By Dr. Steven Williams

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Family Communication
By Dr. Steven Williams
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??. ?????? ???????
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Family Communication   The Awareness Wheel
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Main point In any situation there are five key
pieces of information.
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???????? ?????????? ??????????.
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A.Sensations Your sensory data (observations,
descriptions, visualizations, stories, facts,
recollections, fantasies)
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A. ???????? ?????????? ?? ???????
?????? (??????????, ????????, ?????????? ??????,
????????, ?????, ????????????, ?????)
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?.Thoughts The meanings you make (beliefs,
interpretations, expectations, ideas, opinions,
conclusions, reasons, etc.)  
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?. ????? ?????, ??????? ?? ??????????
(?????????, ??????????, ????????, ????, ??????,
??????????, ???????????, ???????, ? ?.?.)  
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C.Feelings Your emotional responses (proud,
excited, angry, uneasy, bored, fascinated,
disappointed, trusting, etc.)  
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?.??????? ??? ????????????? ?????? (????????,
????????, ??????, ???????, ?????, ??????????,
?????????????, ???????, ? ?.?.)  
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D.Wants Your intentions (goals, objectives,
hopes, drives, values, wishes, needs, intentions,
interests, etc.)
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?. ??????? ???? ????????? (???????, ??????????,
????, ???????, ??????, ????????, ?????, ???????,
i???????, ? ?.?.)
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E.Actions Your behavior (behaviors, activities,
solutions, promises, accomplishments, etc.)
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?.???????? ???? ????????? (?????? ???????????,
????????, ???????, ????????, ??????, ?????????? ?
?.?.)
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Christian Communion Ephesians 4
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???????????? ??????? ????????. 4
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A. 41-6 - humble, gentle, patient, forbearance
(bearing each other in love, keep unity, seek
peace
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A.41-6 - ????????, ????????, ?????????????,
??????????, ?????????? (?????????? ???? ?? ?????
???????, ?????????? ????????? ????????, ??????
????
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B. 414-16 - speaking the truth in love,
interdependence  
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B.414-16 ???????? ?????? ? ???????,
???????????????  
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C.417-32 - (19) sensitive to
Godliness, (24) image of God, (25) do not lie,
(26) control anger, (28) do not steal, (29)
wholesome conversation, (29) encourage one
another, (31) no bitterness,rage, anger,
(31)no brawling or slander, (31) no malice,
(32) be kind, (32) be compassionate
(tenderhearted), (32) forgive one another
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?. 417-32 - (19) ?????????? ?
???????????, (24) ????? ?????, (25) ?? ?????,
(26) ????????? ???????? ????, (28) ?? ??????,
(29) ??????? ?? ???????? ????, (29) ???????? ????
?????, (31) ?? ????????? ??????, ??????,
?????????????????, (31) ?? ????????? ???? ?
???????, (31) ???????? ??? ?????, (32) ?
????????, (32) ???????????? (??????????????),
(32) ??????? ???? ?????
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D.Remember I Peter 417 - judgment begins with
the household of God. Other passages on
communication Rom.129-21 ICor.13
Gal.52261-5 I Thess. 46  
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?. ????? I ????? 417 ??? ???????? ? ????
????? ?????? ??????? ? ???????? ??????? ???
129-21 I ??? 13 ???
52261-5 I ??? 46  
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Communication
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???????
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General points
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1) You cannot not communicate
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1) ?? ?? ?????? ?? ????????
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2) Communication is the process of creating and
sharing meanings
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2) ??????? ??? ??????? ???????? ??????? ?
?????? ???
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3) Dr. Albert Mehrabbian (UCLA) found
a) Verbal messages - what is said - account for
7 b) Vocal and tonal messages - the way
that it is said - account for
38 c) Visual messages -- what is seen
- account for 55
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3) ??. ??????? ????????? (UCLA) ????????? a)
?????????? ?????? ??? ??????? ?????????? 7
????????? b) ????? ? ??? ????????? ??? ???
??????? ?????????? 38 c) ??????? ???????
(?????????? ??????) ??? ?? ????? ??????????
55 ?????????
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4) Sender -- message (content and relationship)
receiver - 85 of message sent is not message
received
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4) ??????????? -- ???????? (?????????? ?
?????????) ?????????? - ???????? ????????? ??
85 ?????????? ?? ??????????
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5) Personal indicators (sense of self and
others) a) Self-concept (image how one sees
oneself) b) Self-identity (how you
think others see you) c) Self-esteem
(how valuable, worthy, you see yourself)
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5) ?????? ?????? (?????????? ???? ? ??????) a)
????????????? ? ???? (????? ????? ??????? ?????
?????? ????) b) ????-??????????? (?????
