Welcome Utah FACSE to:

1
Welcome Utah FACSE to

• Dibble Training for
• Connections
• Relationships Marriage
• Nancy Lenk
• Outreach Educator
• Nancy_at_DibbleInstitute.org

2
Grant Requirements

• Natalie
• Numbers
• Lessons
• Dates

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INTRODUCTION

• Name
• School
• How did you learn about the training?
• Something unique about yourself to help us
  remember you today.

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The Dibble Institute

• The Dibble Institute is a non-profit
  organization dedicated to helping young people
  learn skills which will enable them to have
  successful relationships and marriage.
• It was founded by
• Charlie Dibble and
• his bride Helen in
• 1996

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The Dibble Institutes Mission isto help young
people

• Navigate the world of romantic relationships
• Be successful in developing healthy relationships
• Construct a vision of marriage and healthy
  relationships

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Relationships Marriage

• Gives students the knowledge and skills needed
  to encourage personal growth and promote positive
  interpersonal relationships.
• Helps establish healthy, happy, stable
  relationships with family, friends, teachers,
  boy/girl friends and eventually husbands and wives

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About the authorChar Kamper

• 25 years as an educator
• Masters in Family Studies
• Certified Family Life Educator
• Mother of 3
• One granddaughter

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ConnectionsRelationships MarriageUNITS
Personality
Relationships
Communication
Marriage
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Section 1Personality

• What you think of yourself is much more
  important than what others think.
  Seneca A.D. 64

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LESSON 1

• Terms Environment Personality Unique
• Heredity Culture
  Traits
• Materials What Its Like to be Me
• Poster Page
• Factors that Influence
  Personality
• Lesson Plan
• Lecture Notes
  

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Lesson 1Whats it like to be me?

• Choose a partner sit across from them
• Take turns being the speaker/ listener
• Follow What its like to me p. 3 and
  describe some of your favorites.
• Speak on the topic for ONE minute
• Now describe some of your skills talents for
  ONE minute.

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Our Personality Makes Us Unique

• Many factors influence our Personality
• Poster Page

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Lesson 2Understanding Myself

• Terms perception self-esteem hierarchy
• temperament self-actualization
  potential
• Materials Understanding Myself Better wksh.
• InterviewUp Close wksh.
• A Hierarchy of Needs Toward Self-
  Actualization- overhead
• Personality- Needs that
  Direct
• Behavior (overhead)

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(No Transcript)
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Lesson 2Understand Myself Better

• Keirsey Bates Temperament Sorter
• Read scoring instructions explain
• Have students take the assessment
• Have students score the assessment
• Sort group by 16 Combinations
• Each group should decide their 3 top
  distinguishing characteristics they bring to a
  relationship

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Personality Types Personality
Types SP SJ
NF NT Artisan Guardian
Idealist Rational ESTP
ESTJ ENFJ ENTJ ISTP
ISTJ INFJ
INTJ ESFP ESFJ ENFP
ENTP ISFP ISFJ
INFP IN

Sort groups by these 16
combinations Each group should decide their 3
top distinguishing characteristics they bring to
a relationship
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Lesson 3Your Plan for Life

• Terms Change Flexibility future
• Plan Goals Success
• Materials
• Your Plan for Life wksh

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(No Transcript)
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Lesson 3Your Plan for Life

• Changes in Your Life
• Economic Status- Family Career Choice
  Physical Appearance
• Use page 12 of curriculum write these
  categories across the page

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Changes in Your Life

• Divide the length of the page in 3 sections
• Label one section High School
• Today
• In
  5-10 years
• List 1-2 changes you have experienced in each
  life stage.
• Label them positive and negative

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Section 2Relationships

• When me becomes we

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Lesson 4Things Change

• Terms maturity intentions adaptation
• 
  interrelationships
• Materials Things Change wksh.
• Positive Relationships
  wksh.
• Change Over Time (4-1
  overhead)

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ASPECTS OF MATURITY

• PHYSICAL (ON OWN)
• EMOTIONAL
• SOCIAL
• INTELLECTUAL

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Signs of MaturityThe Mature Person is...

• willing to wait for personal gratification, sees
  that success in life takes time.
• able to make promises and keep them, comes
  through in a crisis, meets deadlines without
  complaining.
• able to set realistic goals, willing to work
  toward accomplishing them without becoming
  distracted.
• concerned for the welfare of others, doesnt
  always need to put self first.
• willing to give or accept an apology and move on,
  doesnt have to say I told you so.
• does not live life merely reacting to events, can
  control anger and settle differences without
  damage or violence.

