)
• BLACK unknown darkness evil hidden fear
• GREEN new GO!, renewal lush vegetation
  growth
• PURPLE royalty, nobility, wealth (a combination
  of both red and blue)
• GRAY sober, dullness, apathy, void.

YELLOW
GOLD
ANIMALS
PENGUIN fat, slippery, waddling, posturing,
Symbolism found in
CAT feminine, particular, picky, shrewish,
self-serving
BAT Scary, overwhelming, creepy, dark, intense,
rabid, vampires
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ANIMALS
DOGS big, sloppy, Fierce, protective, (Dalmation)
fire mascot
EAGLE United States, pride, hunter,
More symbols of
Owl predator, wise, sees in the dark gives a
hoot!
SNAKE sneaky, evil, unpredictable
FOX sneaky, clever, thief
DOGS faithful to men, faithless men (to women)
POSSUM playing dead
PIG filthy, unacceptable behavior
Buckstud handsome strong
BEAR fierce, protective
Rabbits breed frequently very fertile
ROOSTER all male, cocky
Parrot mimicker
Whalebig
Monkeygoof off
HUMMINGBIRD Known for a light diet, but not
really true
CRABS crabby (or STD)
Wolfleader
Lone wolfalone aloof
Tortis Slow, plodding, successful
RAT betrayal, snitch
Lion King of beasts, head of the pride,
courageous, majestic,
Scorpion quick lethal
Roostersure arrogant all male
Lioness protective
p.s. The Bible offers MANY symbols, so one must
know the Bible as literature to fully grasp the
importance.
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Step 1 Citation to insight

• Take a favorite scene in a book or film, replay
  it for yourself
• Why do you think you liked that scene?
• Was it snappy dialogue? (shows the level of
  wit\intelligence of the character)
• Was it an action sequence? (shows physical
  capabilities of character)
• Was it a quiet moment, a cool scene you just
  cannot tell why? (likely it contained one or more
  symbols simple items that stand mean
  something greater.

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Step 2 Insight to citation

• You already know what you got out of a scene from
  a film or book, now you have to do two things
• Find the passage in the book or the scene in the
  movie.
• Read it \ watch it repeatedly so that you can
  absorb every nuance of the scene
• Set it up in your paper so that the editor can
  see the scene taking place.
• Incorporate the citation as smoothly as you can,
  making it flow from the description right into
  the text\dialogue from the story.

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So, to incorporate the quote in a C n C essay of
Batman and Superman like this.
Sample Quote When Batman captured Catwoman and
saw that she was really Kitka, the woman he
loved, Robin almost revealed the connection,
exposing the fact Batman was Bruce Wayne in
disguise. Batman stopped him and reminding him,
It might compromise our efforts as crime
fighters. Its just one of those things
crimefighters must deal with.

• Batman and Superman face lives as solitary men.
  They cannot reveal their secret identity for fear
  it may place their loved ones in jeopardy. In
  fact, Robin almost revealed Batmans second
  identity when they captured Catwoman. Batman
  stopped him, reminding him that the second
  identity not being revealed is, just one of
  those things crimefighters must deal with.

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Step 2 Insight to citation

• the first and most influential super hero of all
  time (DC COMICS homepage http//www.dccomics.com
  /characters
• This quote will be able to back up my OPINION
  that Superman is the best superhero. Once
  backed up, it becomes proven fact, so I want to
  set it up properly to receive the respect.

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Higher level insight

• Caution
• This is for someone who REALLY understands the
  writing assignment and has already more than met
  the standards of the task.
• See if you can draw some correlations between the
  simple topic at hand and a greater world view.
  Example, one student, writing a comparison and
  contrast essay about Batman and Superman,
  upgraded it to compare Batman to JFK. Seems
  preposterous? Not so think about it

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Not as far-fetched as you may think

• JFK

• Batman

• Rich
• Lost his dad
• Raised to be socially responsible (holding
  fundraisers)
• Fought against injustice (i.e. racism, rights for
  mentally challenged people, unjust imprisonments,
  etc)
• Had a vehicle for every occasion

• Rich
• Lost parents
• The Wayne Foundation holds many fundraisers
• Fought against injustice (i.e. street crime, arch
  enemies)
• Batcopter, Batmobile, Batcycle, Batboat, etc.

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Use this slide to come to your own conclusions

• The Batman first appeared at a time of social and
  financial depression
• During the Great Depression, neighborhood
  criminals stole food or small amounts of money
  from homes, purses, etc.
• During the Great Depression, white collar
  criminals (people who work in offices but steal
  money on a grand scale by embezzling other
  peoples money) helped run the country into the
  ground
• During the Great Depression many people got drunk
  to avoid facing their impoverished situation
• The Batman went after small time crooks AND the
  big bosses behind them (organized crime lords)

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Use this slide to come to your own conclusions

• JFK born 1917
• Alcohol made illegal in 1918
• Katzenjammer Kids was original comic strip
• Alcohol made legal in 1921
• JFKs dad transported illegal alcohol
• JFK attended fancy college
• JFKs father knew all the crooked cops and
  politicians and people who could be bought off
  or intimidated to make favorable decisions
• JFK got into politics

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Now put the facts of those two together and see
what you can come up with. The next slide should
not be jumped to as it contains one possible
insight it should not be used right away as it
may influence independent student insight.
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Think about this one possibility

• JFK was not always rich. He was born in 1917,
  the year before alcohol was made illegal by the
  18th amendment. During his formative years, his
  father ran bootleg a term meaning that he
  transported alcohol (an illegal substance) from
  Canada to New York and sold it there. Remember
  all those gangster stories from the 20s? That
  was all over illegal booze. JFK would have grown
  up reading comics like the Katzenjammer Kids
  neighborhood kids who kind of ran wild and got
  into different trouble. That would have
  reflected JFKs formative years. In 1921 alcohol
  was made legal again with the 21st amendment that
  repealed the 18th, but that did not stop illegal
  rum runners (another term applied to transporting
  booze). See, there was still a higher profit to
  be made from home brewed hootch (booze) that
  avoided the governments tax seal around the neck
  of the bottle. This is how JFKs dad was able to
  make so much money and send his kids to the
  finest of private colleges. Ironically, JFKs
  dad would have been one of the first (types of)
  people that The Batman would have fought against.