?? ??? ?????? - ????? ??? ?????? ) c)
????-?????? (????????? ????????, ????????? ??
???? ???????)
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6) Guidelines to good listening (Handout)
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6) ??? ???? ??????? ?????????? (??????)
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????? ??????? (?????)
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Communication Styles (Diagram)
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COMMUNICATIONS STYLES MAP
Shop Talk
Small Talk
Control Talk
Spite Talk
Fight Talk
Search Talk
Straight Talk
How you talk to someone falls into one of four
major categories, shown in the communications
styles map
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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C???? ?????? ???????
?????? ?? ???????????????? ????
???????? ??????
????????-???????????
???- ??????
????????-?????
???????? -?????
??????????? ????????
????? ?????? ????????? ????????? ? ????? ??
??????? ????????? , ????????? ?? ????? ??????
???????
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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Style I Small Talk and Shop Talk -- used to
maintain the status quo and exchange routine
information  
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??? I ???????? ?????? ? ???????? ??
???????????????? ???? ???????????? ???
??????????? status quo ? ?????? ?????????
???????????  
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Characteristics of Small Talk Intention to
be Friendly Sociable Relaxed Playful Intention
to Build rapport Keep in touch Actions Greetings T
elling stories Playing Joking Describing commentin
g
Small Talk
Mood/Nonverbals Relaxed Cordial Comfortable Cues
Convential Topics Daily Routines Special Events
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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??????????? ???????? ?????? ????????? ??????????
??? ????????? ???????????? ????????? ??????? ????
????? ?????????? ??????????????? ?????????
????????? ???????? ??????????? ?????
????????? ???? ????? ???????? ????? ????????
???????? ?????? ????????
??????????/???????????? ??????? ?????????
??????? ?????????? ??????????? ??????? ?????
???? ????????? ??????? ?????? ???????
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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Characteristics of Shop Talk
Intention to be Competent Informed Productive Prof
itable Cooperative Intention to Gather/Give
Information Minitor Activities and
Schedules Actions Describing Reporting Checking
Up Following Up
Shop Talk
Mood Polite Matter-of Fact Bussiness-Like Cue
Words Routine Who, What, Where, When and How
Questions
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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??????????? ????????? ?????????????????
?????????? ???? ????????????? ??????? ???????? ?
?????? ???????? ? ??????? ????????? ???????/????
?????????? ??????? ?? ?????????? ?
??????????? ???????? ???????? ????? ???????? ?????
?????
???????? ?????????-???????
??? ???????? ????? ????????? ????? ???
?????? ?????? ???, ?????, ???, ????? ? ???
???????
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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Style II Control Talk, Fight Talk, and Spite
Talk used to gain agreement or compliance  
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??? II ????????-???????????, ????????-????? ?
????????/????????? ????????????, ????? ????????
??????????? ?? ???? ???????  
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Characteristics of Control Talk
Intentions to be In Charge Helpful Persuasive Acti
ons Directing Instructing Advising Evaluating Caut
ioning Selling Prescribing Praising Mood Energized
Authoritative
Intention to Lead Direct Persuade Instruct Set
Expections/Limits Evaluate Positvely
Reinforce Use Legitimate Authorty Gain
Agreement/Compliance Cue Words You, We, It
Pronouns Statements Phased as Questions Imperative
(Dont, Should, Have to) Superlatives (Always,
Never, Super) Assumptions
Control Talk
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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?????????? ???? ????????????? ???????? ??????????
?? ???????? ???????? ??????????? ?????? ?????? ??
????????????? ??????? ??????????? ??????? ??? ???
??????? ????????????
????????? ?????????? ?????????? ???????? ?????????
? ????????/??????? ??????? ?????????
?????????? ???????????? ????????? ?????? ????????
???????? ??????? ??, ??, ??? ??????????? ? ?????
???????? ????????????? ?????????? (??????...,
???????..., ??????) ????????????? (??????,
???????, ?????) ?????????
???????????
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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Intention to Force Change Defend Self Advoid
Responsibility Hide Fear or Vulnerability Intimida
te Bluff Compete/Win Actions Demanding Blaming Att
acking Threatening Listening Defensively Putting
Other Down
Mood Tense Anxious Aggresive Hostile Abusive Cue
Words You Pronoun Why questions Dont Should,
Have to Always, Never, Every Assumptions Labels
Fight Talk
Characteristics of Fight Talk
Intention to be Right Justified Sometimes Hurtful
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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?????????? ????????? ???????? ?????????? ????????
???? ???????? ??????????????? ???????? ????? ?
????????? ???????? ??????? ???? ?
????? ???????????/???????? ???????? ????????? ????
???? ???????? ???????? ??????? ?
???????????? ???????
??? ????????? ??????????? ??????????? ?????????? ?
????????????? ??????? ??????????? ?? ???????