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Lesson 4Things Change

• Change
• Home Income/Money School Family
• Key Relationships Acquaintances
• (Relate to Change Over Time overhead)

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We must experience growth development to
remain healthy.

• Acquaintances
• How are they different from key relationships?
• Who is considered an acquaintance?
• How deep is the bond?
• How will it change as you mature?

• Key Relationships
• How are they different from acquaintances?
• Why is family considered a key relationship?
• How deep is the bond?
• How will it change as you mature?

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Change Over Time

• Key Relationship Parent / Child
• GROWTH AND CHANGE
• Interdependence
• Independence

• Parent/child relationships do not remain the
  same over time.
• The child may be ready for independence before
  the parents are ready to give it.
• By the time the child reaches adulthood the
  relationship should be one of interdependence.
• Eventually, the roles may reverse if the aging
  parent becomes dependent on the child.

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Lesson 5 Expectations

• Terms expectation core beliefs
• events
  issues
• Materials Expectations in Relationships
  
  (overhead)
• Events and
  Issues (overhead)
• Hidden Issues (overhead)

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What are your expectations ifYou are Married?

• I will read a card from Married Options cards
  from the Relationality Game
• Move to the section of the room you that best
  describes your expectation.
• Look at the Hidden Issues overhead
• How do these issues lead to conflict?
• (How have your expectations changed in the
  last 5 years?)

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Its
10 MINUTE BREAK TIME
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Lesson 6 Attractions

• Terms gender courtesies behaviors
• Materials Attractions wksh.
• Getting Acquainted wksh.
• My Ideal Person wksh.
• 10 Basic Ingredients for Friendship
• (overhead)
• Signs of Maturity (overhead)

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Perfect Relationship..

• Ten Basic Ingredients for Friendship
• Signs of Maturity
• Attractions p. 15

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Getting Acquainted Professional Relationship

• Teacher Needs
• Expectations
• Teachers ideal principal

• Principal Needs
  Expectations
• Principals ideal teacher
• As a group discuss ?s 1-7
• on page 16.
• Instead of date/ think of teacher or principal

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The Brain Chemistry of Love
For 3 to 6 months you receive a big shot of the
love chemicals. Enjoy the great feelings.but
remember you wont see clearly until those
chemicals settle down a bit.
23
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Expectations of.

• Teachers..
• Perfect principal
• from teachers
• point of view???

• Principals
• Perfect teacher from principals point of view???

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My Ideal Person

• Evidence shows that people who have a realistic
  idea of the type of person they are looking for
  report more relationship satisfaction when they
  meet or marry someone who is like that.

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Lesson 7 Dating Emotions
Breaking-Up

• Terms trust jealousy
  understanding
• dishonesty confidence
  manipulation
• Materials Dating Emotions wksh.
• Breaking Up wksh.
• When Relationships End
  (overhead)
• Relationships Steps to
  Recovery (overhead)

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Breaking Up

• Myth All relationships are worth saving.
• Myth There is only one person with whom one can
  find
• happiness.
• Myth Although unfulfilling, its better to stay
  together
• than be alone.
• Truth Some relationships are not all that they
  could be and may even be emotionally or
  physically damaging.
• Unless the breakup is mutual, both partners
  will experience uncomfortable feelings, a typical
  outcome
• of broken emotional ties with another person.

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When Relationships End

• Communication patterns change.
• Spending quality time together is no longer a
  priority.
• Partners argue more and do not resolve their
  differences.
• There is evidence of physical and/or emotional
  abuse.
• The partners have different expectations for or
  about the relationship.
• Feelings change and the partners grow apart.
• Unresolved personality differences.

• Expectations may vary about sexual behavior
  within the relationship.
• One or both partners needs are no longer being
  met by the relationship.
• Be sure that breaking up is really what you want
  to do.
• Decide on a time and place.
• Tell your partner why you are breaking up.
• End the relationship completely. Do not make
  promises for the future.
• Understand that immediate emotions and future
  feelings will be sensitive for awhile.

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BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS STEPS TO RECOVERY

• Blame and self-doubt are destructive because one
  relationship ends doesnt mean others will.
• Try to think differently about the situation or
  person interfere with thoughts that are painful
  and concentrate
• on things you like.
• For awhile, limit going to familiar places that
  hold memories find new and different activities.
• Meet new people, learn a skill, join a group.
• Be patient, use the support of family and
  friends there is no hurry, new relationships
  will develop.

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Section 3Communication

• Communications is to a relationship what
  breathing is to maintaining life.