-?????? ??????, ?? ?????? ??????, ???????,
?????? ????????? ????????????? ???????????
?????
?????????????? ?????
????????? ???? ?????? ??????????? ?????? -
????????? ????
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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Characteristics of Spite Talk
Actions Sniping Sulking Withholding Delaying Denyi
ng Placating Complaining Gossiping Excusing Puttin
g self down Cue Words They, No one Never, Every
Intention to be Noticed Pitied Seen as
hepless Uncooperative Intention to Get even Make
other feel guilty Protect self Thwart
change Cover hurt
Spite Talk
Mood Low energy Resentful Indifferent Disengaged D
efiant Cynical Hopeless Angry silence
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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???????? ?????? ?????? ???????????? ??????
?????? ???????? ??????????? ?????????? ??????????
? ????????????? ????????? ??????? ???,
????? ???????, ??????
?????????? ???????? ?? ???? ???????? ??????? ?
???? ??????? ???????? ??????????? ????????
??????????????? ????????? ??????????? ?????????
?????? ??????????? ???? ?????????? ????????
???? ???????? ?????????? ?????? ?????
????????/ ?????????
??? ?????????? ???????? ??????????? ????????????
?????????? ???????? ??????????? ???????? ????????
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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Style III Search Talk -- used to get an overview
of the situation in past, present, and future  
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??? III ????????-????? ???????? ?????
????????????? ? ???????? ? ???????, ????????? ?
???????  
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Characteristics of Search Talk
Intention to be Insightful Rational Expansive Safe
Intention to Gain overview or insight Clarify
situations Search for causes Generate
options Evaluate alternatives Seek or listen to
advice
Mood Calm Tentative Inquisitive Supportive Intelle
ctual Cue words Past or future orientation Open
Questions Maybe, Perhaps Could, Might Possibly,
Probably Wonder, Suppose What if Why (with no
blame)
Search Talk
Actions Exploring Brainstorming Reflecting Analyzi
ng Elaborating Reasoning
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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??????????? ?????????-??????
????????? ???? ?????????????? ???????? ??????????
? ?????????? ??????? ????????? ????????
????????????? ??? ??????? ?????????
???????? ????? ??????? ??????????
???????? ??????? ???????????? ?????? ???
??????????? ?????
??? ????????? ?????????? ?????????????? ??????????
??? ?????????????? ??????? ?????????? ? ???????
??? ? ??????? ???????? ??????? ????????, ????
????? ????????, ???????????, ??????????? ?
????... ?????? (??? ?????????)
???????? - ?????
???????? ???????????? ????? ??????? ?????????????
?????? ????????????? ???????????
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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Style IV Straight Talk -- used to demonstrate a
commitment to speak from both
your head and heart to deal completely and
congruently with the issue
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??? IV ??????????? ???????? ??????????
?????????? ???????? ??????? ? ????????, ?????
?????????? ? ? ?????? ???? ????????? ??????
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Characteristics of Straight Talk
Intention to Disclose Atune Act on ²What
is Connect, not Control Count self
and Other Care Collaborate Cue Words ²I²
Pronouns Feelings Wants Will (Future action)
Intention to be Open Aware Direct Responsible Hone
st Assertive Responsive Respectful Tactful
Straight Talk
Actions Observing Listening Understanding Respondi
ng Sharing Disclosing
Mood ²Now Orentation² Orientation Attentive Involv
ed Serious Centered Relieving
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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????????? ??????? ??????????? ??????????? ??
?????? ??????????, ? ?? ?????????? ?????????
???????? ?????? ?????????? ???????????? ????????
????? ??????????? ? ??????? ??????? ????
(???????? ?? ??????? )
?????????? ???? ???????? ?????????? ??????? ?????
???????? ????????? ?????????? ?????? ????????????
?????????
?????? ????????
??? ???????????? ?? ????????? ???????????? ???????
???? ????????? ?????????-?????? ??????? ??????????
???????? ????????? ??????? ???????? ???????? ?????
??? ????????? ????
Connecting with self others. Muller, etal 1988
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Mixed Messages
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????????? ????????
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When one an intention or behavior in one style
moves into another style
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?????? ????? ?? ??????
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When nonverbal is inconsistent with verbal  
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????????????? ???? ? ??????
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Simple exercises
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Intimate 90
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??????? 90
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• 5/5 Exercise
• Share - issue, feelings about issue, how to
  resolve issue,
• b. Other paraphrase
• c. Confirmation of communication
•  

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• 5/5 ??????????
• ???????? ??????? ????????, ??? ?? ?????????? ??
  ?????? ???? ????????, ??? ??????????? ??????
  ??????
• b. ?????????? ???????? ????????? ?????? ???????
• c.??????????? ???????
•