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Lesson 8Communication Patterns

• Terms conflict withdrawal escalation
• invalidation impact
  filters intent
• negative
  interpretation
• Materials Family Patterns wksh.
• Types of Filters wksh.
• Overheads
• 4 Danger Signs Escalation
• Negative Interpretation
• Withdrawal

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Family Patterns

• The way family members communicate with each
  other in large part influences how they interact
  in relationships outside of the home.
• Identifies hidden family patterns
• Different patterns lead to misunderstandings and
  conflict between people.
• Self-awareness is a key factor in both verbal and
  nonverbal communication.

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Four Danger Signs

• Escalation
• Invalidation
• Negative Interpretations
• Withdrawal
• (Refer to Overheads)

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Lesson 9Dealing with Conflict

• Terms Compromise Paraphrase
• Materials Dealing with Conflict wksh.

47
Dealing With Conflict

• If you want to have a great marriage, the way
  you handle differences matters more than what
  those differences are.
• Fighting
  for Your Marriage

48
Negative Interactions Hurt Relationships
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Practice Communication Styles

• Using Floor model p.28
• or
• Using Ear/Lips model
• Self access you conflict pattern p27
• Choose a partner
• Turn to page 28 in the workbook-
• Practice both methods using a conflict card

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Lesson 10Talking/ Listening

• Terms body language verbal cues
• nonverbal
• Materials Lets Talk wksh.
• Listening wksh.
• Communication Guideline
  for
• Listening (overhead)
• Four Vertical Communication
  Pattern
• Level Communication (both
  handouts)

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Communication Activity

• 5 Volunteers
• Apply labels
• Choose a topic
• Discuss topic 4-5 minutes
• Audience communication patterns observed
• Participants how did you feel?
• Positive/ Negative communication patterns??
• Review both handouts

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Its Lunchtime!

• Back in 30 minuts.

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Section 4Marriage

• Coming together is a beginning
• keeping together is progress
• working together is success.
• 
  Anonymous

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Lesson 11What is Love?

• Terms passion genuine love intimacy
• imitation love
• Materials Components of Relationships wksh.
• What is Love? wksh.
• Components of Relationships
• ( overhead)

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STAGES OF INTIMACY

• DELIGHT
• RECIPROCITY
• TRUST
• RESPECT
• MUTUAL CHOICE
• Overhead 11 ab

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Passion
Intimacy
Commitment
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If You Dream of Having a Happy,Healthy, Loving
Marriagep.34 wkbk

• Imitations Love is p. 35 wkbk
• Genuine Love is

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Select a Partner to Marry
Partners must be willing to be married for the
next 6 lessons. Partners for this training must
be within this room. In the classroom students
could choose someone outside the classroom but
would be able to work with them on a daily
basis. Speaker/ Listener techniques should be
practiced on disagreements about important
issues.
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Lesson 12Roadblocks to Relationships

• Terms risk factors cohabitation
• Materials Roadblocks to Relationships wksh.
• Before you Marry wksh.
• Influences on Marriage
  (overhead)
• Facts About Marriage (overhead)
• About Living Together
  Before Marriage
• (overhead)

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7 Most Prevalent Causes ofFaulty Mate Selection
p. 38

• Decision to get married made too quickly
• Decision is made to young of an age
• One or both person too eager to get married
• One or both choosing to marry to please someone
  else
• Experience base is too narrow
• Couple has unrealistic expectations
• One or both have unaddressed significant
  personality or behavior problems

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10 Principles for a Great Marriage

• 1. Eliminate 7 primary causes for faulty mate
  selection
• 2. Find a mate who is a lot like you
• 3. Get yourself emotionally healthy before
  marriage
• 4. Develop a clear mental image of your perfect
  person
• 5. Find a love you can feel deep in your heart

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10 Principles for a Great Marriage cont.

• 6. Let passionate love mature before you decide
• 7. Master the art of intimacy
• 8. Learn to clear conflict from the road of love
• 9. Refuse to proceed until you are fully
  committed
• 10.Celebrate you marriage with full support of
  family and friends

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CH 12 INFLUENCES ON MARRIAGE

• Difficult to Change
• Someone close has divorced
• Living together
• Married before
• Brief dating, engagement
• Previous children
• Younger than 20
• Different religious or philosophical beliefs
• Personality or behavior problems
• Narrow life experience base

• Easier to Change
• Negative styles of talking/fighting
• Difficulty communicating
• Unrealistic beliefs expectations
• Different attitudes
• Low level of commitment

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Commitment Quiz

• True or False?
• Living together improves ones chances for a
  successful marriage

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Answer

• FALSECouples who cohabit have higher divorce
  rates than couples that do not
• Couples who live together have a 50 higher
  divorce rate.
• The National Marriage Project

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Moving In Moving On?

• Living together does not improve the chances of
  the couple staying together.
• These couples have less commitment, more
  conflict, and higher divorce rates if they do
  marry.
• Most cohabiting couples have broken up within two
  years of the birth of a baby.

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Lesson 13The Marriage

• Terms priorities commitment constraint
• personal dedication
• Materials Making the Decision wksh
• Priorities wksh.
• Household Duties wksh
• The Wedding wksh.
• Marriage License wksh.
• Commitment.Choices
  (overhead)

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The Goal

• Working together for the common good. The true
  strength of a marriage relationship will become
  evident when new challenges impact the couple.

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Lesson 14The Family

• Terms flexibility responsibility
• Materials A Portrait wksh.
• Family Album wksh.
• Children game cards

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Create-a-Kid p.68

• Determine the sex of your first born by flip of a
  coin.
• Follow procedures on p. 68 of lesson 14.
• Record the gene contributions on the data sheet
  describe the facial characteristics of the
  offspring
• Assign students to sketch the child

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Its
10 MINUTE BREAK TIME
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Lesson 15Finances

• Materials Finances wksh.
• The Family Budget wksh.
• The Family Budget
• 
  (overhead)

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The Family Budget

• Different spending habits often lead to conflict
  between the partners
• Many people do not know how to establish and live
  within a family budget
• Most females must work outside of the home in
  order to help meet financial needs of the family.
  

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The Family Budget -

• Couples will draw their occupation
• Begin by paying your taxes 22 up to 30,000.
• 
  40 over 30,000.
• Record your answer on wksh. p. 47
• Refer to The Family Budget (overhead 15-1)
• Calculate your Family Budget on wksh. p. 48
• Adjustments may have to be made for
  daycare(young children) or car insurance
  cost(teens)
• Use the last blank on page 78 to write your
  budget

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Where did all the go?

• Over 100 occupation game cards are provided for
  this lesson.
• Participants quickly learn that money matters
  when providing for a family.
• Differences in income and capability become
  evident and are a reflection of the greater
  society as a whole
• They develop a deeper appreciation for what their
  parents deal with in real life.

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Lesson 16Crisis

• Terms crisis teamwork coping skills
• forgiveness
• Materials Our Crisis wksh.
• Problem Solving (overhead)
• Forgiveness (overhead)

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Crisis How to handle the tough issues.

• This lesson encourages resiliency skills and
  problem solving together.
• The participants become aware of their current
  abilities to handle difficulties.
• They learn the purpose of forgiveness
• and the importance of moving forward.

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Dealing with crisis

• Phase 1 Crisis
• Phase 2 Confusion
• Phase 3 Working through
• Phase 4 New beginning

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Family Crisis

• Problem Solving

• Forgiveness

• Agenda Setting
• Brainstorming
• Agreement Compromise
• Follow-up on a Trial Solution

• Is Canceling a past debt
• Give up getting even
• Give up you owe me
• Do Not hold other down
• Is Not Forgetting the situation
• Ignoring grief or pain
• Avoiding consequences
• or responsibility
• Trusting Blindly Guaran-
• teeing reconciliation

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Lesson 17Family Fun

• Terms stress
• Materials Family Vacation wksh.
• Planning a Family Vacation
• (overhead)

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Having Fun Together

• Spending enjoyable time away from daily routines
  can reduce stress and develop relationship.
• Families should build on one anothers strengths
  and interests to plan and implement quality time
  together.

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Lesson 18Marriage Evaluation

• Marriage when it is right, fulfills the deepest
  of all human needs.
• It is the desire of Char Kamper, the author that
  students who complete this unit will have a
  better chance of experiencing a happy and
  successful life-long marriage.

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Curricula Available
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Games

• The Pocket Ungame
• Teen Relationships
• Relationality Game

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• Lets review the Grant Information
• Share and enjoy your new curriculum
• As federal grant, requirements are to
• teach the curriculum to 20
  students
• a minimum of 8 classroom hours
• Report data to Natalie Middleton
• natalie.middleton_at_publicstrategi
  es.com
• phone [phone]

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For Further InformationContact

• Need help? Have questions? Offer comments.
• Nancy Lenk
• The Dibble Institute
• Outreach Educator
  Nancy_at_DibbleInstitute.org
• 636-528-4550
• 
  

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Please take a moment to complete the
evaluation. Thank You. Have a safe trip home.